Beautiful Scars
by seductivefeline
Summary: N returns! But he's more twisted, strange and untrusting than he was before. What will Black do about it? Can he do anything? Can he heal this wounded soul? Rated M for language, sexual content and mentions of abuse. Isshu/Unovashipping. Sequel is DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey! I see you've stumbled onto my writing bit! I have been planning this story since October or November of '10. I didn't want so start until I played through B/W myself. Well I did! And now I can start writing! I'm fairly new to writing, but I've been told I'm fairly decent. I have been waiting a long time to write an Isshushipping fic! Most of this is in Black's POV, with N POV every four chapters.**

**Pairings: Black/N (Isshushipping), slight Harmoniashipping Also mentions some Bianca/Cheren, and very slight hints of onesided Kuroshipping at one point.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. If I did, I'd make characters gay left and right.**

**Warnings: Heed this warning: This story contains yaoi (malexmale relationships) I'm telling now; it also contains mentions of parental abuse, rape and incest. (I tried to keep this a minimum though.) Also, there is some suggestive dialogue and lot's of sailor mouthing (Because I see Black as a cusser, while N is like "y u say dat?")  
**

**Now, all my intense warnings and whatnot aside, I give you a wonderful 57 chapter long isshushipping fic! Enjoy. BD**

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It had been only two years, since that day. The day my life changed. It was the day I began my faithful journey across Unova. My name? Black, and I wasn't even seventeen yet when I finished my journey across the region. I had caught pokebros, and trained them to defeat any opponent. Within a year, my friends and I had risen to become some of the strongest trainers in Unova. I had beaten the Champion about six months ago, making me a champion myself. But not before I had got the legendary Pokemon Zekrom.

I remember it quite plainly. I had battled against my friend, or supposed friend, N in a battle between two legendaries. He wanted to separate pokemon and humans so we could finally live equally, and to do so he needed to beat me, the supposed other hero. I had won, in the end, but sometimes I wished I hadn't. After I had won N got a tongue lashing from his father, Ghetsis, who then turned on me and battled. That three-headed rape dragon he had nearly took down all my Pokemon in one foul swoop. In the end my Scrafty barely managed to defeat him. It was the last time I saw N. Sometimes I wished he hadn't gone. I could see the mixture of uncertainty and pain in his gaze as he lept on his Reshiram. It was a dramatic moment that was stuck inside in my memory forever. The image of him riding off into the sunset... it was so perfect that it made me shiver in awe just thinking about it. I often wondered what became of him – he wasn't exactly a normal person right from the get-go. Always so different. He didn't even know that much about the human world.

I recalled the Ferris wheel. He had never even seen one, let alone ride on one. When he went up, I was convinced he only had me ride with him because he was scared out of his wits to go alone. That was the day I had learned his motives, and became his friend. …Or so I thought. He had explained to me his goals, and his beliefs. It was strange, after that he just kept appearing everywhere. In the moments where I was in need, or just popping up for a battle, or to speak to my Pokemon. He was always so distant, and guarded. Even claiming me as his ally, his friend, he still appeared very untrustworthy of me.

It was the moments in battle, or speaking to his pokemon that he seemed more at ease. It was those moments I plainly realized that N had next to no human contact all of his life. He was so uneasy around people, but when it came to Pokemon he appeared to be much calmer, and happy. Sometimes I wished that I could see that side of him all the time, but when he noticed me noticing him, he would put his mask up once again. I never completely got N, I always thought he was a strange being. But then, what worthwhile human isn't strange?

"Black! Black it's time for dinner!" I was pulled from my deep thoughts at the sound of my mom calling me for dinner. Presently, I was on the floor in front of my tv. I just realized I had been playing my Wii, and must have died cause the main menu was up and the screen was red, my character on the ground. I was in such a haze of thought that I forgot what I had even been playing.

I spent most of my days like this; if I wasn't out finding random trainers to battle, I was at home lazing the afternoons away. With a sigh, I clicked my Wii off and trotted out the door and downstairs. Good smells of cooked food met my nose as I headed into the kitchen. I sat at the table; a plate of food was already in front of me. I wasn't a huge eater normally, but on the days like this I could eat just about anything.

My mom sat down across from me, with her fiance, John, a guy she had been dating since I was thirteen. I didn't mind him, thought we weren't exactly close, but then, he was better the N's father by far. Ghetsis gave N the chewing out of a lifetime after I had defeated him in battle, it must have been hell as a child if Ghetsis was always that grumpy. He couldn't possibly begin to imagine having such a man for a father, who manipulated and lied. Hopefully N's mother managed to balance things out.

Damn it, there goes my thoughts again. I dug into the grub before me. I didn't really taste it at all; it was all a big blur as the food slowly disappeared from the plate. It hadn't been long of eating and some small talk when the doorbell rang. I assumed it was Cheren or Bianca, since they were the only ones to visit at this hour.

"I'll get it." I got up from my seat, excusing myself and whisking away to the door. I almost tripped over my serperior, Smugleaf, who took a luxury of splaying out on the ground in the living room and tripping anyone who came near. It gave me its signature smug look before returning to its nap. I grumbled and unlocked the door and thrust it open.

I must have looked pretty stupid, because after it clicked who was in front of me, I was sure I felt my jaw drop and eyes bulge. In the doorway, rather soaked from the rain, looking ragged and dirty was N, whom the last time I saw was riding into the distance on a beautiful white dragon.

Not so beautiful now, nor so hopeful or dramatic. He looked more like death in a doorway. Once shimmering green hair was dull, wet and filthy, the white shirt he had looked more brown or gray then anything, covered in scuff marks and dirt. His pants were torn at the knees, and his shoes were brown with mud. Rain streamed off his body and puddle around his shivering body.

But his eyes... his eyes were fearful; they were desperate and looked betrayed. It almost hurt looking into them. I hadn't even begun noticing the blood that was in scuffed smudges all across his entire body.

"N... N, what are you doing here?" I managed to blurt out after many awkward minutes standing there.

He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Instead, he looked as if he was about to break down and crumble into a million pieces. He continued to tremble, almost looking about to collapse. I managed to move and grab him before he could fall.

"What happened to you? And how did you find me here?" I asked, trying to find out exactly what was going on. And again, I got no answer. Instead, he fell out of my grasp and onto his knees, where he convulsed and attempted to vomit. Only, nothing but some specks of blood came up. He had obviously been in a horrible shape for a long time, and hadn't eaten anything. I could see that he was terribly skinny under his soaked clothes.

"Black dear what's goin—Oh my lord" My mom had come out to see what was going on, but froze in the doorway as she stared at the man who was covered in blood and dirt, making horrible hacking sounds and trembling on the ground.

Though I barely noticed her, instead, I was crouched by N and attempted to pull him inside.

"Smugleaf! Help! Mom, move, move, move." I shooed her away. My Serperior came as commanded, and took one look at N with wide eyes. I could tell Smugleaf remembered him. "Help me take him into the house!" I was shaking in a panic. Whatever the hell was happening, I felt rather useless. I was shocked at the state of N. All the blood, all the wounds. As I dragged the now limp body in my hands, Smugleaf wrapped his tail around N and helped him inside. Once we were all in the living room, I crouched over the now motionless body of N.

"N? N! What happened—N?" I kept calling his name, than snapped at mom to do something. I didn't mean to be harsh, but at a time like this it was useless to just stand around and gawk.

"R-right." She replyed with a stammer. She shut the door then raced into the kitchen. A few moments later her and John came in. He, too, took a second or two to stare at N before retreating to the bathroom.

Mom had a wet washcloth in her hands, and she crouched down. Her hands were shaking as she placed it on his forehead. But still, he wasn't moving. I was trembling. Was he dead? He couldn't be dead! I swore I saw his chest move, but to be safe I put two hands on his bruised neck. I felt pulses, and I was flooded with relief.

After John returned, he had brought bandages and towels. We all managed to settle down, though inside I was still panicking. What was going on? What happened to N? This had to be some dream... it had to be. Only stuff like this happens in dreams...

...It was doing a good job of convincing me otherwise.

After the blood was cleaned off his face and hands, John suggested we wait until he woke up to work on any other wounds that would be under his clothing. Luckily, only a few minutes passed before he regained consciousness. Barely.

"N, what happened? Are you alright?" Stupid question, he obviously was not. He didn't reply, just looked up at me with a fearful stare.

"H…h….h-.." N started.

"H? H? H what?" I persisted.

"H…he….." His eyelids fluttered, and he slipped back to unconsciousness. I called his name a few more times but he didn't wake.

So, a few bandages and antibiotics later, N rested underneath a blanket on the coach. He had been stripped down to his boxers, and I had nearly fainted at all the scars that covered his body. Some fresh, some old. Some were long, going half his chest length. Others were small, but were still very much visible. There were a fair amount of fresh ones going across his back, shoulders and chest. There were bruises going all across his legs, chest and back as well. He looked more like a strange pokemon then human, with all the black and blue. Not to mention tons of scuff marks and dirt. His clothes were utterly drenched with blood and rain water, so mom threw them in the washer.

Whatever N had went through, it must have been terrible. And worse, N had none of his pokeballs either. His precious pokemon could be anywhere.

Serperior near the coach presently, keeping watch in case N woke up. I had told mom and John to stay away from N if he woke up. Serperior had a better chance of calming him down. John and Mom didn't understand, but they left it up to me anyway and went to bed.

I had sat on the chair next to the coach for the longest time. I the television on, but I wasn't really watching it. I couldn't explain the feelings that coursed through me as I watched N, his scared face in a slumber. I couldn't help but notice the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. His hair was greasy, obviously unwashed for a long time. He had red marks on his neck, and small bruises. I could clearly see them from here.

By now, he was sound asleep and I was waiting for him to wake up. My eyes were fluttering with exhaustion. It was almost midnight. I had been tending to N for four or five hours. Sleep seemed nice right about now… My eyes suddenly snapped open when I heard a rustle and a groan. N was waking. Carefully, I leaned forward. N's eyes were flickering, attempting to focus. It would be a long while before finally he actually became conscious. Then he looked over at me.

Those eyes. Reflected pure fear.

He stared at me for a long while before I dare ask him again. "N. What happened? Why.. Why are you like this?" I almost stumbled over the words. N didn't reply right away.

When his mouth opened, no words came out, just a hoarse cough. I realized, with all the throwing up he did earlier he must had been dehydrated. His throat must have been dry. I didn't count out the fact he probably had a fever starting to run and a sore throat, after all he had been out in the pouring rain.

"Wait here." Obviously he's going to wait there, it's not like he's very mobile. I whacked myself mentally then raced away to get a cup of water. In the kitchen, I grabbed a cup and ran cold water from the sink. It was a few moments before it was cold enough to drink, and I filled the class then hastily turned off the water before whipping around back to the living room. When I turned, N was in the doorway, shaking. He had nothing but boxers and a baggy t-shirt that John had let him use. His eyes were wide and unfocusing. "Didn't I say wait?" I snapped, but he just limped forward, and then collapsed on me in some sort of cling-hug.

I could feel him shaking, and I'm sure if he was so dehydrated he'd be sobbing.

"N…?" I tried feebly to push him off so I could put him back on the coach, but he persisted on clinging to me.

It was when I heard a hoarse cough in my ear that he was trying to say something. Although he was hard to understand, I finally made out what he was saying. Ice crawled up my spine when I made out the words:

"He's back."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hurrah for fast updates! I couldn't get my editor to edit this in time, so I did my best with the editing...Anyway, on with the fic!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (maybe). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

It had been awhile, several days maybe that N remained in a slumber. Each time he woke, he didn't do much but blabber something about 'he's back'. And each time he slept, he would toss and turn, groan and mutter. He even screamed a few times. We all tried to get him to eat, but anytime N even saw another person he shriveled back into a cocoon. By this time, because it was always so busy downstairs with people, I moved N up to my room.

I wasn't sure why he hadn't been moved to a hostile yet, maybe because I didn't want him too. He was scared of humans right now, and as irritated I was with this random situation I was thrown into, I knew I couldn't make N suffer like that. It was becoming harder tending to him; his fever had risen into the hundreds and stayed there. He didn't eat much, most of anything he ate he puked back up. He couldn't eat anything solid, so he had been living off of soup. It was usually only a sip, but then, it was better than nothing.

N himself barely had enough energy to leave and head to the bathroom. I had to carry him to the bathroom door, then wait until he was finished and help him back to my room. I realized that he was beginning to stink big time. When he was awake, I suggested a bath and at once he looked fearful.

"What… you mean you're going to join me?" He hissed. His words were still slurred and weak.

"What? No! I mean just go in and take a shower!" I shouted back at him. He must be delirious. N didn't reply, just looked away into the distance, back in a confused stooper. I gave up after that, in fact, I was ready to just frankly give it all up to kick him out. But I knew I would never, I just didn't have the heart.

I had asked him many times what happened, but in the end just gave up. He looked like he was about to shrivel into nothing everytime I asked. His eyes grew fearful, and often he hid under the covers. He never questioned being in my house, even after four days. But by four days, I was at wits end and very much convinced this wasn't a dream. I decided not to tell Cheren and Bianca, they weren't exactly N's biggest fans. Besides, there was no reason for them to know. Mom didn't seem to mind him being here, but I wasn't surprised, she was always a kind hearted women, she would never throw someone so sickly and wounded out.

Presently, I was on the floor playing Call of Duty of the Wii. N had enough energy now to sit up and watch me play, and he asked so many questions it was growing irritating. He asked what everything was, and what its purpose served. I usually shrugged of the question or gave a half ass'd answer. It was probably N's fever speaking, no one could be that much of a shut-in, not even N.

"Is... Is this real?" N asked staring wide eyed at the screen.

"No. It's just a video game."

"Oh…. Why's it so violent?"

"I don't know, for money? For fun?—SHIT." I broke off my sentence and flung the controller at the floor. My character died /again./

"That's not a nice word, Black!" N huffed, than broke off with a cough.

"Yeah, neither is sleeping in another person's bed." I grumbled inaudibly. "Anyway, by any chance were you thinking of going home soon? I know you aren't feeling well but… Wouldn't your family be worried? Shouldn't /they/ be taking care of you?"

At once N's face fell, his eyes became lifeless once more, and he turned away, staring at the wall. There was a long silence before he answered, "My castle was destroyed. I don't have a home at the moment."

"That huge thing? Destroyed?" I asked unbelievingly. That fucking thing rose from the ground and tore up everything in its path.

N just nodded. From here I could see tears running down his face as he began to cough again, and then he slipped into the covers to go to sleep again.

"Wonderful." I grumbled, turning off the Wii. At that moment, my phone went off. I quickly grabbed it before N would hear it and questioned what it was. "Hello?"

"Hey Black."

"Oh, hey Cheren."

"Bianca and I are going to town. She needs to go shopping again, and then we're going to grab lunch. Wanna join us?"

"Sure." Finally, I can get out of the house and away from this weirdo.

"Be there in a minute." Then the phone clicked off. I looked over at N, who was under the covers. I told him I was going out, but I got no reply. I put on a sweatshirt, and then struggled into my shoes before rushing downstairs. Just in time, I heard a knock on the door. I answered it, opening the door to Bianca and Cheren.

"Hey Black!" At once, Bianca grabbed my arm and tugging me. "C'mon, we're heading to town! It's about time you stopped laying around the house all day!"

I wasn't lying around; I was dealing with a sickly weirdo who randomly appeared on my doorstep and stole my bed and probably soon my sanity. "Well, there isn't anything else to do."

"Gee, maybe you could go find some trainers to battle? Some adventures to find? Heck, maybe even visit another region!" Bianca suggested.

"Another region?" I echoed, allowing her to drag me along towards downtown.

"Bianca and I were thinking of visiting one." Cheren replied. "Maybe Hoenn... or Sinnoh…"

"Or maybe Orre!' Bianca butted in.

"Hell no! That place has barely any wild pokemon! It's all desert and mountain with thugs around every corner!" Cheren growled.

"That makes it a good place to train!"

"That's reckless! You'll get hurt!"

"Oh, are you worried about me?" Bianca smiled at him.

"N-No! I didn't say that!" Cheren's face went red, and he was acting quite flustered. I couldn't help but chuckle a bit to myself. I had started realizing the obvious attraction these two had, so I often left them alone. I had to admit, it was a strange pairing. They were polar opposites, but like they say, opposites attract. The day carried on. We had headed into town and went shopping. I took the opportunity to talk to Cheren about him and Bianca. He denied liking her obviously, but I could tell by the way he blushed and how defensive he was that he did. I didn't press him, I just laughed and he glared at me before turning away. After getting lunch and seeing a movie, we were walking through the small villa when I managed to slip away and head home, leaving the two love birds in peace. The sun was setting in the distance. I hadn't realized I had spent so much time out.

When I got home, I flung my shoes to one side and headed towards the stairwell. I headed up, tripping over Smugleaf who was splayed out on the stairs. It laughed at my wondrous fail; I just grumbled and carried on. When I entered my room, I was surprised to find N was awake, sitting up in bed. Standing near my bed was my mother, they looked as if they were having a conversation.

"What's going on in here…?" I slowly asked, looking from N to mom then back to N. As I walked into my room, N kept his eyes on me the entire time.

"Oh, I was just talking to N. You see, he was just asking me if he could stay."

"Stay?" I echoed. "You mean, stay for like... A few days... Or a few weeks… or…"

"Well, you know... just live here until he's able to move out?"

I stared at her, feeling outraged. N, living here? He was a freak! A weird outcast who couldn't communicate properly with a human even if he tried! A human that was more pokemon than human, not to mention he knew as much about the world as a three year old.

"He doesn't have a home, Black, and we can't just kick him out." N's mother continued with a dreadful sigh.

Yeah right, he could go live out in the forest with his pokemon friends. But I couldn't rule out the fact that he needed help right now. He was still hacking is lungs up, had a fever, and was covered in bruises and scratches from who knows what.

"Oh yeah? Where would he sleep?" I snapped.

"Well in here of course. You have a king sized bed, Black. Once he's not sick you two can share it."

"Share a bed? Are you serious?"

"Black... He doesn't have anywhere to go. And there aren't any guest rooms in this house. I'm sure you can survive alittle while, at least until he's able to get a job and move out. Besides, he says you two were good friends back on your adventures! Surely you couldn't kick him out."

I growled then glanced over at N. I couldn't say good friends, I felt more stalked then anything when I was out traveling, and he was always right. There. He looked frightened now, sitting there clenching the blankets to his chest. He was looking at me through pained eyes. "If… if you don't want me here-." He started.

"No! Stay! It's all fine!" I shot and irritated look at mom, who looked thrilled that I agreed. She gave me a big hug and kissed the top of my head. Gross. She then left the room and I plopped down on the ground, rubbing my face. Wonderful, N was now my roommate. That's… That's just great! This can only turn out well.

I can stand the guy if I see him every once and awhile. But after nearly five days of dealing with him and hearing his babble, I don't think I could survive living with the man.

I looked up at him, and at once felt guilty. He looked back at me, eyes looking as emotionless as ever. Scars were covering his face, his nose was red and rubbed raw from the constant runny nose and sneezing. His skin was extremely pale, more pale then usual; if that was possible. N looked absolutely miserable right now, but he didn't reply, he just sunk down into the sheets and turned away towards the wall.

Night slowly came and I sat in front of my tv yet again, shooting at zombies in a video game. It had been a quiet rest of the evening. N didn't eat much dinner, nor did I. Mother and John went to bed already, leaving the house deathly quiet except for my tv which was alive with shooting and screaming, and that gurgle sound zombies make. Behind me on the bed, N was perched on the edge rubbing antibacterial cream on the cuts and scars across his skin. He winced as he attempted to stretch behind to rub some on the cuts on his back. He strained his hand back, grunting with effort before giving up.

"Want me to help you?" I asked plainly, shifting my eyes from the screen to N. It didn't mean anything, but the second I suggested it, he jumped in the air in shock, flinging the bottle of antibacterial cream to the side and shooting me a frightened stare. I looked back confused. What, did he think I was going to stab him or something?

"N-no that's alright." He slipped back into his shirt and coughed a few times as he burrowed himself under the covers.

"Speaking of... You going to tell me how you winded up this way?" I pressed pause and looked over at the bed rather irritatingly.

The lump under the bed that was N tensed. He didn't answer, as usual, but I could see him start to tremble.

"It's alright; you don't have to tell me." I shifted my gaze back to the screen, but didn't keep playing. I just stared at the screen. N was deathly afraid of me asking that. He seemed extremely afraid around any other human being, he was even jumpy around me, which was annoying because he's the one that came here in the first place, now he's taking my food, my clothes, my room, my bed, what's next?

I guess I couldn't blame him... If i were in his position, I'd probably be scared too. I looked over at where he lay in my bed and frowned. Who did that to him? I know there's no way I could ask him when he was like this. He flinched away every time I asked, as if he was remembering what happened. As if it was flashing before him and there was nothing he can do. Sighing, I went back to my video games, but it was just going through the motions. I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to pay attention to killing zombies.

It was then that I heard rustling, at first I thought N was awake, but then I heard fearful mutters and groans coming from the covers. Hesitantly, I put the wii controller down and inched towards the bed and looked down at him.

He had to have fallen asleep within a few minutes, but he was already dreaming. Slowly, I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched. I felt like a creeper, I mean, who watches someone sleep? But I didn't look away because he had started squirming around. I could see sweat start to appear around his hairline, some drops sliding down his face. He kept muttering incoherently in his sleep, and whimpering dry sobs. Suddenly, he screamed, thrashed to one side and whimpered in fear. He was obviously having a nightmare, a bad one, and I couldn't take it anymore. I put a hand on his shoulder and shook him.

"N? N! Wake up, N!" I shouted at him.

He writhed widely and let out another scream before shooting up and pushing me with full force off the bed. When I managed to figure out what exactly just happened, I looked up. He was pinned against the wall, breathing heavily. His chest heaved widely and he stared at me wide eyed.

I stared back, but only with frustration. "You looked like you were having a nightmare! I was only trying to wake you up." I snapped at him, standing up and rubbing the arm I fell on, which would probably be bruised.

It was a few moments before N recovered. He just dropped back onto the bed and clenched the sheets. In a painful choking sound, he started coughing horribly, hiding his face behind his hands. There were tears seeping out between his fingers, and his body convulsed with the crying. I winced; he was on his knees, his whole body trembling. N was in horrible pain right now, and not just physically. He was truly... wounded. As he coughed, I reached in an attempt to pat his back—I don't know, anything to help him right now. But the second my hand touched his shoulder blade, he jumped again and flinched backwards.

"D-don't." He managed to say between his sobs. I didn't move, if anything I was a little freaked out.

In the end I just sighed. "Alright. Alright I get it. I'll leave you alone." I clicked off my Wii on the way out of my room, leaving N staring at me until I closed the door to hide from those penetrating green eyes. At once I felt guilty for leaving, but this was pathetic! I try to help? He flips the hell out. Whatever.

But when I headed downstairs and collapsed onto the couch, I never got a wink of sleep.

I kept thinking about N.

**Oh wait, Black has turned into a jerk, what is this? Well, if I personally was thrown into his position I probabley wouldn't be "ohlolitskay, you just be an annoying idiot and I shall love you forever c:"**

**No, I don't think that would be possible, especially for one that lacks patience.. Like Black!**

**Anyway, thanks for all the reviews I got on the last chapter. I happened to randomly check my email this morning at school and HOLY CHEEZITS all these reviews and faves! I hope I can keep you all entertained... ^^;  
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	3. Chapter 3

**To make up for the lack of editing last chapter, I had two people edit this one. :D Thank you Spirit and Lost! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (maybe). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!

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Over a week of living with N had drained me completely. I was hoping I'd be used to it by now, but I wasn't. He was a lot better now, and although he was still jumpy and fearful, he could walk confidently around the house… and finally shower properly. Although he had this new confidence, questions also came with it. N in the kitchen was not good. N around electric equipment or sharp objects was not good. N was not good, period. He was a walking time-bomb ready to ruin anything he touched. He had honestly tried to microwave a can of soup while it was still in the can! He marveled at the fridge for at least ten minutes, asking me what it was and why it was cold. I tried very hard not to yell at him, but it was so damn hard sometimes. Mentally, I told myself it was simply because he probably didn't grow up with these things. I asked him about it, and he only said he mostly lived in his room or in the wilderness with his friends.

His fever was all gone. He occasionally had a coughing spasm; but other than that, he was free of his sickness. He had a limp in his step, and bruises were still visible.

I still used his cough as an excuse not to sleep in the same bed, but my back was really starting to ache from sleeping on the couch. I fear I will give in to the pain soon.

Luckily, I could steal Mom's and John's bed while they were out of town. It was only for two days, but I practically grabbed Mom's leg and begged her not to go, to not leave me alone (especially with _him), _but she just said I was being silly and told me I was old enough to care for myself. That was an hour ago, and I was still laying flat on the couch thinking of what to do.

Unfortunately, I couldn't leave N alone in his house. Who knows what he would do? I was hesitant to bring N with me if I did go out – he might flip out about being among several other people. Ugh… I felt like a babysitter.

Speaking of babysitters, where did N run off to anyway? Probably sleeping, that's what he usually did. So, I just picked up my phone and dialed up Cheren.

"Hello?" His voice came from the other side.

"Hey Cheren, you busy?"

"Hey, Black. No, not really, I just got done with a battle and I was going to grab a bite before I found someone else to challenge..."

"Cheren, all you do is train."

"Hey, I only have so long before I go to college, where I'll never have time to battle." Cheren had decided rather than being a champion, he would continue school and find a real profession. "Anyway, why do you ask if I was busy?"

"Oh, right. I'll join you for that 'bite'. I'm starving myself."

"Oh.. errr..." Cheren suddenly sounded awkward. "I guess you can, Black. Meet me at Burger King."

"Alright, see you in a few." I hung up and turned to head upstairs to my room, but N was right there. It was as if he'd been standing behind me the whole time. I barely managed to not collide into him. "What are you doing?"

"Are you going somewhere..?" N asked in a quiet voice, his eyes trained on me.

"Yeah, I'm going to go meet Cheren for late lunch." I weaved past him and headed upstairs.

"Cheren? That... weird brainy guy..?"

"Yeah," I replied shortly as I pulled on my shoes and jacket.

There was a long silence before N said anything. "C-Could I come?"

"—What?" I turned my gaze at him from where I was grabbing my wallet.

"Can I go with you?" He sounded like he was forcing the words out with all his might, and I couldn't help but sigh in defeat.

"Are you feeling well enough?" I asked grumpily as I stepped down the stairs. Again, he followed.

"Y-Yes. I haven't coughed in hours!" He broke off with a coughing fit. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine, but you aren't going out dressed like that." I pointed at the clothes that he had borrowed from me; an old t-shirt and ratty, torn pajama pants. Much to N's discontent, my mother had just pitched his clothes that were all too torn and stained.

"Alrrighttt.."

"Go find some things in my dresser to wear, and hurry up or I'm leaving without you."

He nodded, for once looking a bit excited before fleeing up the stairs. He came back several minutes later, and I had to giggle at what he was wearing. Since he was so freakishly tall, most of my clothes were undersized. He was wearing one of my other hoodies. The sleeves were rolled up because they weren't long enough. He wore a pair of my old jeans, which, on him, looked like skinny jeans. Doubling that with his green shoes that matched his long, flowing green hair, looking very much like a flaming homosexual. He was just missing the body glitter.

At my own imagination, I cracked up, imagining N covered in sparkles. He just gave me a strange look, then recoiled. "Do... do I look that weird?"

"Not any weirder then you've ever been." I didn't mean to say that, but N didn't take it negatively, he just headed out the door. I locked the door behind us, and then headed down the path. It was a quiet neighborhood around here; lots of grass and trees with houses clustered about, Pidoves flying high in the sky. Patrats sniffed around the grasses, nibbling at the stalks. It was a peaceful late afternoon. At first, N looked around cautiously, but after a few minutes of walking, he eased up. There was only a slight limp in his step; hopefully the walking would help relax the sore muscles.

It wasn't long before we entered the main shopping district. The town wasn't very big; there were only some restaurants and shops. There was only one real intersection for cars, and there weren't any. It was such a small area that no one needed cars to get into town. People were in the streets, there were some street performers, lots of kids running by playing games. As I made my way towards Burger King, which was only a block away, I felt something grip my hand.

I had forgotten about N, which was probably a bad idea. He was looking rather nervous being among so many people. He had grabbed my arm and held it in an iron grip. I tried to break free, but he didn't loosen his grip. I rounded the corner, and almost ran into Cheren.

"Oh, there you are—" His gaze switched from me to N, who was still clinging to my arm like it was a lifeline.

"Hey... Aren't you N, the boss of Team Plasma?" He asked, looking closer.

"Looks like it!" Bianca came out from behind him, which made us all jump in surprise.

"What's N doing with you, Black?" Cheren ignored Bianca and looked me square in the face with a scowl.

"Oh you know; we ran into each other at Starbucks... Had a chat…" I didn't want to say that N appeared randomly on my doorstep, looking like death itself.

"…I'm sure." Cheren raised an eyebrow at me.

"C'mon guys, I'm hungry." Bianca completely ignored N and whisked away into the restaurant. Cheren and I followed, and N finally let go of my arm as we entered.

The place was packed. Since this was one of the only decent places to eat, it usually was. I looked over at N, who was nervously glancing around the room. 'This can only go well,' I thought to myself sarcastically as I got in line. About ten minutes later, it was our turn to order. I picked something random off the menu, uncaring what it was.

"N, do you want anything?" I asked.

N looked up at the food choices, then replied. "You can pick for me.. I don't know what this stuff is…"

Figures. I ordered a second plate of what I got, and then we seated ourselves. N perched himself at the edge of his seat, looking as if he was ready to flee at any given moment. Cheren stopped questioning me about him and we all made small talk while we waited for food.

"So why is Bianca here? Not that I don't want her here, just wondering." I asked them.

"I asked to have lunch with him earlier!" Bianca smiled. "He said yes of course. I'm glad you and N could come too! The more the merrier!"

"N doesn't seem very 'merry' to me." Cheren muttered, just loud enough for N to hear. He recoiled a bit, looking quite miserable with himself.

Bianca elbowed Cheren lightly. "Don't be such a sourpuss. We won't always be together like this."

It was true, soon we'd all head our separate ways. We had already done so before, on our journeys. It was quite lonely only seeing them when they wanted to battle. N always seemed to be there, but usually it was just random. After he beat a gym leader, N was there to have a deep conversation with me about his beliefs. I questioned it, but looking back, I was glad for the occasional company.

My thoughts were broken off when I heard a loud scream. It came from N, big surprise. I looked over, and he was on his feet and out the door in a flash. There was a man next to his seat, blinking in confusion. I looked towards the door, then at the man.

"What happened?" I was out of my seat and glaring at the man.

"I was only t-telling him you dropped something o-over there.." He began to point but I stopped him.

"What did you say? Did you touch him at all?"

"I put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention but.."

"Ugh, shit." I growled, storming out of the restaurant. N was probably freaking out and running to who knows where. Down the street, I saw a flash of green turn around the corner, and with a sigh I went after him. I was walking for a while, and I had no idea where N had gotten to. I checked the nearby park, which was quiet and rid of people. I looked in the alleyways I passed, and even checked the beach. Nothing. So I tried home, and lo and behold-I found N laying on my bed, looking rueful.

I headed over to the bed, sat down, and watched him. He was still very much awake, and glanced away awkwardly when I looked at him.

"What was that about, N?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm, but I was very much peeved.

"..I d-don't know… I.. I really don't know." He looked like he had more to say, but he didn't.

"You screamed bloody murder then fled the restaurant. I had to look all over for you."

N didn't reply.

I got up, crossing my arms and looking down at him. "All he did was touch your shoulder, you know."

"…I know." N's voice struggled to stay calm. As his eyes squeezed shut, I could sense another cry session. "Bl..B-Black..?" N managed to struggle out.

"What?"

"..A-Are you going to… punish me?" The other man mumbled between sobs.

"Wh-what? No. Why would I?"

N didn't reply. With a sigh I turned around and glanced at the clock. It was only 7:30. I figured N was ready to have another crying fit, and like all the other times, I felt guilty leaving him alone. But I was finding it increasingly awkward in there when he cried!

Instead, I mindlessly watched TV downstairs until I fell asleep on the couch. Little did I know how much suffering N was truly going through.

* * *

**Oh, N. y u so messed up?**

**I feel I might have made him too jumpy.. Oh well, the more jumpy he is, the funner it is to write about him! Next chapter, we explore deeper into N's mind, just to see how messed up he really is, and hopefully this all will make more sense.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (maybe). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!


	4. Chapter 4

****Oh dear lord guys, I am SO sorry. Fanfiction had an error, and I couldn't update here! Luckily, I read in the forums a way around it! ^^ I swear that person that posted it is a life saver. **

**This chapter is N POV, just so we can get into his mind more. N chapters will probably be every four chapters just cause I like the fact we can probe his mind, but I want this fiction to reolve around Black's emotions more.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (maybe). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

_"Look what I made..!" A boy with long green hair, no older than five, pointed around his many block buildings, eyes edged with hopefulness and slight pride._

_The one whom he spoke to said nothing. He was towering over the child. He too, had green hair which was gelled back except for three chuffs that stuck out on either side, and the top of his head. One eye glowed red._

_"..Is it special time again...?" The boy asked as the man got closer._

_"Yes, special time." The taller man replied harshly, reaching down and forcing the child back into his block buildings. The blocks fell around him, piercing his skin and back. The child whimpered as he inspected a cut on his arm from one of the blocks. He stared up at his father, eyes reflecting fear. The great man was standing over the child, the cape he wore dropping around them, almost trapping the child in on all sides. He flinched away, letting out another small whimper as his shorts were yanked off and tossed aside. He was exposed now, and the man stared down at him with dangerous eyes and a lustful grin. The child tried not to sob at the fear and dread that was overwhelming him. The man reached down, fondling the small child and entering him with his finger. The child jumped at the cold of the touch against warmth._

_The man's other hand suddenly wrapped around the child's neck, forcing and keeping him down. He pushed in another finger, and then a third. "You only do this because I love you." He snarled._

I darted up at once with a scream. I was panting, my whole body felt as if it was on fire. My heart beat rapidly against my chest, drumming in my ears. I was taking deep, fast breaths and unable to calm down. My hand whipped across my face, which was drenched with sweet; I knew at once I had another nightmare. I always woke up like this, so it was no surprise. But I never got used to it, how could I? I had been remembering again, remembering in my nightmares what I had to go through. Why did my mind have to torture me like this? I didn't understand; I never understood anything, just part of me being so stupid. I slipped back down into the covers, having no intention of falling back asleep, but I wasn't ready to face the world yet.

I could never understand it… I could never understand the humans around me. Always, always they said I could trust them, that they would help me. But they never did. It felt as if I was surrounded by lies, nothing but lies. It hurt, it hurt so much. The mental and emotional pain could outweigh the physical pain any day. Physical pain fades, but I could feel the feeling of betrayal was still raw in my body. Being yelled at, I couldn't take it. But I know its worse when Black gets mad at me, it hurts more then it should.

He had shown kindness... He was the first one to ever show true kindness and understanding. It all began over a year ago when I first met Black. His pokemon liked him, trusted him. I was confused, what could they see in this human? I soon found out. The more I saw him, the more I couldn't get away. He was kind to me, although sometimes I could tell I annoyed him, he accepted my beliefs and didn't reject me. It was the first time on my journey anyone did that. Everyone else thought I was stupid, that I was outrageous and a hypocrite. Black, though, he contemplated my beliefs, and understood me. I first told him on the Ferris wheel that I would become a champion; a hero. He just laughed and pointed at himself and said "Hey, me too," although it wasn't for the same reasons. From that moment on I felt like I had a sort of weird connection with him.

Slowly as time went on I felt as if I befriended Black. I often saw him and a few times I even followed him, I thought he was so fascinating. I never saw him though for more than a few hours before we went different ways again, but in that time I began to realize just why his pokemon trusted him. He was different from other humans; I thought I could trust him.

That's why… When the essence of all my fear had come back to me and injured me, I had nowhere to go. Winter was coming; I didn't have a castle to return to, or the money to pay for the hospital. So, I went to Black. At the moment of weakness and pain, it was the only thing I could possibly think of doing. But now, as I sit in his bed I can't help but think, was it the right choice to come here? His world confused me, his TV and his video games. All this technology I never heard of. I never knew this stuff as a child, and on my journey I was too preoccupied with my goal to pay attention. I knew I annoyed him with my cluelessness often, cause he often snapped at me and glared.

I felt so weak and pathetic, hiding under the covers of another person's bed. I knew under these covers isn't safe, they didn't offer any comfort or protection. So why did I hide here? Maybe to just not see Black's irritated face, or have to confront him. I knew it was bothering me more than it should, but knowing Black was mad at me made my chest ache. I didn't know what this feeling was; all I knew is that it was painful. In all the time I've known Black, I always tried my hardest not to make him angry, but I failed, a lot.

After awhile of just thinking I felt a bit more calmed down, so I got off the bed and trotted out of the room and down the stairs. My body was still sore, so there was a slight limp in my step. It was early in the morning, so I assumed Black was still asleep, he always slept in. I slipped into the living room, and my assumption was right. He was splayed out on the couch, his head was back against the cushion and he was drooling. His legs were stretched out to the side so that his body was at an awkward angle. He was snoring softly, and I had to admit he looked adorable. I checked the clock; it was only seven. Black wouldn't be awake for awhile. I went over to him and sat down on the chair next to the couch.

I took much fascination in watching him sleep; every tiny twitch and mutter he made in his slumber only captured my attention more. He had young features, for he was only seventeen. I could see faint freckles on his cheeks, and I remember when I first met him they were much more visible. His dark brown hair covered his face and closed eyes. I couldn't help but reaching out and flicking the strands away so I could see the rest of his face.

I wasn't sure why I got so much fascination out of looking at him. I felt weird doing it; after all he was asleep. But the strands of hair felt so soft in my hand, like the fur of a fluffy Pokemon, I couldn't help but pet it. Each time I brushed the hair out of his face, they just fell back down. I sat there for what had to be several minutes just brushing the hair that kept falling back down. It was so amusing to me, I didn't realize the time go by. Soon, I managed to get the hair to stay, and the little game I was playing was over.

I leaned back in my chair, and watched him sleep peacefully for a long time. I couldn't help but envy how he slept so easily yet I was ridden by nightmares every time I shut my eyes.

Could I ever sleep as peacefully, or be so at ease with the world as Black is?

Or will the essence of all my fear keep me forever awake and frightened?

It was probably the second one.

* * *

**N, you are a creeper I swear. But I could totally see N just watching Black sleep, he doesn't know its wrong, or considered creeperish. **

**I hope you enjoyed, this was the first time I've written N POV, hes such a strange one.**

**It might take longer to update from now on, probably every few days suppose to everyday. Sorry folks, but I do have school to attend, homework to do!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wohoo for chapter five. ;u; I was motivated to finish this fast cause 4chan had three wonderful Black/N threads, take THAT ferriswheel shipping!**

******Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (haven't decided, but if there is I will warn at the beginning of the chapter so If you don't want to read it, don't!). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!  
  


Hours had gone by till I had finally woken up the next morning, and as I woke up I become aware of a sudden tingling sensation in my throat, followed by a continous amount of sneezing. At first, I ignored it; but in a few hours, I was starting to sniffle, my voice was becoming hoarse and I had to have a box of tissues nearby. I realized that I must have gotten N's sickness and it was only kicking in now. It wasn't so bad, the morning went on as usual, but then N had asked me what's the matter and I replied roughly I was getting sick. Bad idea, very bad. At once he piped up and declared he would take care of me, because I took care of him when he was sick.

"All I did was bring you soup and stuff." I had replied, even though I did way more because I was a softy,but it didn't work; he insisted I stay in bed all day and get better. This was ridicules; he was acting like my mother or something, but I did appreciate having my bed again, laying among the familiar covers and soft mattress had felt very good after so long of sleeping on the couch. Earlier, N had attempted to make me some soup. He managed not to blow the microwave up, but it was too cold, so he reheated it and it was so hot I burnt my tongue. I was very much peeved, and he knew it. For the rest of the day I could tell he was trying his very best, which I just didn't understand. Why did he stick around and do this for me? I guess by now I shouldn't be surprised at the weird things he did.

For most of the day, I took the liberty of napping in my bed. I soon had grown bored of that I decided to chill on my laptop. As if N wasn't bad enough when it came to TVs and video games, the internet had certainly confused him. He watched me as I browsed the internet, answering comments on sites and facebooking. It wasn't long before I grew bored. I didn't particularly make a habit of being on the internet; it was all trolls and porn

So I ended propped up on some pillows, only to stare at my TV screen as I played my video game. Since I was trapped on my bed all day, all I had been doing was playing video games. N was perched on the edge of the bed, watching me play. He was more absorbed in the game then I was, and that was saying something. His eyes were wide as he watched the violence that flashed before him.

N finally drew his eyes away from the screen, and looked at me. "Hey Black, can I play?"

"No, I'm playing." I said absentmindedly.

"But I want to try!" N begged, reaching for the controller

"But I'm almost to the boss!" I pulled my arms away in the opposite direction, eyes still trained on the screen.

N strained forward, arching over me to reach the controller. "I want to beat this boss person, please?"

"I said no!" I growled, mostly because I was feeling quite miserable with a throbbing headache and stuffed sinus that made me so irritable. I refused to give up my video game right now. Hell, I just got my bed back!

"but—I want.." He whined, but I could tell he was about to give up. Only, he was teetering on his knees, both hands reaching over my body towards the controller. When he tried to pull back, he lost balance and both of us toppled off the bed. My controller fell out of my hand as I fell, going in a random direction. I landed on the floor, then N on top of me.

"Argh, now look what you did!" I shouted, but it ended in the cough.

"I'm sorry! I- I just wanted t-to play… I wanted to see if-"He broke off when there was a knock on the door. It swung open a second later, my mom appearing in the doorway.

"Oh hey Black, I just wanted to let you know that I-" she looked down at us, and I was suddenly aware of how awkward our position was. I was on my back, on the floor, and N was laying on my body. I hadn't even noticed and close our faces were.

"Oh… Hey mom… You're home from your trip early..." I commented nervously.

"Oh you two, always so lively~" She laughed awkwardly, then turned and closed the door again.

"Oh wonderful, just wonderful." I roughly pushed N off me, then stood up, dusting myself off. "Now she probably thinks I'm some sort of fucking homo." I grumbled, I looked around for my controller. When I saw it, it was in two pieces. "The hell... happened to my controller…?" I spat, then I remembered I accidently dropped it when N and I fell off the bed. I turned to N, my eyes glaring venom. "Goddamnit N, why the hell did you do that? I didn't want you to play, and now it's your fault my controller is broken! Why couldn't you have just…" I broke off from my rant when I realized I had gone too far.

N was huddled up against the side of the bed where I had pushed him, only curled up in a ball of misery. He only watched me with fearful eyes as I had ranted. He looked as if I was about to strike him, or scream bloody murder at him. I hadn't said anything too upsetting, but I had to remind myself this was N. I couldn't just get short with him. If I had said that to any other person, they probably would have just ignored it, or yell back; but not N, he just cowered there in a ball of utter fear, and I should have remembered that he was far more fragile. My anger melted as I looked at the pathetic man.

I felt guilty, but I was also stubborn. I didn't want to apologize for N's stupid mistake. I tried to ignore the guilt as I turned away and went to pick up the remainders of my controller and set them on my desk. "Whatever, easily replaceable, I guess it's no big deal..."

The rest of the evening was pretty miserable. N sulked the whole time in the corner downstairs, clinging to Smugleaf. I had to explain to mom that what she walked into was nothing; but I don't think she believed me. She had arrived home early from the business trip apparently, because the meeting was canceled. Just my luck she would waltz into my room in such a situation. I spent a lot of time talking to Bianca that night. She laughed for several minutes when I told her what happened.

"yeah… But when I found my broken controller I lost it, and N didn't take it so well..." I had explained to her.

"Oh Black, you're so mean!" Bianca had told me.

"Do you really think so? It's his fault I can't play wii anymore."

"Black, it's just a video game. But N is your friend!"

I guess I had to admit Bianca had a point, and I felt a bit better after talking to her. I hung up, it was close to nine-thirty which wasn't very late; but I was feeling worse and worse. After preparing for bed, I plopped back down into the covers, curling up in the sheets. /Oh bed, I've missed you/ I thought to myself. I hadn't been laying there for more than five minutes when I heard my door crack open.

"Black..?" I heard N mumble

"What…" I feared what he was going to ask.

"Wh-where should I sleep tonight…?" His voice was so tiny and pitiful.

"I don't know, just not in this bed if that's what you're thinking."

"But I can sleep in here?"

"Sure, enjoy the floor." Came my flat reply, but then I remembered what Bianca told me. N was my friend, and I couldn't discard him. If it had been any of my other friends, I would have offered one half or my bed, so why was it different with N? "No wait, N…" I rolled over and looked at him where he was finding a comfortable place on the floor to curl up on. His head snapped up at me, and he stared wide eyed.

"I'm sorry about earlier... about yelling at you."

N continued to watch, his eyes getting wider at what I was saying, and then he spoke. "Are… Are you mad at me?"

"…No. No I'm not mad at you."

Even though the room was dim, I could see the relief and happiness on his face. Geez, he was so easy to please.

"You know... There's a couch downstairs, you don't have to sleep on the floor."

"Your mom says I shouldn't have to sleep on the couch since I was a guest…"

"You've got to be kidding me." I mumbled. "Fine, you can sleep up here; just keep your pants on." I joked with a dry chuckle.

"Why would I take them off?" N squeaked.

I rolled my eyes. "Never mind."

I shifted along the bed until I was almost against the wall. I was so glad I had a king sized bed; there was enough room for both of us and a third person. N slowly inched over and got under the covers, but I could feel him staring at the back of my head until I eventually drifted off to sleep. I had hoped that maybe if I was in the same bed maybe he wouldn't have a nightmare, then it wouldn't be so lonely but I was wrong. If anything, it was worse.

When I had awoken in the middle of the night to his screaming, and reached over to wake him up, my hand froze. I could feel my blood run cold ads I heard him pant the words:

"It hurts..."

"It hurts so much."

**Ahurrdurr, I need chapter 6 despertly edited before i can upload. Also, chapters are shorter... More around 15k words. **

**And Black's mom.. I have no idea. She must be a secret yaoi fan or some shit I don't even know.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you Rae for editing at last minute. c: **

******Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and possible lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!  


I had the sickness for only a few days before I finally dissapated, and it had been about a week since I had started to feel better. It had been a boring week, mostly filled with randomly heading out to town just to putter, or stay indoors and do things on my computer. I still hadn't replaced my controller, so I was unable to play the wii. N was still was being a leech, and he was still nervous when he left the house the other day. I had gone out to town with him and Bianca, and he was cautious as ever, but at least that time he didn't run home. A few nights ago, I let Cheren stay over for the night, and I don't think N appreciated it. He didn't even go to sleep that night, I believe, because when I woke up he was wide awake, cranky and looking very tired. Once Cheren left, N took my bed and slept in it until his nightmares woke him. I thought this was strange because mom and John were in the house as well, and he coped with them alright.

I decided to look into getting a job. I hardly had any money left over from my adventures and the money I got from battling. I didn't get an allowance anymore, and I was seventeen; it was time I got one. Cheren said he would work with me until next year when he could move away to the city and go to college.

I stared at the applications to work at Burger King. Luckily, they were hiring, and I could most likely get a job. This town was small, so not as much competition except for some older losers who couldn't manage to get real jobs. I filled out the fields in the application, trying to ignore the heavy breathing in my ear. N was standing over me as I sat at my desk, watching me fill out papers.

"What are those for, Black?" He finally asked.

"They're application a job. So then I can get money and finally move." I explained to him.

"Job? Where?"

"Burger King." You know, the place where you made a complete idiot of yourself', I thought to myself, just managing to stop from saying it. "Anyway, I'm going to go turn this application in. I won't be long, no more than a half an hour. You can stay here." I didn't want another situation like last time to happen.

"What should I do then..?"

"Herm, since somebody broke my controller, you can't play wii…" I looked over at my laptop which was on the edge of my desk. "I guess you can use my computer. Don't go on any of my accounts, alright?" I got up from the seat, taking my papers and quickly heading out of the room before I was asked anymore questions.

While I was out, I ran into some friends (if you could call them that) my age. I didn't particularly like them, all they did was cuss up a storm and talk about sex, not that sex is a bad topic, it was just the constent talk about it that annoyed me. I had never had sex before; I never even had a girlfriend. As I was growing up I had other things on my mind, but now with all my free time lately I could explore. I never found the girls I knew attractive. Well, attractive enough to jump into bed with them. Anytime anyone asked me if I had sex, I usually lied and said I had sex every other night, I bragged and made up stories about how great it was, or how many positions I did it in and how hot the girl was. In reality the closest thing to that I did was sleep in the same bed with an overgrown child who doesn't know the difference between a cell phone and a computer.

I checked the time, realizing I managed to waste only a few hours. Once I was back home, I followed my nose into the kitchen where I found my mom cooking dinner.

"Hey mom, what's for dinner?" I slouched against and a wall and folded my arms.

"I haven't got a name for it yet."

"Oh boy, another experiment, huh?"

"Hopefully this one won't catch fire. How was your day sweetie? Did you get the job?" She turned to me with a smile.

I laughed, "I don't know yet mom. I just turned in the applications, then I have to go in for an interview."

"Ah yes. Hmn, my little boys growing up…" She let out a long sigh.

"Oh come on, I'm not even eighteen yet."

"Only a matter of time my dear."

"Thanks for making me feel old. Anyway, I'm going to see what N is up to, I wouldn't be surprised if I had a million viruses on my laptop." I turned around and headed towards the stairs.

"Alright, oh and Black."

I froze and looked back. "Hmm?"

"What you're doing for N is really kind, I'm very proud of you. He's been through a lot."

"…Yeah well, I guess." I scratched the back of my bed, and then went back to my room.

The sounds I heard made me wish I had turned back at once. N was staring intently at the computer screen, his head tipped. There were fake moans and groans coming from my laptop and I knew at once I heard porn. I should have just stopped there, and left, but I didn't.

"Holy fuck, N, what the hell are you doing? I know a man has needs but come on." I said, appalled.

He jumped, only noticing me when I spoke. "Black, Black look what I found!"

"Yes, I see that. You found porn." I tried to avoid staring at the naked bodies on the screen.

"I don't get it, why does he hurt her? What is this?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"They were talking about sex slaves, and then he yanked her by the hair!" He growled, pointing at the screen.

"It's just some cheesy porn script."

"...Then why do they do that...?"

"Cause it feels good? Money?" They do it for their own pleasure."

"Own pleasure? So... So he doesn't love her."

"Exactly." It was like explaining to a four year old.

"Then… Then Black, if that's not love, what is it exactly…"

I stared at him for a long moment. N stared back evenly. Ugh, It's like asking what the meaning of life is!

I didn't even know. I guessed it's something when two people care for each other and stay together forever.

"Well you know, two people are forever bonded and stuff…" I fidgeted a bit before continuing, "Like, parent and child or lover and lover." It's what my mother used to tell me when I asked what love was. I didn't understand the answer, but I accepted it. And then I had carried on to ask where babies came from.

…Oh please don't let N ask that. You /have/ to already know that

"Love... It isn't supposed to hurt, is it?"

"Of course not." I shook my head, then scratched it uncomfortably, this conversation felt awkward enough. I swear, I would have hit N in the head with his stupidness. "Why are you asking me this anyway? I'm sure you already know this stuff, didn't your father ever tell yo-" I broke off when I heard vibrating in my pocket; my phone was going off, I quickly grabbed it, welcoming the interruption.

"Hey Black?"

"Oh, Bianca! H-hey."

"Are you okay? You sound kind of weird."

"O-oh… You know, just well, what did you need?"

"…Black, what are those sounds in the background?"

"H-huh?" Oh shit, I never turned off the video. I slammed my laptop closed then paced away from my desk and faced away hoping to drown out the muffled sounds. "That's just the TV, you know, Two and a Half Men."

"O-Okay, whatever you say, Black." Bianca giggled. "Anyway, I have great news. I got a recent modeling gig in Nimbasa city, and my dad decided the family should head up as well because there's a festival the same week I was hired for the job."

"That's great, Bianca!"

"Ah yes, but here's the fun bit for you. My dad says I can bring you and Cheren, though you guys need to get your own hotel rooms and pay for your expenses, but he's willing to drive all of us in the van."

"Yes! That's awesome!" I thrilled. "It's about time I had a vacation."

"A vacation from what, might I ask? All you do is sit around playing your video games."

"Not anymore."

I heard Bianca giggle again. "Well, I'm going to call Cheren and let him know." Then she hung up.

"Hey this is cool, hey N guess wha-" I turned around and looked around my room curiously. "N?"

Then I realized he had left.

I didn't get a chance to tell Black what Bianca called about because he somehow avoided me all night. During dinner, my mother could feel the tension so she attempted small talk. I told her about what Bianca had told me on the phone, but I don't think N paid any mind to me. He just stared at his food, pushing it around in circles on his plate. After I finished dinner and went to my room, I didn't have much to do. I was certainly looking forward to leaving town for awhile; it was about time too. I hadn't really left the town in months. I vaguely wondered how N would cope by me leaving him here, maybe if I was lucky he'd be gone when I came back.

I don't think my mind liked that idea, because I felt my stomach twist at the thought of N just getting up and leaving suddenly. I must have just been used to him, but as I went to bed that night, I kept playing the scenario in my mind that when I came back from vacation; N would be gone, and each time I felt the twist of pain.

**Oh Black, you not falling in love are you?Oor were you already? Or maybe, your just constipated?**

**Might I suggest some plum juice?**


	7. Chapter 7

Man, I fucked up this time. I couldn't even get a damn job at a fast food place. My hands in my palms, I sighed yet again. Now I had nothing to do, and next to no source of income. I had no job, I lived in a nothing town and did nothing all day. Sometimes I wished I could go out and go on adventures some more, but somehow that didn't seem as appealing as it did when I was younger. Nowadays, I spent my time just puttering around. I felt like an old man. Oh well, at least vacation was in two days, I was already completely packed and ready to go. Now all I had to do was to wait for two more days to go by.

…Which was hard. It also sucked due to the fact that N would be coming too, but at least I had convinced my mom to get us separate hotel rooms. I had begged long and hard;

"Mom, seriously, I need my space. I can't keep sleeping with him; he kicks me in his sleep and wakes me up all the time!"

"You know I can't afford to give you money for two separate rooms; you already sleep in the same bed and share a bathroom, I think you can survive."

"This is a vacation. I need to enjoy myself! How can I do that when I get no sleep at night?"

"You will get plenty of sleep, trust me; you'll know when you have sleep deprivation."

"Still, rooms aren't that expensive, and I have no money to pay for my own!"

"It's your own fault for not getting that job…"

"It's not my fault I apparently am not qualified to flip burgers." I had growled. "C'mon mom, please?"

"You know he has nightmares every night. Imagine how he would feel if there was no one to wake him up from them?"

I ignored the stab of guilt in my gut. How did she know this anyway?

"He'll wake himself up…"

"Black, that's cruel."

"C'mon mom. We'll stay in rooms next to each other, if I hear him yelling I'll just bang on the wall 'till he wakes."

She sighed, then frowned. After she had thought long and hard, she nodded.. "Fine, I'll give you the money for N's separate room; but you owe me."

"Great, thanks mom!"

She didn't look pleased at all, and I tried to ignore it. I also tried to ignore the guilt I felt thinking that I would be leaving N alone with his nightmares.

After I had explained to N that we were going to Nimbasa city for a festival with Cheren, Bianca and her family, N looked pleased that we were going to Nimbasa city, but not as pleased that my friends would also be coming. He didn't know them well, and referred to them as weird. Packing was another story; he didn't have anything to pack. I had realized that up until then, he'd been wearing my old clothes which were all terribly small and tight on his skin. I decided that when we got to Nimbasa city I would take him to get some clothes of his own with the last of my money, since there was no place here that really sold decent clothes. He was thrilled that I would "waste" money on him. I just shrugged it off. N wasn't very thrilled at the news that we would be given separate rooms. When I told him, he said nothing; he looked away for just a moment, almost appearing to be hurt.

I almost jumped in surprise when my room door opened and N trotted in. I glowered over at him from where I was laying on my bed. "Ever heard of knocking?"

He was wearing a pair of my old pants, big surprise, but had no shirt on. There was a towel on his head from where he dried his hair. He never had any shame waltzing around the house half naked, which I found utterly annoying because every time he was shirtless I would look at him a few seconds longer. Maybe it was all scars that covered his torso and back; after all, he did have a lot. It looked incredibly painful.

"Sorry…" He mumbled.

"Can't you throw a shirt on or something already?" I told him after he spent several minutes brushing his hair with my mom's old brush.

"They're all dirty…"

"Check the dressers. Aren't there any left?"

"Nope. Your mother said she was washing them, though."

"Whatever..."

"It doesn't matter. In reality, clothes offer no real protection." He commented wisely as he sat down on the bed, continuing with his hair.

"They keep you warm."

"The cold wind always finds cracks within the threads." He replied without looking at me. Today was not one of N's good days.

I swear; N had become creepy lately. After a few weeks of him being in a state of misery, he returned to his old self, the person I knew from my journey. He was hard to read most of the time, and most everything out of his mouth was polite or were intelligent words of wisdom. He had figured out everything in the house, and though he was still very innocent, at least he didn't ask what everything was anymore. When he left the house, he was still nervous. His composure changed when he was outside the safety of these walls, and I found it the oddest thing ever. I swear, why do I always seem to attract weirdos?

I decided to get on my laptop, which was infested with viruses from N's little internet exploration. It took forever to wake up, then pop-ups all over the screen. I wasn't the best with computers, so I just dealt with it. I wasn't sure what to do now, since I already checked my messages a little while ago. I went on Facebook and commented on some stuff, then browsed YouTube; I swear my life was such a brilliant thrill. I couldn't wait to get out of this place, but then what would I do. My body froze as I stared at the screen with a glazed look. What /would/ I do? I was almost eighteen and had no career path planned out. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I should go to college or not. I guess I should probably think about this, or perhaps discuss with Cheren. Maybe I could go to college with him.

That just raised another problem, would N even be gone by then? What if he decided to go to college too? What if he never left ever again? /Shit, he needs to leave already!/ I thought to myself, standing up and shutting my laptop. N was sitting on my bed, still perfecting his hair. I swept past him and headed downstairs intent on getting some food, which would hopefully put my mind at ease for now. I headed into the kitchen, only to stop in the doorway. John and mom were embracing in the kitchen, I hated when I accidentally walked into things like this. It was awkward and I didn't like interrupting this kind of thing. I backed away around the corner hoping they hadn't noticed me, but N somehow silently followed me and came up behind me. He watched my mom and John from around the corner, until they started kissing that is. I grumbled and pushed past N, going back towards the stairs. It got awkward, I'd hoped they'd stop hugging to I could grab some food, but obviously this was going to become something else so I left before I could be noticed.

…Only N wasn't following me. Instead he continued watching with a distant look on his face. I rolled my eyes, grabbed his arm, and yanked him away from the doorway. "God, stop invading their privacy."

I dragged him back to my room, where again I felt trapped. It was too late to go anywhere, and suddenly I was thrust back into my boring room. Why, oh why? N just slipped past me, appearing like a ghost. He was pale, and his face was twisted with pain.

"…You okay?"

"H-huh? Oh, just… just remembering I guess." He replied in a quiet voice.

I didn't question it. Rather, I plopped on my bed and turned on the TV. I stared at the screen flashing before me, not even sure what I was watching, but it was funny enough. N watched with me after awhile, sitting on the floor next to me, huddling his knees up to his chest.

"This show is so indecent." He said at one point, but I ignored him entirely. It wasn't long before mindless drivel took its toll and I slipped into slumber on the floor.


	8. Chapter 8

**Woohoo! I'm back and Fanfiction is fixed! I worked my butt off- to chapter 16. once I get it all edited I shall upload~**

**Er what else did I have to say? I don't even remember, hell I don't even remember this chapter. Oh well! Enjoy~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (haven't decided, but if there is I will warn at the beginning of the chapter so If you don't want to read it, don't!). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!  


* * *

_"Pl-please, can we not do this tonight…"_

__

"Child, you dare talk in that tone with me?"

__

The child from before with long green hair; crouched in front of an older man with long green hair similar to the child's. His hand was gripped tight in the long green locks of the child, almost holding up off the ground completely.

_"I-I didn't mean t-to." _

_"You don't want to please me? You do not want my happiness? You are a horrible, selfish freak of nature." The older man spat, throwing the child against the ground. He recoiled, backing up a few paces. The man approached, but there was a flash of black and a small, fox looking pokemon was in front of the man, standing in his way to the child._

_"Zorua!" The child shouted._

_"I'll protect you." Zorua told the child, then snarled threats at the older man, flashing small, but sharp teeth._

_The man halted, and then glared at both the child and Zorua. He had his plans to consider, he couldn't just kick this pokemon out of the way. "Very well, not tonight… but expect it soon, real soon..." Then he left leaving the small child to cling to Zorua and sob. He only stopped when he felt Zorua move under his gripped, and when he looked again the Zorua appeared to turn into a child. He was the same age, only with short brown hair, brown eyes and a blue shirt with black pants, and he still had a tail. He smiled widely, hugging the other child._

_"I'll always protect you." The brown haired illusion whispered._

_Then nothing. _

~

I knew I pissed Black off again. I tried to ignore the pain that pricked at me. Surprisingly, last night the nightmare I had involved far less abuse, way less than normal. Most of the time I could almost feel the old wounds throbbing once I awoke, it was so bad. But last night my dreams had barely any pain in comparison to normal. I was almost sure it was because I was practically clinging to Black all night.  
We had been watching TV on the floor when Black drifted off to sleep, leaning against my shoulder in his slumber. I tried it ignore it and wait until he would wake up, but after another half hour of the mindless 'TV shows' I had fallen asleep as well, and I ended up clinging to Black's arm. Since my nightmares didn't wake him up, once I awoke I had not moved, I just kept watching him sleep until he woke up. I really should have just let go of his arm and leave or even pretend to be asleep but I didn't and I paid the price. Black was pissed off; after he yelled at me once he tried not to show his obvious frustration. I could see it though, and to tried to avoid him for the morning. I was as well intent on avoiding him for the rest of the day… that is until I watched him sweep out the door. I was once again alone in the house with Black's strange mother.  
I wish I could have left the house as well, but I stand in front of the window, watching the outside world, I was too afraid to go out alone. What if I was found by /them/? It was a ridiculous notion, but I knew it was possible. Not to mention the other dangers out there; who else would hurt me? The entire world of course. Dangers were around every corner, and without my friends I had nothing to protect me. My friends always protected me, but I could never protect myself. I took it all like the coward I was. I turned away from the window and headed to the couch were I sat down, staring straight ahead. I had nothing; nothing to do nowhere to be. I had no possessions, and only one human friend that I was sure hated me. I was too afraid to leave the house and make pokemon friends; I was just a giant, pathetic mess.  
"Hello N, did Black head out again?" I jumped, not even noticing Black's mom had slipped into the living room and sat next to me.  
"Yes. Yes he did." I tried to keep on a calm, composure but I could hear the nervousness in my own voice. I had talked to Black's mom more than once; every time Black wasn't around she would come talk to me. She was a strange woman; she didn't think ill of me at all.  
"Oh that's too bad." She sighed, and then smiled at me. "How was your sleep, N? Are you feeling well?"  
"I-it was fine, I am fine. Everything is just fine." I replied flatly.  
"Well that's just fine!" She laughed. "Are you excited for your trip that's coming up?"  
"I guess."  
"Oh come on N, you can relax around me; I don't bite!" She smiled at me. "I don't snap all the time like Black does."  
"Ho-how do you know he does?"  
"I'm his mom. He's a nice guy, but if you tweak him the wrong way then- BOOM! I bet you've learned that before, but I'm surprised…"  
"Surprised? Why?"  
"I can sometimes hear you at night, screaming. He has to wake you every night, knowing him he would have whiplashed you for interrupting his sleep."  
"Really…"  
"Oh yeah. You should have seen him in the morning when I had to wake him up for school; I got a tongue lashing almost every morning." She blabbered on and on but I stopped listening. He did have to wake me up every night; that must have gotten terribly annoying. Not to mention that I know I've punched him and kicked before with my endless struggling and flailing. Somehow, he put up with it. I guess the only reason he did was because it was like his mom said, he was a good guy. I sighed helplessly. I was starting to ruin his life and I knew it.  
"N? N are you alright?" Black's mom asked. I nodded half-heartedly. She looked as if she was about to say more until the phone rang. She glanced over and picked it up from the side table.  
"Hello? Oh, Black! I heard you just left…. Oh an hour ago? ... Well, I don't see why you can't… Of course dear… Yeah I'll tell him, bye." She put down the phone. "Black's staying at a friend's house for a 'Call of Duty marathon' or something. He'll probably sleep over. He said not to mess up anything while he's gone"  
"Sleep over? You mean he won't be here tonight?"  
"No. I'm sorry N, dear." She got up and swept into the kitchen, leaving me alone.  
I'm not sure how long I was on that couch, probably hours, I just thought, I thought about everything. I thought about how pathetic I was, that I relied so much on a person that hated me. How I had to stay in this house, unable to leave without that protection. How I feared that every moment could be my last, for /they/ might find me here. If /they/ did find me, it would mean the end; they would force me to see /him/ again. I hugged my knees to my chest, gripping them hard. No, I couldn't let them find me. I didn't want them to find me, the thought of having to be dragged away by them made me want to run; run anywhere. If I never saw them again, it would be too soon.  
I wasn't sure what I was going to do tonight. I didn't like sleeping alone. Especially in a house with people I didn't know well. Black's mom and John; although Black's mom was alright, John scared me to bits. I wasn't sure why. I glanced over at Black's Serperior properly nicknamed Smugleaf. Since I had been here, I hadn't had a lot of time to talk to pokemon, and unfortunately I felt as if I was losing my ability and trust in these beings.  
I got up, my legs and body stiff from hours of sitting, and I crouched in front of the giant sleeping snake-like pokemon. Reaching out, I pat it on its head, and it awoke at once.  
"It's been awhile, N. I was starting to think I was forgotten." Smugleaf said to me, eyes gleaming.  
"Accept my deepest apologies, it's been rough." I replied quietly.  
"Perhaps just this once… Maybe you should tell Black to throw me in a battle every now and again; all I do is sleep these days."  
"I still do not see why you like battling; it is so cruel!"  
"It's fun." Smugleaf's eyes glittered. "And Black proved his worth to command me long ago."  
I smiled, continuing small talk with the Serperior throughout the day. At one point, I riffled through Black's room for his pokeballs and found them. I let out his Scrafty, appropriately named DJ Fresh, and Chandelure, named Vincent. I avoided the ball with Hydreigon in it entirely. DJ Fresh was full of jokes, and shot mocking words at Smugleaf the entire time. Vincent was very silent, and I enjoyed speaking with him. He was twisted in an amusing way. It was a nice afternoon, but despite being surrounded by pokemon I still felt alone. Once dinner rolled around, I barely ate. I poked at the food a few times before declaring I wasn't hungry, but thanks for the meal and swept out of the room.  
Once up in Black's room, I perched on the edge of his bed, staring around the walls of his room. The walls were very plain except for a poster of a band here and there. I fell back falling among the sheets, putting my hands over my head.  
"You miss him~"  
"Wh-what?" my eyes shot open, and I looked over.  
Black's Reuniclus floated right beside my bed, I didn't even notice her before. I don't even remember taking her out of her pokeball. "You miss him, I can tell." She giggled.  
"I-I Well-"  
"I miss him too, don't worry."  
"When was the last time he ever spoke to you?" I asked, sitting upright.  
"Not for a long time, but I don't blame him, he has a life to live."  
"But you're his friends! He should talk to you every day!"  
"Well sir, you've been here every day and you haven't talked to any of us."  
I frowned, "well I'll talk to you now. What's your name anyway?"  
"Black named me Squishy, and I remember you, N!"  
"Forgive me for not remembering your name!"  
"It's alright!" She swirled around to the other side of me, stretching out her jelly-like body. "It feels great to be out of that pokeball."  
"Well, you aren't going back in there while I'm around." I huffed.  
"How long will you be around?"  
"I-I don't know…" I trailed away, looking down at the floor. How long will I be here? How long will it take for Black to finally kick me out? I know I'll never be able to leave on my own, so it'll be only a matter of time.  
"You don't want to leave do you?" Squishy sympathized. I gave her a stare and she laughed. "Hey, I'm Physic type, I'm smart!"  
"All pokemon are smart, whether Physic type or not."  
"We're just smarter." She flew around the room giggling. "Don't worry; I'm sure you'll be here for awhile."  
"…I hope so." I replied in a quiet voice.  
That night, my nightmare was terrible. I was too afraid to even go to sleep, but eventually I slipped into a slumber.  
And that night, I wasn't awoken from my nightmare.

* * *

**Where the hell is Black's Mom when N needed him? Prolly in bed with John r.r ?**

**Anyway, fast update later on today cause I love you guys so much 8D xD**


	9. Chapter 9

**Derrr... Double update coming up.**

******Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale)and lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

"Good bye dear, have a nice trip!" I felt my mom's strong arms around my shoulders has she hugged me.

"I will; it's first time leaving in awhile." I laughed, giving her a quick hug back before leaping into the van that belonged to Bianca's dad. Finally, the day had come that we were leaving. N was already in the car, in the far back. He told me that he had never driven in a car. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the floor, who hasn't been in a car before? I slipped into the seat next to him, and then closed the side sliding door. I waved at my mom as we started to drive away.  
"Black…?" N mumbled.

"What?" I asked.

"…I feel claustrophobic in here", he said.

"You'll get used to it", I replied. Geez, and this was the biggest damn car I'd ever been in. Three rows of seats with room in the back for all our bags.

N nodded, then leaned against the window and watched the world pass by. I felt pity for him, and felt bad I had left for the night. When I got back, N was totally shaken up to bits. He didn't wake up until he actually fell off the bed with his thrashing. When I came home the next morning, N was literally hiding in a corner, Smugleaf wrapped around him. When he spotted me, he almost flew across the room while blubbering incoherent words at me.

I tried to convince myself this was a coincidence that on the night N was hugging me all night, he had barely any nightmares, but the night I wasn't even home, he has the worst. It wasn't working, because it was on my mind constantly. As I stared at the world outside my window, I felt a finger poke me.

"Black! Wake up", I heard someone sing-song. Bianca turned around and was facing me.

"H-huh? Oh-hhh I'm awake." Barely, I hadn't gotten any sleep last night.

"You don't look like it. Cheer up! Be excited! You're out of your room for once!" she giggled.

"I am cheered, and excited." I replied rather flatly.

"This is going to be great! I haven't been to the festivals since I was a little girl."

I thought for a moment, "I don't think I've ever been to those festivals…"

"Oh you're going to love it, it's everything!" She thrilled.

"That sounds… great."

"It is! We'll have a blast!"

"Speaking of…", Cheren commented, "While we're in the big city I think I might consider looking at universities in the area..."

"Oh Cheren, this is vacation time not school time", Bianca sighed.

"Ah, but aren't you going for work?" He raised an eyebrow.

Bianca just stuck out her tongue in response.

It will be a few hours before we reach Nimbasa, and since we took off late we'll probably end up in traffic. I leaned against the back of the seat, might as well catch up on lost sleep. I soon did fall asleep; and quite soundly till there was a high pitched yell that jolted me awake.

"Wh-what", I slurred, looking around.

"Stop the van!" The yell came again. It was N, oh big surprise. He had his face pressed against the window, his eyes wide in desperation.

"What, why?" Bianca's dad asked, but slowed the van and pulled to the side of the highway anyway, and the second the van stopped moving, N was out of the car and racing along the road.

"Oh what's he doing now?" I unbuckled my seat belt, opened the door and followed him down the road. Several yards passed and I found N crouching on the edge of the road, and he was mumbling to something.

"N..?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

N turned around, and he was holding a small fluffy Pokemon that I realized was a Patrat. The small creature was in bad shape; aside from its messy, unkempt fur, one of its legs was twisted awkwardly and gleaming with a red liquid. I realized it was blood, fresh too.

"We need to help it, Black." N pleaded, then swept past me back to the car. Once inside, Cheren and Bianca stared at the injured Pokemon with wide eyes. Bianca's dad complained about blood on his seat, whilst Bianca's mom just hid her eyes. Luckily, there was a first aid kit box in the glove box. So, while on the edge of a busy highway, N wasn't fazed by anything, even annoying honks from the other cars as they had to drive around them. Once the wound was all cleaned by and bandaged, we were able to continue driving. N cradled the Pokemon in his arms, mumbling comforting words; but it was mostly unresponsive except for a few words it said back. I didn't understand it; but I knew N did.

"It says a car did it to him…", he murmured.

"Well of course, how else do you think it ended up like that on the side of the road?" Cheren turned around and gave N a look.

"I did not now!" N snapped, and held the Patrat tighter. "Are cars so destructive? How many of my friends have suffered the same fate?"

"Not that many, N. Many people are very careful on the road, but like bad trainers there are bad drivers…" I told him calmly, it was best not to get N riled up. He never was in a bad mood or mean, it just came to hurt Pokemon and humans being the cause that he ever got angry.

N didn't respond and instead looked down at the creature in his arms, which seemed to have fallen asleep. His eyes were sad as he stared at the Patrat. I sighed and leaned back against the seat. I knew it was a lie, many Pokemon were hit on the side of the road. More than once did I see a dead Pokemon laying on the side of the road, hit mercilessly then left to rot. It was best N didn't know that though. I tried to fall back to sleep, but I was unable. I had been to woken up.

It was a long ride; many times we had to stop for one reason or another; whether it was to go to the bathroom or get some food. N was always holding the Patrat, no matter where we went. It was almost seven pm before we actually made it to Nimbasa. It was a breath of relief as I saw the flashing buildings light up in many colors. We crossed the bridge, below water dazzled and danced with the amusement parks lights that could be seen in the near distance. I could clearly see the Ferris wheel, saluted high above everything else. Everything was in rainbows of neon colors with the growing darkness. Before heading to the hotel, we all decided on going to a restaurant. After much regret from N, we left the Patrat with Nurse Joy at the Pokemon center. He was very off and I could tell, and going to a place packed with people didn't help. As we sat in a circular booth at some resurant we spotted. It was filled with people, nearly every seat was taken. A baby cried from across the room, but most of the crowd was adults only.

N looked around awkwardly, and then shrunk down in the seat, blankly staring at the menu. I knew N was having far from fun right now; perhaps I should have just made him stay home regardless of what my mother said. I looked over the menu, nothing really looked worthwhile but I picked out the cheapest thing on it, which was a sandwich burger and N decided on a bowl of vegetarian soup. Bianca got a salad, claiming she needed to keep her figure; Cheren went with what I got. Bianca's dad; a large man went with the best steak on the menu whilst Bianca's mom got a salad, also agreeing she needed to keep her figure, a figure she didn't have.

While we all talked, I kept an eye on N, who was looking more miserable by the moment. It wasn't long before he declared he needed to go to the bathroom.

I got out of the circular booth to let him out, but as he slid out he grabbed my arm and dragged me along till we were in the little hallway with phone booths and entrances to the bathrooms. When we were hidden from view, he stared at me with desperation.

"Black, I don't like it here. Do I have to stay?" he asked.

"It's not that long, N, really. Just… go color with the children's crayons", I said and tried to dismiss his fear with a wave of my hand.

"All… All these people and that waiter was strange, I don't trust him. Any of them, Black, can we please go?"

"You can go, then find that hotel we're supposed to be staying at, but I'm hungry, I want dinner!"

N looked down and bit his lip and I sighed in defeat. I swear I was too soft when It came to N. "Fine, we'll wait till we get our food, pack it up and go to the hotel", I growled at him. "But you owe me. Big time."

N's lips twitched upward in a small smile. "Thank you."

When we went back to the table, everyone was staring at us. Bianca giggled, but the others just looked awkward. I coughed, then slid back into the booth. I realized how suggestive this all was. Not only did I share a room; a bed with N, I was just dragged away to what they thought was the bathroom by him.

It only got worse when I told them we were leaving early because N wasn't feeling well. Bianca giggled more, her cheeks alive with color. Oh yeah N, you owed me majorly. I would have to explain later that I wasn't a homo and that none of this means anything.

Once our food came, I requested a box or our food then paid. Good thing my mom gave me spare cash for outings. After I got the directions to the hotel from Bianca's dad, I learned it was only two blocks away. I almost forgot about our bags in the car, which then Bianca had to come with us to the car with the keys. She was gigging all the while, asking us if we had plans once we got to the hotel. Really, honestly, she was going to be like this from now on? After I got our bags, we started down the street with the luggage. Night had finally fallen, and everything was bright. People passed us along the street, and I could feel N tense beside me every time someone passed us.

"Thank you for letting me out early", N sighed as we rounded a corner.

"It's fine, really. Like I said; you owe me for this though", I told him.

"Yeah, I know."

Once at the hotel, our reservations were already made so all we had to do was give them our information and we got our key cards. I gave N his two cards and showed him how to work them for the doors since he had never used a hotel before. One door over was my room, I requested rooms next to each other so I could wake N up if he started having nightmares. Opening to door, I headed into a small hotel room with a full sized bed, a small tv, a small coffee table with a chair next to it. On the table was a phone, and a channel directory for the TV, and a small closet in the corner with hangers. Near the door to the room was the door to the bathroom. It was a small hotel room, but hey, if it had a bed and a working toilet, I was good.

I flipped through the channels on the TV; everything was crap. After a few minutes of surfing, I flicked it off and decided on a shower before I went to bed. Leaping off the chair, I headed towards the bathroom ready to head in when there was a knock on my door.

"Oh gee, I wonder who that could be." I rolled my eyes and opened the door.

N was there, looking sorry for himself. "Hello, Black", he said quietly.

"What do you need?" I asked briskly; I wanted shower and sleep.

"Can I stay in here for a little bit? My room feels lonely…", he asked.

I frowned and thought it over. Well, a few minutes couldn't do harm, I'd be in the shower anyway. "Fine, come on in, but when I get out of the shower I expect you gone." Then I swept away into my bathroom.

I turned on the shower-head, stepping it at once, I jumped as the cold water streamed down my body, but realized as it turned hot. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, allowing the hot water to run down my muscles. It felt nice after hours of being cramped in a car. After probably standing there for nearly twenty minutes, the hot water dwindled and I was left without heat. Sighing, I dried myself off and reached for my pajamas…

….That weren't there. I left then out in my room.

'Of all the shits- N better be gone', I thought to myself harshly as I wrapped the towel around my body and inched out of the bathroom. I looked around the corner into the room, and that's when I saw N curled up asleep, in the center of my bed.

"You've got to be kidding me." He fell asleep, on my bed! No way, no way, he had his own room. He was not about to sleep in here. I stormed over to the bed and poked at him. "Wake up, go back to your room."

N let out a soft mumble, curling up tighter. His knees were against his chest, and his hands were curled up under his neck against his chest. He looked like a child, a giant green haired man child; but still a child. His green hair spilled over his shoulders and face, flowing across the sheets as well, and I had to admit he looked sort of adorable…

Wait, what? I mentally slapped myself then rushed away from my bed to my bag, pulling out my pajamas and swiftly dressing myself in them.

Once in my sheets, I scowled at N's sleeping form. "Fine, you can sleep in here but just tonight!" I told him as if I expected him to hear, then I clicked off the lamp and curled up under the covers, I could feel N's back dress against mine. He was fidgeting, but not thrashing or yelling so I knew it wasn't a nightmare. I turned over, this bed felt way smaller then mine. I closed my eyes, trying to force myself to sleep, but N kept rolling around, sometimes reaching out and clinging to me in his slumber. I swear, I wondered why I didn't just kick him off the bed and command him back to his room.

In the end I just gave up and let him hug my arm. Once his arms were securely around mine, he stopped fidgeting entirely and I fell asleep almost right away.

* * *

**Sorry if it sounds sketchy. I had my friend edit it, but it might not be thorough enough. I might start getting double editors going; let me know if I should, my way of writing can be strange sometimes.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (haven't decided, but if there is I will warn at the beginning of the chapter so If you don't want to read it, don't!). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!

* * *

When I awoke that morning I found myself alone. Rubbing my eyes to rid them from the cobwebs of sleep, I dragged myself out of bed and to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror; my hair was all over the place and curling in awkward directions because of going to sleep with wet hair. I irritatingly rubbed at the dried drool on the side of my face as I searched around for clean clothes. Once found, I got dressed and headed out the door. One thing was on my mind: breakfast. I didn't know where the others were, but I wasn't too concerned.  
I made it down to the breakfast room in the lobby. I spotted Cheren and Bianca, and for some reason N with them. The room wasn't too crowded, but it still buzzed with many people; mostly old people or couples with small children. I grabbed a muffin and coffee before I sat at the table with the others.  
"Good morning Black, you're late." Bianca greeted me with a wave.  
"Eh…" I drank my coffee, which was straight black. I shuddered at the sour taste, but the warmth felt nice once in my stomach.  
"I think I might check out this college today, it looks interesting…" Cheren said as he stared at a brochure.  
"Always thinking about school." Bianca sighed at Cheren, grabbing the brochure away from him and stuffing it in her purse.  
"H-hey! Give that back!" He attempted to reach for his lost item but Bianca grabbed his hands.  
"You'll have to give me a kiss for it." She giggled at him.  
"Wh-what?" Cheren's face turned red as he pulled away.  
"C'mon you guys, get a room." I snickered, and I earned an elbow in the gut from Cheren.  
N just stared at us blankly, looking as if we were speaking another language. After a few more moments of bickering, I took another drink of coffee, feeling much more awake. "So when does the festival start?"  
"Either tonight or tomorrow." Bianca replied.  
"Oh good, that'll give me a chance to get N something to wear; I don't have enough clothes for him."  
"Ohhh, your going clothes shopping?" Bianca leaned forward with a wide grin. "You're lucky you happen to have a friend right here with an absolute amazing fashion sense." She turned to N. "Don't worry, I'll find you some amazing clothes."  
N raised an eyebrow, shifting slightly away and closer to me. "Er…"  
"Amazing isn't exactly the word…" I mumbled, earning myself a glare.  
"Let's go, we can leave right now while Cheren goes to his school thing or whatever." She leapt up and came behind me and N, grabbing us by the arm. N looked terrified, but I just let myself be dragged along.  
"Who invited you anyway?" I groaned.  
"I invited myself~" she sang, pulling us away.  
It was only nine, but we were out until past noon. We had already been to about five different shopping centers, all ending up to be in vain. I kept saying a pair of jeans and some shirt would be fine for him, but she wouldn't give up. N had begun to relax around her, and listened to her fashion advice. Bianca wasn't fazed at all by his cluelessness. She just kept talking and talking and replied to all his questions. I just followed, listening to my iPod all the while. Presently we were in the mall, and Bianca was going on about one of her many mall stories. N listened with fascination as we walked into yet another store. I stared at my iPod screen, switching through songs and searching for wireless internet from any nearby stores.  
"Hey guys, I'm going to the food court to rest my legs and get some lunch." I told them, starting turn around.  
"Wait, Black?" N started looking panicked, but Bianca grabbed his arm and dragged him away.  
"Okay, Black! C'mon, I think I see something over here." She said, pointing over to some random section. I wasn't going to point out that the floor we were on was the women's floor. The food court was right outside this store, and I decided on getting Thai. I sat down, my legs almost sighing in relief. After hours of walking it felt nice to just sit. I swear; I was starting to get out of shape. In my younger days I could have walked all day and still had energy for battles. I picked at my food, which tasted gross, but I was hungry. I never even got to eat my muffin from before!  
It wasn't long before my phone vibrated and I flipped it open. It was a message from Bianca, and the text read,

_black we found something perfect :) u hav 2 see! cum to the dressing rooms right now :D_

Oh boy, this could only turn out good I thought to myself sarcastically. Throwing away what was left of my rather disgusting meal, I went back to the store. I looked around and soon found the dressing rooms. I came to a dead halt as N whipped around from where he was standing in front of the mirror.  
He had a sweatshirt on that was black with squares all over it. In the squares were more squares, which were all different colors of the rainbow. I was made out of a material that reflected light if at the right angle, usually used for raving. In between the squares were bright purple lines. He had it rolled up like his hold sweatshirt, but his wrists were covered in different kinds of beads and jewelry that where he got I had no idea. He was wearing skinny jeans which were torn in many places, and were a grayish color with sparkles on the thighs. He had a necklace around his neck that I realized was one of those "best friend" necklaces.  
"Black! Black! Do you like it?" N appeared to be thrilled, his composure once again changed.  
"Errr…." I began, N's face dropped a bit. I forced a smile, "Oh yes, I love it N. It looks very... Rainbow-y"  
N didn't looked convinced, but he looked a little more relieved anyway.  
"Of course its rainbow, it's amazing!" Bianca threw up her arms with success.  
"…How much was that anyway?" I raised an eyebrow, then pulled out my wallet and looked at the remaining money.  
"Oh don't worry about that, I'll pay for it, I have plenty of money!" Bianca said, and both me and N looked at her surprised.  
"You sure?" I asked.  
"Sure, sure. No big deal, after all I found it. Besides, Black, I don't even think you have enough money to buy this," she said. "Now N, take that off so we can go buy it."  
"Wait a second…" I tried to ignore the sudden flash image of N stripping down. "N, what underwear have you been wearing…?" I trailed off, giving him a disturbed stare.  
"Your mother said I could wear yours."  
"WHAT?"  
"It was clean…" N inched back into the dressing room, leaving me fuming right there.  
"Oh, wonderful," I growled.  
"I'm not buying him a new pack of boxers, Black." Bianca shrugged. "You can take care of that. After  
all, I won't be the one looking at it." She ended with a giggle fit.  
I thought about what she said for a moment, then I felt my face go red. "H-hey, what are you suggesting?"  
"Nothing, Black~" Bianca said between her laughs.  
"I'm not sleeping with N, if that's what you're implying." I told her, "It's all coincidence! He only sleeps in the same bed cause I didn't want to kick him out- and my mother made me do it, and he only lives with me because he has nowhere else to go and, and, and…" I trailed away when Bianca stopped listening, but instead handed something to me. It was a necklace, and I realized it was the other half to that "best friend" necklace N was wearing.  
"N wanted to give you the other half, but he was too nervous to give it to you. I already bought it, so go ahead and try it on."  
"But it's a girl necklace…" I told her, but she took it back out of my hand and looped her arms around my neck, hooking the chain.  
N was staring at us from the entrance of the fitting room, and Bianca turned me around and pushed me towards him. "Look N, doesn't it look nice on him?"  
N looked relieved, then walked over to us holding the clothes.  
"See, Black, now we're BF's, is that cool?" N asked, staring at his own half of the necklace. "Bianca said it's supposed to mean something special." I stared over at Bianca with an unamused look. She looked back, her eyes gleaming with laughter, how much one would bet that BF in her mind meant something completely different?  
"Alright, let's go pay for this stuff and see what Cheren's up to..." Bianca said, turning around and walking towards check-out.  
"Before that, N's getting his own damn underwear," I said following her, with N close behind.

* * *

**Derrr, it just occured to me N needed to wear something under there. Or else chaffing. /moreunpleasentimages  
**

**Lolol. Anyway, this is N's sweatshirt in case I didn't describe it enough (Just copy and paste the link c: )  
**

**.com/albums/oo313/Sandehpwnz/912613_ **


	11. Chapter 11

**Yay**

**I finally fixed that thing in the summary**

******Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

Cheren was just exiting the main gates of the college when we found him. After nearly bursting out laughing at what N was wearing, he declared he just may go to this college. As we walked to no particular location, he told us about all the classes it offered and features, not to mention affordable apartment across the street. I had to admit, it sounded like a good deal. It again made me consider my own future. I hadn't really thought about it at all, and here Cheren was beginning to plan his whole life. I guess I would just have to take it as it came. It was about 2 PM before we headed back to the hotel in search of Bianca's parents. They weren't there, so Bianca decided to call them up. They were at some casino nearby. And said they wouldn't be home until late.  
We sat down outside a café to decide what to do next. "The amusement park is closed while they set up for the festival." Cheren sighed.  
"Maybe we could just keep walking, it's nice." Bianca suggested.  
"Walking where?" I asked.  
"The city's big – I'm sure we could find something… Oh, what about the battle subway?"  
"I left my pokemon at home…" I mumbled.  
"So did I." Cheren said.  
"I did too." Bianca groaned, then all of us sighed. N remained silent, much to my surprise.  
"Well, maybe we could go to the Pokemon Musical." She snapped her fingers.  
"It's closed for the festival." I mumbled.  
"Are you serious? Aw, man. Hm…. Oh! How about we go swim in the river?" She piped up again.  
I gave her a long stare. "It's winter, its cold, and I'm not going into any rivers."  
"Well, there's a large indoor waterpark that uses the river's water, and it's heated. I walked by it on my way to the college." Cheren suggested.  
"Maybe we should go take a look; did everyone bring their swimsuits?" Bianca asked.  
Cheren and I nodded, but N looked queasy, shaking his head.  
"Well I'm sure they sell them there." She waved a hand and got up. "Let's get our suits and head there then."  
As we walked back to our hotel rooms, N caught up with me. "What's a waterpark?" he asked.  
"It's a park with lots of water." I told him blankly as I opened my hotel room.  
N just frowned, but didn't say anything more.

"So this is a water park…" N said in awe. After we paid our dues and I bought him a cheap pair of swim trunks, we stood in the lobby against the glass that separated us from the park. Most of it was indoors; and what was outdoors was closed because of the season. There were several kids running around, and adults sitting on the side lines. On one side, there was a large wave pool. On the other, was another pool with several different tubes spinning around and emptying into the water.

"This is going make me feel like a kid again." Bianca declared, running away to the girls locker room. Cheren, N and I went into the boys. I was sure N would be frightened stiff in here, but there were only some little kids running around, aside from that it was empty. Cheren, in much shame, hid in the bathroom stall while changing. Around me he didn't mind, but around N not so much. After I changed into my trunks I headed out of the locker room, N following close behind.

"Will our stuff be safe?" He asked, looking back.

"Yup, it's locked in the lockers... hey, Bianca!" I waved at her as we entered the indoor part of the park.

"Hey." She replied with a wave, she wore a pink bikini with yellow dots on it. I had to admit she had a nice figure, but then again she was a model. "Where's Cheren? I want him to see my new suit." She said mischievously.

"Hiding in the bathroom stall." I snickered.

"I heard that…" Cheren came up behind me. I hardly realized it was him; for he didn't have his glasses on.

"Cheren, do you like my bikini?" Bianca asked with a giggle, and Cheren's face went red.

"O-oh it's nice. Very nice, but not really nice that I would—you know it's nice. Yes. Nice."

I tried hard not to burst out laughing, but damn, it was hard. I almost forgot N standing behind me, shifting his eyes around the large, heated room. I stretched my arms up. "I'm going to the largest waterslide!" I announced, running off to that general direction. There were signs pointing to what was 'The Largest Indoor Waterslide in the World!'. I could see it saluted above all the others, and it wasn't that tall. I turned around and saw N following me close behind me. I could already tell he wasn't going to have fun, but at least he was trying.

We made it to the stairs that lead up to the top. There was a line that consisted mostly of daring teenagers with some older kids dotted here and there. There were even a few old men and ladies willing to give it a go. N was staring curiously up the stairs at the tube."Have you ever been on one of those?"

"Nope. My first time. This is going to be great." I fist-pumped.

"What is the point of it?" N asked.

"Er, to have fun I guess?"

As we waited in line, I couldn't help but look over at N's mostly bare body. There were so many scars on his body, a real noticeable one was up at his right shoulder, and went diagonally across his chest nearly ten inches. There were also several bite scars that weren't as visible, except for a large one on his shoulder. When N caught me staring, he raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"N-nothing."

It was a long wait before we finally made it to the top of the stairs. By then, N was very skeptical about going down. He stared into the gaping hole filled with water and darkness. "Here you can go first." I told N, but he would probably chicken out anyway.

As N stepped forward, a tall teenager with acne told him, "keep your head down and hands and feet crossed at all time. Take off all piercings and jewelry." I was smart enough to take my necklace off, but N still had it on.

"B-but I don't want to take it off."

"Then not my fault if it gets caught." The teenager said, and then pointed to the tube. "Go now. There's a line."

N looked around at me, eyes wide. "Can't you come with me?"

"I'll be right behind you." I sighed, rolling my eyes. A group of teenagers behind me laughed.

N sat down in front of the tube, gripping the bars on either side of him. He stared at the darkness, and once again the zit covered teenager snapped at him to go.

I rubbed my neck, and then crouched next to him, glaring. "C'mon N, you can do it. It'll be fun. And, if you don't go right now I'll push you in."

N nodded, then after another moment of hesitation, pushed on the bars, and instantly went down into the tube. There were his screams echoing, then nothing. The teenager repeated what he told N to me as I sat down in front of the tube, then pushed myself in as well. The water rushed around me as I screamed on my way down. The hot air was almost choking, but at the same time thrilling as I raced through the tube. It was a moment that could have lasted forever, or only a few seconds.

I came sweeping out into the open air at high speed before falling into the pool below. I felt myself tap the bottom before I swam back up, flipping my hair out of my face as I surfaced. Panting, I swam away from the tube out into the open pool were there were several other people. I looked around for N; I knew he would probably be freaking out. I paddled over to the shallow end, then flipped up and floated along the surface of the water, still panting with the exhileration.

I probably was floating there for only a few minutes when I felt something grab my bare torso. I saw a flash of green and I knew it was N, I turned my head and he was looking at me, he looked pleased with himself.

"That was fun, you were right!" Although his voice shook with nervousness, I could tell he was pretty happy.

"Well that's good." I swam away from his grasp. "Let's check out some other tubes then."

For once, N seemed mostly at ease, and wasn't so uptight or depressed. He seemed generally happy as we went around the waterpark. We dove off the largest diving board, went into the wave pool and attempted to stay balanced as the waves came crashing on us. We then went down more slides then we could count, and even went down one together, which got us grouched at by one of the ride attendants. It was good times, and I didn't notice the pass in time till I happen across Bianca and Cheren, who were looking for us.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I panted.

"What's up is that its getting late, and I'm hungry."

"Eh? What time is it?" I tipped my head, it couldn't have been more than an hour or two.

"Almost six." Cheren replied.

"Oh, damn. We've been here four hours?" I asked.

"Yeah, we should probably head back, maybe grab dinner on the way." Bianca said.

After we dried off and got dressed, we headed back to the hotel. Bianca nudged me and smiled. "Looks like you two had fun."

"I guess...?" I said. I wasn't going to let Bianca ruined my good mood. She just giggled, then went on talking to Cheren.

We stopped by McDonalds to grab a meal. N thought the food was disgusting, but it was better than nothing. Once done with dinner, we headed slowly back to the hotel. It was about 7 PM then.

"Dad says the festival starts tomorrow, so go to bed early." Bianca said as she headed to her room.

"Alright," I said, unlocking my door and heading inside. I didn't miss N almost following me, but the door closed and I didn't reopen it. I didn't want him falling asleep in my bed again. I took a long shower, washing all the pool water off me. Once done, I plopped on my bed and clicked on the TV, but I was asleep within minutes.

As I slept deeply and peacefully in my bed, I was awakened by an echoing yell. At first I thought it was just my dream, but the yells became more real till I bolted up. I turned off the TV that was still on and listened, the screams came again. They were pained; blood curdling yells and I could make out the words. "Stop, please don't...!"

I stumbled off my bed, flashing a look at the clock. It was only 11 PM. I raced to my door, struggling to get it open before I actually opened it. There were a couple people looking out of their doors and complaining, but I ignored it and pounded on N's door. It was futile though; N was screaming too loud to even hear. It wasn't long before an attendant of the hotel was rushing down the hall with the master keycard.

"The hell's going on? I've gotten complaints of yelling. Is someone dying?" He hissed at the people who were starting to gather around N's door.

"No- he just suffers from nightmares." I snapped. "Now open the door so he can be woken up."

"Well." The guy said with a sniff before scanning the card in the slot. He opened the door, and the screams could be heard louder. I shoved him to one side and stormed into the room.

N was writhing violently on top of the covers, I had to cover my ears as I approached him.

"N? N!" I shouted, putting a hand on his sleeping form and shaking him. I hadn't seen nightmares so bad, not even on his first night.

"Don't- Don't do it, STOP-" N screamed, then bolted up with a jolt, he was still flailing before he turned and realized it was me.

"N-" I broke off as he flung himself at me, arms wrapped around my body and his hands clinging to the back of my shirt. I almost fell backwards from the force of him throwing himself at me. "What are you doing?" I growled, but he ignored me.

Then I could hear his sobbing. His tears seeped into my shirt as he pressed his face against my chest. "Y-you're alive."

"Of course I'm still alive, why wouldn't I be? N…?"

He didn't reply, just gripped the back of my shirt and cried harder. I stood there, letting him sob before he finally spoke. "He... he was there…"

"Who's he? What was he doing?"

"He… He was killing you, Black."

I felt ice crawl up my spine at his words. Who was he? Why was he killing me? Why did it matter I was dying in his nightmare? Why _was_ I dying in his nightmare?

"C'mon, it's just a dream, it's all good now. Look, I'm still here." N didn't reply again, he just clung to me. I wasn't sure what to do; I didn't want to hug him. Instead; I raised a hand hesitantly then rubbed his back for comfort. It seemed to settle him down a bit, but the tears kept coming. Whatever it was that he saw in his nightmare, it was must have been horribly traumatic.

* * *

**Dat trauma **

**Dat glomp**

**Dat next chapter**

_**And yes, all my chapters are edited at least once before uploading, sorry for mistak****es they might have left.**_


	12. Chapter 12

**It's been 4 chapters! That means.. N chapter! c:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) possible lemons (haven't decided, but if there is I will warn at the beginning of the chapter so If you don't want to read it, don't!). This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

"_What's wrong, boy? I thought you didn't want me to hurt you anymore." The man N feared so much stood above the form of another person._

_ "That did not mean to go and hurt someone else!" A man of nearly twenty with long green hair and blue eyes crouched down, bound to the wall by chains. He was covered in blood, but this blood wasn't his. It belonged to the person on the ground._

_ "You should have been more specific; Oh well, it's too late now." The older man replied, his own green hair falling around his dirty, cruel face. One red eye shone through the darkness, leering at the younger man. He grabbed the form of the third person below, lifting him up by short brown hair. He groaned in half consciousness as the man forced him to the ground. _

_ "Please, stop! Do it to me, not him! Just let him go..!" N pleaded, pulling at the chains that restrained him._

_ "I don't think I can do that, N." The older man sighed, ripping off the remainder of the brown haired man's clothes off. He made no move to struggle, for the pain was excruciating. The older man crouched down, pulling out a hardened cock and kept his eyes on N as he thrust into the brown haired man's entrance. _

_ "NO!" N yelled in desperation, but he was unable to do anything. He watched, as the other man was raped before him. He cried with pain as the older man shoved deeper into him. N was unable to look away, how could he? If he looked away, he felt as if he would betray him. _

_ "You like it, N?" The older man taunted, bending over and digging his teeth into the brown haired man's shoulder, then down his neck and back, leaving red bloody marks. _

_ "S-stop!" _

_ "I'm simply marking my territory." The old man spat. The person below him kept bleeding from his wounds; the puddle of blood grew larger, and larger. It was around N's limbs, sticky and warm._

_ "N-No! NO, STOP IT!" His voice echoed away, he was unable to speak, and in silence he cried for the tortured, beat man._

_ For Black._

I didn't want to let go of him; I was unable to. Even the thought of having to let go made me hold him tighter. It was nighttime, but morning grew closer. I laid in my bed; in my arms was Black still sleeping. I had cried and clung to him until he eventually fell asleep. I wanted to make sure he was there, and he would never leave. It was a ridiculous notion, and if he woke up and found me holding him, he would have a fit.

But I couldn't let go. I watched his face as he slept. He was curled up against my chest, and his face was nestled in my neck. His hands were curled up against his body, creating a barrier between my chest and his. His breathing was soft and peaceful; creating a tune I could have listened to forever. When he was asleep, I could watch him and feel the warmth of his body easily. He never yelled at me when he was sleeping; I hated it when he was mad at me. Right now, as far as I was concerned, he was happy and peaceful. With a hand, I ran a finger through his hair, and I let out a shaky sigh. I felt ridiculous, touching his hair like this as he slept. I did it often back at his house, after he woke me up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep, leaving me awake. Usually I didn't go back to sleep, I just watched him. I would brush his hair or cheek, and it would calm me down.

I wanted him here forever, in my arms and within my grasp. I didn't want him to be taken like in my nightmare. No, I wouldn't let him; never would I let him be taken like that. Never would I let him be tortured, beat, and raped as I was. Worse, I had to watch it in my nightmare. I was unable to face up to the essence of all my fears. The mere thought of the dream last night made me want to start crying again, but I didn't. Instead, I pulled Black closer, my lips pressing against his forehead. I whispered words to him, words of how I would never let him leave me. I knew this was unlikely, eventually he would finally break and force me away. But until that day came, I would remain here.

Time ticked by, and when I glanced at the clock it was already near seven. I knew if Black woke up and found me like this, he would be angry. I didn't want to let him go yet, but I had to. He would already be mad enough about my episode last night. I shifted and, still holding Black, I stood up, then turned and placed him gently back on my bed, making it look as if he just fell asleep there. I inched backwards, picking up my clothes off the floor. I had slept in only a pair of pajama pants that I borrowed from Black. I quickly got changed, pulling into my jeans, undershirt, and sweatshirt before putting on the many bracelets Bianca got me. I had to admit, Bianca wasn't so bad; she certainly talked a lot, however. I never took off the 'BF' necklace, and I noticed Black had put his half back on as well. Hopefully, he would never take it off too.

I headed down to the breakfast room, and I was surprised to see only a few couples there, along with Cheren, eating breakfast. I didn't particularly like Cheren. He was strange, but I knew he was trustworthy, so I walked over to his table and sat down. He was reading the paper, and when he looked up and saw me, he put it down mumbling something about never getting peace.

"Good morning, Cheren." I told him with a curt nod.

"And to you, N. I understand you didn't have a good sleep last night." He took a bite of his cereal, his eyes trained on me.

"Oh, well… I guess so… I get nightmares every night, no big deal."

"Ah yes, no big deal. The hotel attendant had to come down with a master key to let Black in so he could wake you up. He never came back though… What happened?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing happened…" Somehow, I didn't think telling Black's friend that I held him all night and watched him sleep was the wisest thing to do.

"Uh huh, okay. Oh look, there's Bianca." He looked over to where she came prancing into the breakfast room. She grabbed some things from the breakfast bar before coming over.

"Good morning guys, what's going on? N, how was your night?" She giggled, taking a sip of her orange juice.

"It was fine." Why did everyone ask me that?

"Black went into your room last night to wake you up, and then never came out. Was it alright?"

"It was alright. He just woke me up but was too tired to go back to his room." I blinked.

"Were you able to get back to sleep?" She asked, taking a bite of a muffin, and watched me closely.

"Well, no. usually I don't."

"Oh I see. So while Black sleeps, you're wide awake…?" She exchanged a glance with Cheren.

"I guess so." What was she getting at?

"Do you ever, do anything?" Bianca leaned in close.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I replied.

Bianca doubled back in her chair with giggles, and I raised an eyebrow. Black's friends were so weird; I don't know how he put up with them.

"Bianca, chill out already." Cheren sighed. "Too loud for so early."

"Early? It's like… seven-thirty." Bianca checked the clock on the wall. "Was Black awake when you left, N?"

I shook my head no. We sat there for awhile longer as Cheren and Bianca finished breakfast, but by eight they had left to get ready. I was already set, so I grabbed a muffin and I stared at the coffee machine. I remembered Black liked those drinks, but I couldn't remember which. Decaf or regular...? I went with regular. I poured the black, disgusting looking liquid into the foam cup before heading back to my room. I looked inside, and Black was just waking up. He was sitting up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. I walked over casually,

"Good morning, Black." I said quietly, ready for an angered response.

"Mornin', N…" He yawned, still half asleep.

"I got you breakfast." I offered. He looked at me with his brownish red eyes, and he swayed with tiredness.

"Alright. Gimmeeee… a minute." He slurred, jumping off the bed and heading into my bathroom.

"B-but that's-" I stopped as he closed the door. Looks like he was too tired to tell this wasn't even his room. I set the food down, then looked out my room's window curtain. I could see out onto the parking lot and the streets below. In the distance I could see the waterpark I had so much fun in. I smiled as I remembered yesterday afternoon. It was a fun, some of the most fun I had in a long time. I had forgotten about all other people – it had been just me, Black, and fun. I had to admit I had caught myself more than once staring at Blacks shirtless body, though I tried not to, it felt wrong and indecent. But I couldn't help it, his torso was so scar-free compared to mine, which was littered with them. I had caught him staring at the long one on my chest. My hand suddenly pressed against it through my shirt. I remembered how it happened quite clearly, but I wish I hadn't. I wish I could forget, but sometimes it is just so impossible.

I spent a long time, staring out of that window till I heard a door open behind me. I turned and Black was walking out of my bathroom, looking around in confusion. He was only wearing a towel and his hair was dripping wet.

"N, why am I in your room again…?"

"Er- last night you had to get in to wake me up..." I scratched the back of my head, okay, now came the anger.

"Oh, yeah…" he trailed off, then scowled at me. "Mind getting my clothes in my room?"

"Sure, could I have a key card?"

Black kept staring at me for a few moments before his face clicked with realization. "Ugh, both my keys are in my room.. You know what, just give me the clothes you took from me, I'll just wear those, and also then gather the rest of your things."

"Huh? Why?" I picked up the neatly folded clothes off the table and handed it to him.

"Because you're moving into my room, so this doesn't happen again." He took them and disappeared back into the bathroom.

I blinked a few times, then sighed in relief and smiled a bit. I gathered the very few belongings I had, then met with Black at the door. We headed down to the lobby to check out my room, and as we walked I felt a weight being lifted. It was when Black did things like this, sacrificing his own comfort for my sake, that made me happy.

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**I had double edits on this chapter. I think I went a little bit overboard with N. I hope he isn't... creeperish? I do not see N as creepy at all, i think of him as innocent. **

**Also, I reuploaded the picture on another site: http:/i52(dot)tinypic(dot)com/fvwdc7(dot)jpg (copy and paste then replace the dots with . but I think y'all know that~)**

**I really would like feedback for this chapter**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!

* * *

"Hurry up guys, before it gets too crowded." I heard the impatient growl of Bianca's father outside my door, followed by furious knocks.

"Yeah I know, hang on." I was waiting by the door, watching N brush his hair. One thing he always did was brush his hair – he claimed he had to perfect hair all the time. It always had to be neat and perfectly brushed no matter where he went. Sometimes brushing it could take nearly a half an hour.

"Almost done..." He brushed down his bangs with some water, and then turned to me. "Alright, now I'm ready."

"About time, you take longer than a girl." I sighed, grabbing my keycard and wallet. I headed out the door with N at my heels.

"So you two are sharing a room then?" Bianca giggled as all of us walked down the hallway.

"It's not like that." I rolled my eyes.

"Not like what?" N asked innocently.

"Nothing, nothing." Bianca shrugged, then nudged me. I gave her a scowl.

The festival was only about a half an hour walk away, but Bianca's dad insisted on driving there. We got caught in traffic, much to Bianca's dad's disappointment, because apparently we weren't the only lazy bunch in Nimbasa. Once a parking lot was found, we were still nearly ten minutes away.

"What a waste of time and gas that was." Bianca's dad grouched, but once we got there, the mood was lightened. As we entered the main road on the edge of the water, the street was lined with tents and shops. There were masks being sold, little trinkets people made, there were tons of different clothes and jewels. I could smell food, and a lot of it. Sizzling fryers and outdoor stoves cooked food and carried the delicious scent all throughout the area. Despite the sheer unhealthiness of the fried food, the smell was amazing. My stomach growled as my nose met the many scents. It was already crowded with people, both young and old. Little kids darted around everywhere; I almost tripped over them several times. The water shimmered; it was dotted with many boats that were out on the water, there was supposedly a boat race later. Not far away was the amusement park, and the yells and screams of the people that dared the rides were echoing even here. Music was being played by people on the street, there were even some dancers. I could tell N was being overwhelmed by all this, but he made an effort to stay calm and push forward. Bianca's parents split up from us to go find a quieter place. But I don't know how that would be possible around here.

"So where should we go from here?" Bianca shouted at us over the crowds.

"Maybe we should just walk down the line and visit each shop." Cheren replied, straining his voice to be heard.

We decided on that, and so the walk began. It wasn't so bad when we managed to get away from the entrance, the crowds thinned out a bit more. As I walked, I came across at least five different little shops with cloths from distant places. Bianca insisted on stopping at every one. She ran into the tent lined with strange colored cloth, dragging N along with her who listened to her blabber. Next to the clothing stand was a small one filled with books on the history of Pokemon. Cheren and I meandered inside, browsing the few shelves and tables there were. There were many drawings for sale as well, I stopped and looked at one I didn't really recognize right away.

"That's a Zorua. Very rare species." I jumped as a voice sounded next to me. It was the person that ran the small tent. It was an old man, probably in his seventies or eighties. His face was wrinkled and his head was bald, but he had a kind smile on this face.

"Did you draw this?" I asked, pointing at a picture.

"Yes, I did. I also wrote the book 'The Study of Zorua'" He picked out a book from a collection nearby and handed it to me. On the cover it had another picture of Zorua, with the title 'the Study of Zorua'. I looked through it, which had sketches of Zorua anatomy. I recalled N telling me he grew up with this very pokemon, in fact when I battled him he had its evolved form. I went back to looking at the picture, which had phenomenal detail. It was a picture of a small Zorua playing in the grass, nearby there was a broken eggshell so I could assume it was just born. The man that made it tapped my shoulder again.

"If you are interested in Zorua, you may consider this." He handed me a figurine. It was of a Zorua, in a similar position as the picture.

"Did you make this too?" I asked, examining it.

"No, my wife did when she was alive. She was very inspired by my work, and often made statues of the pictures I drew." He replied, his eyes glittering with sadness.

I nodded and set the Zorua down, I may consider getting it. Cheren came up to me, taking a quick look at what I was looking at before grabbing my arm.

"C'mon, there isn't much interesting things here." He said, dragging me out of the tent. I waved bye to the old man before disappearing around the corner.

We looked in the clothing tent for N and Bianca, but they weren't there. We found them about ten minutes later a few tents down at a jewelry tent. Bianca was trying at several necklaces while N was examining yet another bracelet.

"Isn't it pretty, Black?" N asked in fascination as he showed it to me. It was made of a gold chain material, and every few loops was a large stone. Each stone was made of something shiny and green. When I nodded, he tried it on. The gold matched his square shaped bracelets I never seen him take off.

"Oh my gosh N, That looks so pretty." Bianca was drawn away from her necklace to look at the bracelet N found. "That's so pretty, are there anymore? Maybe a color that matches my eyes?" She looked around. N inched around her and stood next to me, admiring his find.

"I hope you're planning on paying for that." A tall, thin old woman with a rather large nose, and cruel looking eyes stalked over and snatched N's arm, looking at the bracelet he put on. N flinched at the sudden touch and yanked away, but the bony hand of the old woman remained clenched on his arm. "Well?" She rasped.

"I'll pay for it, don't worry." I said, pulling out my wallet. She gave me a disgusted look, which I wasn't sure why. She stated the price, and I froze. That was a lot, and I mean a lot of money for just a bunch of stones on a chain, but I handed her the money. Since I didn't have to use all the money my mom gave me for N's room because he moved into mine, I had plenty left over.

"Thanks, Black." N told me, unaware of what I just spent on it.

"Yeah, no problem, let's go."

N spent a lot of time rubbing down the stones, making them as shiny as possible. He took a lot of detours, distracted by things that he thought were fascinating. We passed a shop that had glass Pokemon statues and figures. I was afraid to let him in, for fear he'd break something. Luckily, he didn't. Every time we passed by somewhere that sold clothes, Bianca had to stop and obsess. By the afternoon, we covered a lot of ground, but not all of it. We ended up in a food area, where we came across Bianca's parents. Lunch was the only thing on my mind at that point, and I ordered something fried, with a big soft drink and steak fries on the side.

N didn't appear to want anything, since he didn't eat meat. There was luckily a salad place; it was small and practically hiding among all the fried food stands. We found a patch of grass on the edge of the water to eat at, the sun was beaming down and there was a breeze coming off the water. Though despite the sun, the air was still chilly. I even heard it was supposed to snow tonight, but looking at the wonderful weather I wasn't so sure. N seemed unfazed, but Bianca and her mom began to complain about the cold. I ignored them and stuffed my face with my food. We remained at the water's edge and watched the boat race. I wasn't in to that sort of thing, so I just lay back in the grass and attempted to nap.

It was nice times, I was glad I came on this vacation. This is what I needed. Even N seemed to be relaxed despite all the people. After awhile of dozing, I heard Bianca burst out in one of her giggle fits. I opened one eye and N was laying next to me, I didn't even notice how he managed to get so close without me knowing. But he was facing me and staring at Bianca confused. I frowned; I really didn't even _want_ to know what was going on.

"Bianca, what are you laughing about?" Her mother asked, wide eyed.

"I just thought it's amusing that N has been staring at Black for like, an hour." She replied to her mom.

"Wait, huh?" I asked; voice lined with a sleepy slur.

"That's not polite, Bianca." Her mother sighed in reply.

I glanced at N, who was still laying next to me. I bolted upright, suddenly feeling slightly creeped out. _Well, N was strange like that,_ I told myself. Bianca was just being overreactive and assuming what was untrue, but still, I didn't want to go back to sleeping if I knew I was being watched. I stared out onto the water, pretending to watch the boat race. It took me several moments before I realized the boats weren't even racing anymore.

"Hmm... I think it's time to head back," Bianca's dad finally said, standing up and stretching. I couldn't have agreed more; the air was starting to grow colder.

"Aw, but I want to ride the Ferris wheel first. Please?" Bianca pleaded.

"Eh, I don't see why not." Her father replied.

"Oh, how romantic." Bianca's mom took her husband's hand and walked off, leaving us there.

"Come on guys." Bianca pranced away, giving us no chance to argue.

"Oh yes! I love Ferris wheels." N said, pushing himself off the ground and heading after Bianca. I caught up with him and I heard him drone on about Ferris wheels. He already told me the first time we met how he loved Ferris wheels and strange things like that. The sun had finally set, and the entire festival was alight with neon lights. The water danced with color, and I couldn't help being mesmerized by its beauty. Bianca turned around, then walked past us. I turned around curiously to find her taking Cheren by the hand and talking to him quietly. I could see his face color, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's so funny?" N asked me, looking back as well.

"Just amusing I guess."

"How come they hold hands like that?" N asked me curiously.

"Well… I guess they're bonding."

"What? Does it feel nice or something?"

"I guess it's a reassuring sort of feeling. Cheren needs it."

N nodded, and didn't ask any more questions. We made it to the Ferris wheel, were there was a fairly short line. Many of the people were couples. The people in front of us talked about how they would kiss right when they got to the top. It took awhile for the line to shorten up, then it was our turn. We stepped inside one of the Pokeball shaped seats. The door shut behind us, and the ride started up again.

There was a long, awkward silence between us. I rested my head against the glass as the ride slowly, very slowly got higher. I could see a lot of the city now, which was a collection of many colors in the night. On the other side was forest as far as the eye could see, and saluted on the horizon were mountains. No wonder N liked being in these things. It was peaceful.

It wasn't long before I looked over at N who was sitting opposite me. He had begun fidgeting, and he was frowning. I imagine this, out of all places would be somewhere he could relax in, but it wasn't apparently. Instead, he looked back at me, right in my eyes and said:

"I'm sorry, Black."

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**Cliffhangercliffhanger**

**My editor absolutely hated me for ending it like that, she begged for the next chapter. Also, Bianca's dad is a bitch. ;; What does Bianca's mom see in him I don't even...  
**

**c': Also, speaking of Zorua, I have a Zorua named N that was hatched in N's castle, so it will forever on it's profile say N's Castle.  
**

**Also, I read every review you guys leave. I love reviews! 3 They motivate me to speed up the updating~**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

"Huh? Wait, for what?" I asked confused. N fidgeted with his fingers again, looking uncomfortable.  
"For everything. Just, for everything. Showing up suddenly and... and just, being the annoying person I am." He sighed shakily. His face was twisted up in a strange sorrow.  
"It's no big deal, really." Well, it sort of was, but I didn't want to say that.  
"But it is, Black, and you deserve… an explanation at least." He said quietly, looking down at his hands which were shaking.  
"An explanation?" I echoed.  
N nodded, looking as if he was mentally preparing himself before he spoke again. "After I left, I was intent on finding a real purpose. Discovering the real world and exploring new places. Just, I needed to get away. I should not have though…"  
"How come?" I had a feeling this would be a long story, so I sat back and crossed my arms.  
"…Because he found me. He found me, Black." N's eyes darkened and his voice cracked, as if he was facing this 'he' person. He swallowed, and paused for a long time. I waited patiently before he continued. "He... he had… his Pokemon.. deal with mine, s-so they would not protect me."  
"Deal?" I asked, the word choking in my mouth "What do you mean? Battle?"  
"Sort of… I have no idea what happened to Reshiram, but the others... They tried to protect me... b-but they were not strong enough… I don't know what happened to them." N's face tilted downward, his green hair fell around his face. " After that… He was mad at me, so mad. He blamed me for his failure; that his plan had failed. He kicked me down and… chained me up… He did everything I can't even list it all-" N ended with a choking sound, his hand cupped over his mouth.  
"Who's he? Why did he blame you?" I was almost too shocked to say anything, the words came out slowly.  
"Because I ruined his plans, I ruined all of his plans." N shook his head, hands in his palm. "A-after h-he hurt me… I managed to get away… I did not know where to go… I had no family, no friends other then you…" His breathing came out in harsh rasps, and I really should have stopped him earlier, but I didn't. Now he appeared to be having a fit, he couldn't even breathe properly. I didn't move; I didn't know what I could do. Instead, I sat there and let him cry it out.  
I had a chilling idea about who did this to him. I didn't want to believe that N's own father would do this to him, but it made sense. N spoke of him 'ruining plans'. He spoke as if 'he' was someone he knew. I had only met Ghetsis a few times, but from the second I saw him I thought he looked like a bastard. He had a cruel, mocking voice that sent chills down my spine.  
"N?" I asked; I realized the harsh breathing had stopped. N looked up at me, looking quite tired and miserable. I bit my lip, then spoke very slowly. "Was... was 'he', Ghetsis by any chance?"  
N froze. His hands clenched, he hunched over a bit and pointly turned away and looked out the window. I could see his face in the reflection, which was twisted in agony. Then, very slowly, he nodded.  
I looked down; I wasn't sure what to say. Waves of guilt crashed down on me as I realized how harsh I was too him, how short-tempered I was with him when he first came to my house. I realize now, that he had no choice. That he would have probably been dead if I really kicked him out. Good thing I didn't though, but still.

By now N was hugging his knees to his chest, which I noticed by now he often did when he was sad or upset. I sank down in my seat, feeling weighed down by everything I was told. N didn't cry anymore, but he was real quiet. He took long pauses between his explanations, closing his eyes and taking a calming breath once in a while. I felt horrible by the end, I felt terrible that he had to go through that while life went on, and while Ghetsis went unpunished.

"…Why did you tell me all this anyway?" I still didn't understand.  
"Because, Black... I trust you, and I hoped I could feel better if someone knew."  
"…Do you feel better?"  
N waited to answer, and then he closed his eyes. "The pain is still there."  
The ride ended, and with jelly-like legs I exited the ride. N followed, his hair still around his tear-stained face. I walked next to him. We sat on a nearby bench and waited till Cheren and Bianca got off the Ferris wheel. They were holding hands when we saw them. When Bianca spotted us, she ran over waving her hand frantically, dragging a flustered looking Cheren along.  
"Black! N! Hey guys!"  
"Hey-" My voice cracked, I still hadn't gotten over what N told me whatsoever. Bianca gave me a confusing stare, then looked at N, then back to me.  
"Did something happen?" She asked curiously.  
"No – nothing happened." I said shortly, sparing N having to answer. Bianca remained silent for a moment, and then spoke.  
"Alright then, well, Mom texted me and said to meet at the car, it's late."  
I nodded, and stood up off the bench. My legs were still weak, but I turned and waited for N. He didn't get up, but instead glance up at us. "I want to walk back." He said quietly.  
"Walk back? But it's freezing!" Bianca said, crossing her arms. "You two can go ahead and walk, as for me I'm getting back to the car before my nose freezes off." Then she was off.  
"I'm with Bianca." Cheren chipped in, turning away and following her.  
I was about to go with them, but I knew I couldn't leave N to walk home like this. Hell, he would probably get lost. I remained next to the bench and waited till N finally got up and walked the opposite direction along the water. I followed, keeping close behind him.  
As we walked along a path, many people seemed to have left. The festival was still alive, but the noise seemed so far away. The water twinkled and reflected the night sky above, well what was left of the sky. Clouds slowly drifted over the stars, covering them up behind a blanket of gray.  
I picked up the pace and caught up with N, who was still silent. "It's snowing." I commented after awhile, holding up my hand as a small flake fell on my hand. It melted on contact, leaving my hand cold.  
"…Yes, it is." N replied quietly.  
I frowned, but continued to walk beside him. It was cold enough that I could see my breath; the snow started clinging to the grass along the path that we were walking on. I wasn't exactly wearing tons of clothes, and I could feel the cold nipping at my skin through my sweatshirt. I shivered a few times, but I continued to walk at the slow pace N was walking. It felt awkward. I felt guilty for some reason, knowing what he had been through while my life had been so easy and painless.  
"…Are you alright?" I finally said after awhile, the silence was unbearable.  
N took a deep breath, then turned his head and smiled softly. "Yes, I am alright. Are you alright?"  
"What? Oh, pshh, of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be? I'm alright, s'all good."  
N turned his head away to look out on the water, after a moment he said. "I should have not told you."  
I looked down at the ground. "No, it's fine. I'm glad you told me."  
There was silence again, and then he spoke. "The river looks nice." He commented. "Back when I lived at my castle, I could see all the rivers of Unova from the tallest tower."  
"Even these ones? But they're so small."  
"The tower was tall, not to mention it was on a mountain." He replied.  
I stared up at the sky, my face dotting with snow. We kept walking until we shifted course and went over the bridge. I was lost in my own thoughts when I noticed N wasn't beside me. I looked behind me and he was a few feet away, looking out onto the water with a deep-in-thought face.  
"N?"  
"Black." He looked at me with a soft gaze, then softly, and with a voice traced with hesitation and guilt, he asked, "Can I hold your hand?"  
Normally, I would have shouted 'no, what are trying to do, turn me into a homo?' but the look in his eyes, the look of all his sadness and desperation, made me question my decision. I was still weighed down by what he previously told me, my gut twisted at the thought of denying him such a simple thing. So, I reached out my hand and replied with a half-smile.  
"Sure."

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**Sorry if the formatting screws up. if it's hard to read let me know and I'll try and change it. **

**I made this over a week ago, I did some revision to the text. I also had my friend thoroughly edit it so it wouldn't be too much of disappoint. For this chapter I had a lot of conflicts about how to go about it. In the end, this is what I came up with. **

**I feel like there was something else I had to say, something important. I forget, oh well. but I will say this, sorry if your impatient for the yaoi, I am too, I just don't want it to be too soon or unrealistic ;D But don't worry, I shall satisfy your yaoi cravings! /shot**


	15. Chapter 15

**Formatting hates me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemonsm. This story also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

The rest of the vacation went by more quickly than I expected. After that night on the Ferris wheel, N's mood was downcast most of the time. I tried to ignore it, but every time I looked at him I imagined him chained to the ground covered in blood and screaming in pain. I couldn't even look at him anymore. Despite the bad there was some good. We went to work with Bianca one day; she was thrilled to have us there. It was after work when she told us she actually got an acting job from all of her modeling and planned to stay in Nimbasa for a lot longer. Because her job paid fairly well, she also planned on getting a place to live with her friend. This made Cheren more determined to look into going to the nearby college, and by the weekend he told me he planned on staying as well. We were just walking by the college at that point, seeing how Bianca was working all day it was just Cheren, N, and I. N trailed after us, hands in his pockets and face deep in thought.

"It is a nice school, I suppose." I commented, observing the structure.

"You suppose? Black, this is one of the best in Unova."

"There aren't exactly a lot of colleges in Unova."

"Well, the point is, at least it's a good school. I'm going to register for classes next semester."

"I wonder what I'll do…" I sighed, I had to go back home only tomorrow. I wasn't ready to go home, not yet.

"It wouldn't hurt for you to take classes." Cheren replied.

"What sort of classes? It's not exactly something I thought of before."

"Well, what are you interested in?" He asked.

I made that long 'um' sound before finally replying with a nervous laugh. "I have no idea."

"Honestly, Black. How do you ever expect to make it in this world? What did you think; you'd be a champion forever?"

"Well… yeah, pretty much."

The conversation went around in circles the entire time; I had forgotten all about N behind us until Cheren turned and asked what his plans were. N slowly looked up, and appeared to be thinking it over, then he shrugged and went back to his musing. Cheren shook his head with disappoint, calling us both useless to society. I could see N visibly flinch at the word 'useless'.

Our walking took us back to the festival, where it was the last day. Many of the tents had already been taken down, and there was a very thin crowd still walking around the few remaining stands that were there.

"Well today is the last day, what do we do?" I pondered.

"I need to see if any of those apartments are being rented out." Cheren told me. "I'll see you later." With a wave he left.

"What do you want to do?" I turned to N, who hadn't even said a word to me that day.

It was a moment before he simply replied with a shrug. I sighed and decided to head in the general direction of what was left of the festival. As we came closer to the entrance of the festival, I veered to one side and went to the bank of the water. I plopped down on the grass, ready to absorb the little sunshine there was. I stared out onto the waves, and for some reason I just felt awkward. Sometimes I wished he hadn't told me that; now every time I was around him I was afraid that if I said anything too harsh, even jokingly, he would fall apart like charred wood. After a moment he sat down next to me, and instantly his knees went against his chest and his arms hugged them tight. I wasn't sure what to do, what I could do. There really wasn't anything I could do to help him right now, I guess time is really what anyone needs, right? Yeah, I guess I could keep telling myself that. I closed my eyes and attempted to empty my mind. I was doing far too much thinking right now, both N and the fact that I needed to consider my future were heavy on my shoulders. I didn't know why I was so bothered by this, it was understandable right? N was my friend, and if he suffered so much it would make sense that I'd be bothered by it. I thought vaguely what I would do if something like that happened to Cheren. First; I couldn't even see that scenario ever happening. I knew I'd try to comfort him in some way, and I'd feel sorry for him but I don't think I would exactly lose sleep over it. So why did I feel so bad about it happening to N? I didn't even know him as well as Cheren! I furiously shook my head. There I went thinking about it again. With a sigh, I tried to calm my frayed thoughts.

I could hear the people of the festival not far away, but it wasn't very loud. The festival was ending; most people packed up and left by now. I vaguely thought of the things I saw there, so many different people and cultures and the art….

/That's right!/ I darted up, which N next to me jumped nearly a foot in the air with the sudden movement. "That's right!" I repeated, this time aloud. I pushed myself up, "C'mon!" I can't believe I didn't think of that before! I rushed up the bank, heading onto the street where all the tents were, or once were. Only about half remained, and only a few straggler tourists were walking around them. Making sure N was following me, I headed down the street, trying to remember where that certain tent was.

I looked around and around, but I couldn't find it. I had no idea where it was, and I was ready to give up when I spotted the familiar stand hiding in the shadow of a much larger tent. I went over and peeked inside. Sure enough, there were small shelves lined up around the edges of the tent, then a stand in the front facing the street. In the middle was a table, all covered in amateur books and framed pictures. An old man sat in the corner on a chair sound asleep.

N hadn't questioned me yet, just followed me around like a loyal dog. I went to the table and flipped through the pictures and papers and soon enough I found it. At the bottom of the stacks of books and art was a small colored statue of zorua the old man showed me before. I was surprised it was all the way down here among the papers. I plucked it off the table, hiding it from N, who wasn't really paying much attention, and went over to the old man. I prodded him out of his slumber, and he appeared to be very disoriented from his abrupt awakening.

"Oh come now child, I was having a wonderful nap." The old man grouched, but spotted the zorua statue in my hand. He stood up, taking it in his long, bony hands, "Did you come back to buy this?" The old man asked hopefully.

I nodded, and his face stretched in a smile. "Well that's good. My wife will live on." He struggled away to the cashier in the front of the tent. "Are you keeping it or giving it to someone?"

"Oh- um, well I was…" I started with a stutter, and the old man chuckled. He gave me the price, which I thought was a little much but I paid it. Since I didn't have to use all that money on N's room for the rest of the trip I used it for other things, hoping my mom wouldn't mind.

He put it in a bag and handed it to me. I said my thanks and left. N followed me, looking as sorrowful and distant as ever. Suddenly, I felt nervous giving it to him. This was just a bro giving another bro an innocent gift, right? So why did I get the feeling like it was more? I shook my head furiously and mumbled incoherent words at myself. N gave me a slightly curious look.

"Oh, er, here, I thought you might have liked it." I reached into the bag and handed it to him, playing it as cool as possible.

N took it in his hands and stared at it. After a moment, I thought he didn't like it but then his face lit up. "You got this for me?"

"Yeah, it's not a big deal; I just thought you would have liked it." I shrugged, starting to walk away.

"I used to have a zorua when I was a child." N said distantly, "He was my best friend… The day he evolved, we were so happy."

"Was that the zoroark I… I battled?"

N nodded, and then his eyes grew sad once again. He stared at the small figurine in his hands, observing it closely before looking back up. "Thank you, Black."

"Hey, hey not that big of a deal it's just a little clay figurine of a Pokemon." I replied, "but you're welcome."

I noticed that N was a bit happier for the rest of the day. Though we was still a bit distant and didn't talk much, he seemed to have gained more life. I wasn't sure why, though, I mean, all I did was get him a little zorua statue thing. Well whatever, at least he was happier, I guess that's all that mattered, right?

* * *

**Oh Black. Well, if i were him I'd be champion forever! Unfortunately that's not how it works in the world. xD it would be easier for him to keep beating the elite four, but Black just isn't smart enough to think of that.**

**Plus N wouldn't allow it.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

_"Get it through your head, N. You can't trust humans." A stinging voice echoed throughout the walls surrounding two people. One was N, who was backed against one of the walls. He stared up at the other man. He tried to maintain his poker face, but every word stung worse than a thousand bees. "Humans are untrustworthy beings, you know. Look what they do to their pokemon, hm?" The older man snarled furiously, his face twisted upwards in a sneer._

_ "There have to be good humans somewhere..!" N protested, earning himself a slap across his face. Tumbling to the floor, he didn't even bother looking up. He knew what was next; he had grown accustomed to this._

_ "Forget it, N. It's futile, humans can't be trusted." The man murmured in a venomous voice. "Come to trust man, and they will turn your backs on you. You can only trust pokemon, trust them only."_

_ N squeezed his eyes shut as his body was shoved against the hard surfaces of the walls and floors. He didn't even know where he was, perhaps anywhere at this point. Everything was misty and obscure._

_ "No, no, no, no, no! I can trust Black!" N shouted, shaking his head furiously._

_ "Oh? And do you think he'll stick around forever? Who could even stand living with you, useless scum?" He yanked N off the ground, and they met eye to eye. N's blood ran cold, that cruel red eye meeting deep blue ones._

_ "I… I believe that h-he wo-wouldn't..."_

_ "Wouldn't what? Kick you out? You just believe that, and then you'll find yourself living on the streets, with nowhere to go, no one to take care of you!" The other man laughed, and suddenly the floors and walls slowly began to dissolve. The other man was disappearing as well, leaving N in darkness, his cruel laughter echoing in his head._

"This café smells weird." Cheren complained as he plopped down onto a small, flimsy chair.

"Probably all the tourists." Black grumbled as he followed suit.

I shifted my eyes, awkwardly sitting in the darkest corner, facing the rest of the small shop so no one could sneak up on me. I doubted somebody would, but I was on edge. We had met back up with Cheren, and were presently in a small corner café. In my hands, I admired the Zorua figurine Black gave me earlier today.

"So did you find anything, Cheren?" Black asked, taking a bite out of the cookie he got.

"Yes, I did. It's pretty reasonable in price, but since I don't have a job yet paying the first few rents will be difficult."

"Couldn't you ask your parents?"

"I would prefer to keep them out of this. I already asked enough money from them." Cheren said with a defeated sigh. "I would ask Bianca to move in and help with the rent… but… that would be, um, well, you know." He went on awkwardly.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Black snickered, earning a scowl from the other teenager.

"Not to mention she already found a place and will be moving in with her friend."

Black nodded.

"Anyway, what I'm saying is, you should move in. If you find a job, then the rent will be easy to pay, plus we'll have extra for necessities."

Black looked surprised at this offer, and I lowered my head. I couldn't help but hope he would say no, if he said yes what were the chances I could remain living with him? None. Especially with that weird person, Cheren. I never got over how strange he could be, and I didn't trust him. Bianca I could stand, but there was something about Cheren that made me never want to be alone in a room with him. I knew I was being selfish; it was time for Black to live his life normally. I was not destined for such a life, growing up around Pokémon and having to deal with... What I had to deal with as a child… I quickly tried to block the oncoming thoughts.

Instead I recalled that night on the Ferris wheel when I told Black what had happened. I almost told him that I had been dealing with… With /him/ for a lot longer, but Black appeared to be uncomfortable enough. I regretted telling him, I didn't feel any better. That is, until he got me the Zorua statue. I still had it securely in my hands. It meant more to me then he would know. Black getting this for me had made me beyond happy. I just couldn't express it, my past and my confession weighed down on me like a pile of bricks on my shoulders. I shifted the small figurine in my hands, staring off into space.

"N are you okay?" I heard Black ask me, and I jolted out of my thoughts.

"I am fine." I replied, though I was far from it. But Black didn't need me darkening the mood any more.

Black stared for a moment longer before glancing back at Cheren. "I don't see why I shouldn't. Living here would be great, and there's more jobs here then there would be back home."

"Exactly!" Cheren replied.

I sighed inwardly, looks like that was the end. I don't know if I could continue living in Black's house while Black wasn't there. I wouldn't have a home anymore... What would /I/ do? Fear was overcoming me by now. Maybe I could ask to move in with them…? No, No! I could not do that! What use would I be anyway? And it's not like Black would say yes.

"N, what do you think?" My despairing thoughts broke off yet again by Black.

"What do I think what?" I asked.

"About the offer? Are you willing to move here too?"

"You mean I'm moving in with you?" I asked, a little caught off guard and dumbfounded. Frankly, I was convinced Black would kick me to the curb.

"Why, do you not want to?" Black raised his eyebrows. "I thought you didn't have a place to live?"

"No, I do! I mean, I will live with you, I guess…"

Cheren said nothing, but gave Black a look. "Black, can I talk to you?" he nodded, then Cheren told me not to follow. I felt slightly offended as they went just outside the shop and talked with each other. I remained in the seat, curious to what they were saying. I sunk down in the chair I was in, staring around at the strange little café we were in. There wasn't much to look at except the horribly decorated interior. Aside from the weirdo in the corner on the laptop who kept glancing up at the table we were sitting at, there really wasn't a reason to be on such high alert, but I was. It made me furious that I couldn't go into any public place without at least Black somewhere nearby. I could go into places with Bianca; I didn't feel safe with her, but at least I wasn't completely alone. Growing increasingly nervous being in here, I sneaked over to the door. Black and Cheren were faced away just outside the door, both speaking. I opened the door a bit, and I listened in on their conversation.

"Honestly, Black, we can't have N living with us." I heard Cheren tell Black.

"He has nowhere else to go, Cheren…" Black replied. Well, he was defending me at least.

"He is creepy, Black. The way he follows you around, the way he stares at you. Black, remember way back when we first met him? The crap he spewed? You really want to live with that?"

"I've lived with 'that' for well over a month by now. C'mon Cheren, he's not that bad. Sure he's a little…. off… But, there's no reason he can't live with us…"

"Black…" Cheren groaned. "How old is he anyway? Twenty? And he's relying on a seventeen year old to take care of him?"

"Take care of him? I'm not taking care of him! I'm just being a good friend!"

"Black." Cheren began again but he was cut off.

"Cheren, I can't not let him live with us, and that's that. Now come on, it's not that bad."

Cheren remained silent, then sighed in defeat. "Fine. But the second he does something creepy or out of line and I will personally kick him out."

"Haha, Cheren. We all know you couldn't pull that off, even if it was N…"

I backed away from the door as they began to turn around and I darted back to my seat, sitting up straight and pretending I hadn't heard. I felt a little happier; Black did defend me against one of his best friends. But I couldn't help but think, was he just forcing himself to be nice to me? Was he only nice out of pity? Not because I was special to him possibly in some way, even just being a friend? I just didn't know, and it kept circling in my head.

"Alright N, we're going to go find Bianca." Cheren said, grabbing his coffee and headed back out the door with Black, I got up and followed, trailing behind them the whole time.

We never found Bianca, so we gave up and headed back to the hotel. The rest of the evening was spent rather lazily; we all just sat on the tables outside the hotel and ate, watching the sun set in the distance. I had to admit, aside from the awkwardness I had a nice time. I had never taken the time to enjoy life among humans like this, and honestly I would do it again. Just, I wouldn't do what I did on the Ferris wheel, go and tell my friend something that would ultimately crumbled the fragile relationship we had. With a sigh, I watched the last of the sun as it disappeared behind the distant mountains, taking the orange and purplish highlights that covered the evening sky with it.

"Well, I'm going to bed. Tomorrow when we head back, we'll need to talk to our parents." Cheren said, standing up and heading inside. "Good night Black, N."

We followed suit shortly after. I waited patiently while Black took a shower, then I took one after him. The hot water felt nice, and the steam cradled my body like a blanket. I almost fell asleep several times. By the time I was done, Black had fallen asleep, leaving the TV on and the light on. I always liked it when Black fell asleep first; which usually was the case. I switched off the TV and light then crawled into bed. I knew I'd wake up before Black, so I took advantage of the situation and clung to his sleeping form. With my arm wrapped around his body, I rested my head against his chest like a purrloin, listening to his heart beat like a pendulum, which soon lulled me to a light sleep. Though, I was awoken early by the struggling of Black beneath me.

I pulled myself up, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. He was mumbling incoherently and panting heavily. I could see sweat on his face, glittering a bit with the faint moonlight that shone between the curtains on the window. The weak light also provided me with a clear outline of his face, which was twisted in a pained look. He twitched a few times, and I probably would have woken him up, except I had to keep listening, because between the mumbles I could hear my name.

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**Yeah.. boring chapter, sorry. Next chapter will be a bit more interesting (I hope xD) **

**Updating will get slower, while I was without internet I only worked up too chapter 15. It takes two days typically to do a chapter, then get someone to edit is another day. But I hopefully it will only be like.. a few days in between updates. c:**


	17. Chapter 17

**Herp. Formatting hates me once again.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. This story also contains mentions of rape and abuse, if you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

"_N? What are you doing here?"_

_I've been here before. Yes, this has happened before. N was at my doorstep, covered in dirt and blood, soaking wet from the rain and he was barely able to stand. It was that day several weeks ago again. N showing up at my doorway., but, why was this happening again? I felt myself move like I had before, but in my shock I was unable to move him alone._

_Like before, I had Smugleaf help N inside, and like before I sat by and tried desperately to snap N out of it. I felt as if I was trying harder this time, and wishing with all my might he would wake up. But, he didn't. Instead, I felt something lap at my feet. I was crouched next to his body, and I hadn't even noticed the red pools of blood seeping from his shirt._

_ "John, these gashes won't stop bleeding." My voice echoed, it didn't even sound like mine. Once N's shirt was removed, he was covered in scars and scratches. But they were bleeding horribly.. I tried to stop the bleeding, but unlike before they kept bleeding. In fact, they bled harder, all over the floor. It was everywhere, and I kept shouting N's name. He didn't wake, instead, his skin turned pale. Everything was fading into black and white, it was unreal. It was like being in an old movie._

_ Except the blood, the blood was crimson red. From far away and in no particular direction I heard laughing. It was a cruel, mocking laugh of someone familiar. I couldn't pinpoint it who, or where it came from. It just got louder, and louder, till it almost screamed in my ears, and then a high pitched screech._

My eyes shot open at the alarm booming in my ears, I growled and tore the thing from the wall, throwing it in some random direction. I was panting heavily, and my clothes were sticking to my sweaty skin. I swung my legs off the edge of the bed, sat up, and rubbed my face. It was the same dream, no, more like nightmare, that I've had every night. I hated thinking about it, but this was getting weird. On the first night I didn't think anything of it. It was just because of what N said. But several days later and I was having the same thing. That cruel laughter always turned into the alarm that I set on the room's clock since I had a tendency to sleep in.

I felt someone move behind me, whom I assumed was N but then I heard muttering from another voice I knew. I turned around, and N was perched on the edge of my bed, looking at me while Cheren was leaned against the wall, looking at me curiously.

"Look's like you were having a pretty interesting dream." He snorted, giving me a look.

"Just, a bad dream I guess."

"Really? Because from your panting and incoherent moaning and mumbling, it sounded like some other dream." Cheren chuckled to himself. N looked confused.

"Oh, get your head out of the gutter." I threw my pillow at him, which he flung off complaining it was wet with sweat.

"Anyway, Black. Hurry up and get ready, me and Bianca's parents will be in the breakfast room waiting."

"Wait, ready for what? And why were you here in the first place?"

"We sort of need to check out, Black. And it will take all day to get back home."

"Right…"

"So get up and get ready." Then Cheren was gone.

I sighed, getting up and stretching. I tried to ignore my nightmare and glanced over at N. "Aren't you going to get breakfast as well?"

N shook his head no, and I shrugged. His loss, I guess. After I took a shower and put some fresh clothes on, I packed up my bags. N remained on the edge of the bed the entire time.

"You're awfully quiet." I commented from the bathroom, tossing toiletries into a bag. I didn't get a reply, so assumed something had to be wrong. I left the bathroom, making sure I grabbed everything and tossed it into my backpack, then I stood in front of N. "Well?"

"I don't know…" N said after awhile. "I guess I do not want to ride in that car thing again. What if that guy runs over a pokemon? Like that patrat?"

"Bianca's dad? Oh no, he wouldn't do that." I told him, I should have known that what was bothering him.

"But... those cars are so big and dangerous." N sighed.

"Then tell him to be extra careful, don't worry so much."

When N still looked terribly troubled, I sat down on the bed next to him. He looked faintly surprised at this, and I tried to ignore the look on his face when he looked over at me. "Listen, N. Bianca's dad won't run over any Pokemon, I promise. And if you find another injured Pokemon on the side of the road, which I'm very sure you won't, you can take care of it."

"You sure, Black?" N frowned, staring at me.

"Yup, perfectly sure." I gave him a reassuring grin. He seemed a bit more at ease, so I got up and grabbed my backpack. "Alright, ready to go now?"

He held up a finger and went over to the drawers on the side of the room. He pulled out from one of the drawers the Zorua figurine. It was the only possession he brought with him, that and my mom's old hairbrush that she let him have. We left the room and met up with Bianca's parents as well as Cheren. Once in the car, N still seemed extremely uptight about the whole thing. I guess I couldn't blame him, and it would be wasting my breath by saying it'll be fine.

The car drive was long; in fact it felt longer than before. Everything seemed so uptight without Bianca around to start a conversation and bring everything at ease. But eventually we pulled into town, and we were dropped off at my house.

"I'll call you later, Cheren." I said as I shut the door.

When I knocked on the door my mom threw herself at me when she answered. I was showered with hugs and kisses on my head. I hugged her back, and she pulled me inside declaring she wanted to hear /everything/ that I did while I was gone.

"Oh, Nimbasa, I love that town," she said dreamily. "It's so magical. Especially the Ferris wheel, oh my. John, remember when we went on the Ferris wheel? So magical…—N! Don't think I didn't remember you!" She spotted him and threw her arms around him as he came inside. He visibly tensed and tried to pull away, but my mom gave iron grip hugs and he was trapped.

"It… was nice Mrs. Black" He mumbled.

"I want to hear everything, dear!" She said again, pulling us both towards the kitchen. "We can discuss over dinner I've been making, it's almost done."  
And so I was left having to explain to my mom about what went on. I left out the Ferris wheel evening; it had awkward all over it. But I told her about the good times, and the festival. I told her all the funny bits, and about Bianca's work. She listened eagerly, that is until I came to the part where I had been dreading this whole time.  
"..And, Bianca is moving permanently to Nimbasa."  
"Really? Well that's too bad, you guys will be separated!" My mom gasped.  
"Well, not really. See, Cheren is also moving there, and he asked me to come along and live with him to pay for the rent." I was met by silence; I dared to look up at my mom.  
She stared at me with a blank stare. The stare was absolutely unreadable. It felt like hours before she spoke again, and by then I was expecting an 'absolutely not! You are too young to live without me!' but instead she smiled and said, "That sounds like a wonderful idea, dear."  
I sighed in relief, but it was short lived. She stood up, and swept out of the room leaving me, N and John alone. John looked awkward with us, so he went after my mother.  
"…What's wrong with her, Black?" N whispered.  
"I guess she's a bit… I don't know, you'd think it wouldn't be a big deal, since I've left home before." I sighed, picking up my plate. I didn't have much of an appetite anymore. I did my mom a favor and cleaned the kitchen. N tried to help, but in the end made more of a mess for me to clean up.  
"So your mom's allowing you to move there?"  
"Yeah."  
"And.. and I'm coming too, right?"  
I put down the dish I had been scrubbing and glanced over at N. "Of course. Why, do you not want too? Cause, sure as hell just stay here with my senile mom." I laughed, but inwardly I felt my innards' twist at the thought of N staying here and not moving with me.  
"No… I do, I already said I do. Just, you don't mind living with me... do you?"  
"Not at all." It was surprisingly easy to say that, as if it were natural. I guess I was just so used to living with N, but it had only been… what, 6 or 7 weeks?  
I finished up the dishes while having N staring at me all the while. I only had recently realized that he did it a lot, like I was fascinating or something. I couldn't tell if it creeped me out or not. I glanced at the clock; it was only about 6 PM. I figured it was time for some late night violence before a long day of packing tomorrow.  
Minutes later, I was on the floor in front of my TV, remembering that my controller… was still broken… I laid back, staring at the screen. I guess it was time for pointless television. I watched a marathon of some show called 'Johnny Test' which was probably the stupidest thing I had ever seen, but the remote was lost and I didn't feel like moving from where I was sprawled out on the floor.

N took things literally, so he asked me about a million questions about the show. It was actually quite amusing and helped took away the stupidity of the show and how bored I was. Soon, the childish shows ran on into 'Adult Swim' and the innocent stupidity was replaced with mind numbing cursing and sexual themes.

By eleven we were out cold on the floor.

* * *

**How many of you thought it was a wet dream? **

**At least with the nightmare his subconscious mind knows the lav and worry. **

**I hate the show Johnny test so much, but I've found myself laying lazily on one side of the room with it on... And no remote fffffff **


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon**

**Warning: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. Also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse. If you find it uncomfortable or offensive, I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

"Alright, here is what's going down." I announced. "I need to pack up my room by mid afternoon. All furniture has to be downstairs; the movers will be here early tomorrow morning. Can we do it?"

In front of me were N, Squishy my reuniclus and DJ Fresh my scrafty, my other pokemon weren't willing to help. Vincent my chandelure couldn't help anyway, and Smugleaf my serperior claimed such work was beneath him. Simon my archeops didn't really do much of anything except sleep in my closet.

"We'll do our best, Black." N declared. Reuniclus spun around excitingly, while DJ Fresh gave a thumbs up.

"Good, let's go!"

Cheren dropped off boxes that he picked up from the nearby post Office earlier, so I handed them out and began to work. Reuniclus certainly enjoyed what she was doing. She riffled through tons of my belongings with N; I heard them laugh with each other several times. I didn't even want to know what they were looking at.

I opened my closet door, something I hadn't done in awhile, and I fell backwards as pile of random crap fell on top of me. From out of the pile came a giant feathery pokemon, archeops. It yowled and flew around the room, knocking many things in its wake before flying into a wall. I sighed in defeat, this was going to be a long day.

A few passed, and the room was clearing up nicely. I was still digging and organizing the giant pile of crap in my closet. I had taken a long break from it, but I had to face the endless pit once again. N was taking books off my book shelves when he called for me.

"Hey Black... who is this?" he asked when I came over. He handed me a picture.

It was a picture of at least ten years ago, probably over. It was me as a child, along with Cheren, who had an unamused face on and had a book in his hand. I had an arm around his shoulders; I had a large, goofy grin on my face. There was a bandage across my cheek from a long forgotten scratch. Bianca was grinning widely on Cheren's other side. On my other side was a girl I didn't recognize right away. She was as tall as me in the picture, and had long brown hair with purple tinted eyes which were bright with laughter. She had a small smile on her face, and was looking directly at the camera.

"I'm not sure… I don't remember. Where'd you find this?" I asked him.

N shrugged, "I fell out of one of the books I pulled out."

"Hmmm. Look's so peaceful in this picture, sometimes I miss childhood. Spending days playing in the forest with Cheren, Bianca and whoever that girl is… It was so easy and carefree. Nothing was hard back then… Ha, right N?" I nudged him, handing back the photo for him to put back. He hesitated though, and when he finally reached over to take the photo, I could see his hand was trembling a bit.

"H-hey N, you okay?" I asked.

"Huh? Yes, I am fine." N said, but I could hear his voice cracked. After a moment, I wondered if I should even bother pressing it. I went back to the closet and continued to sort through the crap in my closet, deciding what I had to take with me and what could just stay here.

"Reunnicclusss…" I heard Squishy say, and I turned around. She was floating near N, a hand on his shoulder. She was looking down at him in worry.

"N? N? What's wrong?" I asked. Surely it wasn't something I said, I didn't even say anything.

"Nothing, just all this dust. Black, you should read your books more so they won't get so dusty." In mid sentence, he began to struggle up from the floor, and he swept out of my room. I looked at the door, seeing him head around the corner. Sometimes, I wondered how his mind worked.

"Do you know what's wrong with him?" I asked Squishy. She shook her head. I tried not to put much more thought into it, and continued to sort, but the more I tried not to think about it, the more it nagged me. I could have punched myself out of frustration in the end. I decided finally to head downstairs, all the while telling myself it was because I was hungry and wanted lunch, not because N was upset down there somewhere.

Once I was downstairs, N was on the couch next to my mom. She had a hand on his shoulder, and when I entered the room she looked up at me in surprise. She mumbled something to N, then came over to me.

"What did you do, Black?" She sighed to me, crossing her arms.

"What do you mean?" I asked, raising my brows in confusion

"I mean, he came down here almost bawling. I had to whisper to him or else he would freak out more. What did you do?"

"I swear, I did nothing mom."

"Well do something now." She told me with a stern look. "You should really care more for your friends, Black."

I felt as if she was a bit more cold to me today, but I listened and went over to the couch. I sat down slowly and watched him. He looked over, other than the red tear marks his eyes looked almost grayscale and lifeless. He looked down, looking guilty "Sorry, Black. I didn't mean to do that." He said quietly.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, probably more harshly then I should have.

"Just… B-because, well, it was... Never mind." N stuttered, and sighed in the end.

I frowned, "are you serious?"

"I'm sorry Black, I can't"

I stood up when he was in midsentence. "It's fine N, really." Though I was unamused at this game he kept playing with me. Tell me, don't tell me, cry, don't cry, didn't matter to me anymore! I turned and went back up the stairs to my room, I couldn't do this now, I had to keep packing. N had followed me after awhile, but he sulked the whole time. I tried to ignore the twisting feeling in my gut I felt everytime I looked at his sad face.

After an entire day of gut wrenching, and muscle aching moving we had several boxes stacked. Most of my furniture I was moving was downstairs to the living room as well, including my bed. It was in pieces, so it was a single mattress on the floor now, surrounded by boxes. It felt awkward laying on it, but N didn't have a problem. He curled up, back facing me and was attempting to sleep.

"Night boys." I heard my mom say as she turned off the living room light.

"Night, mom." I looked up at the ceiling as I waited for sleep to come. This was the last night I would spend here in awhile. It was kind of a daunting feeling… But I'm sure living in Nimbasa won't be so bad. N will be there after all.

Wait… did I just think that?

_It was this again, it was familiar. It was like twisted nostalgia as I opened the door. Once again, a broken down N fell to the floor, and again, I helped him inside._

_ Like before, I was useless, I was in shock. I felt more horrible then I had before. N's broken down bloody body was too much to look at, far too me for my eyes to bear. My hands were covered in his blood, it was sickening. But, then he started to speak. This threw me off, because I swore he was unconscious. I looked at his face, which was twisted in unbearable agony. He was looking at me, everything seemed to be fading._

_ N was mouthing something, and it formed into words, "Bl-black, I-I can't b-breath."_

_ "Come on N, hang in there. Mom c'mon help me with thi-" I looked over and excepted her to be there, but she wasn't, she dispeared. "Wait mom? Er- John?" He wasn't there either, he too vanished without me realizing it._

_ "N, N?" I turned my attention back to him because he began convulsing. He began bleeding again, but it was a horribly unrealistic amount of blood that had came out of his wounds. "N! N!" I started calling his name, feebily trying to grasp his body, but I couldn't. I stopped calling his name, and leaned in closely. He was moving as mouth as if trying to speak again._

_ "B-black, it-it was him."_

_ "Him? Ghetsis?"_

_ "It was him…." N repeated. Her kept repeating those words, everything I felt myself cringe. Why did he keep saying this? Why couldn't he just shut his mouth and try to stay alive?_

_ "N, hush save your strength!"_

_ "It was him…" It got quieter._

_ "N! Come on, open your eyes!" _

_ "i-it was him…" His voice was hushed._

_ "N stop saying that, it will be fine!"_

_ "i-it wa.. wa… wa…" The sentence didn't finish._

_ "N. Wake up!" I didn't even feel like myself, it was like I was out of my body, looking down on this. My arms were around N's shoulders as I tried to pull him up off the blood ground. "Wake up!" I shouted again, "I know you're not dead, you can't be dead!" I hissed. I got no reply. "N, Wake up.. wake up…" I said, in an almost defeated tone. I didn't even notice the wet tears going down my cheeks. I pulled his body close, N really was gone. Why? Ghetsis, that's why, he did this. How could he, why did he…? I shut my eyes in pain, and my body convulsed with the anger of losing him, I didn't even believe what was happening, this had to be a dream. Some twisted, crazy dream. But it felt real, his body was cold against my body, the blood was wet against my skin. I could feel the dread coursing through my veins, filling me with these unfamiliar feelings_

"B-lack..?"

My eyes shot open at the noise, but everything that had been there moments before wasn't. The body against me was warm, not cold, and I was in the dark. What I was kneeling on wasn't a floor, but something... cushiony? My arms were still tight around someone. I felt the hair, long soft hair. In the dark, I realized it was pale green. I didn't quite let go yet. Everything was fuzzy, where was I? What the hell was going on? I thought N was dying…?

Then is occurred to me, it was another nightmare.

I fumbled backwards, my arms flying away from N who was in my arms. I realized painfully that I had just embraced N for who knows how long, and I wasn't even conscious for most of it. But I still was, and I felt shivers, many shivers. N fell back into the pillows and looked up at me. Despite the heavy color in his face, his eyes were wide and unreadable, but I could see his chest rising up and a down faster. Other than that, he was unmoving.

I tore my gaze away, looking at one of the piled boxes rather awkwardly.

"B-black…?"

"Nothing, just a nightmare is all." I said choked. Why did I feel so worked up? My blood was rushing a mile a minute. Must have been the nightmare. I got up, leaving N laying there. I tripped over several boxes on the way to the bathroom. Once in the small room, I ran some cold water and splashed it in my face. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. What was coming over me? Was I sick? Why did I constantly have these nightmares now, I never had a problem with them ever in my life.

More frustration, I splashed myself more. I just didn't get myself anymore; I just wish I could understand.

Why was I feeling like this?

* * *

**Dat Black confuse.**

**Cause so many thought of you thought it was a wet dream... Ahurrrderp. Unless QZ pep talks me into finishing it, chapter 19 probably will be in two days, not one.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon**

**Warning: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mention of rape, incest and abuse. If you find it offensive or uncomfortable I wouldn't suggest reading this!**

* * *

"Black, you can't shove your pokemon in their poke balls! I promised them you wouldn't!" N's compaining voice nagged in my ears.

"Well, how the hell do I get them to Nimbasa? You're the one that insisted that I take them, so how will I get them there?" I growled back.

"The same way we're getting to Nimbasa, Black."

"In the car? Honestly, N! Five fully grown pokemon in a single car?"

"There's enough room! You can't just exclude them!"

"Dear god…" I rubbed my forehead in irritation. "Well, you can just get on that."

N whipped around, calling for my pokemon who were still inside the house. We were outside, waiting for the last of the movers to bring the things into the truck. Cheren's belongings were inside as well. Together we barely filled half of the truck, but Cheren didn't manage to find a couch for the living room. He was waiting inside the car, my mom said she would drive us all to Nimbasa, which I feared. My mom wasn't exactly the most sane driver on the road, I don't know if I could handle hours in the car with her behind the wheel. I got into the back seat, telling myself it was because I liked it better back here, not because N was sitting back here too.

"Where's N?" My mom asked, "The movers are just about to leave, and we need to arrive at the same time."

"N's getting my pokemon." I sighed, pressing my face against the window.

"Come on, friends!" I heard N say. Then he came hopping into the car, claiming the middle back seat. Behind him, DJ Fresh curiously climbed into the seat next to him. After came Smugleaf, who was muttering incoherently in his language, curled up among mine and N's legs. Next was Squishy, who claimed a seat in N's lap. Vincent was the hardest to deal with, his flames lapped the air as he floated inside, hanging from one of the hooks above the doors. N reached over and shut the car door.

"We're ready Mrs. Black!"

"Wait, where's Simon?" I asked.

"Right there." N pointed to the open window where Simon came crashing in, landing on my lap.

"OW! Shit!" I shouted as Simon adjusted himself till he was perched on my lap. His claws half dug into my pants like a cat. His face was an inch away from mine, and his breath stunk of old prey.

"Having fun back there, guys?" Cheren snickered.

"Oh, shut it or Simon will sit on your lap!" I retorted.

"Simon says he prefers Black's lap." N said.

I sighed. "You're not helping, N."

"Alright, let's get going!" My mom said with a giggle, then went into insanity mode. I heard the car roar to life. My pokemon had never been in a car before and they were already freaking out. DJ Fresh was struggling to figure out how the seat belt worked, while Simon was letting out rabid caws and snarls. My mom backed out of the driveway, screeching against the road when she stopped, then darted down the road 20 MPH over the speed limit.

The first twenty minutes of the trip was chaotic, but then the pokemon settled down. Vincent and Smugleaf were asleep while N played with Squishy. Simon stuck his head out of the window like a dog. I personally couldn't breathe at all with this giant, fat bird on my lap. But, in time everyone was settled down. I rested my head back and closed my eyes, time to catch up on lost sleep. Last night I didn't even go to sleep after I had woken up. it wasn't that I was shaken from the dream, mostly because I was too humiliated to go back to N. Once I did, he was pretending to be asleep.

My mind betrayed me as it inched its way back to the dream, where clearly in my head was the image of N broken and bloody. Me calling for his name and embracing him, praying that he would wake up… That he would give me a sign he was still alive! My mind manipulated the image in my head, N was awakening, but I didn't let go… In my mind, him in my arms felt right…

Wait, what? I furiously shook my head, my eyes shooting open. I glanced at the window before N could turn towards me and see what was up. The scenery flashed by, but it was all a blur. I was questioning myself over and over again, but I never got an answer. Ugh, I was starting to sound like a crazy person!

Once again I closed my eyes, attempting in to sleep, though it was in vain. I did eventually doze off, but I was soon roused from my sleep when I felt something thump against my shoulder. I didn't even have to look over to know N had made my shoulder a pillow. I would have nudged him off, but Simon was laying on my arms, and he was far too fat for me to get my arms out from under him. I glanced over at N, whose face was nudged against my shoulder. He was snoring faintly, so he was probably already a sleep when he slouched over. I couldn't blame him, he didn't really go back to sleep last night either, I could hear him fidgeting the entire night. I guess it was my fault, I mean, who wouldn't be freaked out and nervous if suddenly they woke up to someone hugging them to death?

I wondered how I even managed to hug him in my sleep. Was my physical body connected to my mind in some way? I never even heard of such a thing. Now if it was sleepwalking, that would be different, but I wasn't walking. And I wasn't asleep the entire time. I was probably clinging to him for over half a minute before I came back to my senses. Oh, great, there goes my traitor mind again. I swear, I was going insane with all this thinking. My mind wouldn't stop dwelling on it.

And so the rest of the trip was spent much like that, N on my shoulder and Simon on top of my lap. Cheren threw in some remarks about it, but for the most part managed to keep a normal conversation despite my awkward predicament that I knew Bianca would get a kick out of. I threatened Cheren over and over again not to tell her, he just laughed and sarcastically replied.

We finally made it to Nimbasa and to the apartment complex. The moving van was already there. it was already in the late afternoon by this time. I practically fell out of the car, my legs were jelly and my arm and shoulder numb. N just stretched and said he quite enjoyed the extra sleep. I could have slugged him for that comment.

My mom, despite it being so late, wanted to hurry and get home.

"Alright mom, goodbye, I'll see you soon."

She nodded, but then she started sobbing and threw her arms around me, saying she'll miss me and come visit me when she could.

"Haha, don't worry mom, it's not goodbye forever." I tried to comfort her, but she only cried harder. Once she was done, she gave both N and Cheren bear hugs before driving away several miles over the limit. How she even had a license I had no idea.

"Alright you two, to move things along quickly you guys take up the small boxes, we'll take the furniture." One of the movers told us. He was a fat man; I was surprised if he could lift anything being that much out of shape. But, after Cheren took care of signing papers and getting keys, we were busy unpacking. Once inside the apartment, the smell of fresh paint and new carpet hit me. Entering the apartment, it opened into a fairly large living room. Across from the front door was the kitchen, which was just a strip along the wall, then a breakfast bar coming out of the back wall. Along the back wall was also a porch leading to a small balcony. Next to the kitchen opening was a hallway. I ventured deeper into the apartment, impressed by the quality. Though the appliances were old and the lights were dull, it appeared to be new.

There were three doors in the hallway. The closest one was on the other side of the kitchen, which was the bathroom. Past it on the same side were two bedrooms parallel to each other.

"I think I'll go with this one." Cheren spoke behind me; I jumped, not realizing he was there.

"Hey, but wait, isn't that the bigger one?"

"I don't know Black; they seem pretty similar in size." Cheren put down his box which was labeled with his name into the room.

Well wonderful, I got the smaller bedroom. I didn't bother arguing though, Cheren was more stubborn then a tauros.

N was looking around curiously when I came back out of the hallway. He was surrounded by my pokemon, and I sighed heavily. "They better not ruin this new apartment."

"Don't be so mean, Black." N scolded. "They are very well behaved."

"Yeah, yeah, just try and not get in our way." I growled, mostly irritated cause of the sleep deprivation and hours of driving in a rather awkward position. I ignored the flash of hurt in his eyes though as I left.

* * *

**Oh Black, wai go and say that? (well you can't blame him I guess :'D)**

**I've been plotting and planning more Isshushipping fics in between writing this one.. that's why it was late. c:**

**I have something planned for chapter 21 though so it's okay it's late.  
**

**Muhaha**

**prepare your anus's**

**(LOLnotrly)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Warning: This story contains Yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. it also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse.**

* * *

_He had been crying. N had been crying. Backed up against a wall, silently sobbing to himself. Ghetsis had just been there, where he had brutally abused N once again. Once he satisfied his twisted needs he had left N a mess on the floor. He managed to round up the scraps of cloths he had, but he was still cold. He was still horribly cold, and alone. Around him was a bloody mess mixed with other bodily fluids. He rose off the ground, but his legs hurt and he doubled back to the ground. He leaned back, resting against a wall. Visibly, he was shivering and fresh tears replaced the old dried up ones._

_ Though from out of the darkness came a figure. N looked up slowly, his eyes dull as ever. In front of him was a man of similar age. He wore a blue sweatshirt, dark pants and his hair was brunette. He was watching N, who didn't question the sudden brunettes presence. _

_ The other man kneeled down in front of N and smiled softly. N didn't do anything, he didn't even move when the other man shifted forward and pulled him off against the wall. It was when he was pulled against the chest of the other man that his eyes widened in shock._

_ The brunette held him tightly in his arms, it was simply an embrace but it appeared to mean to world to N. With trembling arms, he attempted he hug the other man back. His body was weak with fatigue and pain, but he managed to wrap his arms around the brunette. _

_ "N, I'm here for you." The other man spoke softly into N's ear._

_ N tired to hug tighter, but the trembling in his arms showed how much pain he was going through. His eyes closed, as if he were savoring the moment._

_ "Its fine, Ghetsis can't hurt you anymore. I won't let him." The other man's voice was low and hushed. "I'm here for you"_

_ "B...Black…"_

I awoke from my sleep quite normally, no trashing or yelling. I hadn't had a horrifying dream like that in sometime. But I could still feel the lingering pain each time. I glanced over at the clock on the side table. As usual I woke up early; it was only about five am. I was curled up against Black like I usually was, and I sighed lightly. The dream felt real enough anyway, but of course Black would never do that kind of thing, even if I did want it. I recalled the other night, when I had awoken up with Black hugging me. I swore I had been dreaming, but then he started muttering my name. It was real, and I remembered the longing feeling for him never to let go. I knew it was a ridiculous notion though. I realized painfully that he had been asleep, and when he woke up he just fled, I wasn't sure what happened, but I didn't press it. I knew it would only make Black mad, he would never open up to me I know that. It wasn't that Black was mean, he was just stubborn.

I curled up tighter, snuggling my head into Black's side. Well, at least I could hug him when he was asleep. After the whole day of moving, we was exhausted. I tried not to take his impatience with me personally, but it was difficult. He was never really short with Cheren unless he made some sort of comments involving Black and I. I didn't get why Black got mad at them though, but I usually didn't get them. I didn't grow up with such terms; it was like another language…

I yawned, forcing myself up out of bed. Normally I would spend hours laying in bed till Black woke, but I didn't feel like that this morning. Maybe because it felt rather awkward. I got up and stretched, and looked around the room in confusion. It looked different before I remembered this was a new room. There were still boxes piled and clothes without a home. Smugleaf and DJ Fresh were snoring amongst the scattered things. Yawning once again I walked out into the living room. It was still dark outside, obviously. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to come out here though. Hesitating, I went to the sliding door and opened it. A gust of cold winter air hit my body, sending shivers up my back and goose-bumps on my skin.

I went over and leaned over the railing, curiously looking down. We were on the 7th floor which was the top, so we were pretty high. I could see the street below, and all the buildings of Nimbasa. Also, in the far distance I could see the water and the Ferris wheel. It was a nice view I had to admit, I would have said it was peaceful if it wasn't for the cars below, but they were muffled.

Despite the freezing cold air, it felt nice. I would have stayed out longer but I leapt up in fright as someone spoke behind me. "What are you doing?"

I knew it wasn't Black, it was Cheren. Slowly, I turned my head around to meet his tired penetrating gaze past his glasses. "I was just looking..." I replied after a moment, keeping my guard way high.

"You're looking, but your letting all the cold into the apartment." He sighed, keeping his eyes on me.

I didn't like his tone, but I straightened up and walked past him back into the warmth. He shut the door after I entered, and looked at me again. "So N, what do you want?"

"What do you mean…?"

"I mean with Black. N, he's my best friend. It's only natural for me to protect him you know."

"He's my friend too…!"

"That's what you want us to think." He said darkly.

"Wait... What do you mean? I do not understand."

"Back a few years ago on our journey… You and Ghetsis used Black…"

My blood turned the ice at the name 'Ghetsis' . It took all my self control not to run away at that very moment. I whipped my head around and looked out the window, suddenly feeling watched and paranoid. What if he found me again?

"N, are you listening?" Cheren asked.

"I.. I was.. wait no, I wasn't using Black! He was!"

"It seemed a lot like you were using Black, N. You and your father."

"No, no! No no no no no no! He was using Black and I!"

"Why should I believe you?" He retorted.

"I have never done anything to you…!" I felt very cornered. I was yelled at, or I felt like I was. I took a pace back, but there was wall behind me. Cheren was giving me an unfriendly stare, and I didn't like it. It reminded me of… of him. I knew Cheren wasn't really a bad person, I mean if he was friends with Black then he had to be good right? I couldn't believe that though with the stare I was receiving from this so called 'good person'.

"What's the matter with you? You look as if I'm about to knife you." Cheren questioned, giving me an irritated short tempered stare.

"Nothing I am jus- it's j- I am not after anything!" I tried to defend myself, but I felt more and more uneasy about the whole thing. I was probably just being overdramatic about the whole thing.

"Guys… What's all the noise…" Black's tired found sounded behind Cheren.

Both Cheren and I looked over to see an exhausted looking Black walking out from the hallway. He was rubbing his eyes in an attempt to get sleep cobwebs out.

"Nothing, I was just asking N about something." Cheren's voice lightened a bit when he spoke to Black.

"Oh…" Black looked over at me, and I probably looked ridiculous. "Well... Can you do it a bit more quietly..?"

"Nah, I got my answer." He replied, then left the living room. I heard a door close, a shower turn on.

"What was that all about?" Black asked me absentmindedly.

"N-nothing… So Black how was your sleep?" I changed the subject to avoid awkwardness.

"Fine, but it was cut short." He mumbled

"Sorry…" I replied guiltily.

"It's fine, I guess. It's not like I worked hard yesterday or anything. Well, I guess it's time to begin the day anyway. I have to look for a job, and also we were going to meet up with Bianca later, she wanted us to meet her roommate."

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah…" He looked as if he was thinking, then he said. "Hell with this, I'm going back to bed for a few hours…" He left again, and I was left alone. I considered following him, but I was very bothered by what Cheren said. Did he not trust me that much? I don't recall doing anything.

Cheren was strange, that's for sure. Maybe he wasn't the one to be trusted. No… if he was Black's good friend then he was trustworthy, right? I just didn't know, and I couldn't talk to Black about it. Suddenly I left painfully alone. I wanted to go after Black, but something was keeping me from following him. I just didn't understand anything anymore. Why was I constantly feeling this feeling?

And why did Cheren not trust me?

* * *

**Cheren wai.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. **

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse.**

* * *

"Let's go, Bianca called. She's waiting for us." Cheren stood at my door, leaning against the side and waiting for me to pull on my hoodie.

"Yeah, I know. Geez, I'm starving." I complained as I pulled on my shoes, grabbing my wallet and keys.

"That's why we should make haste, I too am hungry." He replied.

"So where are we going?" I followed Cheren down the hallway closely followed by a silent N.

"We're meeting outside her apartment complex. It's only a few blocks away." He answered, and I nodded. I glanced back at N who was still quiet. Well, he was always quiet, but he seemed especially bothered today, and I had a sneaking suspicion it was because of Cheren. I tried not to think about it as we walked; it was shaping up to be a nice day despite it being the middle of winter. I wasn't going to let N ruin the mood for me. Though, I should have known by now that N's down mood usually affects me.

We met up with Bianca about twenty minutes later outside a building that looked a lot more like condos than an apartment for an eighteen year old. "Hey guys!" She waved as she spotted us.

"Hey Bianca, where's your friend?" Cheren greeted her.

"She'll meet up with us in a minute; she just needed to handle some last things." Bianca replied.

"Alright, I guess we'll wait." He mumbled with a sigh.

"You're kind of grumpy aren't you today Cheren." Bianca giggled, poking him.

"I am not." He half whined.

I ignored it as there squabbling went on. I swear, they were like an old married couple or something. Rather, I turned to N. "How're you feeling today?" I asked, not really paying attention to his answer.

"Fine." He replied with a shrug. It was an awkward moment following, "Did… did you have another bad dream last night?"

I stiffened. I couldn't really remember since I was awoken rather early. I thought about it, recalling some fuzzy images of a bloodied N and me shouting his name. I shook my head to get the memory out. "No, I didn't."

Another awkward moment passed, and N opened his mouth but whatever he was about to say was interrupted out by Bianca's loud voice in my ear.

"Hey, there she is. Hey White!" She waved her arm.

I turned over to the entrance of the apartment building and saw the thinnest girl I ever saw come out. She was wearing short shorts despite it being winter. It may have been a nice day but the cold was still present. She was wearing a white tank top as well; over it was a black half jacket. She carried a long purse that looked more like a satchel, and her long brunette hair was held up in a ponytail with tassels coming down. She looked ridiculous, and once she spotted Bianca she came over. She was taller than all of us, except for N of course. One of her most prompt features was her bright purple eyes. Somehow, I felt as if I recognized her from somewhere…

"Cheren, Black, don't you guys know her? This is White! She used to live in Nuvema." Bianca said, noticing our confused expressions. There was a short silence following as Cheren and I tried to remember her.

"Oh right! I remember, and she moved away when we were about five." Cheren snapped a finger as he realized who White was.

"Yup! I kept in contact with her!" Bianca smiled.

"Hey, guys. Long time no see." White's voice was sharp and confident. She gave both me and Cheren a huge hug, then glanced over at N. "And who is this?"

"This is N, a friend of Black's." Bianca said.

"Oh, is this the one who-" White cut off when Bianca shushed her. I was suddenly very curious what Bianca was telling people behind our backs.

"Well, let's catch up over lunch, and maybe a movie later, I hear 'Insidious' just came out, and it's supposed to be really creepy." White said wiggling her fingers to appear like a creeper.

"Sounds like a good idea, let's go." Cheren said.

We spent most of the afternoon talking. After getting lunch at subway, since I couldn't afford much food at the moment, we walked around town. I ended up picking up job applications on the way, as well at Cheren. I learned that White and Bianca worked at the same place. White was a part time director of sorts. This means, she had a lot of money. Since me and Cheren were close to broke, well I was anyway, she offered to buy me, Cheren and N movie tickets. I felt bad about having her pay, but she just said nonsense. I had to admit, it was nice meeting up with an old friend. She had a lot of spunk, and knew just what to say to everyone. She even spoke with N a few times, who seemed to enjoy to company.

We didn't even realize how many hours had gone by. We passed the river, went to a park and stopped by the stadium to see what was going on. To be honest, I was bushed. It was a relief when we made it to the movie theatre. This was N's first time at such a place, and I could tell by the way he was sticking closer to be then normal that he was way nervous to be surrounded by the lines of people. Lucky for us, there were several tickets for the movie still being sold. From the stand, I just got a coke and nachos; since White yet again was paying I didn't want to have her spend too much. Again she said nonsense and threw in some candy as well.

Since we were early, we got decent seats right in the middle. N looked around curiously, and I explained to him bluntly how a movie theatre worked. I wasn't surprised anymore how little he knew of the human world. He seemed very nervous about being here, but sat down in the seat and waited. It was a half an hour before the movie actually started. When the lights dimmed, N looked over at me, teal eyes shining in the darkness.

"What's happening?"

"Shh!" The people behind us butted in.

I reached over and spoke softly in his ear, "We're not allowed to talk, only whisper. The movie is starting, so calm down and just chill." I tried to keep a composed tone but it was hard with N being so clueless some days.

The opening was an array of creepy black and white footage with random things moving as the credits showed. I could feel N tense next to me as something moved, but no one touched it. "Black, why is it doing that?" He could have been shouting.

"Shhhh!" the person behind us growled angrily.

"Just keep watching, N, it will make sense." I whispered over to him, taking a sip of soda.

The first twenty minutes it was like playing twenty questions. Anything creepy that came up N would ask me why or how. He almost screamed bloody murder at the first real scary scene, to which I just stared blankly at the screen. I jumped only slightly but only because it felt a death grip by N's hand on my wrist.

The movie went on and on. I had to admit, it wasn't too scary. But I couldn't say that to N. The people in the theatre were probably growing sick of N's constant screams. So far in the movie, there wasn't much but a haunted kid or something; I wasn't following the plot too much. I already gave up trying to pull my wrist away; he had an iron grip on it, as if it were a lifeline. His eyes were glued on the screen, and he was quivering. With each scary scene, it seemed I was more of a lifeline to him. Each time something creepy would happen, or if a demon showed up N grew more and more scared. The people behind us kept shushing and asking us to shut up all throughout the movie. I wanted to punch them in their annoying faces.

Honestly, I felt pity for N. First movie in a theatre and it's something that's literally scaring him half to death. During the last half an hour, the father began to became a very center part of the movie, and I think it was making N even more uncomfortable. With a sigh in defeat, I leaned over to White who was next to me.

"I'm heading out early. N's about to crap himself with fear." By now, N had both arms around my whole body and his head in my shoulder. "I hope that's okay, I mean, you bought our tickets…"

"It's fine, it's fine! It's just money!" White smiled, looking over at me. "Take him home, I think it's nice of you too."

"Eh? Who said I was leaving because of him?" I shot back softly, and then helped the half petrified N out of the theatre. Once out in the hallway N inched over to a bench and keeled over. I helped him up once again; he appeared as if he were drunk. N was about ten times more nervous than before. If a leaf fell in his path, he would have probably peed himself.

Once we were out on the street in the night air, N paused. He looked horribly guilty with himself, and he remained silent as we walked on the street. I glanced up; I couldn't tell if the sky was clear or not. Tall buildings surrounded us on all sides. It was about forty five minute walk to home and it was shaping up to be awkward the entire time. After about ten minutes, I sighed in defeat; which I seemed to be doing a lot of lately.

"Its fine N, I don't mind leaving early." I said.

N remained silent, but slightly turned his head in the other direction.

"Really it's fine. It was a horrible movie anyway." I continued.

"You don't mean that, you left because I couldn't stand it, and that I was embarrassing you." N didn't turn his head, but his voice was like ice. He halted altogether, stopping underneath a street light. Some people walked by, giving us both a stare.

"You weren't embarrassing me, N. I just figured you were uncomfortable in there… really, I don't mind leaving." I was rather curious why N was suddenly so serious and cold. Normally he wasn't like this, which begs the question why he suddenly was.

As a person walked around N, he jumped in alarm, but for the most part kept his composure and he replied, "So I wasn't embarrassing you?" He sounded as if his words were choked in his throat.

"Didn't I just say you weren't?" I asked. He didn't look as if he felt any better. I hated seeing him like this, truthfully. I wasn't sure why I felt so guilty when he was like this, after all I didn't do anything. But with him standing there looking so helpless, I couldn't help but give into my inner voice, which kept saying to do something to make him feel better. I kept pushing the voice away, but it was loud in my head, so in the end I held out my hand towards him, not believing I was actually doing this.

He looked at my hand curiously, and then hesitantly took it in his hand. For some reason my heart skipped a beat at the light contact, and I almost let go when someone walking by giggled with her friend. I relaxed when I saw N seeming to settle down as well. The rest of the way home our hands were intertwined. I felt weird though, and despite the cold my face felt hot. The hand touching his was also very warm; the cold didn't even affect it. I began to let my discomfort leave my system, and it was replaced with was felt like an array of Butterfrees.

Ignoring it the best I could, I peacefully walked home with N. once inside the apartment, N was terribly jumpy and afraid of the darkness. Having him watch that movie was a horrible idea. He almost followed me into the bathroom when I took a shower, and when I came out he was up against the bathroom door, holding Squishy securely in his arms. I was pretty beat, so I didn't bother with dinner (not that we had anything to eat yet anyway).

I spent a few hours on Cheren's old couch watching local television since we didn't have cable set up yet. I watched the fuzzy screen, not really paying attention to the words I barely understood. N shuffled over, sitting next to me with Squishy in his lap. Simon took this opportunity to claim my lap as well. I gave in and gave him some pets on the head.

"Arrrchhhawww!" He said, acting like a cat and rubbing his head against my arm. Cheren came home an hour later, complaining about how much the movie sucked. I decided to turn in at that point; tomorrow would be a big day of looking for jobs.

I changed into my pajamas and crawled under the crisp sheets. Smugleaf claimed the end of the bed. Ever since N stopped having trashing nightmares he started sleeping there again. After a few minutes N crawled in after me. I tried to go to sleep, but my mind was kept awake by the constant tossing and turning N did. He was painfully close as well; usually he was at least half a foot away, since the bed was so large. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, which was sending my heart into a frenzy of beats.

"Black..?" He murmured.

"Mmm..?"

"….I'm scared."

Oh Jesus. "Come on N, honestly nothing's going to happen."

I heard him whimper a tiny bit, and I inwardly rolled my eyes. I turned around, his face only inches away. "Its fine N, seriously, it was just a movie."

"I know but I can't help it..." He whispered.

"Well what do you want me to do about it?"

It was quiet for a moment, as if he expected me to figure out what he wanted me to do.

"…Oh no, no, no, no, no! If you think I'm going to cuddle you or some shit, you're wrong."

It was quiet again, and in the darkness I could see his eyes glimmer slightly from the weak moon light coming in through the window. They were sad eyes, but then, when weren't they? They seemed to drag me down, and stare into my soul. A feeling overcame me, a feeling that felt like pity? No... Guilt maybe? Empathy? I wasn't sure, all I knew was that there was something i could do for him. Unbelieving of what I was actually doing, I wrapped an arm around his mid stomach, and I felt him tense.

"..Fine, but this is a onetime thing N. Never ask again, because I won't do it." I growled sternly. He stopped moving and relaxed a bit. I felt like a pathetic homo, but a voice at the back of my head kept saying it felt right. I don't know why, this was completely weird.

I didn't remember what I thought of after that, because my mind slipped into a blanket of sleep

* * *

**Long chapter wasn't long enough**

**Dat homosexual Black.**

**Wai so in denial.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse.**

* * *

"Look at this new cereal I bought." I plopped down on the couch (since we didn't have chairs or tables) and put the box of cereal down on the floor. Cheren picked it up and raised a brow.

"Zoru-O's?" He asked giving me a nonchalant stare.

"Zoru-O's? What's that supposed to mean?" N yelped, grabbing the box and looking at it frantically.

"It's just cereal, N." I rolled my eyes and dug my plastic spoon into the plastic bowl and took a bite. They were black and red puffs with Zorua shaped marshmallows. They tasted kind of good I guess, but my mind wasn't really on cereal at the moment. I was currently stressing about my upcoming interview. It had been a week since we moved into the apartment; I sent tons of job applications out. I had an interview just this afternoon, and my mind wouldn't stop thinking about it. I spent most of the night wide awake as well, probably because up until last night I had to hug N to get him to go to sleep. I guess I just got used to it. Last night I didn't hug him to sleep like I usually did, resulting in tossing and turning. I kept trying to convince myself otherwise, that I was just insomniac because I was anxious about the interview that was only hours away.

Cheren already had an interview, but he hadn't gotten news back on whether or not he got the job, but he was pretty sure he did. He applied to be one of the trainers on the battle subway; N wasn't amused at this though. Cheren said it was only a filler job before he found something better. I thought about being one as well, but I didn't want N to be on my case. Besides, my trainer days are mostly behind me at this point. I may still battle sometimes, but I can't make a career out of it, unfortunately.

Finishing my 'Zoru-O's' I tossed the plastic bowl on the ground when Cheren wasn't looking. I was already making the place as messy as hell, not that I cared. We didn't have cable yet, we rarely used lighting or heating either. It was at least fifty degrees inside the apartment and I was freezing. The faster we got jobs the faster we could afford to use the lights and the heaters and take showers longer than three minutes.

"N, don't eat out of the box; Black and I eat those too!" I was snapped from my thoughts as Cheren scolded N, snatching away the box of Zoru-O's. "Ugh, wonderful. I'm going to go shower." He ignored N's flinch as he walked away.

I sunk back down into the cushion of the couch, and Simon took it as an invitation to chill on my lap. I was starting to get used to it; he sat on me daily. He weighed about sixty pounds so it wasn't too bad. N crawled up onto the couch where Cheren had sat and began talking to the archeops and stroking it's head because frankly I was too lazy to bother.

"So what are we doing today, Black?" N asked distantly.

"I don't know; I have an interview in a few hours I have to be ready for." I replied with a tired yawn.

"Hey Black?"

"Yeah..?"

"What's going to happen when you get a job? Will you not be home anymore?" He asked in an innocent tone.

"…Well yeah, I'll be at my job."

"So I'll be here alone…?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, well no you'll have the pokemon around." I replied positively.

"I guess so. It will be different though..." He admitted.

"Well, you could get a job too." I commented.

N didn't reply, but he appeared to be in deep thought. I didn't push it; I knew N could get a job when he was ready.

The rest of the afternoon was spent primarily on me rehearsing over and over again so I wouldn't be a complete idiot at the interview. I wasn't good with interviews, ever since I utterly failed at my first one, Cheren and N kept telling me I'll do fine, but I wasn't so sure.

I glanced at the clock, and then looked again in the mirror one last time before heading out. I was wearing my best clothes, which weren't that great but they would have to do. Not a hair was out of place on the top of my head; which was far different from the normal horrible hat hair I had.

"Okay, now I'm ready." I declared to Cheren and N.

"Are you sure you didn't prune enough?" Cheren got up from where he was reading on the couch. N was on the floor playing with DJ Fresh.

"DJ Fresh says you'll do fine." N said, and the scrafty gave me a thumbs up.

"Heh thanks." I wish I had as much confidence in me as they did, I really needed a job. After saying bye to my team of pokemon who wished me luck, I headed out with Cheren and N who agreed to go with me. If all went well, White said she would treat us to dinner. Finally, real food and not just pudding, cereal and instant noodles. Walking to the theatre, which was where I was interviewing took about forty-five minutes. N seemed nervous to go back in, but he followed anyway after a long hesitation.

"I guess we'll wait in the lobby for you to finish." Cheren told me, I nodded, gulped, then headed down a hallway usually only staff went down.

I didn't come out for well over an hour.

"Thank you, Mr. Hilbert. Thank you for interviewing me!" I shut the door behind me, and then slid down to the floor in exasperation. That interview was rough, the man was a pistol. I was about to explode with frustration at how stupid I was. I was almost certain I didn't get the job. After a few moments I stood up again, heading down the hallway and back out into the lobby. I felt exhausted, and I hadn't done anything all day except do the interview. Once in the lobby, I didn't see Cheren or N. I didn't think much of it, they probably went back home or somewhere nearby since my interview was so long. Much to my surprise, Cheren was right outside the theatre. He was talking with a security guard, which raised my curiosity.

"Cheren? What happened?" I asked as I sped over. "What's the matter?" I asked the guard.

"Eh? This friends of yours?" He asked in a deep voice, glaring down at Cheren with an acidic look.

"Yes, he is." Cheren replied with a nod.

"Well son, your friend," the guard began, "Your friend here started yelling at some other guy, long green hair and kind of tall. When I came over and told them to break it up the other guy took off."

"Wait, N ran off?" I echoed.

"Not very far, I think I saw him turn around that corner down there…" Cheren began, pointing down the street.

"Cheren!" I cut him off, "Why were you yelling at N? You know how is when people yell at him!"

"I wasn't yelling, I was just telling him something and he turned it into a big thing..." He sighed.

"Ugh, well why are we just standing here? He probably fell off a bridge or walked out into the street and got ran over!" I exaggerated; I knew N alone in the city wasn't a good situation.

"Wait calm down kid." The guard started but I didn't listen.

"Come on Cheren." I grabbed his arm and stormed off. He protested about being dragged along, but I ignored him. I glared ahead, pissed off at Cheren for yelling at N, and N for running off, and myself for screwing up my interview with Mr. Hilbert. What the hell was next?

I rounded the corner, heading down the street, then the next one, and the one after. I ignored the strange stares I got from random bystanders. I finally let go of Cheren after about ten minutes and pulled out my phone, I dialed Bianca's number. It rang several times before she picked up.

"Hello?" I heard her voice.

"Hey Bianca." I said quickly.

"Oh! Hey Black, what do you need?" She asked.

"I lost N."

"What do you mean?" Bianca sounded baffled.

"Cheren upset him and he ran off somewhere…" I trailed off, scratching the back of my head with embarrassment.

"Oh! That explains the mood!" She exclaimed.

"What mood?"

"N's right here! White and I ran into him outside Baskin Robins when we were on break! He's been in a pretty down mood."

"Really? He's with you?" I asked.

"Yup! Here N, say hi- its Black." Her voice faded for a moment, then some static as she handed to phone to N.

"Black?" His voice was quiet on the other line, but I sighed in relief.

"Hey, N. Where are you?"

"With Bianca and White." He replied.

"Well fuck, I know that. I mean where are the three of you?"

"Oh, well I'm not sure… I think at their job."

"And where's that?" I rubbed my forehead in exasperation.

"I don't know…" He replied miserably.

"Oh, N is he picking on you again?" I heard Bianca's giggling voice in the background. "Come on Black, cheer up, no worries. We're going to get off early so we can hear how the interview went."

"O-oh alright…." I replied, scratching the back of my head. What was I supposed to tell them? That I failed the interview so horribly?

I heard more static as Bianca retrieved her phone from N. "We'll meet you at uh… I guess Lickylicky Pizza Palace, because it's near here."

"Alright, when should we meet up?" I asked.

"About an hour I guess. See you then Black! Bring Cheren too, oh and tell him I said hey!" Then the phone clicked off.

I stared at the phone. Well then, that was solved.

"Er, Black? What's going on?" Cheren asked, staring at me curiously.

"Oh, we're meeting Bianca, N and White at Lickylicky Pizza Palace in an hour." I replied, shoving the phone in my pocket. "By the way she says 'hey'"

"O-okay then."

We strolled quite casually to Lickylicky Pizza Palace. We got there in a half an hour, so we waited the next half hour in a booth. In the meantime, I asked Cheren about what happened with N earlier. He didn't tell me much unfortunately, though he acted sort of strange and secretive about it. Finally, White, N and Bianca showed up. Surprisingly N seemed relatively calm for being around Bianca and a stranger. But that didn't stop him from diving into the booth to sit next to me.

Bianca sat next to Cheren and claimed his hand in hers. He blushed furiously and attempted to pull it away but failed miserably. White pulled up a separate chair from a nearby table and sat down. Once we ordered our pizzas; one meat lovers and one vegetarian, White turned to me. "So, Black." She said, "How was the interview?"

"Eh… not that great…" I admitted. "I think I made myself look like a whack job." I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my head again.

"Well that's no good, why'd you do that?" She asked with a sigh.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" I proclaimed, and she reached over to ruffle my hair. "Sure Black, sure. I mean, you are a natural whack job, you don't do it on purpose."

"Tch." I mumbled; taking a sip from the soda I forgot I received. I felt a pair of eyes staring at me, and I looked over. N was glaring at my hair. "What is it?"

"Huh?" He asked, and then shook his head. "Nothing, Black." I heard White giggle at his response.

Once our pizzas arrived, we ate to our utter fill. I needed another belt by the time I was done; I ate half of the meat lovers' pizza. Cheren told me I was as greedy as an Emboar. When I got up, I almost fell over with the uncomfortable pains in my stomach, but it was worth it to eat Nimbasa's best pizza. On the way home I walked a bit slower than the others because of the amount of food I ate. My stomach was knotted awkwardly, making walking, well, awkward.

Though N walked slowly beside me, and I took this opportunity to ask him why he ran away earlier. He frowned when I asked.

After a long hesitation he replied. "Cheren… He… he scares me, Black." He told me quietly.

"Scares you? N, he's as harmless as a fly!" I laughed.

"I do not know, Black. I just do not know… He just, the things he said." N whispered.

"What did he say?" I asked curiously.

"I would rather not repeat it, you might get mad." He replied.

"I'll be mad if you don't tell me."

His face screwed up in a conflicted sort of way. I rubbed my forehead, "fine, don't tell me if you don't want me to know." I muttered, and then walked a bit faster to catch up with the others despite the uncomfortable knot in my stomach.

But that knot didn't come from over-eating, no, I was certain it came from the fact N didn't follow me, and only continued to trail behind us looking as miserable as ever. /I'll make it up to him later, perhaps…/ I thought to myself.

And out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Bianca and White exchange a glance. They apparently didn't miss what just happened.

* * *

**DID U GAIZ C DAT EXCHANGE **

**Yeah.. This is such a filler chapter orz**

**I want some of those Zoru-O's, like fer srs (heh my friend Rae came up with that)**

**Hopefully next chapter will be more angsty, or rife with boyish attitude! :Ronweasleyplz:**

**I'm so sorry if this story contains a lot of mistakes Dx its facking late and it was self edited. (I'm a terrible editor... OTL)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.**

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and possible lemons. It also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse.**

* * *

"Honestly, are you just going to mope around all day waiting for a call you don't even think you'll get?" Bianca's voice sighed over the phone.

"Sounds 'bout right..." I replied with a drowsy yawn.

"Black, you need to do something to take your mind off this job thing."

"Like what? We don't have cable, I can't play my Wii, and it's freezing outside."

"Because those are the only things you can do in life." She replied sarcastically, "Come on, Black. It being cold outside never stopped you from having fun before."

"Well there isn't… Eh maybe I should go sleep." A yawn interrupted my sentence. Only yesterday I had my interview, and the previous night I didn't get any more sleep again. I had almost fallen asleep taking a shower earlier this morning.

"All you ever do is sleep! Just bundle up and go see if you can find something to do, and I'm sure N wouldn't mind spending some personal time with you!" She persisted.

"Personal time? We sleep in the same bed, live in the same house, how more personal could you get?" I snapped.

"Well Black—"

"Never mind, forget I asked." I cut her off with a fast reply, knowing her answer was probably suggestive or inappropriate.

"Okay, Black. We're on lunch break in an hour. I want you, and only you, to meet us at the Eeveelution café, got it?" Bianca told me, "I have something I need to discuss with you."

"Wait- Bianca?"

"What? Hurry up. I need to go there in a minute." She replied quickly.

I glanced up around the room. N was sitting on the floor stroking Simon's head while speaking with Squishy, like he'd been doing all morning. Their words were muffled from across the room. Cheren wasn't around, but I didn't want to take a chance. I quickly jumped up from where I was lazing on the couch and headed into the kitchen.

"Alright, but I can't leave N and Cheren alone though." I told her quietly once we were alone.

"Why? Cheren isn't going to bite."

"I'll tell you later. Just, trust me. Only bad can come of it." I persisted, and I heard a sigh from the other line.

"Alright, Black. Bring N if you want. I have to go; I'll meet you in an hour." And with that, the phone went silent, only the dial tone telling me she had hung up.

I put my phone in my pocket and stretched, my muscles were knotted everywhere. Times like this I wish I had money for a massage or something. I ambled into the living room, yawning. "Alright, N. Get ready we're leaving in a few."

"How come…?" N asked slowly, his voice quiet.

"We're meeting Bianca and White at uh... er… Eeveelution café or something like that..." I replied.

He nodded silently, and quickly brushed past me and disappeared into my room. I didn't like how cold he was acting, it made me feel… Miserable I guess. Hopefully leaving the house will make it better. As I waited for N to get ready I played with my phone, half praying I'd get the call that would confirm my job. I happen across the electronic calendar, and much to my surprise I realized that it was December. Last I checked a calendar it was only November. Checking the exact day, I realized again that my birthday was only days away, and it completely slipped my mind.

"Eh… I must be getting old." I muttered clicking my phone off and getting up from the couch as N entered the room, combing his hair.

"Honestly, again? You just brushed your hair this morning." I commented with a groan.

N continued stroking his green locks with the comb. "I like my hair neat." He answered plainly.

"It looks fine! C'mon let's go." I attempted to rush him.

"Hang on! I need to get the back…" He tried to reach behind to brush the very back which frizzed up only slightly.

"You take forever." I grumbled, yanking the brush from his hands and quickly brushed, down the frizzed up green strands.

"Ouch! Ouch! That hurts!" He complained, flinching and pulling away, giving me a fail of a glare.

"You should have been faster." I tossed the brush on the couch and shrugged. "Really, it looks fine." I ended a bit more softly.

"…Really?" He ran his fingers through his hair, making sure it was perfect.

"Yes. It's good; now don't make such a deal of it." I gave him a quick flash of a forced smile before pulling on my shoes. On the side table near the door, I grabbed my key and stuffed it in my pocket. "Alright, let's go then."

N was fairly silent, which was no surprise. I dug into my pant pocket, pulling out my iPod. Since there wasn't much else to do, I might as well listen. Plugging in my phones I flipped through my music and blasted some of my loudest music, which mostly consisted of rap and screamo. It wasn't long before I felt obnoxious poking.

"Yeah, N?" I asked, taking one headphone out to hear.

"What are you listening too?" He asked quietly.

"Oh, I don't know if you would… appreciate this kind of music." My ears were being blasted by harsh language and vile lyrics about sex and bitches and the sort.

"Can I at least listen?" He pressed.

"Why not?" I gave up on trying to convince him and handing him one of the ear buds. He put it in his ear and listened for a few moments. His face was blank, and then it twisted in a disgusted look.

"What... is that?" He spat, giving me back the earplug, looking at it as if it was infested with a disease.

"Brokencyde." I replied.

"I don't understand half the words out of his mouth, but the other half horribly indecent!" He exclaimed.

"You asked to listen to it." I said, and an awkward silence fell over us again. It stretched on even when we made it to Eeveelutions Café. I bought an awfully expensive coffee and waited in one of the chairs. I stirred the coffee in the foam cup and gazed into the liquad that swirled around the thin straw. I could see a faint reflection in the coffee of myself, and I looked horrible. Lack of sleep left bags under my eyes, and my hair was messy and unkempt. Groaning I pushed it away. I felt endlessly tired from lack of sleep. Two nights, without sleep was beginning to take its toll. I rubbed my eyes as I yawned loudly again and face planted against the table in defeat. I was sure I had begun to fall asleep, but then I heard loud obnoxious talking and laughing from two very familiar voices. Bianca and White came into the café, speaking with each other very loudly. They came over, but I kept pretending to be asleep.

"Hey Black, N!" Bianca shouted.

"We know you're awake." White added swiftly, poking me repeatedly in the shoulder until I sat up.

"Jeez, Black, you look horrible." Bianca chided when she saw my face.

"Thanks, because, when someone's feeling like crap that makes them feel better." I snapped back.

"That gives you no excuse to be mean!" She exclaimed, and then smiled at me. "It'll be fine, Black. Now, N, I have something I need to show you, mind coming?"

"What..?" N up till now was just staring off into space, his eyes snapped to attention and he looked at her.

"It'll only take a few minutes! Come on." She reached down, taking his wrist.

"Hey, w-wait!" He exclaimed, he tried in vain to pull his hand away.

"We'll be back soon!" She shouted at me, even though I was only a few feet away.

"Wait, what?" I raised my brows but Bianca and N swept out of the café faster than I could comprehend the situation.

White smiled a bit and sat down next to me. "She's pretty hyper isn't she?"

"So hyper…" I groaned, rubbing my head. "What's she showing him?"

"Oh, nothing." White replied.

"Oh, okay then…" I replied, and then a silence fell over us. "…So… What's up?" I asked, finally taking a sip of coffee.

"My penis." She shot at me with a mischievous grin.

I coughed up the coffee that was drinking up and gave her a wide eyed stare. "Excuse me?"

She burst out in an awkward laugh. "Yeah, I know that was terrible. It only works if you're a guy!"

"Oh, yeah." I laughed nervously, quickly whipping the coffee off my chin.

"Lighten up, Black. You can talk to me; we used to be good friends."

"I don't really… remember." I sighed.

"Well, I guess it was a long time." She replied with a smile. "So how have you been? We haven't talked personally all week."

"I'm fine I guess. I became a Champion, and then I did nothing with my life up until now, which I failed my job thing." Yes, that pretty much summed up my life up until now.

She snorted a bit of laughter. "And how do you know N? Bianca told me you were really close and traveled together many years ago."

"Close? Not really close. We were friends I guess, to an extent. We traveled together on and off." My voice softened as I remembered all the times we shared back then.

"Yeah? When did you first meet him?"

"I officially met him over there…" I looked out the café window. The high Ferris wheel could barely be seen over buildings, but I pointed at the highest seat. "He told me he was king of Team Plasma, he told me a bit about him… and what he planned to do…" I wish that could have been a good memory for me, but now whenever I thought of the Ferris wheel I only remembered of the night N told me what Ghetsis did to him. My skin crawled as if Joltiks were digging under my skin.

"You remember well." She commented.

"I do, it was… Wait, what are you getting at? Why are you suddenly so curious?" I asked her, shooting a suspicious glare.

White burst out with laughter. "Oh, man, Bianca was right, Black. So right…"

"About what? What is she saying?"

White looked at me, her voice became very quiet. "I noticed what happened yesterday afternoon."

"Huh…?

"When you snapped at N, he looked miserable." She pressed.

"I told myself I would make it up to him." I muttered, looking away all pout-like.

"Did you?"

"N-not yet…"

"You should."

"Why should I? It's not a big deal you know." I grumbled.

"N is your friend. Black, your N's best friend. I mean, he's not exactly close to anyone else." White told me.

"How do you know?"

"I'm not blind. I've been keeping an eye on him all week. He wouldn't let me into his personal bubble, and he's scared of Cheren. He only ever tolerates Bianca just because she's an oblivious spazz, but you, you're like… his anchor. "

I opened my mouth in an attempt to argue, but now words came out. I thought about it, and I guess in a way it was true. But what the hell was she implying? N wasn't /my/ best friend. I may be his, but I had Cheren and Bianca, and neither of them annoyed me to a frazzle. N just needed to get a life, to get other friends. Sighing heavily, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. It never is; especially in his case.

"I know… it's just not that easy being his friend you know. He does weird little things." I wiggled my fingers all creepy-like for a dramatic effect.

She chuckled, "like what?"

"Like… He insists on sleeping in the same bed! And he wanted to hold my hand… and… he asked me to hug him to sleep on the night we left the theatre because he was scared—and don't give me a look, just because he asked doesn't mean I did!" I added with a snap, finding myself spilling everything out to somehow I barely knew.

"I never said you did, Black." White smiled, her eyes dancing mischievously. "Sounds to me like your pretty special to him."

"Gah, you and Bianca are exactly alike, do you guys talk about this crap behind our backs or some shit? Just because we sleep in the same bed," there was no real force behind my words though, "and maybe more than once held hands, doesn't mean I'm gay! Nor is he! Stop saying we are." My hand hit the table, making it final. The people around us gave me a look, then turned away laughing quietly.

"Oh my god, I never said you were!" She snickered, "lighten up"

"Sorry… that's mostly two days of not sleeping talking." I groaned, rubbing my face.

"It's fine. Black, settle down, I never said you were gay, I'm just saying you should try harder for N. I'm not stupid, I can see the two of you clearly are close, and no I don't mean /that/ sort of close. Guys can be good friends without it meaning anything more you know." White explained, but her eyes still glittered.

"I know that…" I grumbled, but it seemed sort of weird in my mind.

"I swear, it's like you guys think you'll lose your manliness if your kind to another person." She laughed.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, giving her an irritated glare.

"Black, I swear you haven't changed at all since we were kids. You're just like a five year old in a seventeen year olds body."

"Gee thanks, is that a compliment?" I asked dryly, but found myself smiling anyway.

She giggled and stood up. "Well, shall we go find Bianca and N? Then we can get some real lunch before me and Bianca need to go back to work."

I stood up from the table and stretched. "Good idea, this place smells like tourist." We headed back outside, a cold burst of air meeting us. "It's fucking freezing out here." I muttered. "How the hell do you walk around in what you're wearing when it's winter?" I stared at her shorts and short sleeve shirt on.

"Maybe you're just a pussy." White shot at me. I glared at her and she smiled mischievously. "When we moved we went way north for many years, I learned to tolerate the cold." She explained as we walked down the street.

I nodded, and I appreciated the silence that fell between us. It gave me a chance to think about our conversation. I stared up at the cloudy sky, speculating my relationship with N. It seemed like my life lately mostly revolved around him, talking to him, spending time with him, making sure he didn't do anything stupid. I suppose one could assume we were pretty close. I didn't feel like I was very close to him, even though I knew him so well, and that he was basically most of my life right now. I shook my head and sighed inwardly. Everything would solve itself soon; I shouldn't allow myself to dwell on it. Not ever.

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**Black wai so gayishly manry?**

**Anyway, we see more of White's personality in this chapter. I like the way she came out, sort of boyish and spunky.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. Also it contains mentions of incest rape and abuse.**

* * *

_With a horrifying scream N shot up out of bed, nearly falling off the mattress completely. He panted heavily, his forehead dripping with sweat. His face was twisted in a look of pain and terror, and around him sheets were messy and unkempt from thrashing. It had been a long time since the young man had a horrible nightmare. _

_ Next to him, another teenager laid there. As he raised himself off the pillow, his brown hair fell down around his face, and his eyes glowed softly in the pale moonlight that shone through the curtains. They reflected his worry as he inched closer to the green haired man next to him_

_ "N…" he whispered. "You had another nightmare didn't you…?"_

_ N nodded, trying not to let the tears that threatened to fall over._

_ He frowned, "I'm sorry N… is there anything I can do?" He tipped his head slightly, eyes looking enlightened._

_ "Black…?" _

_ N's voice trailed away as arms slowly went around his body. He was pulled up until his forehead was against Black's. He was embracing N in his arms, holding him close with his eyes closed. He slightly hummed a lullaby lightly, as if to soothe the frayed N._

_ "What happened in your nightmare, N…?" He asked in a murmur, his lips were hovering less than an inch away from N's._

_ "…I-it was Ghetsis again…" N struggled to say. He felt as if his heart was stuck in his throat, having Black's face so close sent him into a frenzy. He was sure his face was bright red; good thing the room was dark._

_ "Him again… I'm sorry, N." Black said again quietly, opening his eyes but still humming. His eyes, which were a reddish brown color, stared deep into N's, as if he were holding him there forever._

_ "Black, I wish he would leave my mind, why can't he just leave…?" N asked in despair. He got no reply, just an echoing lullaby._

I woke up slowly that morning; my mind was slowly being dragged from sleep. I could still hear his humming echoing in the back of my head. I tried not to think about the dream too much, every time I thought about Black's face so close my heart pounded harder. It was a ridiculous though. I allowed my mind to ease down, but sadly my mind was never so easily calmed down. Cheren's words from the previous day crawled into my head and invaded my blissful thoughts.

_"N, you realize you're a giant manchild." _His words were sharp in my mind as I remembered what he told me when Black was doing that interview. Cheren had begun talking to me- or more like yelling at me.

_"You're only going to be a burden if you keep being as useless as you have been!" _The word /useless/ always seemed made me flinch, it was like a whip.

_ "Ghetsis is right. All you know is Pokemon!" _Ghetsis… Why… Did he bring up Ghetsis…?

_ "You're just an overgrown manchild who's a burden to Black!" _I'm a burden…

I clenched the material in front of me in despair, which was the shirt that Black wore. He was lying in bed next to me facing the other direction. I stared at his back, comforted a bit knowing he was right there. I miss feeling his arms around me. I cherished the moments when he would but often he would roll away. I felt weird hugging him in his sleep now, the most I could do was caress his shirt's material in my fingers. I sighed shakily; I didn't want to be a burden to Black. I never mean to be a burden, but I knew I was. I couldn't get… a /job/. My father and Cheren were right, I knew nothing except pokemon. I winced inwardly as I mentioned my father in my mind.

I remained in bed feeling Black's warmth until I heard him stir. I quickly stopped stroking his hair which only now I realized I was doing. I quickly flung out of bed before he completely roused and inched out of the room. I didn't want to face him right now, I still felt terrible about what happened the previous afternoon. I annoyed him again... and he left me behind to be with his real friends when we walked home. His real friends that were Cheren and Bianca and… /White/. I cringed at her name, for some reason I didn't like her. She was nice, but there was something I didn't like about her. Maybe it was because I didn't know her quite well yet. I let out a sigh; my mind felt like it was spinning. I considered a shower, but Cheren's voice echoed in my head. I would just be wasting money, money I didn't make. The human world was so strange… Having a job was so important to people. Self-gain, power, money; this all applied to humans, it was so different from pokemon…

"You look like you got a lot on your mind, N!" An echoic young voice shouted. I didn't even turn my head to know it was Black's reuniclus, Squishy.

"Good morning, Squishy." I did not want to trouble this pokemon with my problems. "How was your sleep?" I asked politely.

"Good morning to you as well! Sleep was boring, I'm glad you are awake, now we can play! And you didn't answer my question! What's wrong, N?" She bubbled, levitating in circles around my head.

"Nothing, it is all fine." I replied, sitting down on the living room floor next to a sleeping serperior. It was roused from its sleep when I began to pet its head.

"What do you need?" It asked, eyes trained on me.

I shook my head; I didn't feel very vocal at the moment. My mind was racing far too fast for me to make proper conversation anyway. That didn't stop Black's pokemon from trying to talk to me though. All but Vincent were around me, attempting to prod me for answers. They made it worse then it sounded, and soon they were coming up with ridiculous reasons on why I didn't feel well. I kept insisting I was fine, but they were too smart for me. It gave me a warm feeling they cared so much, but at the moment I didn't really want to talk to them- or anyone- for that matter.

"Can we please get off this topic? It is not making me feel any better." I sighed finally.

"So there /is/ something wrong. We knew it!" DJ Fresh crossed his arms and nodded approvingly.

But they dropped it like I asked. We ended up playing some games on the floor, and soon hours went by. Black didn't really talk to me all morning. Cheren at one point left saying he needed to go to work, but Black wasn't paying attention. My curiousness grew when Black got a call- he didn't usually get them- and began talking to Bianca. But then I noticed he cast a suspicious stare over at me before fleeing the living room into the kitchen. I wasn't sure what were they going to talk about. I considered following him and listening from around the corner, but that would be wrong. I continued playing with DJ Fresh, but not for long. Black came pounding into the living room, telling me to get ready. I didn't question it; rather I complied without question. I swept past him, not even noticing I didn't change out of my pajamas this morning; I usually slept in a baggy shirt Black gave me and a pair of old sweatpants he had. It was a depressing realization, that, I really had nothing but the clothes on my back. As I dressed, my eye caught my reflection in a mirror on the wall. I stared and surveyed myself. As my eyes traced my frame, they stopped on the scars. As reflex my hand slipped up and traced the old scars. I never felt self conscious about them, I figured everyone got hurt. It was that day at the water park that is seemed to change; since my trip there I was acutely aware of my scars and how different I was.

Sighing, I turned away, not wanting to look at myself anymore. I slipped on my shirt, then the splash of bright colors that was my sweatshirt. I grabbed the hairbrush and began to comb the frizz and knots from my hair. I met Black out in the living room, who gave me an impatient stare.

"Honestly, again N? You just brushed your hair this morning!" He commented, crossing his arms.

I continued brushing my hair, truth be told I didn't really want to leave the apartment today, I felt too miserable. "I like my hair neat." I replied.

"It looks fine! C'mon let's go." H attempted to rush me.

"Hang on! I need to get the back…" I stammered, reaching for the back. I almost jumped out of my skin when his hand flashed out to grab the brush. My hand fell to my side as he viciously combed at the knots. I flinched; hair tugging never sat well with me. I tried to hide my pathetic fear by whining, "Ouch! Ouch! That hurts!"

"You should have been faster." I heard him say, tossing the brush to the side. "Really, it looks fine." He added, and I was surprised at how soft his voice was.

"R-really?" I brushed it down to hide how flustered I felt. /but why? All he did was compliment you! / My inner voice informed me.

"Yes. It's good; don't make such a deal of it." He must have noticed because the softness was gone to be replaced by his normal /cool/ tone. I flashed him a grateful smile; though I wasn't sure he caught it. "Alright let's go."

The walk was uncomfortably silent; I was almost offended out of my mind when he put in his ear buds to listen to music. After walking for a long time, I finally got the courage to ask to listen to it as well. He insisted I wouldn't like it, but I begged and he gave in. I put in the ear bud, listening carefully. At once /extremely/ loud music filled my head like a hyper voice attack. I heard blood curdling screaming, which I could barely make out the words the screamer was saying:

"…_Let's get drunk tonight, baby we don't have to fuck.  
And bring your friend along, maybe we can have some fun.  
Let's get freaky now, let's get fucking freaky now…"_

I wasn't sure what they meant, but it sounded horribly…. horrid! I flung the ear bud away, and if I could I probably would have flipped out on Black for even listening to such a thing. We continued walking and made it to the café. I remained quiet while Black stirred his coffee, looking very conflicted with himself. I almost opened my mouth to speak to him, but then I shut it again. Sitting back in my chair, I pulled a small thing from my pocket. It was the Zorua figurine Black got me. Every time I looked at it, I felt better about everything. I ran my fingers along the smooth stone that it was made out of. I always felt calmer after giving it a few strokes; I pretended it was a real Zorua, like the one I had as a child.

I tried to block out my own conflicting thoughts and stared out the window. It was a cold day; it threatened to snow soon. The clouds were heavy and gray outside, ready to let out a storm at any moment. I hoped we would go home soon. It wasn't long before I heard Bianca and White entering the café. They were so loud you would hear them before seeing them. Once they spotted us, they came strolling over to our table disrupting the peaceful silence that enveloped Black and I.

"Hey Black, N!" Bianca waved at me while White poked at Black.

"We know you're awake!" She said, poking harder until he got up,

"Jeez, you look horrible…" Bianca gasped, raising her eyebrows.

"Thanks, because, when someone's feeling like crap that makes them feel better." Black replied in a grumble.

"That gives you no excuse to be mean!" She exclaimed, and then smiled "It'll be fine, Black. Now, N, I have something I need to show you, mind coming?"

"What?" I was mostly spacing, barely tuning into their conversation. My eyes snapped to Bianca.

"It'll only take a few minutes! Come on." She reached down, taking my wrist. I flinched, but she didn't notice. I wish I was stronger so I could have struggled away, but she was determined to drag me off out of the café. "Be back soon!" She shouted at White and Black, who I realized were still sitting there.

Once outside, we headed down the street where she finally released my wrist. I gave it a rub; I didn't like it when other people touched me. Though I guess I should get used to Bianca dragging me around everywhere. It wasn't long before she finally started blabbering, mostly explaining in detail why she and White were late. I didn't pay any attention, her going on and on wasn't really the thing my mind was concentrating on at the moment.

"So uh, N, how are you and Black?" At the name Black, my attention was taken.

"What do you mean how are we? We are fine!" I told her, keeping a good poker face up. Inside though, I wanted to scream in frustration.

"Oh, really?" She smiled kindly at me, "You like him don't you?" She asked.

"Of course, he is my best friend!" I replied with a huff.

Bianca chuckled a bit, and silence overtook us. After a few minutes, Bianca turned to me again but her tone was much more serious. "So… why are you scared of Cheren?

"What? I-I am not afraid of Cheren!" I yelped, surprised by the sudden question.

"Oh? But Black told me you were. You know… Cheren isn't bad or anything…" She began, speaking in a gentle voice.

But I was shaking my head. "I know Cheren is not /bad/. I never said he was. I am not afraid of him; he just upset me is all." I tried to smile; something I didn't usually do unless I was with pokemon or Black on a good day. She seemed to believe my fake smile though.

"I understand, but N, maybe you should speak to Black about it." She murmured, "I know sometimes he isn't the easiest person to talk to, but usually no guy is!" Her sentence ended with a laugh.

I shrugged. "I suppose." I didn't like being alone with Bianca, but she seemed to be helping my friendship with Black. I found myself thinking about my dream last night- where I thought I woke up from a nightmare. Black was there to comfort me… perhaps if I told him what I thought of Cheren, he'd do it in real life… Wait, no, that wouldn't work. Black wasn't that sort of person, if anything he'd think I was crazy.

"Argh... I hate having a job sometimes." Bianca sighed heavily. "Hey N, I got to run. But your apartment should be… err..." She was scouting the nearby area, "A few blocks that way, then turn left." She pointed down the street, "You got that?"

"Yeah. But wait, what about Black?"

"White will send him home, it won't be long. Alright, see you, N!"

I nodded and I was ready to leave but then I felt Bianca's arm around my shoulder. I almost lurched away from the sudden side hug but after a few seconds her arm had already left. I turned around to see her smiling, "I do have hope for you two."

I watched her leave, thinking about her last words /I do have hope for you two/. I wasn't sure what that could possibly mean though. I tried not to dwell on it, but it was glued in my mind. Hope… /for us? For us being good friends?/. I pondered. Then I sighed to myself, sometimes I did wish Black could be nicer to me. Though I couldn't exactly blame him. As I walked slowly down the street, I couldn't help but think if It would be easier on Black if I wasn't around, after all:

_That's what Cheren said._

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**Sorry for late update. I've been working on a side isshushipping fic that has a special place in my heart. 3 Distractions ffff**

**Also, that song Black was listening too was Freaxx by Brokencyde... Black you need moar homoseckual songs on your iPod.  
**

_.**Also.. sorry for horrible mistakes, this was self edited because it's freaking late.._


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon!**

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. it also contains mentions or rape, incest and abuse.**

* * *

Another flash struck the sky, followed by a loud rumbling that almost shook the entire city. Rain fell at an alarming rate, making it even hard for me to even see my own hand inches in front of my face. As the sounds of the thunder and water danced together, I attempted blasting it away with music; unfortunately my iPod was out of battery. I shoved it in my pocket muttering incoherently to myself about how I should charge it longer. I shook my head, raindrops flying off my hair. Though, this was futile because the wet droplets were replaced by more. I was drenched from head to toe in rain water. Earlier, White and I got caught in the sudden storm that seemed to go all out in a matter of seconds. Once we found Bianca, we went our separate ways. I headed to the store before going home, buying the cheapest store brand products I could find. From all the rain I was soaked through to the skin, and I felt like a walking snowman.

More lightning lit the sky, and I braced myself for yet another rumble. I wondered how N was coping, I figured he was fine since he was probably used to the rain and the thunder. Hell, he probably enjoyed the awful weather. It often struck randomly in Unova due to the legendary pokemon that reside in the skies. I pondered, looking up in the sky if my Zekrom was up there? Or maybe that Thunderus I never seemed to get around to catching? I sighed; well it didn't matter right now. I was freezing, wet and wanted to get home. I rounded the corner, finally seeing the apartment complex in view. In wasn't long before I was in front of my door, scrambling for my keys with frozen fingers. Once the door was open, I was met with darkness and a loud, muffled pounding of rain.

There was a weak, gray light coming in through the screen door, other than that everything was cloaked in shadows. I shut the door behind me, looking around curiously. Where was everyone? I started to slip off my slushy shoes, thinking about why the apartment was so empty. My head snapped up when I heard a haunting like sound. It was like a whimper… and it was coming from the far corner.

"Channdeeluree…~" I nearly jumped out of my skin as Vincent floated up next to me. "Cccchhh…luree…." It said.

"Hello, Vincent…" Out of all my pokemon, he always scared me, "Do you know where N is?"

"…Luurreee.." it's eyes glowed a bright blue, and a small will-o-wisp formed in front of it. The flame floated across the room, into the shadows. It lit up the dark corner, revealing the outline of N, surrounded by Smugleaf, DJ Fresh, Squishy and Simon.

"What's he doing?" I wondered, ready to go over. There was another flash of lightning, and I heard another low, fearful whimper, then thunder again. I saw N flinch where he was sitting in my serperior's coils. Sighing, I inched over slowly so N wouldn't be startled by my sudden presence. "N…? N, you okay? What's wrong?" I asked curiously.

I didn't get a reply, and I laughed nervously to break the silence. "N it's alright, it's just some lightning." Still no reply and I sighed in defeat. "Well, I need to… uh, go shower... so, be right back."

I was about to turn away but Squishy intercepted me, glaring at me with crossed arms. "Reun! Reuniclus!" She said. Times like this I wish I understood pokemon speech.

"Come on, I'm soaking and cold..." I muttered, but I turned back to N. Apparently that's what I was supposed to do because she gave me an approving nod.

"C'mon, N, I got more Zoru-O's" The only thing I bought that wasn't cheap store brand crap.

He dared to glance up; I could see blue eyes faintly shining through the dim light. He looked as if he were about to speak but another flash interrupted whatever he was about to say.

"Come on, N, its fine it just-" I broke off when at the same moment thunder rumbled over the apartment, N launched himself out of Smugleaf's coils and wrapped his arms around my body, his face buried deep into my wet sweatshirt. I was taken by utter surprise at the sudden gesture, my arms instinctively coming out to catch him. I nearly fell over backwards at having his entire weight flung at me. The growling of the sky trailed off once again, leaving the numbing pounding of the rain.

"N?" I asked, vainly trying to push him off, but he only gripped harder, his face burrowing deeper into the fabric of my clothing. "Er…" I began awkwardly, but then I shut my mouth.

"…I don't like storms, Black." N mumbled into my shirt.

"Well, I can see that…" I replied drly. I waited, expecting him to let go, but he never did. So, after a few minutes I figured taking a shower and changing into dry clothes would have to wait. I ended up sitting on the floor, N still securely clinging to me. Other then the pounding of the rain on the roof, it was quiet silent for some time. I listen to light rasping of N's breath, barely audible over the sound of the rain. When there was a flash, N would squeeze tighter and waited for the rumbles of thunder that followed.

I leaned backwards against the arm of the couch and sighed again. The occasional booms of the thunder faded into the background as I closed my eyes, concentrating on the rain. My boredom grew, but I felt as if I had to stay here… right here. N was frightened, and a good friend would stay and comfort there friend. My head drifted back to my conversation with White; why it was coming up now I didn't know.

_You're like… his anchor. _I remembered a specific moment and looked down at N who had taken a more comfortable position next to me, but he still had his arms around my body. I guess I did feel like an anchor right now, I mean if I hadn't come home what would have N done? Just kept sitting there bawling? At least he wasn't anymore, but he still clenched to my shirt like I was a lifeline.

"…When I was a child…" His soft voice got my attention back. "I was usually… alone, when it was storming like this… Wh-when I went to Ghetsis because I was scared, he told me to toughen up, and only made it worse…"

"But you were only a child!" I couldn't have been very surprised though; Ghetsis _was_ a heartless bastard.

"I had Zorua though…! But it is not the same..." He trailed away.

It hit me just then, how venerable N was. I realized just how much trust he was putting in me right now; something that haunted him back to childhood. He was willing to trust me enough to see some of his darkest fears. It made me feel a bit better for some reason, knowing N trusted me as much as he did.

_Sounds to me like your pretty special to him. _I heard White's voice in my head again, only I felt a shiver crawl up my spine when I thought about it. Special... _Special in what way?_ I speculated, looking down at N who had fell silence again. _As a friend, of course!_ A voice in my head spat, but another voice, a voice that until now I had kept quiet, whispered: _or special as in... More than a friend?_ I yelped, slapping myself in the face to get myself to shut up.

"Black?" I heard N ask, and his head lifted up to look up at me. His head shot back down as another thunder shock shook the sky. "Sorry." He murmured after the grumbling stopped again.

"Huh? Er, about what?" My voice shook, my mind was still messing with me.

"I am annoying you right now." He sounded thoroughly ashamed with himself.

"No, you're not! We all get scared over some things, haha." I laughed nervously, trying to push the voice out of my head.

"That does not excuse my behavior." N said firmly, finally releasing me. He appeared to be defiant, but as he got up, and there was another lightning flash. I could see he was fighting very hard with himself not to collapse back down and go back to hugging me for comfort. It took nearly ten seconds for the massive thunder to strike, rumbling the apartment along with our ears. As I predicted, he was back down next to me, arms wrapped around my shoulders.

I sighed heavily, "Dude, it's fine, really. I understand that you don't like thunder and storms."

N nodded, but he didn't look convinced. A silence stretched between us, and no more thunder seemed to strike, but we remained on the floor together for awhile. We sometimes talked about miscellaneous things, but mostly we kept silent. For some reason I felt the need to cherish the peaceful silence, which wasn't normal for me at all. I usually needed music, or someone talking, or even the TV on for noise. But here, it was just the muffled rain and the sound of N breathing.

Listening to N's breathing was arithmetic; I could have fallen asleep to it. I didn't even notice that I was staring down at him until he turned his head, mouth open as if to tell me something, but no words came out…

…Because our eyes were locked.

It was like a moment in a cheesy movie right before two people kissed, and I was aware of it. What was most painful is that even though I knew what was about to happen, I didn't stop myself. I swallowed, numbly noticing how my face was inching down and down until I could feel his hair brush my forehead. Why wasn't I pulling away… it was like that traitor voice in my head was now controlling my movements!

The silence was suddenly broken by the sound of a key in a lock and rattling. Crap, Cheren was home! I was snapped back too attention and my head shot back away from N's. N, who had looked completely scared out of his mind, watched as I stood up and began laughing nervously.

"I need to go shower, it seems the storm dimmed down enough for you not to need me right? Right. Haha." And with that I zipped out of the room rather awkwardly. Once I was in the bathroom, I slammed the door. My heart was pounding a mile a minute and I could feel myself break out in a sweat. What was _that_ about? I quickly strolled over to the tub, turning the water on and stripping off my clothes. I hopped into the shower, allowing the steam and water calm my frayed nerves.

It was ridiculous, I felt like a love struck school girl or something. Only, I wasn't a girl, and I certainly wasn't in love…! I shoved my head under the steaming hot water, feeling the scolding liquid run down my head and back. It was uncomfortably hot, but I didn't care at the moment.

I refused to believe that was anything more than just a fluke, trick of the mind, just something I did to comfort N. That's right! I was just being a good friend is all.

..So why couldn't I stop thinking about it?

* * *

**Don't worry N, I don't like the thunder either **

**So cheesy~ Every story needs some cheesiness~**

**Damn Cheren, wai so cawkblawk**

**Anyway, I feel bad I didn't post this last chapter (I forgot derp). Someone drew a picture for Beautiful Scars. So much spazz was involved when I saw it. xD You guys should take a look!~: http:/i51(dot)tinypic(dot)com/2nhqdxx(dot)jpg - Copy and paste that into the search bar, then replace (dot) with.. a dot! .**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own pokemon.**

**Warnings: this story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mentions of incest, abuse and rape.**

* * *

"I blame you for this." I hissed through the phone as I paced around my room.

"Huh?" White's confused voice sounded over the line.

"I blame you! You used some sort of girl voodoo on me I just know it." I pointed accusingly at the phone even know I knew she couldn't see.

"What now?" White laughed.

"You! Your girlish voodoo shit made me- almost- just, your fault." I hissed through the speaker, I couldn't bring myself to say that _I almost kissed N._

"Calm down, Black! Almost what?" She asked.

"Well, N was upset about the weather, so I… and he… and I... he looked so…! And then…!" I was freaking out. Why was I freaking out so much? I didn't even feel like myself, the way I flustered up like this.

"Huh…? Oh… Ohhhh!" White snickered.

"No, it's not ohhhh." I replied with a growl, but I could hear White yelling to someone in the background. Oh shit no… _She's calling Bianca! _No good could come of that.

"Bianca, Bianca, I think Black and N might have did _it._"

"Oh. My. God, are you serious?" I heard her start to babble fan-girlishly in the background.

"Dude, Bianca, calm your tits!"I heard White snap at Bianca.

"God damn it, _White!"_ I shouted again, this time getting her attention.

"What is it, Black?"

"I didn't do _it_ with N! Why would you even suggest that?" My voice was almost screaming with outrage. I could have begun tearing my hair out when I thought of me and N ever… doing _that!_ "Damn it!" I hissed, _fuck you White, _I thought to myself.

"Oh? Then what did you do- or almost do- with N?" She asked smoothly, I could almost imagine her smirk on the other end.

I couldn't bring myself to bring it up again; besides, it wasn't that of a good deal… right? So why was I calling White about it? I really need to think these plans through… "Ugh, it doesn't matter. Just, I blame you!"

"Alright then, Black." White laughed, "It seems everyone is on high tension today. Bianca says Cheren wasn't feeling well either."

"Oh?" I just realized he hadn't even come home yet.

"Yeah. I think all five of us need some more bonding time, maybe we could go to a club or-"

"White, I'm still technically underage for a club..." Only by a few days, but still, I didn't want a run in with the law.

"Oh right… hehe, your birthdays soon though. Well, we need to do something for your birthday anyway. Bianca, what do you think?"

"Let's do it!" I heard her muffled voice.

"We'll figure out something; see you, Black." Then the phone clicked off. I sighed, tossing the phone onto my bed. My eyes flickered to the window, where the sky was still gray with clouds. Though the thundering had pass, the rain still fell. I could hear it on the roof still; it was such a daunting sound. I reached for my towel, putting it back in my still-wet hair. I was wasting time; I was pussy-footing around the fact that at some point I needed to leave my room. But N was out there; how could I even face him?

"Wait, why does it fucking matter? I'm acting like some retarded elementary school girl or some shit." I muttered to myself, swiping the towel off my head and tossing it to the floor. I stormed across my small room, reaching out for the doorknob. My hand hovered over the gold-tinted knob, refusing to grab it. _Come on, Black. Open the door, _I demanded myself, but my hand didn't move. Groaning, I moved away from the door to my bed, plopping down among the covers. I swear, ever since N came back into my life, I had changed for the worst. I felt like my whole personality, my whole lifestyle had been altered.

Well, I guess it's to be expected. I rolled over, rubbing my face and groaning again. I couldn't just stay in my room for the rest of my life, it wouldn't be long before N came looking for me. I would have to confront him sooner or later. But how could I when I….

When we almost….

"Shit, get out of my head!" I hissed at the same moment I heard a loud knock. My head whipped around as I glared at the door. "Yeah?" I tried to keep the venom out of my voice, for fear it was N on the other side.

"Eh? Black, you okay?" I heard Cheren's voice from the other side of the door and I sighed with relief. I leapt off my bed and opened the door.

"Yeah, fine."

He gave me a curious stare before starting to walk away. "I got a call from Bianca. She told us all to get ready to go out tonight, but she didn't say where." He narrowed his eyes a bit. "Do you know where?"

"No, sorry." I shook my head.

"Ah, just like her eh? Anyway I guess we might as well." His voice sounded tired though, I almost asked what was up but he slipped into the bathroom before I could. I shrugged and instinctively went into the living room. Not much to do in terms of getting ready, I already took a shower twenty minutes ago and had a fresh shirt with jeans on. I plopped onto the coach, leaning against the back of the cushion. I looked around the room, unnerving me that N wasn't in here. He was probably lurking somewhere in the shadows…

It wasn't long before I heard the fast knocking from the other side of the door. Bianca and White were here already; _that was fast_ I thought as I went and answered the door.

"Hello once again, Black. Long time no see." White said as she trolled in, Bianca at her heels.

"Because a few hours is a long time ago." I replied in a sarcastic tone. She ignored me and just walked into the middle of the living room.

"Wow… This is… eh, boring." White commented flatly, looking around the room. The only furniture was a couch, a table, lamp and a TV. The walls were bare, and the floor was covered in trash (mostly my doing). My pokemon lay around the room lazily; they were the only things really interesting.

"We just moved here, and we don't exactly have shit tons of money to afford interior design." I said dryly, staring at the girls.

"Well, that will change soon. Even if it's all boys living here it needs a little…. Flare." Bianca insisted, making hand gestures to express her 'flare'.

"Speaking of the boys, where are Cheren and N?" White asked, putting her hands on her hips impatiently.

"N? I don't know… Cheren-"

"Is right here." The teenager came strolling in, cleaning his glasses and placing them on his head. "Hello White, Bianca."

"Cheren!" Bianca sang, instantly clinging to him causing his face to color. White snickered, "And what about N, Black?" She asked.

"Honestly, I don't know." Though it wasn't a mystery for long, I noticed him standing in the doorway of the kitchen, staring at us all with a strange look. I didn't like the look at all, I couldn't even read it, it just seemed... hurt? Distant? Confused?

"Greetings White, Bianca." He nodded, strolling up to us. "What is going on?"

"You're all being drags; that's what!" Bianca barked from where she was hanging on Cheren's neck. "We, as a group of friends are going to go out!"

"Where?" I asked, raising a brow.

"You'll find out." White winked, spinning around and leaving the small apartment. "Let's go!"

I followed her quickly, N following and Bianca with Cheren bringing up the rear. I could only fear wherever White was taking us. I hope it didn't involve me and N being alone together in some way. _Because she would enjoy that…_ I thought to myself irritably. As we walked, I constantly casted sideway glances at N, who seemed to be acting normal. He had a distant look on his face as usual, but his face flickered my way and he caught my stare. I didn't turn my head away, because he smiled the softest smile to me.

I didn't realize that I was staring at him until I heard a giggle from Bianca behind us. "Oh you two are so cute."

"Shut up." I hissed at her, turning to look in another direction.

Silence fell over us all again. It was a short walk until we came in front of an unfamiliar building. It looked old, and the neighborhood it was in wasn't exactly too posh either. Once we rounded the building, there was a large sign beaten down and stained with the text 'Drilbur's Bowling Alley'.

"Bowling?" I questioned, "I haven't been bowling since…. Psh, I was a kid."

"What's bowling?" N asked, looking up at the sign in awe.

"You'll see." I replied as we headed inside.

The smell of smoke and sweat hit me at once. My ears were overwhelmed by the explosions of sounds; beeping of arcade games, pins being knocked over, music in the background and the endless chatter of the bowlers. Lights flashed everywhere in several shapes and colors. I glanced over at N, who was unsurprisingly scared and overwhelmed by everything. He was slowly inching closer to me, "Black, what is going on?" His voice was thick.

"It's a bowling alley, N."

He looked around suspiciously. White came up to my other side, putting an arm around my shoulders. "Come on Black, smile! This is going to bed fun!" She chirped, dragging me towards the desk.

"I'm not made of money you know! I don't have money for bowling!" I sputtered, pulling out my wallet and looked inside. I wouldn't be surprised if a moth flew out.

"Ah, good thing I am!" White sang, digging into her purse and pulling out her wallet, putting down money for her, me and N.

"Oh come on, I can't honestly ask you to pay for yet something else, White!" I said with a huff.

"You never asked, idiot. I'm offering." She replied with a wink.

Once we all got shoes (N refused to wear them, claiming they were dirty filthy and he liked his shoes) we found our lanes and our bowling balls. I spent over ten minutes trying to get N the perfect ball. It was a swirly green color which reminded me of his hair.

"Alright, teams…." White pondered, "I want to be on N's team. Me and N against you three." She pointed at me, Bianca and Cheren.

"Tch, you're on!" Bianca said threateningly, picking up her bright pink bowling ball.

"Whatever." Cheren sighed, picking up his jet black ball made for children.

N looked around and frowned. "I'm still confused about what to do…" he muttered, he honestly looked absolutely miserable here. I guess it was up to me, _yet again._

"C'mere." I waved my hand and strolled down to lane. "Watch what I do." Honestly, I had no idea how to bowl, but I had a broad idea from shows and movies. I knelt a bit, rearing back and swinging my arm back, and then forward. I released the ball and it went flying about five feet before hitting the wooden ground and going down the lane. It almost went into the gutter, but it grazed the edge of the pins, knocking down four. _Well, that wasn't…. too bad _I thought to myself rather pathetically.

"Somebody get me another ball." I started heading back to get another ball, but White shouted at me, "Use N's balls!- Er I mean ball." Bianca and White began giggling insanely, and I gave them a scowl, but I complied.

"Gimme." I took N's swirly green ball and he yelped a complaint. I threw the ball, which ended up being a gutter ball. I turned away shamefully, rubbing the back of my neck. "Ahaa… Anyway, the point is to knock down the pins in one shot." I told N, who nodded.

I went back to sit at our lanes booth, ignoring Bianca telling me 'I'm utterly terrible at this game' and instead watched N. He stared for who knows how long at the pins before rearing back and flinging the ball. It went straight down the lane and hit the middle pin, knocking all the rest down. I blinked in shock, "Whoa. N, how'd you do that; that was amazing for your first time!" I exclaimed as he retreated from the lane. He looked away rather embarrassingly and sat down on the booth next to me.

"Impressive, N!" White nodded in approval. "I think we may just win this!" She thumbed up.

And she was right. By the end of the game, N had gotten all strikes, and White got half strikes. We lost horribly. Not only us, but some strangers watched and congratulated N for his skill. He just gave them all an even stare and a polite thanks; I could see he was terribly uncomfortable. Though he had gotten used to the chaotic surroundings he was suddenly thrust into. I tried not to let the fact that I lost miserably get to me too much; but it did. It was just a silly game, but somehow N managed to get all strikes! Though I felt happy for him, at least he was fitting in if only a little.

As we wrapped up the game, White kept parading around chanting she and N won while I kept telling her to give it a rest. That didn't stop her from continuing to brag about the win.

"Relax, Black. I'm only messing with you guys." She laughed as we walked towards the entrance.

"You didn't even do anything." I insisted with a grin.

"Oh, psh." White waved a hand to discard my comment.

"Hey, hey Black. Your birthdays in a few days." I heard Bianca pointed out.

I shrugged, "Yeah, I guess it is. I'll finally be eighteen." I could feel a jolt of excite.

"We're all older then you, you realize." White smirked.

"You're all a bunch of old faggots then." I snorted, "Only a matter of time before you begin getting wrinkles and losing your hair."

In response I was slugged rather painfully by White's fist. "I think it's time we all go home. Unlike you lazy people some of us went to work." White told me pointy.

"Erk- See you!" I said, still gasping from the hit I got in my gut.

"Bye boys!" Bianca said with a wave, following White.

"Shall we?" Cheren asked, heading off in the opposite direction. I almost followed, but I felt something touch my shoulder. I glanced behind me where N was standing there with a rather determined look on his face.

"Black, I want to talk to you." He said desperately. I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out. I stood there looking derp for a moment before turning away.

"Haha, maybe later, we're falling behind." I replied nervously, shifting awkwardly on my feet before trotting quickly after N. I could hear him sigh behind me, and I visibly flinched. I regretted doing that… but how could I ever face him properly again?

* * *

**DAT ANGST**

**And then boring**

**Yeah sorry for boring chapter, it was sort of filler-ish, but it had a point~**

**DAT NEXT CHAPTER- Actually the next several chapters are pretty good (in my opinion) so bare with me~ **

**Also, this was self-edited at midnight. I'm sorry if there are derp mistakes in here; or if it makes no sense.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Warning: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mentions of rape, incest and abuse.**

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"I'm going to order a pizza, alright?" Came Cheren's voice from the kitchen. It sounded frustrated as he trotted into the living room where I relaxed on the couch, "What you got from the store all looks terrible at the moment."

"Sorry…" I laughed guiltily, "I don't have exactly a lot of money to buy anything decent."

"Well, it'll come in handy later." Cheren said, "Now I just need to find a delivery place…" his voice trailed off as I zoned out again, shifting my gaze from Cheren to back out to sliding door that lead to the small balcony. N was still out there, staring out at the clearing clouds as the sunset turned the sky a blaze with oranges and pinks. I knew I'd never hear the end if it if I didn't talk to N one way or another. Just to sort things out. But why is it so hard to do that?

_Just go out there, and say it was all... well… _Wait, what would I say? _Black, for being a pokemon trainer you don't think things out well do you?_ I scolded myself as I got up and walked towards the door carefully. I was nervous to confront N, ever since I had walked away from him from the bowling alley hours earlier, he literally was like a walking block of ice. When he came home, he instantly went to my pokemon. I guess it was time to talk to N about earlier today. It had been such a long day; so much stuff happened, sleep sounded nice right now. _No! _I told myself, I had to do this. I reached down, ready to take the handle. I hesitated for a moment, before grasping the handle thinking _No Black, don't start that again._ I opened the screen door, stepping out onto the balcony. It was still wet, but the smell of after-rain was a nice scent in my opinion. N was leaning on the rim of the deck, looking out into the distance. His figure was saluted against the sunset, making him appear to glow and the slight wind made his hair sway a bit.

He didn't look to me when I walked out onto the balcony, then inched slowly over and leaned against the railing alongside him. I glanced over, meeting his eyes. "What did you need earlier, N..?"

"It does not matter." N replied after a long hesitation, "It was unimportant."

"No, I want to hear." I insisted.

"No, it's fine. Never mind." He said, looking away.

No… N wasn't acting like N at all, and I was worried. "N what's up? You can tell me you know."

He continued staring out into the distance, his eyes glazed. He finally replied slowly, "I just wanted to thank you for tolerating my earlier behavior. I really… Do not like thunderstorms."

"Could have fooled me." I shot back sarcastically, but I smiled to keep him from thinking it was an insult, "It's alright, we all have phobias."

His eyes flashed for a moment, he looked as if he were about to throw up. But the moment passed and he smiled softly. "Even you?" He asked unbelievingly.

"Yes." I shifted my eyes, "But you'll never know."

"Oh come on, that's not fair." He insisted, "What is your phobia, Black?"

"Not telling." N would probably shoot me if I told him anyway.

"Are you… scared of the dark?" N suggested.

"Eh? No! I sleep in the dark every night!" I snapped.

"Then what?" He asked again, smiling faintly.

"Eh, fine… But don't kill me for it."

His eyes widened, "Why would I?" He squeaked.

"I wasn't serious, N." I rolled my eyes and smirked. "Alright… I'm scared of this pokemon…"

"Scared of a pokemon? How is that even...?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Tympole." I said finally, scratching the back of my head. It's not my fault, but every time I see one they just creep me out. Those stares… Oh god those stares. And those tails…! And the way they slither everything, gah!

"Tympoles?" N exclaimed. "But, they're so cute! And they're an amazing species of pokemon! Tympole's cheeks are able to vibrate high-pitched melodic sounds that are inaudible to humans. It speaks using these sound-waves and even notifies its friends of danger with them-"

"Yes, yes, I know this."

"How? A pokedex? I learned on my own." N smirked a bit, looking prideful. But then his face fell and he sighed.

"I... could have." I insisted, trailing off. A silence fell over us again, and so did the awkward.

"I never succeeded in saving my friends. I couldn't save them like a Tympole does." N commented, flicking a droplet of water off the railing, "In the end, they did not need my help. It was all a lie." He ended sourly.

The sudden change of mood almost put me into a shock. I frowned, looking out into the distance with N. "It may have been a lie... but you did help."

"Yeah? With what?"

"…Well, you helped me if that means anything." I said quietly.

N's eyes widened, then narrowed again when he looked at me. "Oh? How?"

I shrugged, "You made me see a bigger world outside my own." I never would have realized that pokemon were more than for battling and being friends. They were truly so much more; I would have never rknown this without N.

N watched me for a moment, then smiling a bit, "You still have a long way to go…" He trailed off again, looking into the streets below. "You helped me as well, in more ways then you could imagine."

"…I helped you wear a new set of clothes?" I asked, looking pointly at the splash of rainbows that was his shirt.

"Well that; but you helped me see a boarder vision of the world." N said, "And I'm still learning…"

I nodded, feeling strangely at ease. N seemed at ease as well, and suddenly everything that was awkward swept away with the wind that ran through my hair.

"Hey N, I have a question that I have wanted to ask you." N broke the silence.

"Hm?"

"Where is Zekrom…?" He asked slowly, looking over at me.

"Oh… Well, awhile after you left, it felt wrong keeping him inside a pokeball. I let him roam Unova freely."

"Oh? Released it?"

"No, just let it roam. It on occasion visits."

N was silent, and when I glanced over at him he looked miserable again. He turned away, looking up at the sky with longing.

"What... What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Just... thinking about Reshiram." He replied after awhile.

"Oh…" I didn't press it, it already appeared to bother him. Once again, there was silence. I didn't notice the tears streaming down N's cheeks, and when I did I tried not to notice. The awkward that left only minutes before suddenly came back full blast. I would have liked to leave, but I couldn't, not when N was like this. Hesitantly, I reached over and put an arm around his shoulder. _Nothing wrong with a bro-hug right?_ I asked myself, though I didn't answer.

Minutes ticked on, the temperature plummeted and soon the sunset turned into a pure night sky. We had to have been there for nearly a half an hour. Despite the tension, I liked the private time. We didn't talk at all; we just stood there enjoying the presence of a friend.

"I hope they're both okay…" N finally spoke in a small voice after awhile, taking my hand in his that was still around his shoulder and squeezed it. I frowned, debating whether to let him hold it or pull away. _Wait, why am I even asking? _I gently pulled away.

"It's… Getting cold. Let's head inside." I finally said, going and opening the door, only to find my pokemon crowded around the glass, looking eagerly outside. "Eh? What are you guys doing?" They all exchanged guilty glances and fled. Simon flew away and ran into another wall, while Smugleaf slithered behind the couch and DJ Fresh disappeared down the hallway. Vincent returned to the place he hung from on the ceiling, casting eerie shadows throughout the room. Squishy remained though, crossing her arms and glaring at me.

"Clusss!" She said, pushing me. "Reuniclus!"

"Squi-suishy, don't say that!" N stuttered, waving his arms.

"Wait, what did she say?" I asked; casting suspicious glanced between the two.

"Reuniclus, clusss!" Squishy sounded demanding as she pushed me so hard I ran into N. She then tried to close the door, but I pulled away from the N and grabbed the door before it closed.

"What. Are. You doing?" I wasn't really mad, but I glared away. Squishy crossed her arms again, glaring straight back.

"Squishy stop this, its fine." N insisted. Squishy huffed, turning around and floating away. My eyes trailed her back as she left, then I looked at N. "You going tell me that the deal is?"

"If I told you, you would be mad." N sighed, walking past me into the warm apartment.

"I'm mad now." I muttered, closing the door.

The evening proceeded quickly. The pizza Cheren ordered arrived, and we all ate it, even my pokemon. I had to pick the pepperoni off of N's pizza since he was a vegetarian. He scowled at me and Cheren for eating meat. We just shrugged it off. Afterwards, I headed to my room and plopped on my bed. I was tired; but it was early. I decided to play my DS for awhile, but N got onto the bed and shifted next to me to watch, which made my attention fluctuate from N to the game back to N then back to the game. My character died repeatedly, so I finally gave up in frustration and went to bed. After getting ready, I was under the covers. Like always, N slipped in after me. I would feel his head digging into my back, which was awkward. He usually did do this, but it was affecting me more than normal. I wanted to push him away, but the second my head hit the pillow I was already heading the world of sleep.

_"Black... I'm afraid…" N whined, pressing his face into my shirt as another thunderbolt rumbled._

_ "I'm sorry, N…" I said softly, reaching my hand down and pulling his head up from where it hid._

_ "It's just science, it's just sounds and lights, so why is it so scary?" N wailed in desperation._

_ "I don't know, N." I sighed, pulling N';s face gently towards mine._

_ "Black…?" His voice broke off when my lips pressed against his._

_ Suddenly, it felt right._

* * *

**I wrote this when I was hiped up on Vicadon.~**

**ONLY DERP WRITING CAN COME FROM THIS.~**

**Ahaaa.. Moar self edit**_  
_


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon**

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mentions of incest, rape and abuse.**

* * *

_He was silenced completely by the sudden gesture. He had not experienced a kiss in years; and the only ones he knew of where the forceful ones, the painful ones, the ones that meant nothing and were simply to cure the lust of the opposite person. They were wrong, they had no true feeling. Humans often insinuate kisses being the perfect way for two people to show their love or affection of one another. He had never experienced such a kiss in the past…_

_ …Until now. To N, it felt more like soaring. It was not a kiss of lust, force or pain, but of simply some unexplainable feeling that he could feel seep into him from such simple contact. He wasn't sure what he could possibly do. Pull away? Let it continue? The kiss was bringing so many feelings and emotions inside of him, a combination of longing and at the same time fear. _

_ His father had been trained him to take everything; to never oppose or pull away or there would be punishment. His mind wanted to pull away in fear, but his body refused to move and his heart made him stay. The inner battle could have lasted a long while before anything happened. His lips were suddenly bare once more as the face of the other person pulled away, leaving N almost shivering where he was._

_ This couldn't possibly be real. It couldn't be… He had heard what a kiss meant; it was a gesture of love for another human. And not by any means…_

_ …Does Black love him._

I woke up slowly. My eyes refused to open when I was awake. I wanted to hold the memory of my dream fresh in my mind forever. It was a ridiculous notion though, it wasn't real. Did I wish it was real? This I couldn't answer. My dream had started like the others; it always started like the others, in some form of suffering. I was back in my castle, sitting in my toy room alone and listening to the endless clap of thunder that rocked the sky overhead. This is how I spent storms as a child, and the memories were rushing back. Suddenly, Black had shown up much like he did earlier that day. I couldn't help but spilling all of my fear and worry; never had I done so before, I always kept it bottlde up for fear of disapproval or punishment. Black accepted me with open arms, which shocked me. _Could it be real?_ I kept asking myself, though I knew the answer was no. That didn't keep me from preserving the feeling that seemed to make me float.

I never knew what the true meaning of a kiss meant to humans until I asked Black a few years ago when I still didn't know him well. He replied sincerely; he said it was an expression of love for another person. Growing up around pokemon, I didn't understand entirely what it was.

So it shocked me when in my dream, as I wept rather pathetically into the fabric of Black's shirt, he lifted my head and our lips meant. Even thinking about it now, I was sincerely confused. What could it mean that I dreamt this? Did it mean anything? I didn't know, but I wish I did. From childhood I thought a kiss was nothing; an invention of humans to cure a type of lust. It's what my father taught me through his actions anyway. My body tensed at the memory of my father, and I pushed it away the best I could. I didn't want pain right now; I just woke up from a rare, good dream, and I wanted to keep the feeling fresh in my mind for as long as possible.

Trying to forget my conflicting mind, I dug my head into the sheets. It was tempting to hug Black, but he was muttering something incoherently in his sleep, I didn't want to disturb him. After what seemed like forever, I gave up trying to put my mind to rest and got up, hesitantly walking out of the room. I was painfully aware I went without showering for awhile; it wouldn't be long before Black picked it up and started nagging me to shower.

I slipped into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I couldn't have been under the drizzle for five minutes before I was out and drying off. Once I was clean, I took the old brush, one of the few possessions I had, and walked into the living room stroking my lush, green hair with the bristles.

"N! N! Did you tell him, you better have told him!" I heard Squishy seconds before I felt her tackle me, nearly to the ground.

"Certainly not, why would I?" I questioned as I gently pushed her from where she clung to me. "Wait, what was I supposed to tell him, dear Squishy?"

"Yesterday, I know you wanted him to make a move!" She barked, levitating in circles around me. Oh right, Squishy kept telling me to make some sort of move on Black while the moment was proper.

"A move? Whatever you are talking about, I do not know." I stated, sitting down on the floor to continue brushing my hair.

"Oh? And that perfect moment on the balcony where he had his arm around your shoulders, and you two were in a quiet perfect moment against the sunset… eeeee!" Squishy flailed her arms, and I gave her a strange look.

"Settle down, Squishy. I do not have a clue what you are talking about." Well sort of… When I felt Black's arm around my shoulders, I wasn't sure what it meant, nor was I sure what I should have felt. My heart seemed to have skipped a beat; was I becoming unhealthy? Or was it a physical manifestation of the feeling I got when Black made contact with me?

She crossed her arms, and scrunched her face up as she stared at me. "N, have you ever considered being more then friends with Black?"

"What? What are you saying…? That's just… It's… I could… _not _put Black in that sort of danger." I mumbled, looking away. It was the first time I even admitted it to myself. I was putting Black in danger right now, and I knew it. Me being here was jeopardizing everyone… It was a painful realization that up until now I tried extremely hard to keep it bottled up in the farthest reaches of my mind.

"Danger?" Squishy asked, "You know there's nothing wrong with two males being mates. Well, I don't think there is. Wild pokemon frown upon it, but we pokemon that grew up around humans, we tend to be more open-minded."

"I prefer to use human terms here." I sighed, I knew by now humans didn't use the word 'mates'. I found that out the hard way, "but I am putting him in danger. And I shouldn't have told you I was..." I could have slapped myself for slipping it out.

"N, what are you babbling about…?" She trailed away and flicked her heads towards the hallway attentively. "Black is awake!"

Sure enough, I heard his door crack open. "He's up early…" I murmured, trailing off. He came pounding down the hallway, straight into the living room holding up his phone.

"Guess who just fucking called!" he exclaimed, looking at his phone like it was a god.

"Who?" Me and Squishy asked at the same time.

"I'll tell you who, the employer. He was late getting back, but I got me a job." He pointed at himself with a large grin. "Hell yes, finally."

"Good job, Black!" Squishy threw her hands up, rushing towards him. Black's other pokemon awoke from the ruckus, giving us all curious stares from where they slept splayed on the floor and couch.

"I hope that meant something good!" Black replied to Squishy, giving her a hug. I jumped up, walking over to him ready to congratulate but when I got close, suddenly his eyes became guarded, although he looked relaxed and happy, I didn't miss that look in his eye. I halted at once, tensing up.

"Good job, Black. Does this mean you got the… job?" I asked slowly, I still didn't fully understand the human world. I wasn't entirely sure what jobs really meant, or how they work.

"Yup! And I start soon as well." He almost danced his way into the kitchen, and after a moment of hesitation I followed. "This means money, and money means no more ramen cups for every meal and relying on White and Bianca for buying me things." Black said, pulling out the last of the ramen cups to make for breakfast.

I tipped my head; surely he would be happy about this job thing. But there was something else… his happiness seemed… forced? Artificial? Unreal? It didn't seem legitimate, not to me anyway. I watched him curiously, and he caught my eye. He frowned, and then awkwardly turned away. "I'm going to go shower." He said, sweeping past me. "When the water boils, turn off the stove and pour it into the cup for me." He added as he disappeared down the hallway.

I shifted backwards, leaning against the counter. If Cheren had a job, and if Black had a job, where would that leave me? Just stay in the apartment all day? I guess it was for the best, it wasn't wise for me to be outside a whole lot. Staying indoors all day was the best thing I could do at the moment. Though… it seemed terribly boring.

Another conflict that crossed my mind; what was I to get Black for his birthday? In the past, I didn't celebrate my birthday much. But I knew in human culture, birthdays were a big deal. I didn't understand why, but if it was important to Black, then it was important to me. Pushing off the counter, I rushed into the living room to the small table near the couch. On it is where I put the little zorua figurine. I picked it up and examined it. I wonder; could I get something like this for Black?

….No, he wasn't into the same things I was. I knew he wouldn't get much pleasure in having something like this. I put the figurine in my pocket then paced around the living room thinking…. And still, no ideas.

I halted. Wait, even if I did figure out what to get, how would I get it? I wasn't exactly rich anymore. I lost all my money and all my resources. I groaned, what could I possibly do for Black now?

While I spent my time thinking, I barely remembered to make Black's ramen. Once Cheren was finally awake, he left at once for his job. Another few hours later, and Black said he was leaving for his job. He told me a huge list of things I wasn't allowed to do, and what not to touch, ect. When he just about to leave, surprise, surprise Bianca and White show up at the door looking for something to do since it was a day off for them.

"Why don't you babysit N and make sure he doesn't do anything rash or destructive." I heard Black whisper to them. I felt the blow hard, even when he told me goodbye I could barely reply. Everything he said seemed to have some sort of effect on me.

"So, N. What do you want to do?" White asked, sitting on the couch and watching me.

I didn't like being alone with these two; good thing Black's pokemon were here. I began to pet Simon, who after a few seconds grew bored of my hand and demanded attention from White and Bianca, who both complied.

"I miss my pokemon; I sort of wished I brought them." Bianca sighed wistfully as she stroked Archeop's bald head.

"Ha! I have mine! In fact, my starter is right in my bag!" White bragged and began fishing in her bag.

"In a pokeball?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. I may agree to trainers, but not pokeballs.

"Of course, how else do I…" White looked in her bag, plucking out a pokeball. "…Carry this fatass around." Out from the ball came an Emboar, who rawred it's name and stretched out its limbs. The huge boar pokemon nearly burst through the ceiling. Fire came jetting from its shoulders, and its eyes were bloody red.

"Hello, I am N." I compulsively went towards it with my idiot grin. I always had it on when I introduced myself to pokemon.

It looked over at me, shooting a death-stare. "White, who is this gay-boy?" He growled, lifting a large clawed arm.

"His name is Jugo. Jugo, be nice." White snapped at him.

"I was just playing White, I swear." He said nervously, scratching the back of his head with his claws.

White shrugged, "Well, anyway. Bianca and I did have an idea what to do today."

"What would that be…?" After my introduction of the pokemon, my normal mood took over again.

"Present shopping for Black!" White shouted, leaping up off the couch. "Let's go guys; we're burning precious shopping time." Bianca cheered in response, Jugo rolled his eyes. I insisted he stayed out of his ball as we walked out of the apartment. As long as he was there, I felt slightly safer, even if he was impatient and in a bad-mood. I trailed after White and Bianca, but kept a sharp eye to my surroundings. I really should have been more careful about it in the past, always being so off-guard in such a dangerous city.

We eventually made it to a mall, and so it began. As White and Bianca shrilled over sales, Jugo was finally made to be put in his pokeball by mall guards, saying it was a 'health hazard'. I felt as offended as Jugo did hearing this. Hours ticked by, and the girls weren't any closer to finding a present.

By the afternoon, we took a break and sat outside 'Snivy's Smug Smoothies' sipping, well, smoothies. I never tried one before, and frankly I thought they were utterly delicious. I relished the taste that danced over my taste buds. "It is so good…" I said, sipping the liquid eagerly.

Bianca and White exchanged an amused glance before Bianca leaned in. "So what are you getting... or doing, for Black on his birthday?"

I thought about it for a minute then shrugged."I am not sure, to be completely honest…"

"Maybe you should make him something hand-made." White suggested, but I shook my head.

"I do not think Black is the kind of person who would appreciate that." I replied wistfully.

"Gotta agree with N on this one." Bianca nodded, taking a sip of her smoothie.

I leaned my chin against my calm, thinking back through the last two months. What did I know about Black…? He was afraid of being a 'homo' (whatever that is)…. He likes sleeping… He's a pokemon trainer…. He could be short tempered at times… He liked video games; but he can't play his 'wii' thing anymore…

"Wait! That is it! I know what to get him." My head snapped up as my mind thought of it, and both Bianca and White turned to me curiously.

"What?" White asked curiously, leaning inwards.

"Do you guys know where I could find a…"

* * *

**"...Dildo..?"**

**^Lolwut.  
**

**Note about Jugo: I do not own his character. I got a request from a friend to make White's Pokemon her party Pokemon. White's Pokemon probably won't be brought up again; and if they are it will most likely only be Jugo.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.**

**Warning: this story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. It also contains mentions of incest, rape and abuse.**

* * *

"…You're alright kid! You work hard; you may just be able to keep this job." A booming voice seemed to echo in my ears. I would be glad when I could finally rid myself of it.

"Ha… Thanks." I replied dryly, trying to keep a smile on.

"No, really. For your first day, you show me you're at least capable. I had my doubts, but you young lad could work." Mr. Hilbert went on, twirling in his office chair.

I felt as if I was about to fall over, "Thank you Mr. Hilbert. I tried my best."

"Indeed! It paid off! Well; you can go now. I expect you back here tomorrow. Your schedule was emailed to you." He waved his hand dismissively and I quickly backed out from his office. Once I closed his door, I sighed dramatically, trailing through the hallway. I was exhausted all over. I was put to work the first day; I barely could find my way around the place and I was being made to do this and to do that. My position was supposed to be at the concessions, so why was I mopping the bathrooms, whipping counters and cleaning the junk up in the theaters? First day and I already put in several hours. Was this even legal?

I dragged myself from the theater; never did I want to see it again. I forgot to take off my uniform as I stumbled home. Well, at least I would get money. _Yes… Money… the only thing keeping me going _I thought to myself with a greedy grin. As I walked, I looked around me. It was getting dark already, but the city was still alive. People walked the streets, laughing amongst themselves. Some couples sat together outside of restaurants or bars. I passed a couple making out heavily in an alley. I winced; it reminded me of my dream… shit, my dream. _It was just a dream Black, come down! _I told myself. It was a short dream, I was just holding N like I was yesterday when for some reason I felt the compulsion to kiss him. Kiss him! A guy! My friend! I groaned at myself, I needed help. I swear: it was White and Bianca's girl voodoo. After a long walk, I finally got home. I trailed down the halls, making it to my apartment. I unlocked the door, pushing my way inside the dark apartment. _Shower… Food... Bed… Sounds good. _I thought to myself as I closed the door behind me. For a moment I assumed I was in the apartment alone, but then I heard a distant sound of running water.

I went to the bathroom door and knocked on it, hearing the shower running. "Hey, N? Cheren? One of you in there?" I shouted.

I heard a small crashing sound, "Ach, yeah. I am in here!" Came N's surprised voice.

"What are you doing? Didn't you just shower this morning?" I grumbled, I was grimy and tired and wanted a shower!

"…You did too." He replied.

"Yes well, I've been working all day. I deserve a shower!"

"I… I got smoothie all over myself." He sounded rather ashamed.

"The hell? How'd you get…?" Maybe I didn't even want to know.

"Long story! Jugo started it!" N insisted.

"Who the hell is Jugo?"

"Another long story. I will be out in a few minutes Black. Sorry." He sounded guilty with himself.

"Alright… Take your time I guess. I'm going to be in my room, just let me know when you're done." I figured I might as well get a short nap in.

I walked away from the door, heading into my room and almost floating into the bed. I was tired; I hadn't worked so hard in a long time. My brain was ready to shut down, as well as my body. I curled up on top of the covers, closing my eyes and letting my mind go blank… unfortunately it didn't stay that way. I was fluctuating in and out of sleep, listening to the rhythmic sound to the shower in the room next door. My mind melded with the sound of the water that echoed in my head; soon it was the only thing I could hear. The beatings of the drops, one after the other, like a heavy rain shower; it was somehow calming. Pictures formed in my mind. Swirling white mist filled the scene. It seemed to only be mist floating freely with the sound rain. At first I thought that was all it was, but I could see something in my mist. A figure. It looked humanoid, but I could see no features. I found myself moving forward to the figure in curiosity. More of it was revealed through the white. First the light skin tone, I could see their torso, which was covered in multiple very familiar scars. I could see their hair, which was long and flowing. It was a light shade of green that draped wet over their shoulders. But then I made out their face; and I realized it was N. I suppose I should have before, but my head didn't feel right. I felt dizzy, like the feeling of spinning around in circles and stopping, but your head keeps going. It suddenly became hot, very hot. The rain that was falling wasn't rain either; it was a shower and the mist wasn't mist; but steam. The hot water sent out masses of steam, hiding most of N's stark naked body.

His eyes stared at me, straight into mine. I shivered; despite the heat. And it was only getting hotter as I felt myself move forward. Was this a dream? Reality? I couldn't even tell anymore, and I didn't oppose myself as the space between us closed. Did I care when the liquid of the shower washed onto my clothed body as I almost crashed into N? No. I welcomed it somehow. Everything was becoming a blur; I couldn't even see N's face. But I felt his tongue against mine. Wait... when did his tongue get in there? When did we start kissing at all? I couldn't remember anymore, nothing made sense anyway.

But it was going too far, this couldn't be right. This couldn't even be real. When did I even…? Everything began to fade, but the heat remained. I found myself panting on my bed. I couldn't have been asleep… No, I had been dozing; border line unconsciousness. But I couldn't think about that now... I was more worried about why my pants felt uncomfortably tight.

-Shit, no. No. I felt the panic rising as I slowly looked down and confirmed my fears that I had somehow become turned on, and my pants were tenting. And by what? Just a hallucination caused by exhaustion. Yeah, that's all. Though, that didn't solve my problem now did it? I sat up, grabbing myself painfully. What was I supposed to do now? I couldn't rid myself of it anytime soon! The shower had stopped; N would be in here any—

I heard a click as the bathroom door opened. Shit. I looked around awkwardly; I couldn't possibly let N see me like this. Even N isn't stupid enough to know what this meant. In my desperate search for an answer, my eyes landed on a pillow. I quickly grabbed it, and lay back my side, curling around it so my crotch was covered up. I hugged it against my torso, putting my chin to it. _Just pretend to be asleep, Black. _I shut my eyes, and calmed my frayed breathing. A second later, I heard my door creek open and I tried hard not to move, but it was hard being this… well _hard._ It was ridiculously painful, but all I had to do was wait until N left and I could sneak into the bathroom.

But my plan went flushing down the toilet as I heard N walk across the wooden floor to the bed. I heard him say my name softly, and I tried with all my might not to move. I continued breathing slowly, letting out the smallest of snores.

"I guess you're asleep then…" N trailed off and remained silent.

_Yes, yes I am. Now go away go away go away…!_ I felt beyond humiliated right now and wanted nothing more than to just get to the bathroom and make it stop.

Sadly, I can't always be so lucky. I felt the bed dunk under the weight of N. Shit! He's getting into bed? I hated some of these little things N did, like when I was in bed, he was right next to me. Why now… Why now? God damn it, why can't I settle down? I laid here nearly hyperventilating, and it only got worse when I felt N snuggle up behind me like he usually did when we slept. Why did I let him get away with it before? Didn't I know it would have come back to bite me in the ass?

One thing about N is that he was much taller than me; by half a foot. He tends to curl his body around me at times, which isn't working so well for me at the moment. I could feel his crotch against my ass- shit. Why was it only turning me on more? I let out a deep breath, then another snore so he'd think I was still asleep. God damn it, why was I put in such a situation now? As I battled with my raging hormones and confusion, N began mumbling something into my back. At first I thought it was just him blabbering; on occasion he would sing lullabies before sleeping. But then I realized he wasn't singing; he was talking to me.

"Black, sometimes I just do not get you… What you mean, to me. Why did you kiss me…? Was it simply a dream?" I could barely hear N's words, but they still could have brought me to tears- Damn it, no! _Black, you're not a fucking homo… Get over yourself. _What the hell was he talking about? I didn't kiss him! Was he referring to my dream? No, how the hell would he know what happened in my dream?

"..You out of all people helped me... You're the only human I feel truly secure around… Could I say I love you? I would not know. I know little of this thing called love…" N went on. I felt pain shoot through my chest at his words. _You don't love me, N! That's ridiculous; impossible. Shut up already and get with the program- SHIT._

I couldn't take this anymore, it was ridiculous. So I began to fidget, pretending I was just waking up. I couldn't keep listening to this. I opened my eyes slowly, and at once N bounced off the bed, pretending he was never there._ I swear you're going to get it later…_ I thought as I sat up, stealthily moving the pillow I was hugging to my lap so he wouldn't see my still-present erection.

"Hello… N." My voice cracked, I coughed.

"Black." He nodded, "I finished my shower; you can use the bathroom now. I am sorry."

"Thanks. Now, go play with my pokemon or something." I waved my hands in the general direction of the living room, and he trotted away. After I was sure he was out into the living room, I quickly sped out of my room as well and down the hall into the bathroom. Once in the shower, I felt too emotionally overwhelmed to deal with my lower problem.

_"Could I say I love you….?"_ N's words echoed in my mind, much to my displeasure. Speaking of love? The hell? How is that even…? I hit my head into the side of the shower and groaned loudly.

I would need help from an expert.

I needed to call White.

"Hey Black, what did you need?" White's voice came over the phone. After my shower and eating dinner, I wanted till Cheren and N were asleep to be able to have a private conversation. Lucky for me White was a night-owl.

"This… This is my last ditch effort. I wouldn't be calling you unless I was desperate." I growled over the phone. I was truly exhausted, I wanted to make this quick.

"What're you talking about?" She asked.

With a shaky sigh, I explained quickly the highlights of the last few months. From the point where N showed up on my doorstep, how we ended up sleeping in the same bed because it made him feel better, how the only night we were separated at night he had the worst of his night terrors. I got up to the point of my dream last night. Much to my shame I also admitted I was turned on by a simple hallucination. Once I was done, she was quiet for a moment.

"Oh Black, you're so head over heels." She finally sighed.

"Excuse me? No I'm not!" I hissed through the phone.

"What else would you call it? Hm?"

"Well for one, people don't just fall in love in two months, especially not with a guy. I still can't see me being gay at all."

"You got a freaking boner thinking about N naked." She snickered.

Coming out of her mouth, it sounded way worse. "I blame your girl voodoo." I muttered, though I could feel my face was burning.

"Oh not that again! Listen Black, I know it sounds unlikely, but you do have some sort of feeling for him beyond friendship; that much is obvious."

I sighed. "I don't know White…"

"Black, you need to let go of your manly ego." She said flatly. "It's getting in the way of you seeing your feelings. Just let go."

* * *

**So I did a seme/uke test for Black and N.**

**Black got Romantic Seme (A true romantic, you're safest sticking with a partner who is gentle and can appreciate your mature, loving ways and protective nature. )**

**N got Clueless Uke (Having a good time is what you're all about. You're satisfied just to have someone to eat hamburgers and play video games with, and are completely oblivious to other's manipulative behavior.)**

**Anyway, more on the subject. I'd like opinions on this chapter: did I make Black move a bit too fast? I feel like I did.**

**30 chapters in and I think it's moving too fast.. hahaaa..**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Warnings: This story contains yaoi (malexmale) and lemons. Also contains mentions of incest, rape and abuse.**

* * *

"I heard it was your birthday today, and you still have to work. That sucks bro." A tall stalky blond man gave me a look of sympathy as he worked the register next to me.

I replied with a sigh while handing a bag of popcorn to the eagerly awaiting customer. "Well, at least I'm getting off earlier than usual."

"That's a plus."

"I guess." My head wasn't really in the conversation, or the work I had to do. As I filled a cup of soda for yet another customer, my mind wondered everywhere. It had been only a few days since my rather awkward incident. Every time I thought about it, I visibly cringed, earning strange stares from strangers. But I couldn't help it. Even now I could feel my face twisted strangely.

"Hey… You okay?" The blond asked again, giving me a nonchalant stare. "The soda is overflowing, and you look constipated." He pointed out.

"Huh? Oh- shit!" I turned the soda machine off, wiping the cup and giving it to the customer, who gave me an irritated stare and muttered some insult about lazy teenagers.

"Is there something bothering you?" The blond questioned, not really sounding as if he cared.

"Uh, no, just, looking forward to getting some from my girlfriend, you know, since it's my birthday." I replied awkwardly. It was the only thing I could think of.

"Sweet." He snickered.

"Speaking of which, it's time for me to go anyway." I said glancing at the time. "I'll see later."

"Have a good night tonight, bro."

"Yeah, haha." I said, waving a hand as I left, and another person took my shift. I went to the employee hallway, hanging up my uniform vest and replacing it with my sweatshirt. Finally, I was out of that dreaded theater I never imagined how difficult working was. Ah well, at least it was over early for the day. I flipped open my phone, confirming it was about five. When I got home, I planned on spending the night relaxing. If I was lucky, someone would have made me a cake, though I doubted it. My mom wasn't around, and she was the only one ever to make me a cake.

I found myself in front of my apartment rather quickly. Jamming my key into the lock, I grouchily attempted to unlock the door, somehow failing multiple times before actually getting it to open. The apartment was dark, I was getting used to walking into dark apartments then expecting something unexpected, but it still surprised me when I felt arms grab me and pull me away from the door.

"Happy birthday Black!" Bianca's voice screamed into my ear.

"Ack!" I felt myself be pulled into a hug, which was joined by White, Cheren and N. They all chanted happy birthday; it was like something out of a children's show.

"You came home earlier than we expected, Black!" White whined when they finally let me out of the death hug; I nearly fell to the floor.

"Sorry, should I have stayed at work on my birthday?" I asked sarcastically.

White crossed her arms and gave me a look. "Anyway, we have a surprise for you." She said, clicking on the lights.

Bianca took me by the elbow and dragged to the kitchen. Some balloons were tied to random objects throughout the room, and in the dead center of the counter was a small cake with poorly scribbled words that said "Happy 18th Black".

"How stereotypical." I said with a genuine smile.

"It was... short noticed. We're going to actually celebrate it for real next time all of us have a day off. Bianca and I had to beg to get off early. And Cheren… Well, used his Cheren skills."

"Honestly it's not that hard." Cheren said, adjusting his glasses.

"Anyway, we're having your real 'becoming a man, let's all get drunk' party sometime later on when we all have time. For now let's just enjoy a simple party." Bianca nodded.

"A party without alcohol. Well whatever, it can still be fun. We all got presents for you, Black!" White pointed to the small pile at the foot of the couch.

"Tch, it's probably a gay anal dildo knowing you." I cast a suspicious glance over at White.

"A… a what?" N asked with wide eyes. He looked at me as if I had grown a second head.

"Best if you didn't know, N." I told him hastily.

"My god Black; be a bit more appropriate." Cheren grumbled, putting a palm to his face.

We all ended up sitting in a circle on the living room floor. Time was spent just talking nonchalantly and joking around. I was acutely aware how awkward I felt to be next to N though. As usual he said almost nothing and kept gazing into space. Simon, Squishy and DJ Fresh joined in as well. Vincent wasn't in this sort of thing; he was made for battling only, so he stayed in his normal spot. I finally met Jugo(White insisted on letting him out to meet my pokemon), who towered over me and grunted something I didn't understand. N seemed to react to it though.

About an hour passed, when I finally requested if I could have my cake. I was hungry; I hadn't eaten all day; which was torturous considering I worked around food.

"Hmmm, you have to do something first, Black." White said, giving me a smirk.

"Yeah? What?" I was afraid of the answer.

"I think you know. It has to do with our phone call a few days ago."

Cheren and N looked curious at this, but Bianca looked like she was completely in the loop of it. I glowered at White, "Oh come on, give it a rest! Get your mind out of the gutter." I sighed, it was getting a little sickening. "N, can you get the cake and bring it out here?"

He nodded, then got up and disappeared into the kitchen. I sneered at White, "Your idea can't happen if he's not here."

She and Bianca just exchanged glances and snickered. I didn't like it. I heard shuffling as N walked back into the living room. He looked distracted. He was staring straight at me, but at the same time was looking past me. There was something defiantly on his mind; I could see it as plain as day.

Though, my concern disappeared like mist in the morning sun as I saw N jolt forward. I realized he was tripping over something, and he came tumbling down to the ground, the small cake in his hands flying. I was too late trying to get out of the way, and I ended up with a face full of fluffy baked goods.

I pulled the cake off me, whipping it off the best I could with my sleeve. Simon was beginning to attempt and lick it off. I could have laughed at the whole thing. I could just went to wash it off. But no, stress from the last few days both emotionally and mentally came rushing through me in one fowl swoop. It caused me to do something highly over-dramatic and regrettable.

"God damn it N, what's wrong with you? Why are you always ruining shit?" I spat. Anxiety and frustration from conflicting emotions and hormones lately clashed together, spilling out and lashing out at anyone in front of me. And of course, it had to be N doing just one small, tiny thing that should have meant nothing get me riled up. I should have stopped myself; I really should have but I couldn't stop my mouth from running on and on. I only stopped when I saw the look on N's face. My stomach twisted at the look. I felt ill seeing the look in his eyes. Even now, even after so long of knowing him I should have known by now not to yell at him. Anyone else would fight back, or not take is seriously. But N did, he took it perfectly seriously and didn't fight back. As he looked at me, he wasn't seeing me. I was almost certain he saw his father. I could see it plainly on his face, in his eyes.

I managed to shut my mouth before getting to the terribly bad things I was prepared to say, mine and N's eyes locked for only a moment before he whipped around, tearing across the living room like a frightened purrlion. He knocked over the small pile of gifts, the one labeled "from N" tumbled to the ground. I heard the front door open, then slam closed.

I remained there trembling for a moment. How could I do that to N? Why couldn't I control myself? It must have been the waves of conflicting emotions I had been experiencing recently; at least, I hoped that was what it was. I shouldn't lash out like that, especially at N. he was too fragile, and I knew it. My eyes drew to the gift on the floor from him. The box had cracked open from its fall, and I saw something coming out of the box. I inched closer, opening the box more and gazing inside. It was a Wii controller. Memories rushed back, the last time I yelled at N when he accidentally ruined my old controller. I remembered seeing the same fearful look on his face, though it was far worse then. I had been upset over it, but I had completely forgotten about it by now.

…N remembered though… but, what did he remember? His mistake? Me yelling at him? Whatever it meant, he put thought into it.

_He cared._

Looking out the window with a gaze of determination I got up, wiping cake off and stormed to the door. I had to find him before he did something stupid. Before I lost him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon.**

* * *

I ignored it all. All the strange stares from the passing people on the street, surprised to see some random guy covered in frosting racing at top speed down the road. I ignored the cars when I crossed the street, not caring if it was red or green. I ignored the drifting snow that made the ground slippery and wet, causing me to slip on more than one occasion. I stopped periodically to hastily ask random people if they saw N. Most of the time if they hadn't seen him, they laughed at my description of him: 'tall man with long green hair and a rainbow rave sweatshirt and bright green shoes'. A few people noticed him running by, and pointed me in the right direction. I was certain by now where he was heading. A place where he could be calm, where he could take the time and think about things, the place I had first met him for real, and learned about him, when I got to know him.

The Ferris wheel. I was almost sure of it. N was taking the route we took that one time to get back to the hotel from the Ferris wheel. It was along the water, where I ran now. The water was sparkling with lights from the giant Ferris wheel that stood so high against the night sky. I could see no stars above, rather gray clouds. A bit of snow drifted down from the heavens, covering the grass in a very thin layer of white. The sidewalk, other than for some shoe tracks also was covered in a layer of snow. I knew because I nearly slipped several times.

Finally I halted, putting my palms to my knees and panting. This was exhausting. My haste in running here caused my energy to drain fast, I didn't know if I could keep running. I glanced up; it was only a short distance to the Ferris wheel now. Across a bridge and along the path. Taking a few more gasps of air, I started up again, only to stop dead. Much to my very utter surprise, N was only about ten feet away directly under a street lamp. He crouched awkwardly, looking as if he was having trouble getting up. At once my legs pushed forward and I raced up behind him, shouting his name.

He jumped, almost falling back to the ground and looked back at me with wide, surprised and yet fearful eyes. "B-black?"

Relief rushed through me when I realized he was fine, or so I thought. He held his wrist which was limp in his hand, and he had his foot placed awkwardly on the ground. "N, what's wrong?" I asked getting closer.

"N-nothing! I mean- well, I think I did something to my wrist. I tripped…" He mumbled, not meeting my eye.

I frowned, "and your leg?"

"It just hurts from the fall; it's not a big deal… Black why are you here?" He sounded hesitant to ask.

"Why am I_ here?_ Well I think that's obvious, I followed you."

"Why? You did not have to; I was just taking a walk."

"I'm sure you were." I replied dryly. "Listen, I need to apologize-"

"Wait, Black." He cut me off, glancing around. "Can we not talk here?"

"Huh? Why?"

"Just, can we?" He said desperately, attempting to hobble away.

I gave him a strange look. Did he really act like this right now? I had something important to say. I complied anyway though, walking up behind him. To give him a hand, I took his hurt wrist carefully and pulled it over my shoulder so it rested. I put an arm around his shoulder and helped him walk. He looked surprised by my gesture to help, but I just looked away. "I expected to find you at the Ferris wheel." I started to make small talk, suddenly the thought of a sentimental apology didn't really sound appealing to me anymore.

"That was where I was heading; that is till I tripped." He murmured, still looking uncomfortable.

"Well, it's not far away now, let's go." It was a short walk there, and it was silent between us. I attempted to open my mouth a few times and talk to him, but I closed it again. Once at the wheel, I surprised there was no line. I helped him hobble onto the seat, earning a strange look from the attendant. He closed the door and the ride started up again. Well, here I was, on the third ride with N on the Ferris wheel. If I played my cards right, it wouldn't have to be as awkward as the last two times. I sat him down on the seat, and then I sat next to him. I didn't want more silence, so I got to the point.

"Look, N, sorry about snapping at you. I didn't mean for you to run away, or to be scared or anything. I was… Just being a douche-bag." I explained, trying my best not to make it weird. I was failing.

"Douche-bag?" N asked, but he didn't give me a chance to answer. "I... I was probably over reactive. But Black, I do not like it when you… you know, yell at me." The last of his sentence came out in a small voice, and he cringed away as he said it. "It reminds me of… You know."

"Its fine, I'm not going to hit you or anything. I'm not going to hurt you like he did." I said hastily, then leaned back against the seat and stared out the window at the bright city. "I really am sorry thought, N. It was uncalled for… I mean, it wasn't even you I was really angry at." I paused, "It's been a hectic couple of days I suppose."

"…Because you got that job thing?" He questioned.

"Huh? Oh, well that too. Just… a lot on my mind." I sighed.

"Want to talk about it?" N asked, averting his eyes when I looked over at him in surprise.

"W-what? N-no, that's alright." _If I talked to you about it, it would make everything more awkward._

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Everything's fine, alright?"

N didn't look convinced, he finally shifted his eyes to me and frowned. Yet again, our eye gaze met. I panicked, and suddenly the floor became very interesting. "S-so, how's your wrist?" he asked nervously, _that's right Black, just change the subject. _I told myself sarcastically as I took N's arm and looked at it. It appeared to be swollen, and it burned in my hands. N flinched, and almost attempted to pull it away. _He's so jumpy again... It's like the fragile trust he felt for me is gone…_ I thought sadly.

"It hurts a lot, but it's not a big deal."

"Well if it's sprained then it is a big deal." I inspected the wrist, though I wasn't really sure what I was looking for. I rubbed the side of it with my thumb, "Does that hurt?" I asked, trying to find the place on the wrist it _did_ hurt.

N relaxed a bit and stared intently at his own hand, "No, that feels sort of nice."

I looked down at his hand and continued to gently stroke it. I figured it was the least I could do. _Just let go, Black_ My mind snapped to attention as White's voice echoed in my head. Wait… why was I hearing this now? I recalled our phone conversation, when I confessed to White about the entire situation with N I had. The last thing she said… _Just let go._

"Listen, it's... it's not all fine." I didn't realize I was speaking until he replied.

"What do you mean?" He still stared at his own hand.

I looked up, swallowing a bit. "Well… I don't know, it's sort of hard to explain I guess."

"We have time, Black. What do you need?" N asked, sounding distracted.

"Well… For a long time I've been questioning a lot of things. I've been noticing things, y'know?" N looked up at me, face twisted in confusion. "Okay maybe you don't. Well, let's just say I had a personal journey of self discovery and… no wait, that sounds fucking weird. Well, let's just put it like this, no wait, SHIT." I was starting to confuse myself, what was I supposed to say? Was I honestly going to tell him? And what would happen after? N couldn't possibly have a normal relationship with any human being!

"Black, are you okay? What are you saying?" N gave me a look of genuine worry, and I shook my head.

"No, never mind, I was stupid for thinking I should tell you." Seriously, what was I thinking? I got up, intending on moving to the opposite seat. This was getting too weird for my liking.

"Wait, Black!" N suddenly shouted as I let go of his hand. He attempted to grab my arm, but failed miserably as he reached out with his injured hand. He yelped in pain and began to rub his wrist.

"Oh, shit! Sorry, N! Is your hand okay? Well obviously it's not…" I forgot about my frustration and crouched in front of him, taking the wrist again.

"Ah… Sorry N. I should have been gentler huh." I murmured, stroking his wrist again and looking up.

_Just let go. _I heard her voice again, loud and clear in my head. "Alright, here's the thing. Remember the other day… when I came home and you were in the shower?"

"Yeah…"

"I was awake. I heard what you said." I sighed.

"Oh! Oh… I did not mean for you to hear that, Black." He shifted his eyes, leaning away. "It was just; in my dream you kissed me. I did not understand. I do not understand what a kiss means, I was taught as a child different. I was just confused about the whole thing, you understand right?" N frankly sounded horribly guilty with himself, and his voice stuttered nervously.

"Wait, I… kissed you?" I questioned; eyes wide. What the hell? "But… I did too in my dream…" I trailed away. That meant… We had the same dream somehow. What could that possibly mean?

_Just let go…_ White's voice echoed again. I looked up at N, not realizing I was looking away. "N, I can't really tell you how I'm feeling right now to make you understand."

"Understand what…?"

_Just let go, Black. _I decided, even if it turned out badly I wasn't ever going to regret my next move. It was suddenly like my dream, only in a different scenario. My face inched towards his. I muttered words, very quiet words of confession until my lips were hovering over his. What this even at all the right decision? I couldn't tell what N was feeling. His eyes were just wide, wide and waiting for my next move. What was he feeling? Panic? Fear? Happiness? Confusion? In all honestly, I couldn't tell what I was feeling either. It was like a combination of all the feelings I had been feeling the last few days all in one. Is this what it was like to have such a strong feeling for another person? It was all so new to me; it was causing me to hesitate. I could almost _feel_ his lips. But they were still too far away, and I was afraid to try and get closer. I could hear his breath hitch, though he said nothing. His breath was heavy. It was the only thing I could hear, those deep breaths. I could feel it hot against my skin, and for a moment I wanted to pull away. But how could I, when I wanted it so bad? And he didn't fight at all?

And so, I closed the millimeter of space between our lips, kissing him.

* * *

**Ahahaaa.. **

**There's your freaking cheesy kissing scene. I did NOT intend to have that scene on the Ferris wheel, I don't know how they ended up there orz**

**Anyway, sorry for mistakes.. It's late. Well technically early.**


	32. Chapter 32

*****Reuploaded. for some reason, no one on on this site can see it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon.**

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_"Ack, father, why do you keep doing that?" Came a pitiful, fearful whine._

_ "Hush." Ghetsis hissed, forcing his son back again a wall with a fist. N made a choking sound as he gagged from the tight grip around his neck. His father grinned widely, staring at him with his good eye. There was no time for thinking as Ghetsis's lips crashed into his son's. The older man bit at his mouth, tasting blood from the fresh wounds. N could do nothing but accept the lustful gestures. He couldn't fight back, his body was frozen. He obediently opened his mouth, allowing his father to consume it in a rain of tongue and bites. _

_ Finally he released. Some blood dribbled from N's mouth as Ghetsis shifted his head, his mouth hovering over his son's ear. "That is what a kiss is, N. If another human were to give one to you, it wouldn't mean anything. They're just using you, N." came the hissing voice._

_ "But Black... He wouldn't…"_

_ "Ah yes, your dream. It was only a dream, you insolate brat. You think Black would give a flying fuck about you?" Ghetsis spat, "You really are a stupid child aren't you? You're still as pathetic as you were years ago. And Black? He doesn't care. He's manipulative, he doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you-"_

_ "Y-you, you be quiet! Stop talking about Black that way!" N insisted, the hand around his neck squeezing harder to silence him._

_ "Heed my words, N." He sneered, his form fading, leaving N there once again._

I didn't know how I could possibly react. He was about to kiss me, I knew it. He face was so close, I could feel his breath. I could practically smell his desire. I was frozen, terrified and at the same time longing. So many emotions were crashing down on me at once. I didn't move, I couldn't move. I was sure he saw my fear, but he looked too enlightened to back away now. All I could do was wait; wait those few suspenseful moments before our lips met.

As much as I didn't want too, all I could see was my father. I tried so hard not to, but he was in my mind. He wouldn't go away. Those red eyes, that cruel face. Those hands that were so rough, even though Black's hands were soft against mine. But Black's eyes, they were longing, almost lustful in a way. Though they weren't cruel, they were still frighteningly similar to my father's. That's why it made me tense up as he closed the last distance between our lips. I was frozen stiff. I let him kiss me, and I didn't know what to do. I just sat, waiting for the pain that would soon follow.

But there wasn't… As moments ticked by, I found myself being melted into the gentle contact. I was still on edge, but it felt so good. It didn't feel forbidden or wrong. It felt light… almost like a floating sensation. I felt like I could remain there forever. Who knew such a contact between two people could feel so right?

As much as I wanted to believe this was the right thing, that this wouldn't hurt, I could still feel Ghetsis. The best I could, I attempted to pull away. At my sudden movement, Black backed off a bit, but his face was still close. I edged away; I could feel my own heartbeat thumping rabidly in my chest. I broke out in a cold sweat because of my fear. I was shaking slightly and I realized how ridiculous it was to react like this, to react in such a way to such a simple gesture. But I couldn't help it, all I could feel were the memories of long healed wounds caused by the biting and bruising from the forcefulness. And the memories of the unhealed emotional scars they left.

"N…? Are you okay? I mean- I didn't mean to if you didn't want to…" Black finally spoke up, snapping my visions of my father from my mind.

"I... I am fine…" I murmured, but my voice cracked and Black gave me a look of worry.

"I knew it was a mistake." He sighed, "Damn White…"

"Wha-what?" I gulped. He was standing up again. Fear jolted through me _was he leaving?_ "Wait!" I yelped, but I didn't try and grab him like last time. My hand still throbbed, though Black still stroked it which made it feel a bit better.

"Calm down I was just going to sit back down next to you." He mumbled, taking a seat next to me. "So, I guess I should tell you what that was about." He sighed.

"Y-You do not need to explain, Black." I said before he could continue. "Just…" I glanced outside down at the city and the area below, suddenly paranoid. "I... I do not think I can explain the reason I pulled away."

Black smiled softly. "Well. I won't ask you to date me- or well, be in a relationship with me." He said, his voice edged with nervousness.

"I know what date means… I do not know, Black. I do not know much about human relationships yet, you know that." _I can't let us have that sort of relationship… It's too dangerous. _I thought to myself with a wince.

"I guess I rushed you then, huh." Black sighed, leaning backwards and putting his free hand behind his head. "Well, as long as you know how I feel."

I smiled softly, but really, I didn't know what he was feeling. _He's manipulative. He doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. _My father's voice managed to crawl its way into my head, and what if he's right? I glanced over at Black, who was staring out the window in deep thought. No, this couldn't be a lie, Black wouldn't do that…! But then, why me? What was special about me then? Why doesn't he just prance off with White..._ or Cheren… _A dark voice sounded in the back of my head. Cheren, I did not take pleasure in being around him.

I hated how in a moment that I should be happy, that all these dark thoughts were pulsating through my mind. Ghetsis kept whispering words in my ears, words of betrayal and mistrust; I fought back, claiming that Black wouldn't do that. But the cruel voice continued until I couldn't take it.

"N, are you okay?" I heard Black's panicky voice and his hand on my shoulder. "

"I- just, nothing." I hadn't realized I was practically panicking. Ghetsis was overwhelming my mind and sanity- I needed from fresh air.

"Alright, the ride is over. Settle down and tell me what's wrong." He sounded a little impatient.

"I am fine, really. I was just thinking of... him."

"Him? Again? You need to stop thinking about _him._ It's not good for your health." He added bit more softly.

_He's lying. _I could imagine Ghetsis telling me this, and I winced. No... Black's not lying. He cared! He's caring right now- I could see the genuine worry in his eyes. Eyes that appeared to get closer… wait?

Black leaned forward again, now his eyes were an inch away from him. "N… You need to stop thinking about him. He can't get to you anymore." His impatient tone made me edge back. What if he kissed me again, but this time while he was mad? He would certainly hurt me in some way. But I was surprised when he didn't kiss me. He put my hand down in my lap and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him. The second true hug I received from Black; and I cherished it with all my might. Though I couldn't find the energy to hug him back, I felt too emotionally drained. And frankly, I couldn't keep the tears from overflowing. I cried silently, and I didn't think Black even noticed.

The ride ended, and I hobbled out of the pokeball shaped seat. My foot still hurt, but I could walk properly. He still helped me though, but I was preoccupied on something else. I constantly scanned the bushes, buildings, alleyways. I was beyond paranoid, but Black didn't notice. He seemed too deep in thinking to pay attention to me. But I was acutely aware of our surroundings. The faster we got home, the better.

We made it back in one piece. When entered the apartment, Bianca and White left. Cheren was waiting for us to get home. I gave him a cold shoulder as I limped my way into Black's bedroom where I fell onto his bed. I yelped in pain as I landed on my wrist. I wondered if it was broken, I hope it wasn't. Then I would be even more than a burden then I was now! Black followed me a into the bedroom. He dug into his dresser, tossing some of his old clothes that I used for pajamas at me. While he showered, I wrestled with getting dressed for about fifteen minutes.

Before I crawled under the covers, I glanced at the window. The blinds were open. I shut them, my paranoia acting up again. Finally, I claimed the sheets, curling up in the cool crispness. I wondered vaguely if Black would be willing to hug me at night as well; after all he kissed me, boundaries should be broken by now right?

In all honestly, I had no idea what would happen now. I didn't know anything about human relationships. I only knew what I've observed from the outside world, and what I saw on the few television shows I watched. The entirety I know about the physical part was from father. A second later I gasped when the thought cross my mind. No, no, no, no, no. Don't think about it… Just don't.

I heard the door click as Black came into the room yawning. "Somehow... there was frosting in my hair I didn't notice." He mumbled, crawling into the bed after me.

A moment went by, and Ghetsis wouldn't leave my mind. In a desperate attempt to forget about him, I shuffled closer to Black, wrapping my good arm around him. _Please do not pull away…_

"N, what are you doing?" he sighed, pushing my arm away.

"You were awake for the other day right…? I should have you know, I always hugged you in your sleep." I informed him.

"Wait, seriously? No wonder my dreams have been so fucked up!" he raged. I was sure he wouldn't let me now, but then I felt his arms come around me and tug me a bit closer. "This won't be a regular thing either. I still have no idea what's going to happen between us…" he muttered.

I agreed with him, but I just hoped, that whatever happened, it won't be bad.

* * *

****So I'll clear something up, because I think it might be confusing. As you know, N chapters always start with a 3rd person dream. That happened here.**  
**Later in the fic, it refers to both his dream (like when he thinks about what his father told him in the dream) but it also refers to his past child abuse. (Example: "...memories of long healed wounds caused by the biting and bruising...")**  
**Hope that clears up any possible confusion.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon.**

* * *

I suppose I imagined it differently. But it was like before, only more awkward.

Almost every moment of the day my head was distracted by what had happened only a week prior. I was shocked by N's reaction, but I shouldn't have been surprised. There was just… something strange. He looked at me with fear, pure fear that made me think. Why? I hadn't given him a reason to be afraid of me getting close to him. I was sure it wasn't because of my previous outburst. Normally he's over it within a day, but now, days later he was still sulky. I had tried to got close to him, attempting to touch him he would look terribly uncomfortable.. As for myself I found it difficult to even consider having feelings with a man, I still felt uncomfortable about it. A few times, I tried to hug him. But it didn't feel right. Not once did he hug me back. I never tried to kiss him again; I was too frightened he'd reject me like last time, or I might scare him.

We never did get around to discussing our relationship, and part of me was relieved for it. I didn't like awkward conversations about intimate things. Each time I tried to ask him about it I gave up in the end. It was quite suddenly really; how he made me lose my confidence that I had only moments before.

"I'm home. Finally." I muttered, just arriving at my door from a tiring day. I began to open it, glad that I had a few days off, since tomorrow was Christmas. I was surprised the theater was open on Christmas Eve. That aside, I shut the door behind me. When I came home from work, I was usually greeted by N at the door. But he didn't show up. Confused, I headed into the kitchen. Empty. I looked down the hallway, in the bedrooms and even the bathroom. No one.

Quickly, I flipped open my phone and texted White_. If he wasn't with her or Bianca, then I'll be worried_. As I waited for a response, I headed to my room to change into some cleaner clothes. I passed the small box that Bianca and White got me for my birthday. Thinking about it now, I couldn't decide whether to be pissed off or laugh. They had gotten me a bottle of lube for a mock gift. I picked it up out of the box, snickering a bit when I saw it. I wondered why I hadn't thrown it away yet. Tossing it back in, I gathered up some clean clothes when my phone began to vibrate, I clicked it open; receiving the response from White that N was with her and Bianca, leaving me alone in the house for awhile. I tossed my phone onto my bed, pulling on my clean clothes and heading back into the living room. I plopped down on the couch, exhausted from the day. I pulled out my Wii controller and clicked on the machine, but I stared at the game menu blankly. I wanted to play, but at the same time I didn't. I was unmotivated to. I found myself closing my eyes, thinking to myself _just a quick nap._

A quick nap turned into a fully fledged slumber. I had slumped over onto the floor, curling up on the old filthy rug. It felt rather comfortable. My dreams danced of joltiks and tympoles…. strangely enough.

I woke to a whispering in my ear and poking in my shoulder. "Eh… Leave me alone…" I whined; attempting to roll over, I rolled right into someone's arms, who plucked me off the floor and onto the couch.

"Black, what were you doing on the floor?" I heard a confused voice. I peered open my eyes to see N crouching over me with a curious expression.

"Hmmm, sleeping." I murmured, reaching up and hooking my arms around his neck. "Tired, tired, tired… Long day of work." I pulled him down and muttered into his neck.

He flailed at first, but in my half-asleep state I just hugged him harder until I heard a dry cough coming from a familiar voice. Immediately I let go of N, darting up off the couch.

"And here you say you two aren't together." Bianca chirped from where she was at the door.

"Shut up, we're not," I groaned

"Right, sure. Anyway…" White broke up the conversation, "Marry Christmas-fucking eve. You know what that means?"

I stretched up my arms, enjoying the feel of loosening my muscles. "Huh?"

"We're going to go out. We're going to party. We're going to get drunk. We're going to get laid. We're going to pass out in the alleyways! Woohoo!" White sang.

"It's Christmas eve. What sane place is open tonight?" I asked.

White gave me an extremely judgmental face, "You need to get out more, Black. It's Christmas Eve, there are parties everywhere. A friend of mine is throwing one just tonight, and guess what? We're going!"

"Sounds fun, I guess." I commented, padding past her into the kitchen, "When is it?"

"Tonight, only a few hours away-" She cut off when I dragged her into the kitchen with me.

"What do you plan to do about N?" I asked, whipping around at her when we were out of earshot, "He can't come; he would freak out."

"You don't give him enough credit, Black. He just needs more socialization. I swear when we were out he was so jumpy! He kept looking everywhere as if a giant Emboar would come out and eat him!" White laughed, "I wouldn't be surprised if Jugo attempted to."

"Well, I guess you're right. But only for an hour or two, I don't want him freaking out or anything."

"Hmm, why is that, Black?" White smirked. "Could it be…. You, dare I say, care?"

I decided to ignore her, "Where is the party at then?"

"Umm, hang on I'll scribble down directions." White went into her bag, pulling out a paper and pen and wrote down sloppy directions. "Here you go. I'll see you later, me and Bianca need to find something to wear!"

And with that, she pranced out of the room. I followed just in time to see her fly out the door, Bianca in her wake. I went over to N, who sat on the couch petting Simon, which claimed his lap and attention. I couldn't help but feel a spark of jealousy at the way N ran his fingers through Simon's feathers. Then I mentally slapped myself for getting envious over a pokemon! I trotted over and picked up my controller, sitting down next to N and began playing my video games. My mind wasn't on them though, rather how N would react to a party. A part of my mind flailed and said to just stay home with him, another part devilishly said to drag him to the party.

I tried to distract myself with the violence of the game I played, but it was in vain. Eventually I just tossed the controller in another direction in frustration. After a moment of hesitation, N picked it up, causing Simon to switch to my lap. N attempted to play, though he said it was sickening how the characters were killing each other, but he was eventually absorbed in the storyline. Probably an hour or two ticked by before I grew bored of watching N continuously fail. He didn't find a problem in it; he had the patience of a god.

I glanced over at N, observing his facial expressions as he played. I didn't realize how long I'd been staring, but watching made me ponder. I wasn't sure if he rejected me that day on the Ferris wheel, or accepted me, or if he was just willing to try. Besides on occasion the awkwardness, our relationship hadn't changed much. I wasn't sure if I was depressed or relieved about it. The thought of having a romantic relationship with another man made me cringe anyway. Even if White told me to just let go, it wasn't that easy, I already admitted to myself I felt something for him, but what could I do about it? On the Ferris wheel, I didn't seem to have a problem with it. I guess my mind was just in another place then it was now. _Maybe…_

I shifted my position, causing Simon to be disturbed from my lap. He caw'd and flew away into a wall again. I ignored him as I slide across the couch, plucking the controller from N's hand. He whined, but was cut short when he realized I was right in his face. I tried to keep a poker-face as I edged my face in front of his, staring challengingly into his eyes. He opened his mouth, attempting to speak but no words came out. I waited, he didn't even move, He just kept moving his mouth and staring at me utterly alarmed. I debated whether to back off or press myself and him further.

When it hit me that he was another guy I couldn't help but pull away again mentally slapping myself for it, "Er, sorry, I know you said you couldn't handle this now." _You ass, Black. _

I began to stand up, deciding I might as well get ready. But I felt N grab my hand and attempt to pull me back, but then he let go in terror. "Sorry!" he yelped.

I bit my lip debating whether to try it again or not. I decided not to, because N looked utterly distressed at the moment. "It's fine." I said kindheartedly. I grabbed the controller, and handed to him before leaving for the bathroom, all the while cursing myself.


	34. Chapter 34

I was met by waves of stench; a combination of cheap perfume, smoke, sweat and alcohol. And I wasn't even inside the building yet. I was outside in an alleyway. People surrounded me, apparently in a line to get in or coming out for fresh air. Pushing past them, I dragged N behind me who was looking around alarmed by all the people. I was approaching White's friend's party, it was behind the broken down door with a giant man standing in front of it. What was this, an exclusive party?

I walked up to him, halting and asking to go in. He scanned me and N then looked at the list, "What are you and your girlfriend's name?"

"He's not my girlfriend." I hissed, hoping he wasn't paying attention. "I'm Black, he's N."

He looked over the list then snorted, "Not on the list."

"My friend invited us. Just let us in!" I snapped, then recoiled at the cold stare I got from him.

"Not on the list? Not going in."

I was about to press him, but I saw White come from out of the door, smoke and lights in her wake. "Oh! You two are here!" He looked at the guard, "They're cool."

He nodded, stepping aside and allowing us to pass. N, who had been to explaining to a random person about how smoking was bad, yelped as I pulled him away into the building. "Only a friend's party, huh?" I glowered at her. Obviously this was a nightclub of some sort.

"It is!" She replied indignantly. "Anyway, c'mon." She waved her hand, heading down a small staired corridor and went through another door. Past this was the main room. I had never been to a party like this before; the room was filled with smoke. Strobe lights shone everywhere, lighting up the many bodies packed in the middle of the room that was the dance floor. A combination of music blasted in my ears, I could barely hear White talking to me. Along the one of the sides of the room was a bar, surrounded by many people hunched over with their drinks or chatting it up with potential dates. White waved her hand again, walking me through the many people. N was in awe as he looked around the party, barely able to move. I had to coax him over to the bar. I sat at the farthest end so I could be with N out of the way. White called me no fun, but sat down next to me.

"So, is Bianca here?" I asked curiously.

"Yup. Somewhere grinding on Cheren- hey! Bartender!" she chirped at the man not far away. He looked over at us, then quickly darted over. He was bold with a scruffy beard and dead eyes. We asked us what we wanted; his voice dripping with spite.

"Uhh, let's see." She plucked up one of the mini-menus and looked through, "Ohhh, a shot of that for Black, and I'll take this. It looks fruity! And, N should have… N what to you want?"

"Water." He replied after hesitation, still shifting his eyes around the room nervously.

"PFT." But White ordered it for him anyway. "And put it on my tab." She added. Oh great, she had a tab.

"And what did you get me, dare I ask?" I glowered at her, I never even heard of the drink she ordered.

"You'll find out when it's in your gut!" She grinned mischievously.

"I don't like it when you look at me like that." I replied flatly. As we waited for our drinks, I tried talking to N who was playing with the tips of his long hair nervously. He didn't say much, just kept looking around the room in apprehension.

"Here's your drinks, enjoy." The bartender came back, voice made of grit.

I picked up the small glass, looking at the dark liquid and curled my nose. White took her drink and took a swig, "try it Black, It's fine, it's fine. Now, I'll check on you later, I see someone checking me out…" She looked across the room, winking. "hey bartender! Get him another shot when he's done." And with that she left.

I didn't look to see who it was; rather I stared at the drink before me. Taking a deep breath, I brought it to my nose, inhaling the sharp stench. Holding my breath, I drank the shot. The alcohol burned my tongue and throat, and made me cough several times. It felt thick as it slid down to my stomach. "Ugh, that is… terrible."

"Just wait." I bartender mumbled as he handed me another shot, I stared at it sickly. "Your friend told me to get you another one." He took the old shot glass, "should I keep bringing them?"

"No!" I never wanted to be a major alcohol drinker, but here I was ready to take a second shot. Well, I guess only two couldn't hurt. I brought it to my lips, throwing it down my throat. Again it burned terribly and made my body shutter. I slammed it against the table, coughing harshly.

"Black, are you okay?" I heard N ask. I could barely hear him over the music and people.

"Yeah, no problem, just a little… er…" I trailed away, I wasn't feeling very good. My head was already spinning; I didn't realize it would affect me so fast.

After only a few minutes, my head was swaying. Everything was moving on its own, swinging back and forth in an endless dance. Everything N said was a slur in my ears; I began to ignore him and called out to the bartender for another drink, and to put it on White's tab. I was frankly a bit dizzy, but I couldn't see this as being a bad idea. So what? One more shot? What's the deal? As the drink was placed before me by the grumpy bartender, I instantly took a swig.

"Bl-black! You should not drink so much. It's unhealthy!" N insisted, his voice shaking.

"Heyyyy… s'all good." I waved my hand dismissively. "N… have you noticed how suave your voice is?" How did I not realize it before?

"What?" N asked, giving me a strange look. I giggled at his face; it looked so silly when it was confused.

"Black, I do not like it here. You are acting weird. It smells. It's loud! Can we go please?" N was begging, but my head was buzzing as he spoke.

"Dude. Bro. No way, it's… it's like, amazing here. Errything I could ever… hehe… Oh… my ARCHEUS. N!" I snapped my head to attention.

"Ah! What?" N asked in alarm.

I darted my head forward, almost running into his face with mine. "Holy crap, N. Ekans backwards is snake!" I whispered loudly.

"…What is a snake?"

" Who the hell knows." I glanced around, expecting this snake thing to pop out. What if it did? What if it ate Smugleaf? "No! Smugleaf don't take him!" I barked, leaping off the chair.

"Black, we have to leave now, you are acting weird." N said, standing up as well.

I whipped my head around, staring at him devilishly. "N you have too many cloths on." I commented, sliding towards him with a wide grin.

"Of course I have cloths on!" He exclaimed, taking a step back.

"You need less on." I murmured when I got close to him. "Aunty, Uncle, Cousin Black will take care of you."

"But Black you aren't my-" He broke off with a yelp when both my arms grabbed his. I stood on my tiptoes, growling that he was so tall. Why was he so tall? I put my arms around his neck, pulling his face down to mine.

"Much better!" I giggled, licking him on the face. "You taste like… skin…"

"Black, black." He kept repeating my name, flailing his arms in all directions, "Could you maybe possibly let go?"

"No!" I barked, shoving him back against the wall and trapped him there. "Mine!" He was mine! Not anyone else's!

N didn't protest this time, but just froze up again. Part of my brain begged me to stop. But the voice was far away, I didn't listen. "N settle down bro, I'm here." I reached up and whispered in his ear. I breathed heavily, his body reacting with a small shudder. Was it good or bad? Well, it better be good! Who wouldn't love this? I breathed deeper down his neck, enjoying his strange reactions to it. I began giggling uncontrollably, digging my head into his neck. I heard him say something, but I couldn't make out the words. It was like a slur. Why was he talking so strangely?

"N, your name is a letter. I wonder why that is…" I sputtered randomly, leaning against his body and experimentally grinded against him like the others were doing in the club. A pleasuring feeling shot up my spine.

"Ahhh!" he gripped the wall, looking away with a pained expression. I frowned, _why so much pain?_

"N, you have such a hard life you have led!" My own sentence made me sense to me, but I hugged him anyway. Ohh…. He was so soft why didn't I hug him more often?

"B-black can we just leave." N shakily had pulled me off him but now looked terrified again.

"Leave? Leave where?" I squinted my eyes and stared at him curiously. "But don't we need to go save Victini from Team Plasma?" I asked.

"Black, can we go home _please?_"

"Well what's stopping you?" I asked, waving my arms and trotting like a zebstrika to the door. "Let's go, N~ we have adventures to go on!" I exclaimed, heading up the stairs and out of the building. Fresh air hit me like a hammer, I didn't like it.

"Wait N, we must be cautious, the Shadow Triad might be out here."

"What?" N squealed behind me. I turned around to find him backing into the club once again.

"Come on, N! Adventures!" I grabbed him and raced down the alleyway, pulling him along with me. "Wait... why are we in quicksand?" I looked around me, all I could see was the ground and the walls of the alleyway, but when I started to run again it seemed slow again.

"No, why…" I whined, trying to push through the sand. Eventually, I gave up and fell against the wall. "We're goners out here in the desert."

N crouched next to me, looking at me with worry. I looked back. His face was funny. I made a funny face too. "Black what are you doing? We should get home." N insisted.

"Oh. Pft fine. But the desert is so far…" As he stood up, I held my arms up and made whiny sounds. When he didn't move, I pouted and curled up in a ball. "If YoU ArEn'T gOiNg To HeLp Me ThEn FuCk OfF." Then I pretended to sleep.

"Black, wait no!" N crouched down again. I let out a fake snore. A few moments later, I felt arms around me as N pulled me onto his back. I could feel his body beneath me tremble lightly- that or it was an earthquake.

But I was feeling rather tired. As he piggy-backed me, I nuzzled my head into the back of his hair. "Your hair is green… and soft!"

".. Oh really..?" he replied absentmindedly. his voice shaking slightly.

"Yes really." I declared.

I must have dozed off for the rest of the time, because I woke up to N digging in my pocket and pulling out of house key. Before he pulled away to unlock the door, I grabbed his hand, whining about how I never got to spend quality time with his hand. He gave me another look, and I giggled. He opened the door, reaching down and carrying me bridal style into the house. We entered my room, and he put me down on the bed. Before he could let go of me I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of me.

"You know, your eyes are beautiful in this light." I slurred, licking his nose.

"Ahhh, Black." N tried to pull away, but I held him closer.

"Don't leave me aloneeee…" I whined, "What if the hydriegons sneak in my room while you're gone." I glanced suspiciously over to the window.

"What?"He yipped, darting his gaze over to the window as well.

"Hehe, but they won't come if there are two of us. That's what the magic conch said." I informed him.

"Black. I think you should try and sleep." N said sincerely. He yelped again when I tugged him over until he was lying next to me in bed. I hugged him close, purring like a purrloin.

"You're like… the perfect pillow. You know, you take care of me so much. How you do it I don't even-" Everything slipped away from me and was replaced by the black bliss of sleep. The last thing I remembered was inhaling his familiar scent.


	35. Chapter 35

The process of waking up was much quicker than what I was normally used to. My entire vision pulsed with a headache as I rolled over back onto the bathroom floor. Getting from my bed to the toilet was all a blur. My mouth tasted disgustingly acidic from puking up my guts. I hoped it was over, but my stomach still felt twisted and ill. My head was spinning, causing my vision to be wonky. I couldn't even see anything around my straight; everything was a blurry white color. I pressed my burning cheek against the floor, the coolness of it making me feel a bit better. But not by much. I groaned, determined not to move. Thank all the heavens I had a day off today, because the bathroom floor was my home until I felt better. If I ever felt better.

As for last night, it was all just a big fuzz. I remembered strobe lights, smoke, shots and lots of people. N's confused face flashed in my mind a lot as well, so I knew I did something to him. I hoped it was something too extreme, like make-out with him or have se- My thoughts were cut short as I bolted off the floor and hung over the rim of the toilet once again.

When I was done, I moaned again in pain, falling back onto the floor and hitting my head painfully against the bathroom floor. I yipped in pain, holding my sore head with weak hands. Whatever I was thinking, it was gone with the rippling pulsation of agony with every heartbeat. _Ugh, make it stop, _I begged myself.

"AH! BLACK! Cheren! Cheren, there's something wrong with Black!" I didn't notice N standing in the door way watching me till I heard his wailing. The loud noise was like daggers jamming into my skull, I hissed for him to shut up but he didn't hear.

A moment later, a confused Cheren rushed to the door, his hair was ruffled up with sleep and for once he was without glasses. "What the hell, N? Why are you shouting so early." He groaned, looking into the bathroom.

"Will you lower your voice?" I growled at Cheren, cutting off again for another session of vomiting.

"Cheren what's happening to Black?" N asked Cheren in alarm, his voice almost shrill.

"He's having a hangover, numbskull. It's what happens when you drink too much," Cheren muttered, trotting over to me. "You should have had some water or crackers, Black. "

"Talk softer! God I'm right here you don't have to yell." I spat, attempting to push myself up.

"Well, we don't have painkillers. Let's see… I do know a bit how to help a hangover." Cheren said, ignoring my spite.

"Do tell." I asked dryly, still attempting to stand despite the blistering headache.

"Drink some water, to hydrate you. I'll run to the store to get some hangover pills or something that will help. We need some groceries anyway," He put an arm around my shoulder, helping me hobble out of the bathroom, but I halted in front of the door.

"Wait-" I darted away, back to the toilet and wrenched. Nothing came up; I was just dry-hurling at this point.

"Or you could stay in here." Cheren blinked.

"Actually I think I might shower." I replied miserably, feeling as if I were wallowing in my own filth. (Well I sort of was.)

"Alright, Black. I'll get ready and leave. Hopefully the corner store won't be closed on holiday. Try and feel better." He added as he left.

"Black?" N asked in a worried tone.

"Huh?" I groaned, dragging myself to the tub and turning on the water. The sound of the spray hitting the porcelain echoed into my head and hit my brain with hammers. "Oh my god hurt…"

"Uh... never mind." He turned away, casting me a final worried glance before fleeing the room. My head throbbed too much to dwell on it as I slowly stripped and almost fell into the tub. I leaned against the wall, allowing the steam and hot water to calm me. I wrenched a few more times, but I had nothing else to throw up. After a long shower, I finally found the motivation to pull myself away from the scolding water. Moving sluggishly across the bathroom, I grabbed my towel and dried myself before pulling on my old clothes (I wasn't planning on going anywhere today, what's the point of changing into clean clothes?)

Carefully, I tip toed into the hallway. As my feet crashed into the floor, I could hear it. Too loud. Lightly, I headed into the living room. At once I was tackled by a giant feathery body, and to the floor I crashed. Simon was licking my face like a lilipup, screeching loudly. My head had daggers running into it with every screech he made as his nuzzled me with excitement. Squishy soon joined him, along with DJ Fresh and Smugleaf. All of the sounds were overwhelming, they were all chirping and speaking to me (not that I could understand them).

"Ah…~ Can you please get off me." I groaned, though they didn't listen. So much for being a master pokemon trainer, I can't even tell my pokemon to get off me.

"They are saying they are happy to see your better. You were, after all, vomiting violently." N said from where he sat on the floor against the wall. I guess he was probably playing with them. I pushed myself up, forcing Simon to get off me,

"Ow. Ow. Owowowow." I muttered, rubbing my head, "never again…." I glanced up. N was staring at me with a look of genuine worry, but it turned icy when I caught his eye.

I went over to N, sitting in front of him. We seemed to have had a staring contest for a long time, and I prayed that Cheren would get back with hangover pills. N's expression was guarded; whatever I did last night upset him a lot. Oh god, I hope it wasn't something horrible out of hand.

"Hey N, what happened last night exactly anyway?" I asked curiously.

N's eyes flashed, "Well…" He replied, keeping his voice low, "White gave you a small amount of a strange, dark liquid. After that you…. You were acting weird." He sighed.

"Huh? You mean drunk?" I asked, "Don't mind that, it's just a weird side effect of the alcohol…" I rubbed my head.

"Black, you were spewing nonsense the entire time we were there. You cared nothing for any personal boundaries." N explained; his voice still weak.

"That's what happens when you're drunk." I replied.

He sighed, looking up at me with a small frown, "Black, please do not do it again…"

"Huh?"

"It scared me okay? But that is obvious, is it not? You cared nothing for personal boundaries. What if you were to do it again, but go further?" N's voice cracked, he looked as he was attempting to glare at me, but it failed miserably.

"I…" I was silent. What was he talking about? Was he thinking I would hurt him? Did I hurt him last night? "I'll... I'll try my best not to." My hangover screamed in agreement. I moaned again, putting my head in my palms.

"You are in a lot of pain, yes?" N asked quietly, looking away.

I was about to reply with a slurred 'yes' but it hit me that he's been through worse. I just smiled at him, "It's fine, nothing to worry about." But my headache said otherwise. Damn it, where was Cheren with the painkillers? I got up from the floor and teetered my way to the couch, falling onto the cushions. "Times like this I wish I had an audino that uses Heal Pulse…" As I laid there on the couch, I slowly began to realize what today was. It was Christmas. I completely forgot about the most famous holiday of the year. I darted up, my hangover screaming in agony. I did my best to ignore it. Crap… Christmas and I have gifts for no one. No one! What store would be open? Not to mention I had to call mom; she would be wondering how I had been.

"Black…? Should you be resting?" I heard N ask, but I completely ignored him as I did my hangover and went in search of my phone. Once found, I quickly dialed up my mom's number. No answer. I attempted it again; and again no answer, much to my displeasure. I went back out into the living room, sweeping by N to the door. I quickly flung my shoes on, but as I went to grab the doorknob it turned on its own the door came crashing into me. I collided with the floor, growling in pain and confusion. It took me a few moments to process that Cheren just came into the apartment, and accidently hit me with a door. I rubbed my head where it was hit, wincing.

"Black? Black? Are you okay? What were you doing there?" Cheren looked down at me, stunned.

"Do I look okay?" I hissed. Today was not my day at all. So much for the happiest time of year.

"Ah! Black!" N came over to inspect me, but I waved him away. "No, no. It's fine." I grumbled, grabbing the grocery bags out of Cheren's hand- despite his protest. My head throbbing, I searched through the bags until I found the painkillers. I opened the bottle, pouring who knows how many in my hand and took them all.

"Black! That can't be healthy." Cheren said with panic, ripping the bottle from my hand.

"Pft." I pushed myself up, wobbling a bit. "Cheren, are you aware of what day it is?"

"Yes. It's Christmas." He said; picking up the groceries I covered the floor with in my desperate attempt to find the painkillers.

"How did I just realize that?"I asked, throwing my hands up in exaggeration.

"Because you're an idiot." He said with a faint smirk. "Anyway, it's not a big deal. We aren't children anymore."

"Black?" N asked.

"I guess you're right. I didn't really celebrate it much these last few years, but we still got each other gifts." I replied, following him into the kitchen.

"Black?" N asked again, but I barely heard him.

"Yeah, we did. Good times. I guess you're right. But still, what do you want to do-" He cut off when his ringtone sounded. He plucked it from his pocket. "It's Bianca…" He answered it.

"Black?" N's voice rose a bit, and I turned to him.

"What?" I snapped, then shook my head when he flinched away. "No, no, I'm not mad. Just the hangover talking."

N gave me a suspicious stare, but replied anyway. "Well, I…"

"Oh Black, listen." Cheren interrupted whatever N was about to say, "Apparently she wants us to visit her and Bianca at their place."

"What? Why? Didn't we have enough partying last night?" I groaned.

I could see Cheren's face color, "Yeah, last night." He turned away and said bye. "Well, I already got directions. I guess we should leave."

"Right _now?_" The painkillers were nowhere near taking effect yet, but headache still pounded, and my body felt like unbalanced.

"That's what Bianca told me." Cheren replied. "Sorry, Black. But you know how she'll be if you don't show up." His eyes flickered.

"…Right." I muttered.

Once we were out of the door, N became on high alert again. When we left the complex, he, like usual, cast weary glances everywhere like a frightened purrlion. I tried to distract him by sparking short conversation, but he didn't say much back. The faster we made it to the girl's house, the better. My headache began to go away, but I could still feel it, and it was horribly annoying. I tried my best not to be grumpy, but it was hard.

As we walked, I looked in the windows of shops as we passed. I hadn't bought anything for anyone, not that I had much money to buy them anything anyway. I hadn't got my first paycheck yet; hopefully I would soon though. As I gazed into the windows, my eyes were drawn to something inside the store. Instantly I thought of N as I looked at it. I halted were I stood, peering into the shop and taking a closer look.

"Black, what are you doing?" I heard Cheren ask. He and N kept walking until they noticed I had stopped. N starting jogging back to me, but I waved a hand.

"You two go ahead, I need to get something." And before they could reply, I whisked into the small shop, my eyes pinned on the gift I was planning on getting N.

* * *

**What an Anti-climactic ending.**

**Also, I have no idea what a hangover is like. Or what it's like to be drunk. I pretty much stereotyped (mostly I got it all from 'How I Met Your Mother' and 'Two and a Half Men'). I hope it wasn't too terrible.  
**


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: I do not own pokemon.**

****I love your reviews guys, they're the first thing I read in the morning when I get to school. I would love to reply to them, but doesn't let me. Anyway, on with the chapter! *A* `poofs out in a rainbow smoke cloud`**

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_He was always running, always watching. He was never in a peaceful state of mind, every moment outside was spent desperately trying to get away, trying not to get caught. He was always living in fear from his father; in fear that he would be betrayed by the one he loved. It was always a race for him, it was always fear for him. It was so many things... why, why couldn't he be happy forever? Why did he constantly live in a dark world, only to peek out at the light on those rare occasions when he was allowed? It wasn't fair. _

_ But then, when was it ever fair?_

_ For him, it never was. Fairness wasn't in his vocabulary, only pain and agony, fear and dread. It was an endless loop he had lived in his entire life. Why wouldn't it end? Why couldn't he stop living in fear? What was the solution? _

_ Every time he asked, no one would answer. He was forever in the dark, forever waiting in terror. _

* * *

Without a doubt Black was in immense pain. I watched him from across the room. He was hunched over, head in his hands. Every response was forced, but no one seemed to really care, if they could even see he was in pain. It was his hangover from drinking too much the previous night. I flinched, every time I thought about how Black acted last night I couldn't help but be frightened. I knew he wouldn't try any of that if he was sober. But how could I be sure? The way he so willingly touched me roughly and grinded against me uncomfortably, watching me with eyes of want and lust. I shivered; I didn't want to see that look thrown around so carelessly. It reminded me too much of bad things that happened before.

We had arrived at the condo Bianca and White lived at. It itself wasn't big, but the interior design was very kempt. Everything matched and was orderly, much different then what I had grown accustom to living with Black. I grew up in a similar environment, with the clean orderly castle and all. I was being ignored right now, but I preferred it that way. I didn't get this Christmas thing at all; it was like an alien tradition. I heard very little about it, something about a fat man in red sneaking into your house and giving you presents. Creepy if you ask me. Currently we were all huddled around a fake fireplace. I watched as they laughed and shared kind words and funny jokes. It was all alien to me, the happiness, and the traditions. Human custom made no sense to me at all. Even though I've been living among them now, it was all confusing to me. I didn't understand any of these customs, but they understood fully. All of them grew up with them. And what did I grow up with? A train set. I never heard of Christmas, or Birthday parties or any of this. It was making me realize how much of an empty, senseless childhood I had, and how even though I grew up in a rich, spoiled environment compared to other kids, I knew nothing of what other humans did. I never knew the love of family, friends and customs that brought them closer together.

"N, why the long face, why don't you come over here and join us?" I heard White ask. I was sitting a ways away, and when she spoke to me, I looked up with a guarded expression. After a moment I nodded, slipping off the chair I huddled on and scooted over to where they sat.

"Bianca and I got everybody something." White chirped, pulling over a smallish brown bag.

"I couldn't get you guys anything…" Black mumbled, scratching his head guiltily. "I forgot completely what day it was." His voice was edged with pain.

"It's fine Black, you being here is enough. It's just like being a child again!" Bianca sang, looking into the bag and pulling out the boxes. She gave the boxes to each of us. I took mine respectfully, but didn't feel like opening it. It was weird; I shouldn't be part of this sort of tradition.

Black struggled to remove his hands from where they caressed his head to take the box. He opened it; revealing a package. "Another video game?" he inspected the box, his eyes lighting up. "I heard about this one! It's supposed to be really good!" he chirped, but when he raised his voice, his hand went back to his head as he gasped in pain again.

"I figured you'd like it." White said.

Cheren opened his, which was a book. As he bubbled over in excitement at yet another thing to read, I opened mine. It was a flattish, long box that was made of weak white cardboard. When I opened the box, inside was a shirt. I pulled it out of the box. It was a light green color, almost white. Across the front in bold, black letters it said _'I just liberated… In. My. Pants'. _I stared at it curiously. Was this supposed to be some sort of joke I was supposed to understand?

White, having a giggle fit managed to say, "Show Cheren and Black."

When I turned the shirt around, both Cheren and Black looked, and a fraction of the second later they were doubling over in laughter. I felt so out of the loop, was this that funny? "Ow… It hurts, but, I can't stop... laughing." Black finally managed to gasp, snickering. "I can't believe you got him that."

"We had it custom made," Bianca giggled.

"I do not get it." I declared, staring at them all. "But I appreciate it anyway." I looked at it again curiously.

"I'll tell you what it means one day." Black didn't seem surprised I didn't know, but White, Bianca and Cheren were giving me curious looks. I looked away, suddenly rather self conscious.

The morning slipped into afternoon. We remained at Bianca and White's house just spending time hanging out. Black was getting better I could tell, but I still felt excluded from the whole thing. Black still had a bag that he said was a Christmas gift, but he hadn't given it to anyone yet. I pondered why, but it wasn't on my mind for long because when it got closer to the evening Black decided he wanted to get home early because he had work early. Cheren decided to stay a bit longer. I was relieved to leave, it felt awkward being here. Cheren did all he could to not talk to me the entire time, and White and Bianca laughed over crude jokes while Black attempted to be part of it despite his 'hangover'.

I followed Black out into the open, at once becoming nervous once outdoors. Hesitantly, I glanced around before trotting after him. But he was slow at walking today, he was still in pain. I walked beside him, wondering if I could possibly get him to go faster. I would have almost willingly carried him again like the previous night, but he was so heavy, and what if he got upset at me for it? No, the best I could do was try and forgot about my apprehension. It was a huge relief once we were back at the complex. As Black fumbled with the keys, he groaned repeatedly until he got it right, almost falling into the living room when the door opened. I shut the door behind him, locking it securely. He paced over to the couch, kicking off his shoes and putting down his bag before plopping onto the cushions. I hesitated before I went and joined him, sitting down on the couch. He picked up the remote, clicking on the TV. He stared at the screen, which was nothing but commercials. He shifted his eyes to me, and I realized I was staring at him again.

He smiled softly at me, and I felt my heart skip a beat. I loved it when he smiled at me, which seemed to be happening a lot more lately, much to my pleasure

"So, I know this is your first real Christmas." Black finally said, breaking eye contact with me. He looked over the rim of the couch, reaching over to where he dropped the bag. He plucked it from the floor. "I, er- saw this in the store. It reminded me of you..." He handed at it at me, looking away. I swear I thought I saw his cheeks the faintest shade of a pinkish red. I looked in the bag, pulling out something fluffy. It was…. A stuffed zoroark. It was about two feet tall, so it was pretty big. I felt my face lift in a bright smile when I saw it. It was like a mother to the zorua figurine! I wrapped my arms around it. It was so soft, like the real thing.

"Thank you Black." I finally said, putting the stuffed zoroark down. It was such a simple gift, but I thought it was one of the greatest things he could have gotten me. I hesitated, debating whether I should hug him or not. I watched him expectantly, he didn't seem to be in a bad mood, but I knew better then to just randomly hug another person.

"So you like it?" he looked over at me and smiled. I nodded; for once I felt genuine happiness. Taking a huge personal step, I reached over and hugged him. He was softer then the plushie. I almost expected him to push me away and tell me that he 'wasn't a homo' or something. But too much sheer surprise I felt his arms go around me as well. More happiness welled inside me, if that were even possible. Black hugging me was the best Christmas gift I could have been given. I forgot all about my fear. I let it go, breathing a shaky sigh of relief. Feeling him in my arms felt wonderful. I was glad that he didn't push me either and attempted to kiss me or something.

"That's... that's so adorable!" I nearly jumped out of my skin. I realized Squishy was right there watching with bright eyes. Black's other pokemon watched curiously as well from behind the couch.

"What... What did she say?" Black didn't realize they were there either until Squishy made a sound. He now stared in surprise, but didn't let me go. His face was slightly colored, and suddenly I knew what she meant by 'adorable.'

"She says you are cute." I said, released Black from the embrace.

"Oh?"

"I have to agree with her." I said innocently. I almost expected Black to get mad at me for saying that, but he just mumbled something incoherently and turned his attention to the TV.

The rest of the evening was spent watching Christmas themed shows. . When it grew later on, Black declared it was time for bed. I could agree to that. I picked up by zoroark plushie, letting out a faint squeal as I hugged it. Once changed into pajamas, I crawled into bed with Black. By now, he didn't mind that I liked to embrace him at night. Sometimes he wouldn't allow it, simply because it made him feel too weird. I got into bed first, Black following. He was facing away from me. I didn't like it when he faced away, but none the less I slithered my arms around his waist, pulling him until he fit like a puzzle piece against my body. He didn't object for once. Instead, I felt his hand curl around mine.


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon**

**Warning: This chapter has sexual themes... sort of :u**

* * *

"_Nghh… B-black." Trembled a voice, followed by a faint groan. _

_ "Hmm?" Came my hypnotizing reply. I traced my lips along his neck, and his head reared back, allowing more easy access for me. I welcomed it, licking the sensitive skin I just nibbled. I pulled back, letting out a groan as I feel myself get more excited. I trailed my hands down the body beneath me, feeling the soft , light skin under my touch. I enjoyed seeing his reactions, I never had seen N like this before. So willing to let me in it was unbelievable. I had never done this before, but I strangely already knew what to do. _

_ It was so unreal, so misty. I didn't even know how it ended up like this, how N ended up naked beneath me, how I ended up naked over him. How I was tracing his skin, flipping him over to put him into position. He was so willing to trust me, I couldn't help but oblige. The way his skin felt against mine, the way he moaned in just a tone that made me even harder. My hands trailed his hips; he was now on his stomach, the whole front of his body on the bed while the other half hung off with his legs spread. The way he looked at me, those eyes that were so trusting; begging even. I could hear him say my name; it was unbearable. Firmly grasping his legs, I positioned myself properly and began to enter him. He yelped, digging his fingernails in the sheets below him. Everything was a haze, but It felt so magnificent, going faster and pounding harder to reach a final ecstasy. Faster… faster… harder… harder… So close, so **close….**_

My eyes shot open as I gasped loudly. I was panting heavily, and staring into the dark nothingness that was my room. Whatever had happened, it was done now. Everything was gone. I knew it couldn't have been real. It wouldn't have been that easy; and certainly I wouldn't have even attempted something like that. As I settled my breathing, I realized that I still had a painful feeling. My boxers were horribly tight, and sweat drenched my body. I realized how hard I was, how close I was to going over the edge, but I hadn't yet. I almost instinctively grabbed myself, but then I remembered N went to sleep holding me against his torso. At least I faced away from him, but this was still a terribly awkward position I was put in. I couldn't do anything about it. But the feel of N's crotch against my ass wasn't helping at all. I could feel his breath, hot and humid; go down my neck, causing me to shiver. Damn it, why did I have to have that sort of dream now? It was practically humiliating, I dreamed about fucking N! With him right here in the same bed! How did I went up in this position yet again?

I closed my eyes. The best I could do is to try and calm myself down. But I was already in so deep; it was the only thing I could think about. The imagines of my dream flashed in my mind, causing my swollen appendage to ache, begging to be touched. I needed to get out of N's grasp, with him so close and me like this I couldn't control myself, I would end up scaring him and I knew it. N was a light sleeper, if I made a sudden movement he would wake. Slowly, I trailed my arm down to my boxers, painfully grabbing myself. I bite my lip, embarrassment rushing through me. If N were to wake...I would be screwed. But, I needed to do this before I took advantage of him. I knew I would lose control easily.

God damn it, why? I was so hard, N was right there, but I couldn't move. N shuffled in his sleep, resting his chin against my shoulder. His breath was so hot; it made my skin crawl with need. Ugh, it was so unfair! I whined pitifully, squirming. I needed to get out somehow, he was going to wake soon, and if he saw… What would happen?

Okay Black, calm down. You needed to get away from N somehow…. I glanced over across the room at the door. Maybe if I made a run for it, I could go into the bathroom and finish there. N would never have to know. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to launch myself forward. I barely moved though; N had an iron grip around me. The sudden disturbance caused him to rouse from sleep. _Shitshitshitshitshitshit._ I thought in a panic. I heard him yawn, his breath brushing across my ear.

"Good morning Black, what are you doing up so early?" N asked sleepily in my ear.

"I… uh…" There really was no response. I struggled in his grasp, but he didn't let go. He seemed to not notice.

"What is wrong, Black?" He sounded more awake now.

"Nothing's wrong, just, uh, yeah." I replied with a rasp. His voice, oh god his voice. It was like the most beautiful music in my ears, it was driving me crazy. "Can, can you let go of me?" I asked with a cracking voice.

I felt his arms loosen, but he asked what was wrong again, his voice growing with worry. I turned my head, he was so innocent and so vulnerable; it took every ounce of me not to jump on him.

…Unfortunately I didn't have enough self control. It was unbearable, the way he was just looking at me. Just his voice was enough to drive me crazy. With my crotch still painfully hard, it was controlling my brain now. My hands shot out, grabbing the collar of his shirt. He squeaked in surprise as my lips met his. It was a sloppy wet kiss that collided painfully with his lips. But I was too distracted by what was in my pants to really care about anything else. I could only concentrate on what N felt like, what it could feel like. His lips so soft beneath mine, I wanted more, I wanted to push him further.

I felt him attempt to pull away in shock, but I followed him. When our kiss finally broke, I was ready to continue it, but I caught N's eye. Shit. It wasn't surprising that he was giving me a look of terror. He doubled backwards, pushing against the wall, and my grip on his shirt began to loosen.

My senses came rushing back to me almost at once; I guiltily flinched away, realizing what I just did to poor N. "Oh… Shit, N I… I'm sorry." It was a long moment before I finally said anything. I was breathing heavily, struggling to gain my control again. It was hard to keep my concentration. I reached out, and he flinched away. I dropped my hand, looking at the wall. My earlier problem seemed to disappear from my mind, right now; N was more important.

"N… N are you okay? I mean, I didn't mean-" I fumbled over the words.

"I… I get it Black." His voice was dry as he replied. I knew he was struggling right now, I scared him severely.

"It was just, I was just, I, I, I….." I couldn't really say the reason why I suddenly jumped on him, but I'm sure he realized by now because it was painfully obvious.

"It's… it's okay Black." He shook his head, pushing himself off the wall, but looked at me with a guarded expression.

I was silent for a moment, "I don't get it N though, why are you so scared of me...?"

A look passed across N's face. He looked up at me uncomfortably. "It's not you." He murmured.

"What? Then why are you so afraid of my when I get too close?" I desperately wanted to know, so I could help him somehow, I was so useless at the moment.

He shook his head again. Then he did something that I hadn't seen him do in awhile. He pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, not showing the fact he was beginning to cry again. I felt terrible with myself, I made him cry. Again. Where I sat among the sheets and blankets, I watched him convulse in his sobs. What could I do? He couldn't talk, he was scared of me. I recalled seeing this before. I never could do anything. But, I couldn't not do that now. I reached over, holding my arms out and wrapping them around N, pulling him towards me. I felt him tense beneath my touch, but I kept pulling him until I was fully embracing him. He didn't hug me back; he just burrowed his face in my shirt. He was going through a lot of pain, I knew it. He didn't have to tell me, it was obvious, I wish I could have helped, or moreover, I wished I had never kissed him in the first place.

"I'm sorry N, I really am." I murmured, "I'm…. I'm just so sorry… I just wish I understood better." He didn't reply, much to my disappointment. In despair, I couldn't help but think, why was he so afraid of me touching him, of getting close and kissing him?

"I… I am not crying because of you. I want you to understand that." N managed to say between sobs. "I am just… Remembering." He finally said.

I didn't understand still, but I didn't press him. With him like this it would be selfish and torturous for me to press him. I just kept hugging him.

* * *

**I had several people request a wet dream. I didn't put much details into it though. I don't want to write them having secksi secks yet :u but I hope you gaiz liked it none the less.**


	38. Chapter 38

It took a whole week for me to get over the earlier and rather _awkward_ incident. I avoided him at first, slipping by him awkwardly or pretending to fall asleep quickly and then lay awake for hours. I suppose I was still mad at myself for doing it though, so easily losing control of the situation. But I guess it could have been worse. Thinking about this, I got up from the coach and meandered to the window, looking outside and seeing the New Years fireworks fly into the sky and explode. It was the late afternoon so they were difficult to see against the bright sky. N still found it fascinating, he hadn't really experienced fireworks. At first he was tremendously scared. They began going off late morning, and it took N completely by shock. He thought it was more thunder and lightning, and he had bolted to a hiding place. It took me hours to coax him out and convince him they were only fireworks. He didn't really like the loudness of them going off, but he did think they were pretty.

Currently he was perched on the couch, petting Simon. He still looked a bit on edge. He and I were home alone, since Cheren went out with White and Bianca and some other people for a party. They invited me, but I knew N wouldn't last outside the apartment. And I was right. Heading out on the deck, I was met with freezing cold air. Underneath the deck seven floors down was the street, which was crowded with people. With all the people and explosions I knew N would be uncomfortable leaving the apartment. I also knew he couldn't stay home alone, so here I was.

After awhile the cold was too cold, so I headed back inside. I promised N we could watch the fireworks together on the deck since they looked better at night, and the sun was beginning to go down it wouldn't be long now. I was back on the coach again, texting White. Apparently she and Bianca were in the process of getting Cheren super drunk. And it was working. I snickered at the thought of a drunken Cheren stumbling around.

"Black, you really should let Simon get more exercise. He's going to forget how to fly if he's kept cooped up!" N commented as he stroked Simon's bald muzzle.

"Him forgetting how to fly will be because every time he tries he runs head-first into something." I shot back, but grinned as I leaned over and ruffled Simon's feathers.

"You're just jealous because you cannot fly." N replied, giving me a look.

"Apparently neither can he."

"We should go out onto the balcony. It's not too cold outside tonight. Besides, your pokemon could really use some fresh air." N told me, standing up and tugging on Simon by the wing. DJ Fresh, Smugleaf and Squishy seemed thrilled at the idea, but Vincent stayed where he always did, hanging from the ceiling.

"N, it's freezing out there." I groaned, shoving my phone in my pocket. But a few minutes later I was curling up in a blanket on the deck with N and four of my pokemon. I was sipping cocoa, and I felt like a little kid. For my birthday my mother sent me small gift package, which consisted of a scarf, letter, and some food (including the cocoa). She even sent N something; a beanie hat, which he took a liking to wearing. In fact he was wearing it now; it was made of yarn and was mainly a greenish color with patches of other colors. It matched his sweatshirt and hair quite nicely. I never really wore any of the lame bits of clothing my mom gave me, but N insisted I wear the scarf. I suppose I shouldn't take my mother for granted; I don't even think N had one. If he did, he never mentioned her.

"Black these firework things are so pretty." N told me, his eyes wide in awe. "I just wish they were not so loud."

"You get used to it after awhile." I replied nonchalantly, taking another sip of my hot beverage.

I felt N lean towards me, I looked over and he was staring curiously into my mug. "Black what are you drinking?"

"It's… Hot chocolate. Like chocolate milk, but hot." I replied, taking another sip.

"I never heard of it before." He said.

"What a deprived being." I muttered under my breath, then held the mug out for him to take. "You can, er- try some of it if you want."

N took the mug, giving it a hesitant, curious sniff before drinking some of it. "Hot- hot!" He exclaimed, shoving the drink back at me. "B…but it's good." N finally said, licking his lips.

"Isn't it? It makes me feel like a child again. Long days playing in the snow… then coming inside and my mom made me cocoa while I watched my kid's television…"

"Is… is that what most kids do?" N asked me curiously.

"A lot of them. My friends did similar things like that." N looked a bit sad as he turned away to gaze at the fireworks. I sighed, "You never did that as a kid though." I didn't even need to ask, and I expected his reply; which was a slow nod.

"Well, you'll have to do that, huh?" I said, leaning against his shoulder nonchalantly.

"What?"

"Next time it snows, we'll go to the park or some shit like that and have a good time, for nostalgia's sake. We can take the pokemon and challenge some trainers for fun. Then we can come home and sit around with hot chocolate and watch lame children's shows." Actually it didn't sound like a bad idea.

N turned and stared at me with a strange look on his face. Then I heard him chuckle.

Him. Chuckle. _N Harmonia chuckling what is this?_ I thought in alarm. "What is it?"

He didn't chuckle for long, but when he stopped he grew serious again, "Black, you do not have to try so hard for me you know. I realize how much you have been doing for me, but I contribute nothing. It's not the way life works."

I opened my mouth, but I knew he was speaking the truth. He didn't _do_ anything. Cheren tried to tell me this more than once. "Well. I guess we'll find something."

There was a long silence, then I heard N ask a question that tugged at me heart. "…Black how long can I keep living with you?"

"Wha-what do you mean?" I nearly chocked out, turning to face him "Do you not want to live here anymore?"

"Black, I originally came to your house because I was hurt, I was in need. But I had not expected to be… staying this long with you." He replied, stroking Smugleaf's head.

"N, where would you go? You told me yourself you didn't have a place to stay."

"I do not-"

"Then where do you think you'll go?" I interrupted him.

"Black I cannot keep being a burden to you-"

"You're not. Listen to me N, you're staying." I growled at him. "I'm not losing you again." Then I slapped my hand over my mouth_. What a fucking cliché thing for me to say! _I thought to myself in alarm.

"Losing me?" N echoed, and then he looked away thoughtfully. We stopped talking after that, I figured he was thinking something to himself. As for me, I don't know why I just spewed all that stuff. But it was true, I didn't want N to leave again. I couldn't put a thumb on it, but every time I thought of him leaving my chest tightened painfully.

Looking out onto the horizon, the fireworks began lighting up the sky, flashing all the colors of the rainbow. I wish I was as warm as the fireworks, at the moment I was beginning to feel frozen. N seemed fine though, he stared out and watched without a problem. I suppose he was more used to the cold and outdoors then I was. Putting my now empty mug down to the side, I untangled myself from the blanket only to put my arms around N from the side. I felt a sudden compulsion to do this, and to put my head into his neck. The thought of him leaving suddenly made me feel… possessive?

N shifted uncomfortably, and I told myself not to go any further. He needed it to go slow. So while he watched the fireworks, I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. It smelled very… outdoorsy. Wait… _Was I sniffing him? The hell is wrong with me? _I didn't move away though. I wasn't concerned anymore with my painfully obvious feelings for N I somehow developed somewhere.

Trying not to think awkward thoughts, once I felt N relax I reached up and kissed his cheek. He again moved uncomfortably, and I could feel his cheek get hotter under my lips.

I would have kept going to his lips, but I was interrupted by a loud screech. My arms withdrew from him and I whipped around to see Simon cawing wildly and lifting himself into the air. He was staring across the street into the alley way, screeching like crazy as he flew towards it. He was lost in the darkness, and I leapt up, leaning against the balcony railing and calling for him to come back. Then I heard a final screech, then it was silent in the alley.

"Scrafff…."

"I do not know why Simon took off, DJ Fresh." N said in panic, leaning against the railing as well. "Black, what-"

"We need to go over there." I exclaimed, whipping around and running into the house and to the front door. I was followed by N, and DJ Fresh, Reuniclus and Smugleaf. I shut the door, forgetting to lock it as I soared down the hall and down the stairs. Once out into the open, I followed the street until I was in front of the alley Simon had went down. I was panting heavily, but I pushed my way into the darkness. As my eyes adjusted to the lower light, I looked around. "Simon?" I called my Archeops's name. There was no reply, and my panic grew.

"Is he in here?" N came up behind me, looking around as well.

"Pprrdddd…." Smugleaf growled.

"He says he can smell Simon." N informed me and I nodded, inching my way deeper into the alley.

Then I heard a low, pained moan-ish growl coming from around the corner. I raced forward, and then stopped dead at what I saw. Simon was lying on the ground, soaked through the feathers. His body was also covered in deep slashes the bled profusely, and his limbs were splayed out awkwardly.

"Simon!" I was at his side in a flash, putting my hands against his feathers. The water was warm, so I assumed it was a Scald attack. I looked around the dreary alley, looking for Simon's attacker, but it was pretty much empty. N crouched next to me and lifted Simon's head in his arms, muttering words of encouragement before he turned to me.

"We need to get him to the Pokemon Center." N insisted. I nodded, reaching down to pick the giant bird up. But my hands were shaking. They were shaking horribly. I had a bad feeling about this whole thing.

N put Simon's head down, then wrapped his arms around the giant bird's body and lifted him up off the ground, bloody water dripping to the floor. I began flailing, I didn't know what to do, I wasn't used to pokemon being so hurt! Normally it was just some scratches and bites and maybe a burn, but Simon was in terrible shape.

"Come on, Black." N told me, flashing me a serious stare. As we rushed to the Center on foot, he completely ignored everyone. People stared wide eyed at him, but he just had his eyes focused. He was in saving-pokemon mood; nothing could get in his way at this point.

Once we were at the Center, they put Simon into intensive care. I paced around, worried to frazzles. My pokemon seemed concerned as well, and seeing me all riled up wasn't helping the situation at all. Who attacks Simon? What caused Simon to fly into the alleyway across from the apartment complex anyway? So many fucking questions; and no one to answer them. I bashed my head into the vending machine that was in the lobby in frustration, causing stares from several people.

"Black." N spoke up, "You need to settle down." Now that Simon was being cared for and safe, N was back to his usual mood. But there was a strange look on his face- apprehension? I sat down next to him, rubbing my head. Wonderful, a headache.

"Do you have any idea why Simon went into the alley? And who attacked him?" I asked.

He looked away with a frown. "No. I do not…"

I opened my mouth to ask something else, but then I heard a beep. Nurse Joy came in through the doorway and came towards us. "Simon is alright now, he just needs rest now. You can take him home in the morning." She told us kindly.

"Oh… what a relief." I sighed, but then I looked at her curiously. "Do you know what happened to him? Like, what did that to him?"

"The cuts on his body… Well I c ouldn't recognize an attack that makes gashes like that. But I did find something interesting in his claws- Audino can you go fetch that?" She asked the pink pokemon who came up beside her. The Audino nodded, trotting away. He came back a moment later with something in his paw. He handed it to nurse Joy, who showed it to me.

"It's… Blue fur?" I asked, plucking the hair from her hand.

"It belongs to a Pokemon, though I'm not sure which." Nurse Joy replied with a frown, "Sorry."

"It's fine…" I replied, staring at the bits of blue fur, and I couldn't help but wonder… What did it mean?


	39. Chapter 39

The incident with Simon soon became a distant memory. At first, I was worried because Simon seemed to be acting weird. He would caw at N, and when I asked N what Simon was saying, Simon always looked frustrated with N's nervous reply. But after awhile I stopped asking, I figured it couldn't be too big of a deal. Simon was all better now anyway, except for lingering bald patches where the slashes were. Over the course of time since then- which was probably a bit over a month, things hadn't really changed. I went to work just about every day, which I was beginning to get used to. Waking up early in the morning to head to work still got to me though. Each day was spent at work, and then I dragged myself home. I was usually too unmotivated to do anything else but sit around eating Zoru-Os and playing video games. A few times I was dragged out to give my Pokemon exercise. They enjoyed a few battles in the park. But N didn't let the battles get out of hand, or let my Pokemon to battle for long.

I was begging to notice N more these days as well. He rarely left the house, hell he often kept the windows and blinds closed too. He refused the outside world completely. Anytime he left the apartment, his apprehension was obvious. I was hoping by now he would have settled down, but if anything it was getting worse. I confronted him about it more than once, but every time he just shrugged it off and didn't tell me what was bothering him. When I pressed him, he became increasingly uncomfortable.

But even if that wasn't improving, our relationship was… In a way. It was getting easier to get closer to him, but we didn't go on normal dates. The closet thing we did was lie on the couch together and watch TV, or on rare occasion go to the park to battle my Pokemon. But at least I was getting over my problem. I was getting better about controlling myself, and by now I accepted the fact N could easily be called my boyfriend. Though I shuddered at the very thought, it was still strange for me to think that. I still wasn't sure what he could consider me to him. I went up on the internet to try and help me get through to him, but I got nothing. Figures the internet was useless. I almost considered going to White or Bianca a few times to ask them about it, but I knew it would just be a giggle party for them. I still wasn't sure how to go about it, so I just figured to take is slow and eventually I would pull through to him. I began with just the simple kisses or hugs here or there. Once he was comfortable I would hold the kiss longer and longer. My hands always seemed to have minds of themselves; after he was comfortable with the kisses they began to explore his body. But anytime my hands were on his hips or trailing his lower back, he panicked and tried to get away. So doing this was my next goal; get him used to my hands on more sensitive parts of his body. I wasn't entirely sure how to go about it, each time I touched him anywhere other than his arms or shoulders he looked uncomfortable. He would squirm around awkwardly and reject any more contact. I knew I would have to go slow with this as well, just little by little each day.

After a day of work, I came home, and I found him franticly washing a spot on the floor; he was hunched over on his knees, grinding the cloth on the ground with all his strength to get out what I assumed was a stain. The way his body rippled and moved with effort made me act before I thought. Dropping my bag and pulling my shoes off, I rushed towards him and pulled him up off the floor; he was taken completely by surprise. I managed to stop myself for a minute for him to realize it was only me before I stretched up and claimed his lips my own. My hands dared to travel up his arms, which he didn't seem to mind, but he was still alarmed that I appeared out of nowhere. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. I felt his whole body tense, and I tried to tell myself to do it slowly, but _fuck_ it was hard to. Releasing the rather clumsy kiss I waited till he caught his breath and seemed to be relaxed. He opened his mouth to tell me something, but my lips were on his again before he could say anything.

I had no idea if I was a good kisser, and I wasn't sure if N was or not. It felt good to me personally though, so that had to mean something. The way his lips felt was probably one of the greatest feelings I've felt: which was saying something. N being a guy didn't hinder me at all anymore; strangely I found it more of a turn on. With my hands against his back, I slowly let one of them trace its way down his back about midway. N didn't react to it; I presumed it was because at this point he was kissing back and distracted. My hand went lower, tracing the creases in his sweatshirt, until it was to his lower back. I felt him tense again, and he pulled away from my face. Frustrated, I let him. He looked away wistfully muttering an apology.

I didn't say anything at first, but finally I said, "Eh, it's fine." I stood once again on my toes to reach up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He was painfully taller than me, which did a number on my manly dignity.

"It's just, well- you know I-.." N attempted to say, but I silenced him.

"You don't have to worry about it; I know you don't like it." I replied with a shrug, though I was getting a bit annoyed. Going so terribly slow was getting on my nerves to no end.

N sighed, pulling away from my embrace to go back to getting out the stain in the carpet. I frowned, that was another thing I was noticing; he seemed sadder and sadder each day. He was like a shell of a person, not that he was much of one before. He was never an especially happy person except on some occasions. I would often think back to the days of my adventures with him. He was determined with his goal, but he would be happy at least. I sat down next to him, but didn't say anything. I continued to think about the old times we'd shared. He always seemed distracted, but he appeared to be at least content. Crossing the bridges and swamps, exploring caves and balancing on the wood planks that stood high above Pokemon infested tall grasses. It was good times back then; I wish N was still like that now. Instead, his emotional condition seemed to be declining. I had hoped that by now he would become happier, but he wasn't. I glanced up, looking at his face. It was blank as he stared at the floor.

"Hey, N?"

"What is it?" he asked, not looking up at me.

"I was wonderin-"

"Black, Black!" I jumped in the air as I heard Cheren call my name. He was standing a few feet away, arms crossed.

"Tomorrow you have no work right? I need you to come to the Battle Subway with me."

"Huh, why?"

"Because the Subway Masters Ingo and Emmet aren't going to be there tomorrow, and they need someone to fill the role."

"What? Why us?" I asked, I was honestly hoping to get a few extra hours of sleep tomorrow.

"Well because, In case you haven't noticed you're the Champion of Unova. Plus Emmet came to me today and told me he wanted you for the job."

"I'm not technically the Champion."

"You beat the Elite Four and Alder more than once. That makes you more the qualified. As for me, I work there and I'm unbeaten." He informed me, adjusting his glasses.

"Murh, fine." I muttered, "I better get shittons of money for this though."

"I can't guarantee anything." Cheren shrugged, heading into the kitchen.

I turned back to N, who seemed to have gotten the stain out. As he went to get up, I pulled him back down. "You're okay with it?" I questioned, I had expected him to object.

"…With what?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Me battling at the subway."

He shrugged, "I don't mind. Just don't push Simon if you take him."

"Do you want to come with us?" I figured he couldn't have a better time sitting cooped up in the house all day.

"I do not know…" he said hesitantly.

"N, you need to get out of the apartment. Besides, if your there you can keep the Pokemon company right?" I tried to convince him.

He nodded, "I will go with you. It sounds fun." But he didn't sound very excited.

Wistfully, I let him go. I wished N was happier, but his mood just kept going south over the course of this last month. He seemed to be happier earlier, so why lately did his condition worsen. I feared the worst for him, and I questioned why. Why wasn't he getting any better?

_Maybe it's my fault…?_

* * *

**Writing depressed/nervous N in a kissing session is hard, ffff.**_  
_


	40. Chapter 40

Well, I knew I was probably over-dramatizing everything. It was like a bodily reaction to be afraid, to be skittish like a pokemon. I grew up like that, it's who I was, who I am. And I know Black is trying to change that. I wish I could help him because I know he's trying. The last month had been filled with it, him trying to help me come out of my shell more. But it wasn't that simple. I was getting used to the kisses, never once had he bitten me like father did. But when he touched me… When his hands touched my hips, my back, once he touched my butt! And naturally, I just got scared.

I knew he was trying for me, but I've been too paranoid to help him help me. I knew what attacked Simon, but I didn't want to tell Black. I didn't even want to say it aloud to myself. I didn't want to put Black in danger by leaving the apartment, or telling him what it was. If he knew, it could end up being disastrous one way or another. The best I could do was to keep my mouth shut. Like always. Sighing heavily, I picked up some old soda cans and tossed them in the garbage can. At least I was contributing to the household; my job was to clean and on occasion cook.

"N, bro, y'all need to cheer up. You've been sighing all day erryday." DJ Fresh told me from where he laid draped out on the couch.

"I know, I know." I told him, tossing yet another can Black left laying around into the trash bin. "How's your arm?"

"Gettin' better, nothin' to worry 'bout." He said, flexing his bandaged arm. A few days ago when he was taken with Black to the Battle Subway to step in for Ingo and Emmet, he got a bad burn on his arm from a powerful flamethrower. It certainly put him out of commission for the rest of the day.

"Good." I put on a fake smile before finding the last can wedged between a wall and the TV. "Black how did you manage that…?" I asked, tossing it like a pro into the trash.

"There's someone at the door." DJ Fresh suddenly snapped to attention and informed me.

"What?" No one was ever here in the middle of the day! That could only mean…_Oh no. _

"Do not answer the door whateve- Squishy what are you doing?" I darted to the door where the Reuniclus was opening it. Too late. I braced myself, prepared for the worst, but on the other side of the door was… White?

"Sup, N?" She asked, strolling into the house past me.

"Greetings, White." I nodded politely, a bit of shocked she was here ,"Any reason you're here in the middle of the day?"

"Oh, pft, N, no need to be so formal." She waved a hand dismissively. "Anyway, I have a day off today. I figured you get bored here all by your lonesome. So I'll chill here till I have to go meet my friend." She told me, taking a seat on the couch next to DJ Fresh. "Hey there, what's your name?" She ruffled his mohawk.

"Hey, hey, don't touch the 'hawk." DJ Fresh snapped at White.

"What's his name? If he has one."

"His names DJ Fresh." I said, shutting the door. I guess I would be stuck with her now.

"…? What sort of nickname is that? Black, I swear." She said, grabbing the remote and flipping on the TV. "So how're you N?"

"I am fine I guess." I replied, leaning against the wall.

"Got any plans with Black for Valentine's day?" She asked casually, flipping through the channels.

"Valentine's day?" I echoed.

"Yes, idiot. Wait… do you not know what it is?" She asked after inspecting my clueless curious face.

"I do not. What is it?"

"It's only the most important day for couples." White flailed, "how do you not know that day? How could Black tell you? Oh my god." She whipped out her phone and rapidly began typing something, "I have to let Bianca know."

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"Valentine's day is very important for you and Black. It's a day where couples celebrate their love for each other in a multitude of ways!" she chirped excitedly. "A multitude of things…" She suddenly started giggling to herself.

"Uhh…"

"Come over here and sit by me. I will teach you some things." She pushed DJ Fresh off the couch, and I sat down next to her.

"I am still not sure what you are talking about…"

White frowned at me, then clicked through the channels until she stopped on one. "Romance, you two need it. These ideas are really cliché, but they'll probably work on Black knowing how dense he is."

It was like listening to complete different language, so I gave her a completely clueless look.

"You don't have to hide it N, I know there's something going on with you two. Don't deny it, I've been hearing from Cheren. You guys sound like he need help." White went on. "You guys need to learn how to maintain a proper relationship. God knows Black won't try."

No, no we shouldn't be in a proper relationship. We shouldn't be in any sort of relationship like that. It was too dangerous. In fact, what we were doing now was too dangerous anyway. I was already letting it get out of hand.

"Well?"

"White, I do not want to sound rude or mean at all… But it's none of your concern." I murmured, turning my head away a bit.

"I think it's all of my concern, you two are good friends of mine. I don't want you two to hurt each other," Her voice softened a bit. "So, I'm going to help whether you want me to or not."

"That's all well and good, but we are not in the sort of relationship your speaking of!" I insisted, but she totally ignored my protest.

"So, N, it's Valentine's day soon. You need to do something for Black." She pointed at the TV, "let's begin."

And so, I gave in and watched some of these strange shows. Some of them were sort of endearing, others were just sickening, implying sex and making out lustfully. I never had done research on proper romantic human relationships. Honestly, I never thought I would be in one in my entire life. Even now I couldn't call what Black and I had, a 'relationship', judging by what was going on in the TV. Dating and love-y sort of stuff, mating like crazy. Even if we were to be like that, we shouldn't be. I knew it was too risky to be running around with each other. Besides, someone like me in a relationship like that? Like the one I was watching on the television? That wasn't me, that couldn't be me. It's impossible for me. I knew it, and thinking about hurt my chest in ways I never knew. What I was doing now with Black, the kissing and touching, it had to stop and I knew it. White was encouraging me to continue, even now she was talking, but I couldn't hear. My thoughts were loud, conflicting thoughts. One told me I needed Black around to keep my very sanity, the other told me no, I couldn't, it was impossible.

The conflicting voices overpowered everything else until I heard White's frantic voice. "N? The hell are you doing- N?" My senses came back, and the voices in my head faded. White was looking at me with concern, "N what the fuck was that? You just began having a fit. Are you okay?"

"I am fine." I panted, pushing myself off the couch and struggling to walk steadily to the kitchen. I still felt weak, my legs were like jelly. My chest still ached deep inside; it felt like it was twisting my heart.

"N, will you please-"

"No, I cannot do it, White. I cannot do that with Black. He's my best friend." _He kissed you _A voice whispered. "I will just be putting him in danger."

"Don't say that N, you're over dramatizing things. Black has been my friend since we were kids. He never really liked anyone. I mean… I always wondered why. I used to think when we were kids one day I'd grow up and marry him." Her voice softened, "When I met him again awhile ago, and then I saw you, I realized why he didn't fall for me when we were kids. I mean, he was gay how could I be so blind! But you," She pointed at me, "he fell for you. And I'm going to help him- and you- work this out."

"White, you cannot…-"

"I can, and will- oh shit, I have to go visit my friend…" She glanced at her watch, "N, you really should do something for Black. He'll really like it." White said, giving me a quick hug causing me to flinch before she practically flew out of the apartment. I was left alone again.

The next few days were spent pondering and pondering what I should do. Should I try and do something with Black? Should I stop telling him to do what he's doing? Should I just _leave?_ In the middle of one of my thoughts, I was cut off by a sudden kiss Black gave me. How much I wanted to let myself melt into it and be taken by him, but I couldn't. I could tell he was quite vexed, which only made me feel worse, and more conflicting thoughts were brought up.

When the day of reckoning arrived, Black didn't seem to do anything out of the ordinary for this 'Valentine's day' so I decided in the end not to do anything either. Sitting down on the floor, I flipped on the television and watched some shows. I still thought the dialogue they used was both confusing and repulsive, but despite it I found myself yelling at the television, trying to tell off the character for making a stupid mistake. In between he shows were 'commercials' which showed couples giving things to their partners.

"_So if you want your special someone to be happy… Go with Tympole Chocolate. The delicious blend of coco and sugars will make that person very happy…!" _ The commercial said, showing pictures of people being happy and exchanging heart shaped red boxes.

"I like tympoles. Squishy, do you know where to get that." I asked the reuniclus who had been sitting next to me watching as well.

"I think at… Stores?" She replied in a puzzled tone.

"Should I risk leaving to apartment to get some for Black…?"

"I think that sounds like a brilliant idea!" She lifted her body from the floor levitating excitedly in the air.

"Can you come with me?" I asked, pushing myself off the floor.

"Sure, N!" She started to float to the door, but I hesitated. Was it really worth it? _But you could make it up to Black with these chocolates for making him so frustrated all the time. _An inner voice told me. "N? You okay?" Squishy asked when she realized I wasn't following.

"Oh… Yeah!" I ran up to her, then left to apartment.

As I walked along the streets, I remained in the shadows and looked around cautiously at all times. I could feel eyes burning on me. A lot of people stared at Squishy as we walked, it wasn't normal to have such a large Pokemon on the streets. Usually only the smallest species were. As I paced around Nimbasa City looking for chocolates, I began to grow fearful. The sun was setting. Black would be home by now. And I…

Was lost.

I had no idea how to find a store that sold chocolates, or find home. I was too afraid to ask random people that walked around on the streets, but with nightfall growing closer I knew I was going to be in trouble. I ended up on a bench in the park, half under an overhanging tree.

"I cannot believe I got us lost." I murmured.

Squishy gave me a concerned look, "It's alright N. Black will find us."

"How is he going to do that? He does not even know where we are at." I sighed, putting my head in my knees. "I always screw everything up…" I told her in despair.

"Hmmm, we can fix this! Don't worry! Maybe we should go somewhere he'd think to look." Squishy suggested.

I scowled, "how do you know he will look for us?" Wait what am I saying, of course he would. Right…?

"Maybe the gym? The Battle subway? The…" She looked around; I followed her eyes until my eyes spotted it.

"…Ferris Wheel."

* * *

**Olook, the Ferris Wheel again. Whatever will happen next?**


	41. Chapter 41

"N, I'm home." I shouted as I entered the small apartment. As I shut the door behind me, I looked around the living room; which was empty. "Hm, must be showering or napping." I said aloud to myself, dropping my bag and kicking off my shoes.

"Scraaaaa." DJ Fresh said from where he sat on the couch.

"Hello to you too." I said, heading into the kitchen. I went in the cupboard, which was still rather empty and lacked any real food. I pulled out a candy bar, unraveling it from its wrapper and munching on it as I walked into the hallway. The bathroom door was wide open, so N wasn't in there. I opened my room door, expecting to see him napping on the bed, but it too was empty. I was surprised now, and I ran over to Cheren's room to check inside. Nobody.

"White probably dragged him out, or maybe Bianca." I groaned, going to the living room rather disappointingly. I wanted to talk to N about something; today would be a good day seeing how it was Valentine 's Day. I sat down onto the couch next to my scrafty; resting my head against the cushion and flipping open my phone, rabidly texting both White and Bianca.

"Hmm… I wonder where Squishy is." I thought out loud, looking around and noticing that the room lacked on certain reuniclus. Vincent hung from the ceiling; Smugleaf was in the corner, having a mock fight with Simon. "Hey guys no roughhousing." I shouted, feeling the phone vibrate. I checked, seeing White replied:

_I have no idea where N is. I talked with him a few days ago about today, but that's it._

Bianca's text came moments after:

_i do not kno black srry I havent seen him for a long time._

"Oh, where the hell is he?" I shouted, tossing my phone onto the floor and getting up from the couch. Why the hell would he leave the apartment all by himself? Was he taken away?... No, Squishy was gone too. She must have gone with him; but where? And why? Shit, what is he ran away? Shit shit shit shit.

"Simon! Are you fit to fly?" I shouted at the bird that was flying above Smugleaf and sticking his long lizard-y tongue out at him in a mocking manner.

"Rrrrr?" He asked, looking up at me in surprise.

"Good, let's go then." I yanked him by the tail, and he cawed, landing on the ground. "We need to find N. ugh, why must he always run away…?" I sighed. He must have been scared, or something bad. I opened the door to the deck and got on the large bird's back. "This is probably going to get me in trouble… Let's go Simon." He took off, and I screamed as he flew high into the air. It had been way too long since I rode Simon. Once I got used to being airborne, I made him fly lower and we searched the ground for N. Many people stared as Simon and I flew above their heads. But I couldn't find him after a half an hour. I grew more worried. At least last time he ran away I could follow his fresh trail, but I couldn't pick up a trail this time.

"What are we going to do, Simon…?" I questioned the archeops.

"Pdddrrr!" Simon crowed, turning acutely and headed in another direction.

"What? You know where he is?" I asked unbelievingly.

"Pprrrawww!" Came the reply as he shot forward, heading towards… The Ferris wheel?

"Wait, of course he would be there! he always goes there!"

"Rawwww!" As he got closer, he slowed so I could see inside the pokeball shaped seats. And search for N.

"I don't see him…" I sighed after investigating most of them, "maybe we should look somewhere else-"

"Cccrrrrawww!" The giant bird growled, flying down to one of the closer to the ground ones. Inside was a familiar green haired man with a reuniclus in his lap. He looked outside with a face of general sadness. Simon dipped down, hovering straight in front of the glass. When N spotted us, his eyes widened disbelievingly.

"What are you doing up here?" I heard him ask through the glass.

"Well when I got home you weren't there so I went looking!" I shouted back.

"What?" N appeared confused.

"I said- Damnit." I looked at the door. Simon was getting tired, he couldn't hover here forever. "Come on Simon, let's get inside." I told him, outstretching my hand to grip the door.

"Pppdddaww?" The archeops asked as I opened the door. He edged a bit closer until I was in leaping distance. I managed to jump the small distance, which took N completely by shock. He jumped up and grabbed me before I could fall backwards.

"Thanks," I huffed, looking down at the ground. It wasn't that high, but it was enough to cause injury or a broken neck.

"Caww!" Then Simon came in after me, running straight into my back and the three of us ended up as a heap on the floor. I was awkwardly half on top of N, with Simon splayed out on both of us.

"Black why are you here?" N asked, giving me a surprised look.

"I came home and you weren't home. So I looked for you."

"But why?"

"What? I can't go out and look for someone? Especially when that someone mysteriously leaves without telling me? I thought you were too scared to leave!" I growled at him.

"I was! I mean- I was only going to be gone for a few minutes…"

"Why did you leave in the first place?"

"Well I- nevermind, it's not important. I could not find it anyway…."

"N, that only makes me more curious."

"Cawww?" Simon butted into our conversation.

"b-but"

"Just tell me!" I insisted.

"I was, I was…going to get you some of those 'tympole chocolates' I saw on the television…." He frowned, looking away, "but I could not find any…"

"…Chocolates?"

"Like a box of them, the Television said it would make you happy!"

I stared at him curiously.

"Well, White said I should get you something and…."

"…Of course White, of course you would." I sighed with exasperation, it's very White-ish to manipulate N like that.

"Sorry Black, I knew I should not have done that." N mumbled, "I can never do anything right no matter how hard I try. I couldn't even find any of those… chocolates."

"N don't say such things about yourself." I frowned, "You do things right."

"Oh? Like what? Enlighten me." His tone sounded sort of sour.

I thought for a moment, I didn't want to fight with him today. He seemed down enough as it was, "Like this." I said, my face getting closer to his.

"Wait, what-" I silenced him with a kiss. A gentle one; I was getting better at it. Or at least, I'd like to think I was. Our awkward position- which was both on the floor with Simon half on top of our bodies- made kissing him dangerous._ I have to admit… he's pretty adorable when he's like this. Wait… Adorable?_ I wanted to make this kiss mean something; I wanted to break the ice more. I released it, only to give him a break. Was doing this right? Kissing him when he was so vulnerable? He looked up, looking both dazed and confused. I took advantage of that, putting my lips to his neck. I enjoyed doing this; at first it was weird kissing his neck, but he tasted good, and his skin was so soft. Not to mention the way he squirmed. I did once make the mistake of nibbling his neck just to see- never again. He nearly had a breakdown. But kissing him on the neck wasn't as bad, I would have even said he enjoyed it. He wasn't protesting now, but he was tense. He was surprised at my sudden move, and was probably uncomfortable with the weird position we were in. But with the giant load of bird half on top of me, it was hard to move.

Using my new skills I kissed my way up to his ear; I really wanted to see if it was as sensitive as they made it out to be. Turns out it was. After an awkward hesitation I kissed him on the earlobe, only nibbling a tiny bit, just to see if I got a reaction. And a reaction I got. He squeaked much like an audino, and his fingers curled around my arm. He wasn't pushing me away though, which was surprising to me. I tried it again, allowing my hot breath to tickle the sensitive nerves of his ear. I felt like such a pro. His body squirmed. And as gently bit the skin, I heard him moan almost inaudibly. But still, a verbal reaction like that was enough to send shockwaves through me. I could almost feel the waves of embarrassment coming off him, and when I looked over at his face, I couldn't help but think how _fucking adorable_ he was. Not to mention the fact his cheeks were turning a bright rosy color.

"Are you okay?" I asked, not wanting to push him. He hesitated, still looking dazed, then nodded. He looked away though when I was readying to kiss him again. My lips were inches above his, and I waited till I had his eyes again before I kissed him. This time, I could feel him kiss back. It wasn't very passionate nor strong, but it was still something. The way his lips felt against mine was a feeling I never got tired of. They were so soft, like tiny pillows against my lips. It sent more waves down my body, and I tried to hold it back, but my lower body was beginning to stir to life.

Truth be told, I had never had my tongue in another person's mouth before. It couldn't have been too hard, and right now it seemed almost instinctive as I used my lips to pry open his. He was taken by complete surprise when my tongue went into his mouth. I heard him squeal, then his body tensed up. He began to pull away weakly and vainly attempted to push me away. I knew I had scared him again. I pulled my face away, leaving him panting for breath. He looked guilty with himself, and didn't make eye contact with me.

"N..?" I had to force my voice to stay calm.

"I…. I do not… That was too sudden for me." He shrank away, holding his hands in front of his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"No I am sorry. This… this is not..." His voice shook, he looked frantic. I frowned, then pushed Simon away and helped him up so he was on the seat. I sat next to him,

"N, what's wrong?" I inched closer, and afraid I was to touch him, I wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"I… don't like it when things are put in my mouth so suddenly. That was… just…" He shook his head, unable to keep speaking. The rest of the time was silent until the ride was over. Squishy was giving me a smirk all the while, which made me uncomfortable. To make things quicker, N and I rode Simon home. We stopped on the way back at the store, where I got some of those 'tympole chocolate' things. It seemed to cheer N up.

Once we were home, he ate the entire box. The tension from earlier seemed to fade and was replaced with a quiet time together. We ended up watching more Valentine's day shows. N began yelling at the TV frantically about how the character shouldn't have fallen for him, or shouldn't have done that. To me they were a bunch of chick flicks, so I got bored quickly. That evening, when N and I went to bed, N faced the wall. I entered the bed after him, and decided that night I would hug him. My arms slithered around his waist, and my head burrowed into his back. I couldn't help but think how far I was willing to go, seeing how two months ago I was completely convinced N was just some creepy friend and I was straight. Yet here I was, not questioning the fact I felt something for N and I was hugging him right now in bed. Which felt… so weird to me, it almost made me want to pull my arms away. But I felt his hand curl around mine, and I knew it couldn't pull away now. Feeling his hands, I couldn't help but wonder. What exactly did he think of me?

* * *

**I think I made them way too OOC here orz;;**


	42. Chapter 42

"So then I said: your zoroark was framed? I knew it was all… an illusion." Cheren finished.

"Cheren… That was terrible." I snorted at his lame joke, but I found myself laughing anyway.

"Remind me again why I hang around you, you're so lame." Bianca snickered.

White pointed at him from across the table. "My god Cheren, you're so cheesy."

"Hey, I thought it was pretty funny." Cheren shrugged, taking a sip from his drink, "you guys just don't appreciate the fine art of joke-making."

"Yeah, right. That's the problem." I said sarcastically.

Cheren, White, Bianca and I all sat around a table in the middle of a fast food restaurant. We all went out for a bite to eat after work, sharing good times. N unfortunately didn't join us, for reason I was still unsure. I had called him and gave him directions to the place, but he said he wasn't feeling well, and didn't want to. I rarely hear him refuse anything, so I was worried. I wanted to hurry and get home, but on the contrary I wanted to stay with my friends. It had been a long time since I had spoken with them so freely.

"Like I said Black, can't see the fine art." Cheren retorted with a small grin.

"Speaking of fine art…. This burger is a piece of art in of itself." White commented, taking a bite of the greasy food.

Bianca curled her nose, "I think it's disgusting. All fatty and ew. White you shouldn't be eating so many carbs; you have a figure to keep." She scolded, taking a bite from her salad.

"Oh psh, I'll just go work out afterwards. Meet some hot guys at the gym; you should see the way they gawk." White replied, taking another huge bite or her burger. "Speaking of hot guys, Black, how come N isn't here?"

"Are you calling N hot?" I snapped, feeling more jealous than I should have.

"Maybe. He has a nice body. Why, do I suspect a spark of envy?" She sneered at me.

"Tch. Anyway. He said he didn't want to come." I answered her previous question.

"Why? Does he think he's too good for us?" Cheren commented curiously.

I shot a glare at Cheren, "Of course not."

"I was just joking Black, no need to be so defensive." He gestured his hands for me to settle down.

"Haha… Sorry." I replied. For some reason I got on edge when N became the topic of conversation. Because I knew I'd get questioned about my romantic life with him- if you would even call it that.

"Did you two do anything for Valentine's day?" Bianca asked curiously. I thought, thinking back to yesterday on the Ferris wheel. We ended up half-making out on the floor of the Ferris wheel, that is until N began to freak out when I slipped my tongue in his mouth, saying he didn't like it when things were suddenly put in his mouth- as if that were a regular thing or something.

"Well?" Apparently I was spacing out, because she began waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh? No, why would we?" I snorted, taking a bite of my burger. White was right; it was good.

"He so did, he's just too embarrassed to say anything." White sniggered at Bianca, and they both exchanged meaningful glances.

"Am not." I said indignantly.

"Are too." White shot back.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Hey you two, we aren't five years old anymore." Cheren sighed.

"Tch, Cheren, you really need to lighten up. Anyway. While we're on the topic of relationships, how are you guys coming along?" White looked from Cheren to Bianca.

"White, that's none of your business." Cheren hissed, his face reddening.

"Oh calm down, Cheren. It's going fine, White." She reached over and pecked him on the cheek.

"afnekfnrfrv;;" Cheren completely froze. Bianca giggled at his reaction.

After this went on for a few more minutes, I checked my phone's time. I was surpsied how quickly the time seemed to have went. "Well, it's getting late. We should probably be going back home, Cheren."

"I could agree to that." He replied in a flustered voice, leaning away from a kissing and teasing Bianca.

"Well, I'm off to the gym to work off these carbs." White got up, "Gotta stay trim for my job. Let's go Bianca."

The girls left, Cheren and I on their heels. It was a short walk back to the apartment, but the entire time my thoughts were swimming with a combination of curiosity and worry. I was glad I had some time to chill with my friends, I felt calmer now at least, but I was still questioning why N didn't walk to join us. When I asked him if he wanted to go out with me and my friends, he always said yes. Well, why should it be this surprising? He was going out less and less. Every time we were out he only got more and more scared. It was maddening not knowing why. Why was he acting like this? Him never leaving the apartment; he was scared of something. And I wish he would tell me already before I pull my very hair out from the frustration-

"Black, you okay?" I heard Cheren ask.

"Huh? Of course I'm okay why wouldn't I be?" I replied quickly.

"You looked really distracted is all." He shrugged. When we were back at the apartment, Cheren swept away into the hallway claiming he needed a shower. I walked into the kitchen where N was hunched over the counter, furiously thrusting his arm. I would have thought dirty thoughts, but I smelled chocolate. I leaned against the counter next to him, seeing a bowl of jelly-like brown chocolate smelling substance that he was stirring.

"What are you up to?" I asked. N didn't notice I was there; he nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized I was next to him.

"Greetings, Black." He said, picking up a box and handing it to me. "I found a box of… pudding in the cupboard. I have never heard of it before."

"Never heard of pudding- you know I'm not surprised." I told him flatly. At least he didn't screw up anything in the kitchen, aside from the mess all over the counter.

"… I never had it before." N sighed, "I did not have it as a child. I did not have it when I was exploring Unova. I did not have it… while I was gone for those two years." His voice became quieter as he spoke.

"I get it, I get it. Sorry. So, how come you didn't want to come with us today? You said you didn't feel well, but you appear to be fine." I observed.

"Oh… I was just. I did not want to go, sorry."

"...Alright. But you missed out of some hella good burgers."

"I do not like meat."

"….Oh right." I mentally slapped myself for forgetting. I continued to watch him make the pudding, the way he stirred it was almost hypnotic.

"I think it's ready for the fridge." N stated, putting his finger into the jelly-like goop and taking a scoop. He licked it experimentally, then his face lit up. "It's…. It's so good!" he declared, sticking his finger into the bowl and scooping out another lick.

See, any other person would have seen N innocently taking a simple lick of chocolate off his finger. Nothing out of the ordinary. But to me, I saw it a bit differently, more slowly. His finger carefully being licked by his tongue before sticking it in his mouth and sucking the remainder of it off, curling his tongue around the appendage to make sure he got every bit of the sticky, slippery substance before slowly removing the finger, leaving a thin trail of silver salvia, all the while moaning about how good it tasted.

Yes. That is what I was seeing. And I felt envious of the finger, quite guiltily imagining it as another body part. And shit- what the hell was wrong with my mind?

"Black?" N asked curiously, looking down at me strangely.

He must have seen the way I was staring at him. I almost made a move but he must he recognized the look on my face because he took a step back. "Black, do… do not look at me like that…"

"How can I not, when you're doing _that?"_

"Doing what?" He asked innocently.

I could have torn my hair out, but I sighed, leaning against the counter and letting myself take control. But my traitorous mind made me think of it again, the way N suckled the chocolate off his finger caused an overwhelming wave down my body straight to my crotch. I was sure he was noticing it, because his eyes flickered down.

"Black, please do not do it again," I was sure he was referring to when I woke up to the end of a wet dream and began forcefully kissing him until he freaked out. I remembered clearly the look on his face, looking so scared, and saying afterward_"I was… just remembering"_

But what was he remembering?

"I won't. I have my head right now." I told him shakily. I barely had my head. I mean, I was standing in the kitchen getting an erection over N eating pudding. "But, I have a question." I said slowly, edging my way towards him.

He frowned, but didn't back away anymore, because he was against another counter. I put both of my hands on either side of him, looking up at his face with determination. I wanted to know the reason why he was always so scared. The things he said, his actions, his facial expressions that never seemed to reflection happiness. I was ready to tear my hair out in frustration; it was driving me to insanity not knowing.

"N. Will you please tell me why? Just, tell me why. Why are you always so scared? Why are you scared of me? When have I given you a reason to fear me so much, when I've tried to help you...? I don't understand, and I want to." I tried to keep my voice controlled, but it was becoming an angry wail, all of my frustration was coming out at once. "I want to know! I want to help you! If I don't know, how can I help?- and don't tell me it's nothing, because no one is this fucked up for no reason!" I finished, frantically panting from my mini-rant. I couldn't even look at N right now; he was probably taken back by my outburst. But what he said next shocked me. In a calm, low voice he said:

"….Alright."

"Wait… what?" I glanced up at him.

"I… I will try and tell you… what happened…" He whispered.


	43. Chapter 43

N had attempted several times to tell me, but what he was saying made no sense. His words were all jumbled together, and his voice was shaking. He was virtually having a fit in the end, and I finally told him to stop. Now, we were sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. I made him some of the cocoa that was left over from what my mother sent me. I knew he liked it, and he was sipping it frantically with shaking hands. I almost didn't want him to tell me now if he would be like this, but the hot beverage was helping him settle down.

"Alright N, tell me, slowly." I told him in a calm voice. He nodded, taking another drink from the mug before speaking.

"So you know that Ghetsis f-found me again after I left right?" N began.

"Yeah, and he did that stuff to you…" I didn't want to say out loud what N told me, how his own father chained him up and beat him.

"W-Well… It's not new."

"Huh? Wait, what do you mean..?"

N took a deep breath, "He's done it before."

"Before? When?"

"…"

"…Wait… When you were younger? As a child?" I asked slowly, then my blood ran cold when he slowly nodded. "How, how could he do that?" I sputtered out, "I mean I know he's evil but to a child? He beat you?"

"I do not know why... But he hurt me, Black!" N wailed; I could see he was gripping the mug in his hand harder, "It hurt… it hurt so bad…"

"Wait, wait, what hurt? Him abusing you?"

"Abusing? But he said he loved me! Every time he said he loved me! He said the more it hurt means he loved me more!" N's voice rose.

"C-calm down N, what do you mean?" He was practically hyperventilating now, like he was before.

"And then I found out, that's not what love was! When I was liberating pokemon, when I was finding Reshiram, I found out that's not love. I did not get it! I still don't! WHY DID HE LIE? He lied to me the entire time why why why WHY…." The water works came, and N was helplessly gripping my shirt, sobbing into it.

"N? N calm down you're going to have another fit!" I put my hands on his shoulders, trying to brace him and calm him down. His body was trembling beneath my fingers. The mug dropped from his hands, falling and sputtering all over the floor, but I ignored it, I was desperately trying to speak to the panicking N. "H...how did he hurt you? You're acting as if it were more than a few beatings…"

He didn't say anything for awhile; just kept crying. It didn't seem to falter for a long time, but once his sobbing got weaker, he reached over and took my hand in his. His fingers were shaking as he tried to move my hand. I let it go limp. N was guiding it behind him, then down his back. I couldn't see his face, but I could feel my shirt wet because of his tears. He continued moving my hand until I realized it where it was going, but too late. He rested my hand on his butt, and before I could react to it he spoke very quietly. "He hurt me there. A lot."

At first, I was confused.

Then, it hit me.

Simultaneously I felt a blast of several emotions. Pity for him; he was fucking raped by his own father. Disgusted; he was fucking raped by his father. Outraged; He was fucking raped by his father! Shock; He was raped by his own father. Anger; he. Was. Raped. By. His. Own. Fucking. Father.

"My god…" I finally spurt out, trying not to scream. And here I hated Ghetsis before. No, now I despised him. I wanted to see him to fucking die in front of me. I would laugh, and spit in his cold, deathly face if he did.

"It hurt, it hurt so much. But he said the more it hurt, the more he loved me. But… but that does not make sense... I do not understand, Black." N was pitifully whimpering now, still shaking like a frightened baby pokemon. I couldn't blame him at all. But now, now I realized just how insensitive I had been in the past. How much I pushed him, and how uncomfortable I probably made him feel. I realized that every time I did that, he didn't see me. He wasn't scared of me. He was seeing Ghetsis, and was frightened of him.

_Shit… this is all messed up, _I thought sourly, bringing my hand up to hug him comfortably, but I don't know how comfortable that was. I was trembling with anger, how could Ghetsis do that. I mean, he was evil, but I had no idea just how evil he was! Raping his son, beating his son, scarring his own flesh and blood this bad? It was... It was disgusting.

"Why Black, I do not get it. Why did he lie to me? Why did he do it?" I knew N was a man child of sorts, but this is the worst I've ever seen him. He was crying like a child. I couldn't blame him though.

"I… I don't know. I guess he was just fucked up," I rasped, holding the trembling N, my own head swirling. "It's… it's alright N. You have to remember; he can't hurt you anymore." I told him. It was futile trying to keep my voice gentle, I was full of rage.

Between his sniffles, N managed to say; "Yes… yes he can."

"N, c'mon. He has no idea where you are." I said, "Even if he hypothetically found you, I would fuck him up so hard…" I spat out venomously. N flinched at my voice.

"But… But the Shadow Triad." N whispered, "He does not have to find me. They can find me. They found me once; they will find me again."

...Shit. I forgot about those ninjas that Ghetsis hired as his bodyguards or something. "Tch, they can't find you in this large city. Don't worry."

"They can find me! They probably already have! I am their prey, they are laying in wait. I know it." N was wailing again, and he never stopped trembling. The grip he had on my shirt was tight, and the water works continued. He was an utter wreck right now. And whose fault was that? Ghetsis'.

"N, listen to me!" I nearly shouted, pulling him off my body. His face that he'd been hiding was even more of a mess; his eyes were red and puffy from tears, his face was screwed up in a look of agony that he'd been suffering so long. With all my effort, despite all my anger I smiled. "It's fine. N, he can't hurt you. He can't find you. You. Are. Safe."

But N looked away, "How do I know you are telling the truth. How do I know you are not lying? Like father?"

That was a low blow; I could feel my heart be whip lashed at that comment. But I kept my cool, keeping a soft grip on his shoulders. "N, have I ever hurt you like your dad did?"

"No… B-but you still have the same look in your eyes he did." N whispered, still not meeting my gaze.

I recalled all the times I probably looked at him lustfully; waves of guilt came crashing down. "I'm sorry for that, N. If I'd known I would have never scared you like that." I shook my head regrettably as I spoke. "But N, I will try my hardest to keep you safe here. I am not going to let him get to you again. Next time he shows his fucking ugly face there will be hell to pay."

N's face was back in my shirt again. Everything he'd held his entire life was coming out here. All of his tears, all of his pain. The pure agony of it all I couldn't even begin to imagine. I felt terrible with myself; if I had known I would have never forced myself on him. Now that I knew, I wanted to try and help him recover from it. At the same time I knew it was practically futile, years of rape and abuse couldn't be healed quickly, if it could have been healed at all. People go to doctors and professionals usually, spending years working on their mental problems. What could I ever do?

I could protect him. And I will protect him. I doubted the Shadow Triad could find him though; would they really think of looking in the middle of Nimbasa City? Of course not. Not, N was safe here. No matter what, I was ready to take down Ghetsis if he ever dared going near N again.

"Should… Should I ask?" I heard a hesitant voice. I turned my head to see Cheren standing in the hallway staring at us with a dumbfounded face.

"Cheren how long have you been there?" I hissed at him, and he flinched.

"I just got here, is this a bad time?" He looked down at N. I looked down as well, he had fallen asleep, his face strained with tears. His head was dropped onto my lap and his arms were wrapped around my waist.

It probably looked awkward from where Cheren was. I waved an arm, "It's... It's not what it looks like. Just, problems." It was hard to speak now; I was still taking in what N told me. Not to mention the bowling anger I was feeling.

"I see…" Cheren walked back down the hallway and into his room. "Well, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight."

Realizing how late it was getting, I was thankful we decided to wrap up in a blanket. I sunk down into the couch cushions, my lap a pillow for N. I was in a very uncomfortable position, but I didn't complain. I could only imagine what uncomfortable positions N has been in before.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to sleep but unable to close my eyes. I continued running our conversation through my head, feeling more and more sickened by Ghetsis. Thinking and thinking about how I could possibly help N. I knew the problem, but I didn't feel any closer to helping him now. If anything I felt more helpless, knowing that if I ever kissed him again he would simply see Ghetsis. If I did anything like that he would see Ghetsis.

…If I tried to do what I did in my dreams he would simply see Ghetsis dominating him. So what was I supposed to do?

…_Can I even do anything?_


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N:** Hello! I'm Karouii, a good friend of SchwarzCookie. Cookie is experiencing problems, so I am helping her since she doesn't have a computer, due to personal issues. So I'm uploading for her. Besides being one of her good friends, I'm also one of her avid readers, and I thought this chapter is a turning point. But that's just me.

**Here is her original A/N:** "Ugh. Sorry for the late update. My douchbag of a dad took away my computer because apparently I'm less of a failure without it. (I'm not, I'm dying). THAT ASIDE I wrote this whole chapter on iPod notes. I had several people edit it. My real concern is N might be a little OOC orz. Also on my iPod I can't make the beginning slant-y so I put coding on it for you to know."

_It was cold. Very cold. Ice crept up already frozen limbs, threatening frostbite. But such a pain as that couldn't come close to what he was feeling now. As if he hadn't experienced enough of the lonely depression that had consumed him in his youth. Seeing the one he depended on slowly drift away tore his heart in two, flooding him with all too familiar feeling of isolation and agony._

_He was used. He was broken. He wasn't worth anything. Who would want such a disgusting being who had been violated in such a vile way. That's what his father spat at him anyway. N crouched in darkness, watching his only link to sanity slowly walk away until there was nothing, only hearing the cruel voice of his father now. The echoing voice snarling insults about never being wanted. That he was just a pawn in Black's eyes. A useless, broken pawn that couldn't be worth his time. Marked with disgusting scars that symbolized his past that he was already owned before once, and then discarded like a piece of trash because he was in incompetent idiotic child who knew nothing. Nobody would want to be around him, not even his pokemon. Not even Black._

_And N realized his father's words were probably true._

When I looked back now I guess I was asking for it. Telling him such things about what happened when I was so young. The way my father would do that to me, hurt me until I cried and then he hurt me more for shedding tears. Now Black looked at me strangely. Regret? Pity? Worry? Maybe even... disgust? I didn't think so- Black wouldn't think that... would he? No.. Of course not. But something was very much different. It had been about a week or two since my breakdown; and not once since then was I kissed. I wasn't hugged either. I didn't feel the same warmth as I once did when I was around him. When he was close enough I could feel his body heat and mentally begged him to hug me; to hold my hand. I would settle for a kiss; I could have probably tolerated him touching my lower back even, as nervous as I felt when he used I do it. I would have settled with anything; though I wasn't sure why I felt like this. A certain longing that wished to be touched by delicate loving fingers, to feel careful lips against mine. I had gotten so used to it, I lived on it. And I haven't had it for over a week, I felt strange. Deprived. Sad. Frustrated, even.

I considered more than once to try and hug Black, but I was scared to do so in case he got mad at me.

Currently we were on the couch. He was eating some Zoru-Os for breakfast, and was ready to leave to work again. In my mind I was attempting to force myself closer and to confront him about the lack of affection; or to take matters into my own hands and try to hug him. Or kiss him. Or even hold his hand...!

But why? I still had no idea why I wanted to feel him so badly, to know everything would be okay. With a slurp of his milk, he put the bowl on the floor (guess who would clean it up later?) and stood up, stretching his limbs. I watched him carefully as his body rippled with the stretch, his shirt raising up slightly to reveal his stomach which had surprisingly become a lot thinner since he last remembered. N stood up as well, following him to the door.

"Alright, I'm off." Black said, picking up his bag and tucking his feet into his shoes. "I'll be back tonight. Don't blow up anything in the kitchen."

"Uh, listen... Black?" I murmured, trying the search for words.

"Yeah?" He avoided my gaze as he opened the apartment door.

"I was just thinking..." My words caught up in my throat, and finally Black looked at me with a frown.

"Hurry I'm almost late as it is." He told me.

"Oh! Sorry... Never mind." I sighed. He gave me a strange stare and leaned in a little bit.

"Anything wrong?" Black asked in a low, curious voice.

"Huh? Oh, nope..." I replied, my voice sincere. But my mind begged me to tell him the truth. But I couldn't.

"M'kay... Then." He didn't look like he believed me but he left anyway. I stood in front of the door, calling myself idiotic over and over until I was interrupted by Black's Serperior, Smugleaf, who nuzzled my hand and glared up at me.

"I can smell the waves of negativity off you. It was never this bad before. And frankly, it's very annoying." He snorted, then was elbowed harshly by Squishy, Black's Reuniclus.

Her disapproving scowl was plain as she looked at Smugleaf. "Don't be so rude."

"No, no, he is right. I am very sorry, Smugleaf; excuse my negative aura." I put a hand on my chest, slightly dipping my head to show me sincerity.

Smugleaf cocked his snake-like head, "You're not any happier. What's wrong, N?"

"Wow, Smugleaf, actually caring about another being other then yourself?" The psychic pokemon teased the grass type.

The Serperior shot her a look of mock hurt. "I always care about others. What are you talking about?"

Squishy snorted, but turned back to me. "So N, want to tell us what's wrong? We know something is up."

I sighed, shaking my head. "Truth be told, I am not entirely sure myself. I just... Something is different...I would rather not burden you precious Pokemon with my ramblings." I swept past them, absorbed in my own thoughts. I could feel them behind me though, keeping close to my body instinctively. I went into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. I was almost plunged back into my depressing mind when the front door came swinging open again.

"Oh and N, you get to be Bianca and White's shopping partner today!" Black shouted into the apartment.

"Wait, huh?"

"They want to go shopping for some party I don't know. They're taking you because you seriously need another change of clothes."

"B-but." Since I told Black about my assumptions of the Shadow Triad, he let me stay inside the apartment.

"Don't worry. You're going to a mall. So you'll be inside," he quickly told me. "They should be here soon. Have fun, N."

And then he was gone for real. I sighed. I didn't have a problem with Black's friends. They were just strange.

Smugleaf swished his tail. "Finally I'll get some sleep without feeling your death-like mood."

"It cannot be as bad as you guys are making it sound." I frowned at them.

"There's always a frown on your face. Your aura is always sad or negative. And it's gotten much worse these last few days." Squishy said worriedly, a frown apparent on her face.

I scratched the back of my head, pondering about it. I guess my condition hadn't gotten better since I told Black about my childhood. If anything it was far worse. It must have been obvious too because these Pokemon where becoming increasingly worried about me. I stepped away from the counter, going out into the living room and standing in front of the glass doors. At once I felt the hairs at the back of my neck go up. I felt strangely watched now. Black kept saying I was just paranoid, and although I believed him I just couldn't shake the feeling.

"N we just want you to feel better. You're always so down; we want to help you." Squishy said floating up to me. I smiled softly and nodded at her. But again she wasn't convinced. My eyes flickered back outside, my eyes trained on the street below.

"You do not need to help me, for I am fine." I told them flatly, closing my eyes so they couldn't see I was plainly lying.

"For the last time-" Squishy broke off as a knocking sound echoed into the apartment. My eyes flicked to the door, someone was at the door.

"Maybe it's Bianca and that other women, er, White?" The reuniclus questioned, feeling my instant unease. She used a psychic attack to unlock the door and open it from across the room.

"OH MY GOSH GHOST DOOR!" Came a terrified yelp. White rolled her eyes and strolled into the apartment, a nervous looking Bianca following. She scowled as she went past it.

"N! Just the flaming homosexual I wanted to see!" White chirped when she spotted me, coming over in a face paced trot.

"A flaming what? But I am clearly not on fire." I quickly inspected my body to make sure though. Nothing, though.

White gave me a stare before breaking down in an attack of giggles. "Oh, N. Anyway, you ready to go get some new clothes?" She asked.

"But what is wrong with the clothes I have?" I raised a brow, and then looked at the splash of rainbow that was my shirt.

"Say, N what would you say to a piercing?" White stared at my ear, eyes glittering.

"Sounds painful." I frowned, whatever it was it didn't sound pleasant.

"Only for like two seconds." She waved a hang in disregard. "Oh well. That's a task for another day."

"Actually he would look good with some studs..." Bianca chipped in as she walked up.

"But he has a stud..." White said, then the two burst out laughing, leaving me as confused as ever. When we left, Squishy insisted on coming with me, which was very strange indeed. Neither Bianca nor White seemed to object, and I felt much calmer with the psychic pokemon around. Heading out into the street I was on high alert. I kept repeating Black's voice in my head that I was safe and they were there. Everything was going to be fine... I just need to stop being too paranoid...!

In no time we were at the mall, which looked vaguely familiar since I had been there previously. Inside, I was greeted by the scent of cheap greasy meaty food and the screams of young children. Instantly I felt uncomfortable with the whole situation; but holding one of Squishy's jelly-like hands, I followed close behind Bianca and White.

Our first stop was a large store with rows upon rows of many types of clothes in an array of colors and designs. It was similar to the other store I went into to get the clothed I was currently wearing. I began running my fingers along the fabrics, admiring the soft and colorful ones.

"Hm, let's split up guys. We have a lot to do today, and only a short time to do it." White suggested, veering off into another direction.

"I kind of wish Black came with us." Squishy said after awhile in a wistful tone. "I wonder what he does all day at that job thing."

"Not sure..." I answered, sort of curious myself.

"Oh my gosh! This shirt has me on it!" I heard her shrill voice as she darted away, pulling the shirt off the rack. Sure enough there was a reuniclus on the front. I smiled with amusement but kept looking at the many sweatshirts the store had to offer. Truth be told I missed my old clothes; I wish I had them again. But they have become too ragged and ruined they were thrown out. I inwardly sighed, dropping my hand down to my side again.

"N, I think I found something." Came Bianca's excited voice.

"Yes..?" My eyes flickered up

She lifted the sweatshirt for me to see, and I froze on the spot. "It's... It's adorable..!" I yelped, staring it. It was a joltik sweatshirt. It was mostly yellow with blue ends on the arms. The hood had blue eyes on it like a joltik has.

I took it from her hands, taking off the rainbow sweatshirt and pulling this one on. The inside was incredibly comfy, the fabric was fluffy and soft again my skin.

"It looks so comfortable!" Squishy observed, eyes wide.

"Feels comfortable. Do you think Black will like it..?" I pondered. Then it occurred to me: why did it matter..?

"I think he'll love it. How could he not, it looks so cute on you!" Bianca chirped.

"It's appreciated." I replied politely, following her.

"Hey, N, no need to be so formal you know." Bianca told me as we got to the cashier. "White and I are your friends. You don't need to be such a stranger."

I nodded, but really I couldn't feel completely comfortable around them. Any human for that matter; even around Black I always had a certain guard up, which made me feel instantly guilty.

After the sweatshirt was bought, and White cooed over it, we headed elsewhere. Bianca and White went into several stored with different merchandise; mostly dressed or fancy shoes. I was content in my new sweatshirt, thrilled that I got something new.

We entered yet another store, which was called 'Slutevoir'. Inside, I was in for a shock. The lighting was low, the lights shining only on fancy dresses that stood high. They looked as if they covered little body, but the way it sparkled made it look incredibly pretty. There were many other objects around the store, which I didn't recognize on the spot. I was busily looking at the many dresses near the front of the store. Bianca and White were nearby, plucking the dresses of the racks, inspecting them.

"This is a good one." White chirped, holding a purple piece of cloth in her hand. "I love the fabric..."

Bianca gave it a feel, cooing in agreement, then White left claiming to try it on in the fitting rooms.

"You like these dresses, N?" I heard Bianca ask as she looked at the dresses I had been mesmerizing.

I shrugged. "They are pretty."

"Oh really? Would you wear one?" Bianca pressed. I raised an eyebrow, and then pulled a dress from the rack, lifting it in front of me. As pretty as the green material looked, it looked like it would cover barely any part of my body. What was the point then?

"Bianca! N! I need your opinion on this!" I heard White's voice from an opening with a dark velvet curtain covering it.

"Well come out! Let us see!" The blond begged her friend.

"Wait opinion on what?" I asked, eyes trained on the curtain.

"This." White said as she swept out of the room. Much to my surprise White wasn't wearing what she was before, she was wearing the dress. It was purple with a gold trim. It began right at her chest, and only went down about mid thigh.

"EEEEE! it looks so good on you!" Bianca exclaimed, waving her hands in random directions.

"The color doesn't look too bad? I thought it was a bit overbearing." White pursed her lips, looking down at the dress she wore.

"I think it's a nice color, White. It matches your eyes." I pointed out. It was true too; her purple eyes went well with the dress. The dress itself was gorgeous, the way the gold sparkled in the light.

"So it looks good on me?" She sighed in relief. "Good. Now I just need a good pair of slutty boots and I'll be ready for the party." She snickered. "Watch me reel in hotties then leave them with half a boner."

"White I swear you're so mean." Bianca snorted.

Squishy and I both looked at them with dumbfounded expressions. More alien talk. Boner? Slutty? 'Reeling them in'? And hotties? But it was the middle of winter!

"Aright, I'm going to go find something for Cheren to gawk at." The blond sang, digging into the racks.

"I'm going to show N the back of the store while I buy this." White said, going back into the fitting room.

I waited outside the room, framing my neck to see the back of the store from here. All I could see was some neon lights. There was also strange music playing.

"You humans are so weird." Squishy sighed, looking in the rows of racked fabrics, "I thought clothes were supposed to protect you. What's the point of these? They're so flimsy."

"I guess they are just for looks." I shrugged, I didn't understand humans either.

"They are pretty though! So sparkly and carefully designed." Squishy added in awe, stroking one of the softer looking fabrics.

"They do look good." I agreed, smiling a bit as I let my fingers trail the cloth of a black dress.

"Would you wear one of these?" Squishy asked me.

I frowned, "I've never seen another men wear one. I thought dresses were for only women."

"Now why would that be? That doesn't make sense, N. If you want to wear it, do so." The Pokemon sighed.

"Alright, N, you ready?" White came back out of the fitting room, dress in hand.

I nodded and followed her to the back of the store where the cashier was. Entering the more back part of the store put me into shock. I nodded and followed her to the back of the store where the cashier was. Entering the more back part of the store put me into shock. As I walked through some rows of very strange objects, I recognized none of it except for the plastic body parts with several different labels. I picked one up, eyes stretching widely as I stared at it. "White why is there male genitalia in this package?" I questioned, holding up the object, shooting her a look of confusion and disgust.

"Wait... What?" Squishy exclaimed, looking at what I was holding. "Why would humans have plastic versions of their species' sex organs?"

White burst out laughing, apparently finding our confusion hilarious. Looking at the racks of objects, I realized how many versions there were. Shaking my head I tossed the one I was holding, half in disgust and half in shock back among the others.

"You see, N. You should... Ask Black. He would be happy to answer." White suggested with a devilish grin.

"I will then. Though I am unsure why you cannot tell me." I added, following her to the counter.

"It would ruin the fun," she said with a giggle, paying the creepy looking adult running the register. As White sparked a conversation with the cashier, I drifted away to look around the store more. Squishy was at my side, casting suspicious glances as the rows of alien-like objects.

"N what are these?" The psychic pokemon asked repeatedly, pointing in random directions. I didn't know though, I just shrugged. She shook her head claiming it was all so strange.

"Hey, miss." I felt a tap on my shoulder and jumped a foot in the air before whipping around to face the unknown person. It was a short woman, she wore all black on her body and had dark menacing eyes. She smacked her lips as she chewed a piece of gun, blowing it up and popping a bubble.

"W-what?" I asked, inching away from the scary looking woman.

Her eyes flashed in annoyance, "Can't you read the fucking sign? No Pokemon allowed in the store." she flicked her gaze to Squishy, who glared back at the women.

"I can read...! I did not notice any signs of the sort." I replied with a frown.

"Then missy, please leave. Or out that thing in a pokeball."

"She's not a thing! And I'm not a 'missy'." I claimed, not appreciating the rudeness this woman was exhibiting.

"Really..?" She cocked a brow, inspecting my body before shrugging, "Alright then. Whatever. But if it gets me in trouble you're in dead shit." She shot me another glare before whipping around and disappearing into the darkness of the store. I remain where I stood, patting a hurt Squishy on the head.

"You better wait outside the store..." I told the Pokemon, who nodded.

"Okay... But don't be long!" With that, she floated away.

I turned away, wondering where White was. I was beginning to feel terribly uncomfortable without the Pokemon around. The strange store wasn't helping either as I made my way around the merchandise.

"...Hello, N. Long time, no see..." I froze, my attention flickering to the sudden voice hauntingly close to my ear. In the darkness of the store I dare not to turn around the see the unknown person, I just remained frozen as arms wrapped around my abdomen, pulling me against a warm body. I recognized the voice at once, and my blood turned to ice. My eyes shifted as I searched the near darkness for others.

"What... No hello?" The voice said, sounding mockingly hurt.

"Why are you here..." I croaked out, my own voice getting trapped in my throat.

"I can't stop and say hello to my favourite king?" The person cooed after a short pause. "You're father wouldn't be pleased..."

I had nothing to say. I was too scared to say anything. The voice breathed in my ear, rasping hot breath caused shivers to go down my spine. The arms around my lower stomach weren't helping the situation either.

"I'm surprised Black let you come out alone, knowing we where around." The person went on, "I wonder why...?"

"Because he doesn't believe me...!" I spat back, trying to keep defiance in my voice. I failed miserably.

"I wonder why that is. Does he want you to lower your guard...? Maybe he doesn't believe you because you're going crazy. Am I even real...?" The voice hissed, though it was edged with wistfulness.

"I... Leave me alone!" I tried to shout, but my voice refused to go any louder.

"I would, but see then your father would be mad at us..." The voice sighed, arms tightening. It was becoming harder to breath. At the mention of my father, panic rose up my throat like bile. I vainly struggled, but the arms around me were keeping me braced.

"Why not just take me now?" I cried as I ran out of breath from the futile struggling.

"Quit being so loud. And don't worry dear N. I'm sure you'll see your father once again." The person said in low voice. It was traced with the smallest amount if regret, but it was barely detectible. "Of course, not before you'll see Black's bloody, ragged body."

I jolted, "Do not hurt Black! He has nothing to do with this!" the force in my voice was apparent.

A hand shot up from my abdomen to my jaw, forcing my head to turn to the side. I couldn't see the person very well in the darkness, but I could see the flash of a green hued eye.

"Don't shout now. We wouldn't want to hurt the girl for knowing I'm here." He growled into my face before releasing my jaw, leaving a mark of sharp fingernails.

A whimper escaped my lips. I was in deep trouble, but worse Black was in more trouble. His bloody and broken body... Wad there already something happening to hmm? "Where are the other two?" I cried in vain.

"That is none of your concern. But I assure you, tasting time will come soon. But when? What will happen..? Am I even here, or an illusion of your messed up mind?"

"I... You're not real. You're not!"

The weight around my abdomen vanished, and after a moment in a frozen stature I whipped around. But I was alone. Looking around in a panic, I fled the dark corner, racing through rows of alien objects and clothes until I was outside of the store. Some people cast strange stares at me as I panted in fear.

"N? What's wrong?" I heard Squishy cry, floating toasted me and putting her jelly-like limb in my shoulder. I shook my head, biting my lips until I tasted the metallic blood in my mouth.

"You don't look very good, N. What happened in there?" She asked with worry, inspecting my horrified face.

"It ... It was..." I couldn't even speak anymore. My palms were sweaty with fear, I felt dizzy. "Black might be in trouble," I told her finally. Trembling I stumbled through the mall, dodging passing people as I bolted for the exit. Once I spotted the main doors I pushed my way through, looking around in a panic before running down the street. I tried to remember the way home, but I couldn't quite remember. It took an unnecessarily long amount of time to get to the apartment. Squishy was on my heels the entire time, trying to calm my frayed nerves. It was futile though, I was in a panic. The door was unlocked and open, which didn't help my case. I darted inside, calling Black's name. He wasn't in the front room. Moving quickly I sped into the hallway, forcing his door wide open. It too was an empty room. I could feel my limbs shake as I checked Cheren's room just in case. With no avail, i was ready to give up. But then I heard something from the bathroom.

I didn't even stop to think as I launched myself across the hall and into the bathroom. Relief flooded over me as I saw Black in the middle of the room. I didn't stop to think that he was wet and half naked from a shower as I practically tackled him in a hug.

"Holy shi- what the?-" I heard Black's startled voice.

"Black! Black I thought they had gotten you..!"I couldn't keep the tears of relief from flowing, I couldn't help it. I was convinced they had taken him away. Knowing he was here and safe caused me to be endlessly relieved.

"Gotten me? What are you talking about?" Black's voice sounded strained.

I shook my head, digging my face into his neck. Beads of water still streamed down his body from his shower, I could feel them soak into my shirt. I couldn't have cared less though, feeling his body close to mine made everything better. I was acutely aware how good it felt now, I didn't recognize the feelings welling up in my chest. They were still alien to me, seeing how I usually felt negative feelings. But this was like a happiness or longing I had only ever felt when I was close to Black, like now. Holding his body so close made the feeling flutter in my chest. I never wanted it to stop, but I knew it was only a matter of time before an irritated Black would push me away, claiming he wasn't a 'homo' or something. So while I had the chance I selfishly held the confused teen in my arms, ignoring the voice at my head telling me to stop.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: **Hey, it's Karouii again. Cookie's still without a computer. But here I am uploading for her again! She had to do this all on her iPod, so we should be grateful to her ^^; Here's the next chapter.

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Chapter 45

I doubt N noticed anything. If anything it was probably a relief not to have to deal with my obsessive affection anymore. I felt painfully deprived though; as a man, I had needs. Even if they weren't sexual needs, it was the need to hug another person with a loving affection. Love... /Do I love N?/ I often asked myself lately. I never answered this question, for fear of the answer itself.

As much as I wanted to hug him or to kiss him, I couldn't. I flicked my eyes up, watching N, who sat parallel to me. His eyes were distant, as they usually were, so he didn't notice my eyes trained on him. I knew it was for the best, not to do what I used to anymore. Ever since he told me about what happened in his childhood two weeks ago I was afraid to touch his fragile body, in case it broke. It was a silly notion; but every time I got close to him, Ghetsis flashed in my mind. A cruel grin and mocking eyes, snarling put-downs at his own flesh and blood son... It was painful, but I knew it was more painful for him. Every time I touched him, his traumatizing past would come back. I was sure that's why he behaved the way he did when I would kiss him or hug him or touch any intimate spot. The way he looked at me, eyes filled with fear and worry... He was seeing his father.

I wondered if I should confront him and confirm my suspicions, but I was afraid to even talk to him. Instead, as time progressed I thought about possible ways I could help. I considered more than once to consult White or Bianca or even Cheren about it, because God knew I had no idea what to do. But I couldn't just trot around telling anyone about N, it would be humiliating for him, not to mention how personal it was.

Turning my gaze, I looked back into my empty bowl of Zoru-Os. It was time to go to work yet again. I was getting my paycheck soon though, so it wasn't all bad. I stood up, putting the bowl on the floor absentmindedly and went over to the front door. I heard N follow close behind me as I slipped on my shoes. Clearing my throat, I glanced in another direction as I spoke, "Alright, I'm off." I almost mentally slapped myself for being so curt.

"Uh... listen, Black?" My heart skipped a beat. N didn't talk nearly as much, so every time he did I fed off of his voice; it was like an addictive alcohol or drug.

"Yeah?" I again avoided his intense gaze I could practically feel the burn in the side of my skull.

"I was just thinking..." His voice was so hesitant. We were suspended in a long silence. I began fidgeting, knowing I had to get to work. As much as I wanted to hear what N had to say I couldn't afford to be late again.

"Hurry, I'm already late as it is." I told him briskly.

"Oh! Sorry... never mind." He replied awkwardly, looking frustrated.

I finally looked at him, slightly leaning in to inspect his face. "Anything wrong?"

"Huh? ... Oh, no."

I wanted to stay so bad, but I couldn't. Giving the area a wistful look, I left the house. Almost at once my phone went off. Sighing, I took it from my pocket and answered.

"Hey, Black!" came White's excited voice.

"'Sup, White." I said as I walked down the hall, "What do you want?"

"I was just wondering if I could borrow N today."

"I don't care. I'm not even sure why you're asking."

"You don't have to be so rude, ya' know." White whined over the line.

"Sorry, I have a lot on my mind." I apologized. "So, why do you need N today?"

"Bianca and I are going to a party my friend is having."

"A party or another night club?" I rolled my eyes, remembering my earlier experience.

"It's... well not important. We're just gonna bring him out with us to shop for dresses and maybe get him some clothes. He wears the same thing every time we see him!"

"He doesn't exactly have money right now."

"You'd think he'd be loaded. Anyway, we'll be there in a few."

"I'll let him know." I put the phone back in my pocket, racing back to the apartment. I knew N wouldn't be happy about it, but he needed to get out more. He kept saying the Shadow Triad was stalking him, but I tried not to believe him. It made sense though. But still, unlikely. Besides, they would be inside the mall all day. Or at least he hoped they would be.

After I informed N of his adventure, I quickly went to work. I was late, but I wasn't yelled at by my boss, luckily. Slipping into my work vest, I went to the counter where I sold food. It was pretty futile though; not many people went to movies in the middle of the day. People were at work or school or sleeping in. "I wish I was sleeping in…" I sighed wistfully to myself.

"I feel that, bro." The person who worked with me heard my sigh and flashed a sympathetic look. "I'm tired too. Also, major hangover." He groaned.

"Feels bad, man." I recalled my own hangover, and although it was terrible the thought of some feeling numbing alcohol was pretty pleasant at the moment.

"Yup. But wanna know what's awesome?" He sneered.

"Not coming to work at nine in the morning?"

"No. Better. Threesome, with - wait for it - twins." He grinned widely.

"Haha, nice." /Lucky bastard/ I thought to myself enviously. While he got lucky with drunk strangers, I had to keep myself from leaping on top of N.

"Anything interesting with that girlfriend of yours?" He leaned against the counter, obliging himself to some free popcorn.

Right. I frequently made up stories about my 'girlfriend' to keep him from suspecting my homosexuality, or bisexuality. I had no idea anymore. "Er, we broke up." I guess that was sort of- in a weird way- true.

"Whoa, really? Sorry about that." He didn't sound very sorry though, "One thing about women is that if you don't satisfy them they leave," he shook his head disapprovingly. "Don't worry about it; you'll never see her again."

I cocked a brow. "I sort of live with her."

"Live with her?" he asked, then snickered, "Aw shit, that's awkward."

"Not really." Actually it very was awkward.

"Well kudos to you. I personally couldn't live like that, seeing her each day and having her over at night." The other man shook his head.

"Well actually we share a bed." I muttered, beginning to wash down the counters, getting ready for the storm of fat movie goers getting piled of food.

"Share a bed? How the hell does that work and not have it awkward?"

I shrugged in reply, and he continued on talking, "Seriously, having her right next to me all night, I would imagine her naked and everything. I'd probably do her in her sleep!"

"I don't have that problem." I replied.

"I don't know how you do it man." He got to work as people began ordering snacks. "Or at least be fuck-buddies or something." He went on.

"C'mon I couldn't do that to hi- her." I corrected myself quickly.

"Hey she dumped your ass, does it matter?" He shrugged. I rolled my eyes inwardly, ending the conversation.

...Now all I could think about was being 'fuck buddies' with N. I tried to concentrate on work, but it was becoming harder to pay attention to the task at hand. My eyes flicked to the clock constantly, praying time would go faster. When my shift was over, I picked up my paycheck and went to cash it. It was an entire hour before I would be back home. I cursed that person I worked with for putting those thoughts in my mind.

The image of N wouldn't leave.

I was so deprived. I realized for months I probably subconsciously wanted N before I actually tried anything. It's been painfully obvious recently how much I wanted him; it was driving me crazy because I knew I couldn't do anything to him. I could have slammed my head into a wall. Hell I couldn't even touch him anymore. Flinging my things onto the floor I trotted into the bathroom, my mind still flashing awkward thoughts and images.

Stripping, I turned on the water of the shower. As I waited for the water to get warm, I stared at myself in the mirror. Shifting my eyes, I flexed my arm just for the hell of it.

"... I need to work out more." I grumbled disapprovingly, turning in circles to inspect my entire body. "Not bad though," I nodded with an inward smirk before getting into the shower. The hot water that fell onto my head at once put me in a trance. The warm liquid felt like a major relief against my skin. Leaning against the tiled wall I groaned, thoughts of my earlier conversation flooding into my mind. Fuck buddies... Fuck buddies... Having sex with N...

Having... sex with N. Gritting my teeth in irritation, I thrust my head into the water. It didn't work, because the thoughts in my head flooded straight down to my crotch. I flinched inwardly at the feeling, it certainly wasn't the first time I felt this. And as much as I wanted to...

Shutting my eyes, I kept my head in the cascade of water until the perverted thoughts were out of my mind. I grabbed the towel, flinging it around my waist before stepping out of the tub.

And then the strangest thing happened. The door whipped open, and a screaming N came flinging into the bathroom and nearly tackled me to the ground. Pinned against a wall, I stood there as he sobbed into my shoulder, screaming about he thought I was taken.

"Wh-what the?"

"Black! Black I thought they took you!"

"Took? Who? N what are you...?" I stuttered, looking down at him.

His arms around my body, his face dug deeper into my neck, the water works coming out again. After he sobbed straight for several minutes, while I watched in shock. He began to slip down, dragging me down with him till we were on the floor.

"He said... They were... You were...!" He cried, squeezing my body harder in his iron hug.

"N, settle down..!" I hissed, my frustration growing because I never completely cured my earlier and rather awkward problem.

"But... But..." He sniveled, looking up with his wide grayish blue eyes. "He... He said."

"Who is he?"

"One of the Shadow Triad! The one with green eyes, he was there and he said...!" N sputtered.

"N, N the Shadow Triad isn't here. You're just paranoid." I attempted to explain with a shaky voice, very much aware how N was practically straddling me.

"But..." N pulled away, looking at me with his deep, oddly colored orbs. "Black, you have to believe me…!"

I sighed, taking him by the shoulders and helping him up to his feet. Wrapping my arms around his body and helped him to the bedroom.

"But... But..." He was trembling now, and I was becoming very worried. He was having another moment, and it wasn't the best for me to be teetering on the mood I was. I helped him to the bed, setting him down on the sheets. He latched back onto my body, clinging to my still-wet skin.

I listened to his words, he was so shaken up at the thought of me being taken away, it was sort of endearing. Trying to ignore the fact I wore nothing, I managed to shift myself to sit on the bed next to N. With his iron grip it was difficult to move, and he didn't even notice me changing my suspicion.

I sat and waited for him to calm down, which was a long time. I found myself delicately stroking his hair with a partially free hand. His trembling sobbing turned into sniffles as he pulled his face away from my chest. He looked tired, and guilty. He was probably realizing the situation.

"I am... sorry, Black. I was just..." The words didn't come out.

I cocked a brow, "You were really that worried?" I asked.

"Well I... I mean I thought-" He broke off when my face darted forward, in position to kiss him.

But I hesitated.

And hesitated.

Then pulled away, "N, I can't. I'm sorry. There's no reason for you to be worried about me, I swear." I told him, then added a smile to my words.

He looked away, and I swore I saw the slightest amount of frustration. But it was gone before I could make sure. "Well at least you are safe now..." He said quietly.

I sighed, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He looked like he needed a hug. He looked tired, and his face and eyes were red from the tears.

"Hey... Is this a new sweatshirt?" I asked him as I stroked the material.

"...Oh! Yes, it is. You like it?"

I inspected the Joltik sweatshirt, "I'm pretty sure I like it better then your other one."

He appeared to be relieved at my approval.

"So how was your day with the girls? Not too terrible?" I decided to keep the subject away from Ghetsis and the Shadow Triad

"N-no... We went into this store that was called Slutevoir." He explained while I inwardly facepalmed at the name of the store. "And there were several dresses. They were really pretty and felt soft but they seemed so cold... The Bianca girl asked if I could wear one. I do not know Black, do men wear dresses? I have never seen one wear one..."

I tried to ignore the image of N in a slutty dress that passed through my mind, "They usually don't."

"Humans are so weird Black. And then there were these weird things in the store. Plastic male genitals in packages and things that appeared to be a women's breast." N explained in a completely clueless tone.

"Oh god," I put a palm to my face again, "Those are... Well, never mind; you really don't wanna know." I told him.

He cocked a brow but went on. "And then... And then th-the Shadow Triad member was there- or at least I think he was..."

"Wait, what do you mean you think he was there?"

"He said I was just imagining things... I do not know..." N mumbled, his head collapsing into my shoulder again.

"It'll be fine N, promise." I told him. I heard a sigh as he kept his head on my shoulder, but I couldn't help but wonder if the Shadow Triad member really was there.


	46. Chapter 46

**I'm back guys, I got my computer back a half an hour ago or so. The formatting for this chapter might be screwed up though, so bear with it. I plan to rapidly get you more chapters, because I want to finish this and begin on _Days._ **

**Anyway enjoy! And Thank you Karouii for uploading for me! And also thank you my loyal readers and followers, reading your reviews makes my day.**

**Excuse the errors, this was still made on my iPod.  
**

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As if earlier tensions weren't enough. But, I ignored them the best I could as

time went on. However, I found myself trying to think of solutions on how to help N

in all of my spare time. Cheren was never home, between his new classes in

college and his own job, when he was home he'd spend his time and days of with

Bianca, leaving N and I alone, which didn't always go over so well. The sheer

awkwardness and discomfort I felt was extremely overbearing. I found myself more

then once thinking about going to the bar to drink away my problems. But N

didn't like it when I drank, usually because my inner cravings came out.

Sighing heavily I continued the stare contest I had with the blank Google site

on the screen on my laptop. I figured I needed to try and find a solution to N's

psychological problems and paranoia, but I had no idea where to start. Leaning

back in my chair, I reached over and picked up my cup, only to find it was

empty. It only showed how much I had procrastinated. Flinging the cup at the

floor, I finally attempted to search for something, anything.

All the sites I came across had long, complicated deep psychological analysis,

which I couldn't understand. As time ticked by I got nowhere, and an hour into

my search I still had nothing. Quite frustrating really, so I decided to search

up something else, how I could help him physically. As I clicked through the

sites, more than once I ended up on something porn related. It did spark my

interest though; I didn't exactly know a lot about the different mechanics of

it. Since most of my younger years was spent out in the wilderness with pokemon

and battling them, it never was something I looked deeply into. I stopped at a

few of the sites, shifting my eyes around my room to make sure I was alone.

Getting up, I closed the blinds as well. No man who only a month ago assumed he

was straight enjoys looking up gay porn. The very thought made my skin crawl,

but at the same time I was curious. Making sure once more I was alone, I searched

it up. Videos and images flashed in front of me on the screen. I clicked through

them, wondering what it would be to do that sort of stuff with N.

...No. /Just end that thought now./ I told myself, blocking the image from my

head. I kept my eyed on the screen, looking at all the different ways a /man/

could do it. And here I thought there was only two methods. There was no way I

could do this with N, he'd probably think it was indecent, if he even trusted me

with his body.

Which reminded me of my earlier question. How could I help him trust me more?

Sitting back in my chair, staring at the video of two men doing it in a rather

awkward position but I wasn't really paying attention, I pondered possibilities. If he

trusted me, it would be easier to help him. I knew he'd trusted me more then other

people, but did he completely? It always appeared there was a certain guard up.

"Ugh what did I get myself into?" I groaned to myself, putting my face in my

palms.

After a moment, listening to the generic moans the men made, I realized that

this porn was beginning to turn me on. I reached over, readying to turn off the

computer.

"Black, I finished sanitizing the dishes like you said~" N was in an unusually

bubbly mood. Well, bubbly for him anyway. There was always a hint of sadness in

his voice.

"Uhm, that's good, N." I told him approvingly. Good thing he didn't understand

porn or anything, but I still swiveled my chair in front of the screen so he

wouldn't see. It might remind him of Ghetsis.

He looked relieved I approved, but then his face twisted with concern, "What is

wrong, Black?"

"Nothing at all! Why would you think otherwise?" I chirped, my voice unusually

cheerful.

"Because you look sort of sick..." N frowned, moving into the room.

"W-why would you think that?" This wasn't working. Time for drastic measures.

As he came close I pulled him down onto my lap and swiveled my chair again so

his back was facing the computer. Though the position he was on my lap was

awkward, especially for the slight turn on from the videos.

He squeaked as he was pulled down onto my lap. Our crotches grinded, and I

inwardly flinched at the spazz of feelings that jolted my lower abdomen. He was

practically straddling me in the way he had his legs adjusted.

"Hey N I have a question." I almost shouted in his face.

"O-okay?"

"Do you trust me?" I asked, trying to keep him from looking at the screen.

"O-of course! But that's sort of hard to do right now. Y-you are kind of looking

at me strangely." His nervous voice stuttered as he attempted to adjust himself

again.

"You can trust me you know." I told him, leaning forward, but my hand was

stretching toward the off button on my computer.

"I know that Black but you are looking at me weird." He repeated, leaning his

head back.

"Weird, I have no idea what you're talking about." I replied shakily, straining

to reach the off button that was only a few inched away. I tried not to let him

notice the best I could, but his gaze began to follow my hand. I didn't want

him to see the screen, it could have turned out bad. I had been wearing

headphones, that were now dangling of the desk, so N couldn't hear the generic

moans that came from the video.

"N, N let me look at you." I put my free hand on his face, pushing it so he

faced me again.

N frowned again, "You are acting very different right now. Are you sure you do

not feel ill?"

"N I thought you trusted me. I swear I'm fine. Now let me look into your

wonderful eyes." I told him distractingly, still feebly reaching for the off

button I couldn't reach.

"My... eyes?" He stopped talking as I looked into his eyes. I tried not to let

myself get distracted by them but the grayish blue hue was absolutely beautiful.

With a final attempt to reach, I suddenly stopped because I got caught

completely off guard. N's face was so close, and I could feel soft flesh against

my lips. It took me a second to register what the hell was going on. And once it

clicked it was too late because his lips left mine once again.

My hand dropped, and I stared at him in shock and almost suspicion. He never,

ever made a move ever. So the fact he just kissed me...

"Sorry, Black!" N yelped, pulling himself from my lap, but I pulled him down

again instinctively. I didn't want him to leave; I wanted to know why he did

that. Or better, use the opportunity.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, not bothering for an answer as our lips crashed

together again. They came together with so much force it hurt for a moment, but

it softened into a much gentler kiss. A voice in my head screamed at me to stop,

this wasn't right, even if he started it. I deliberately stopped intimate

actions with him for a reason

As the contact between us deepened all voice of reason was gone. It had only

been two weeks since I last did this, but it felt like a lifetime of missing out

on those perfect lips that felt so wonderful against my own. N didn't seem to

oppose. Although I could sense his shock, he seemed to melt into it because he

began kissing back. Our lips molded together like two puzzle pieces,

instinctively fighting for dominance.

My hands that had minds of their own began to explore N's body. Stroking the

long lush green hair that draped down his back, sliding fingers across the folds

and creases of the clothing he wore.

But I wanted more. I needed more. I needed to feel his skin, but the clothes got

in the way much to my irritation. While our kiss generally distracted him, I

slid a hand down his back to the small of his back. He broke the contact of our

lips for a moment as he shuttered at the sudden touch of my hand on such a

vulnerable part of his body. A sigh escaped his mouth, and he shifted his eyes

guiltily. Using the opportunity, I wrapped my other arm around his midsection,

pulling him closer. I forgot about my earlier excitement that seemed to be

coming back to life. N didn't miss it, because when our crotches grinded he

squeaked in surprise, his face reddening. Even N knew what it meant, and that

wasn't working to my advantage. He began to shrink away from me again in fear.

Determined, I pulled him back again.

"N, you know you can trust me." I whispered in his ear.

"I... I know..!" He replied in a low delicate voice, "but it... it feels weird."

His voice almost shuttering.

"Because all you know from the feeling is bad." I sighed heavily.

N looked at the floor, his face screwed up in painful thoughts. "I... I do not

want it to be bad anymore." He rasped, dropping his head into my shoulder. "It

scares me." I barely heard the light whisper.

If I didn't do something this would become a cry-fest again. I pulled his face

up again and locked our lips again. I was rushing now, which I should have known

wouldn't have worked for N. The kiss was sloppy, and it plainly displayed my

lust. N was taken by surprise once again, but once he adjusted himself he began

kissing back. But it wasn't the same as before, which disappointed me greatly. I

softened the contact so it would be easier on him. The arm around his body kept

him close, and our bodies rubbed against one another.

With the friction I would have expected N to have been frightened still, but he

wasn't. Although he wasn't as eager as I was, I was surprised he wasn't backing

off now. Though, I didn't argue. I was very much enjoying the whole thing. I

took the hand that had been stroking the small of N's back and dared it down

lower until it cupped his ass. This is where he broke the kiss again, jumping in

surprise.

"It's only my hand..." I murmured in N's ear again. He didn't get used to the

feel though, he remained ridged in my arms.

"This is weird, Black. T-this feeling- !- Ajkfsndl;" I moved my body again so

it rubbed against N's. I realized then what feeling N was referring to- I could

feel he was turned on. After my brain processed this, it went straight to my

abdomen. Knowing N was getting a sexual response only made me want to continue.

...But N didn't seem much like he wanted to. He had a totally befuddled look on

his face. I pulled his face closer, I wanted him to forget his discomfort, even

though the way I was pushing him probably didn't help at all.

"You know you can trust me." I purred huskily as I kissed him again. It didn't

last long, I was soon licking the sensitive skin of his neck. His body was more

comfortably arched over mine, and he still seemed dazed to the whole situation.

But when I licked his ear lobe he jolted awake. He was more so awakened when I

moved my hips upward to grind with his.

I felt his hands dig into my shoulders in desperation as I rubbed upward again.

Though that wasn't the only thing I was doing, my mouth was at work covering his

neck in kisses and licks. I was careful not to nibble at the sensitive skin, as

hard as it was. I could feel the hot breath of N every time he panted, it was

more motivation for me to grind. I tried to keep it slow though for his sake,

even though it felt nearly impossible, especially when I heard the smallest of

moans in my ear.

To my utter surprise, I felt him move. My hands on his hips, I

helped him move them in rhythm with my movement. He was surprisingly good at the

way his hips rippled downward in a graceful movement to grind our crotches

against each other.

I wasn't even sure what this would be called, certainly not sex. I was also

confused on how N was even allowing this and not trying to get away or sobbing.

The way he was moving was so eager, needful. It felt as if he wanted it as bad

as I did.

On a rare occasion I heard him moan of sorts. If only I could see his face as he

did that, but my head was still burrowed into his neck. As our frantic grinding

progressed, I knew it would only be a matter of time. I could feel it building

in my groin, readying to release. N's grip on my shoulder tightened as he

attempted to pick up speed.

I moved my hands from his hips, my help no longer needed and they began trailing

underneath N's shirt. I didn't know whether he noticed my exploring or not, that

is until my hand drifted over a scar.

I had seen N's torso before. There were bite marks and scars all across it.

There was an especially long one that sliced across his chest. It was many

inches long, and as my fingers moved across the leathery scar my movements

slowed. He stopped altogether, noticing my falter.

"Black...?" His voice rasped into my ear.

"...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forced you into this..." I muttered, my hand

never leaving his chest.

He released the death grip on my shoulders, following my hand until he realized

where it was.

"..." N pulled away, lifting himself off my lap and dropped to the ground,

sitting on the floor. He was rubbing the spot on his chest with the scar, a

deep frown on his face.

"N, I-"

"Black what was that?" He stared up at me, "And why did you feel the need to

stop?"

"I-I well... I forced you into it." I sighed, fidgeting with discomfort.

N narrowed his gray eyes into slits as he thought. "He also did it to."

"He... You mean your father?"

N nodded, "He forced me to practically enjoy it. I did not, but it's not

something that can be helped."

As if there wasn't enough already, a another wave of guilt crashed onto me. I

already knew not to force him so far out of his comfort zone.

"Th-that's not to say I did not enjoy it." I heard N mumble, a scared guiltiness

edging his voice.

I didn't expect that. I glanced down at him, and he looked back with even gray

orbs. "You want to keep going?" I dared to ask in a slightly seductive tone.

N looked away, his face twisted up in thought. "I-I... Do n-not know." He

admitted finally. After a few moments he struggled to his feet. He looked as if

he was still considering it when he looked to the side, right at the screen

where the gay porn was still showing.

/Shit! This video goes forever!/ I thought panickly as I reached for the off

button. Too late though, N's mouth was moving frantically but no words came out.

It was a several awkward moments before he uttered a word. "Black... W-why was

that on?"

"I was just looking some stuff up-.." I replied, scratching my head

uncomfortably.

"...They look like they are enjoying it." He said, then he turned to me with

eyes of pure confusion. "Black you said previously this was a form of love did

you not?"

I couldn't recall ever telling N that but I nodded anyway.

"...But it hurts. And it's used for a punishment and a form of agony." he

continued on.

I said nothing.

He said nothing more either.

Instead he swept past me and out of the room. I darted up, following him into

the hallway.

"Wait- N!"

He paused outside the bathroom door. His face reorder his deep befuddlement as

he stared at me with those penetrating eyes.

"Black were you trying to do that to me? To have what a human might call...

Sex?" he asked.

"Well I-"

"Sex is supposedly a form of love. Or lust." He went on. I didn't like it when N

was in this mood. It was rare for him to be in an analyzing mood.

"But I-"

"Black does that mean you love me?"

The question caught me completely off guard.

I didn't reply right away.

I asked it to myself over and over.

But I couldn't answer.

N, who didn't get an answer, disappeared into the bathroom. And didn't come out

for hours.


	47. Chapter 47

I could have sliced the pure awkward atmosphere with a knife. The tension in the house crackled like lightning, and I didn't even have to get started what it was like in bed. There was a thick space carved between me and a certain green haired man. But it was probably stupid of me to sleep on the couch. He had gone weeks without a night terror, but everyone in the apartment, including the pokemon was awakened to the screaming of N's nightmare.

Often I found myself thinking about that question he asked me that seemed to stop time itself. He asked if I loved him. How could I love him? I mean... obviously I felt something but was it as strong as love? Did N even understand truly what a heavy word **love** was?

We were back to square one. Even when we slept in the same bed he went back to having nightmares. During the day we avoided each other most of the time. The only time I seemed to talk to him was when I asked what he made for dinner, and to thank him for it. He taken up cooking and he was pretty good at it. He had a hard time with strange ingredients he didn't recognize, but other than that he could make the basics. From the living room I could sometimes see him cook, and I found myself watching him more than once.

He caught me watching him sometimes. The look he gave me was that of coldness, confusion, hurt... It was like a giant concoction of painful emotions swimming in a sea of grayish blue hue. I couldn't stand staring at them.

The whole negative situation affected my whole life right now. I got yelled at several times at work for slacking off. Cheren even noticed my mood drop, and asked what was wrong. I replied with just a 'don't worry about me' sort of thing. My pokemon flocked around N most of the time. They would glare at me though. The pokemon probably blamed me for N's increased negativity. Aside from Simon anyway, he didn't really care as long as he got attention. Hell, he even begged attention from Cheren, being known to sneak into his room at night and sleeping in his bed. It provided a good, and rare, laugh.

But overall the situation was turmoil. I tried to keep a normal front, but people still noticed. And with my pokemon and N ignoring me, and work threatening to fire me, I needed to find a solution quickly before I lost even more.

Currently I sat on the couch, talking to N about White's offer. She wanted me and N to go out on a double date with her and her new boyfriend. I wasn't thrilled, but I couldn't deny White. It was awkward seeing how N and I weren't even together anymore, if you called what we used to have 'being together.'

"Is it crucial for me to go?" He asked quietly, an eyebrow raised.

"Well yes, hence is being called a 'double date'." I slightly retorted, inwardly cursing myself for the unnecessary roughness in my voice.

N nodded and mumbled an agreement before slipping away to clean again. I watched him, my heart being tugged at his cold curtness. Getting up I went into the bathroom, peeling off my clothing to shower. I figured I might as well prepare for this double date taking place in only a few hours. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I realized then just how much it was affecting me physically. My eyes were surrounded with black, and were sagging a bit to display my lack of sleep and stress. My eyes were dull- normally a light brown with a hint of red. But, now they were a grayish brown, reflecting the life being sucked out of me slowly, and painfully.

"Ugh, I'm acting like some broken-hearted girl except without the crying." I mumbled to the empty room. "It's not that big of a deal." but my half-dead reflection said otherwise.

My eyes trailed down to a spot on my chest. It was half of a heart on a chain with the letter 'B' on it. Since that day many months ago I hadn't taken it off. It was the best friend necklace that N and I got. He had the side with 'F' on it, and when the two necklace pieces were put together it created a heart. I put a hand to it and frowned. I wondered if N wore his own half of the necklace...

I shook my head, laughing humorlessly at myself. He probably got rid of it along with the zorua statue I got him. I wondered what became of the zoroark plush, since I hadn't seen it for awhile.

Not too long later I found myself walking rather slowly to the place I was supposedly meeting White and this boyfriend of hers. N walked a pace or two behind me, head switching from side to side in apprehension. Every alley way was carefully inspected every time he walked by one. Every bystander's face was evaluated by careful gray-blue eyes. I felt bad dragging him out like this when he was so deep in his paranoia, but at the same time I felt nothing because something in the back of my mind would say 'he's just a pussy, he needs to get the hell over it already.' I cursed the voice to be quiet more than once, guilty for thinking such disgusting thoughts.

We made it to the restaurant. It looked fancy and expensive, to which I inwardly winced knowing I didn't exactly have a ton of money to wave around on sixty-seventy dollar meals. Stepping inside, I was met with elevator music of sorts. The room was dark except for the intimate lighting at each table, casting shadows throughout the facility. A waiter stood behind a small desk, looking up from a list with judgmental eyes as he evaluated us.

"Sir, you know this is a high class restaurant. It is rather frowned upon to be wearing childish street clothes here." The waiter cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, sorry a poor college-boy like me can't afford fancy tuxedos or suits. I just came here to eat." I shot back with a flash of anger.

"No need to shout. Do you have reservations?"The waiter sniffed.

"We're with someone." I let him know.

"And what would their names be?" He went on impatiently.

"White. I don't know the other one." I replied obediently. The waiter looked over the list, and then led us into the main part of the facility. "This would be her, correct?" He asked guiding me to the far corner of the restaurant. I nodded, and he left.

"Hey, White." I greeted as I sat down opposite her booth, "So where's this boyfriend of yours?"

N pointly sat in the booth next White and diagonal of me, farthest he could away. White didn't notice. "This place isn't as fancy as they make it to be." She replied, "Also, he's in the bathroom."

"Alright then." A silence fell between the three of us. White didn't look pleased with the awkward and quiet atmosphere, so she began blabbering. I stared blankly at the menu, wondering what could be the cheapest thing to order. N didn't pay attention; he just kept glancing around the restaurant with a deep frown on his face. Sometimes he spoke to White; but I was completely ignored.

"Oh look whose back!" White chirped. I shifted my gaze up, and choked on particularly nothing. Sitting down next to me was a tall man with firey red hair that stood erect and flaming eyes to match it. He had a goofy grin as he sat. He wore probably the gayest, most ridiculous clothes I ever set eyes on.

"C-Chili. What a surprise." I blinked, not expecting a famous gym leader to be dating White.

"What's surprising about it?" Chili asked, leaning in and giving me an intent stare.

"Just... to see you dating White…" I want thoroughly convinced he was gay and incestual.

"Ohohoh White and I go wayyyyy back~" The red head crowed, using hand gestures as he began playing with his silverware.

"Why are you so far from Striaton City?"

"Oh well my brothers and I decided it was time for a break. We've been gone for a little over two years." The gym leader explained, waving around a fork in my face.

"Really two years? That's a long time to... be on break." I pushed away the utensil and it was replaced with a spoon.

"Yeah we've been working on another job. It is of much importance~" He grinned, putting the spoon on my nose.

"N, you look sort of sick. You okay?" My attention was drawn to N, who looked as pale as a ghost, was staring intensely at Chili with wide, shocked eyes.

"N?" I questioned, and his eyes peeled away from Chili to me.

"I'm sure he's fine!" Chili jumped in before N could say anything, getting up and going around to give him a hug, "He's so very very veryyyy fine. And if anything was bothering him he would tell us. RIGHT?" He ended with a shrill voice.

"R-right!" N squeaked as Chili released him.

"Good to hear~" The red head bubbled as he plopped down next to me once more.

For the rest of the evening my mood teetered. Chili was incredibly annoying after awhile, and N's mood just kept going south. The red head gym leader constantly acted like a five-year old on crack, but it offered for some humor. White managed to keep it light though, most of her jokes going right over N's innocent head. The food was decent, could have been better. N didn't touch the salad he ordered (most fucking expensive salad I ever bought) so White ended up nibbling most of it.

By the end of it all I felt drained of energy, but at the same time full of life. It was good to get out, even if it wasn't all good. What surprised me though was Chili offered to take me to a bar for some 'guy time'. I was nervous to do so. N looked terrified when Chili said for him to go home alone. I ended up dragging N along with me. When we were at the bar, which I questioned was actually a 'bar', Chili ordered some strong fruity drink that was the same brilliant red color as his hair and eyes. I didn't know much about alcohol, so again I let another person order for me.

Wherever we were it didn't seem like a normal bar. It played beating techno music and everything was an orange-green hue. Guys that were slicked with oil danced in cages, and it mostly consisted of guys except for a few girls that mingled unguarded around the crowd. I was pretty sure where I was, but I asked Chili where we were anyway.

"We're at a gay bar." The red-head chirped.

".../Why?/ What's with you people, ever heard of just a regular bar with beer?" I recalled my last visit to a bar, which turned out to have been a nightclub.

"Gay bars have some of the best drinks." Chili bubbled, receiving his fruity concoction from the half naked bartender. "Plus it's fun to get hit on. Makes you feel loveddd~~" He said in a sing-song voice.

"I don't want to be hit on by drunk, sweaty gay guys looking for a one night stand that I wouldn't provide." I retorted, only telling half the truth much to my disgust.

"You just keep believing that, Black. Meanwhile…" He turned to his drink, taking a very long sip.

N took a seat next to me, glowering at the gym leader. When I asked him if he wanted something to drink he hesitated and nodded, and Chili took the liberty of ordering yet another fruity alcoholic drink. N scowled at the drink he received from the bartender, questioning if it was even safe to consume.

"So Chili when do you plan to go back to work at the gym?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Whenever." He shrugged.

"Who is looking after the gym?" I pressed.

"Your hair is so soft... How do you do that?" Chili asked, poking the strands of brown.

"Uh, not sure..." I cocked a brow at the sudden topic change.

"Have you ever touched mine? It's so long and nice to feel." He purred.

"That's okay..." I muttered, swirling the straw thing in my drink.

"But it's hot and ready for you Black." He sang, and I leaned away even more.

"Are we even talking about hair?"

"We were talking about hair?" Chili asked innocently. He took his drink and consumed the rest of it in one shot, licking what didn't make it in his mouth up while staring at me suggestively.

I remembered him always being strange, but this was ridiculous. I almost suggested leaving but then I heard a yelp coming from N. At once I whipped my head around, seeing a man holding a trembling N from behind. He wore a tank top, showing oiled muscular shoulders. He ran his hands down N's hips, causing the green haired man to shake even more in fear. The man took it as another sign though, "You're kinda cute there. Why don't you come to the back room with me?" The man said in a silky voice right into N's ear.

"I-I well, stop t-touching me there." N squeaked, looking horribly uncomfortable.

"Want me to touch something else?" He growled seductively, causing N to visibly flinch.

Instinctively, I jumped to N's defense. I could feel the jealously pumping into my veins like adrenaline."I'm pretty sure it means he doesn't want your dick groping fingers on him." I growled at him, glaring with all my being.

"Who asked you?" The man grunted, shooting me a completive stare.

"No one needs to ask. Now get your hands off him."

"Oh? And who are you, his boyfriend?" He challenged with a sneer.

"N-no..! But I-"

"Then fuck off." He retorted, going back to N who was currently trembling.

"It doesn't really matter. He's obviously uncomfortable, or are you so blind you can't fucking see it?" I got off the chair, not entirely sure what I was thinking as I attempted to confront the obviously more muscular man then I.

"Then maybe you want to take his place." The man released N, who didn't look any more relieved as he shot me a panicked stare.

The thought of being violated by this man could have made me vomit. Before anything could happen Chili swung between us. "Hey hey hey guys here right here I has an idea."

"Who the hell...?" The man stared at the gym leader.

"I should let you know my friend here doesn't like being raped." He rapidly pointed at Black.

"It's not rape if he likes it." The man snarled, putting a hand to Chili's chest and pushing him to the side. But when he was going to pull his hand away Chili grabbed it and twisted it until there was a sickening crack.

"AHH! Holy mother fucking SHIT!" The man screamed pulling his hand away, "You goddamn-" His good hand was launched out in a tight fist, directed right at Chili's face. The red head simply tilted slightly to one side, the fist shooting past. I could have blinked and it would have been over. In a flash, using ninja-like moves, Chili darted towards the man. There was a scream, and a crash and a blur. The man ended up on the ground, writhing in pain while Chili sat on him and played with his hair, braiding it of sorts while humming to himself.

"N are you okay?" I asked him, turning away from the Chili insanity.

"I-I want to go home and get away from him and here and..." He trailed away shaking his head frantically.

"Let's go then." I replied firmly, putting a hand to his shoulder to help him up. He jumped at the contact, but let me guide him through the sweaty half naked bodies of dancing men. Chili frantically waved to us and shouted a goodbye. Once we were out on the street I had to let him catch his breath and calm down. He looked around once he had calmed.

"It's dark out here." He commented.

"And...?"

"We need to go home now." N rasped, looking back at the entrance of the bar before heading down the street as quick as possible. I followed, keeping close in case he keeled over with shock or panic.

Once we were at home he started to have another fit. He didn't come to me for comfort though. He paced around the living room, talking to my pokemon every so often but mainly to himself. I sat on the couch watching him, wanting so bad to comfort him in some way but pride got in the way. He would probably reject any help anyway, seeing how he'd been acting recently.

I tipped my head back into the cushions, listening to his muttering echo through the room. Closing my eyes, I thought: why can't I have a normal goddamn outing for once?

* * *

**As you can tell, I love making Black as gay as possible. that means: Gay bars. Dohohoh.**


	48. Chapter 48

_"You're so beautiful, just like your mother." Came the mocking voice N knew so well. "If only you were as useful as your body is useable." The voice spat like venom in his ears but his expression didn't change; he directed his gaze away from his father, lips pursed and eyes narrowed slightly as he allowed the violation and insults to proceed. Each time Ghetsis spat the insults, he never expected a response because he already knew that it hurt N inside. Both physically and mentally._

_ And he was right. N didn't visibly show it, but he could feel the insults. He knew how his father would use him. He called it 'love', that the more it hurt meant the more he loved him. N didn't understand it, why did his father have to love him in such a matter? _

_ "Hm, N? How does it feel?" Ghetsis asked silkily, glaring down at his own flesh and blood whilst he abused him physically. N didn't reply again, just shut his eyes and held all the pain in until his father was done. And like that he was discarded. When he was gone invisible tears flowed. _

_ "What does love mean?" N whispered into the darkness. "Why does it hurt?"_

_ "Because that isn't love." A voice came._

_ N glanced up where he was hiding his face in his knees. Black was only a few feet away, perfectly visible in the deep shadows. "W-what?"_

_ "You were just being used." Black replied nonchalantly with a lazy shrug._

_ "U-used..?" N echoed._

_ "Exactly. Only did it for his own personal pleasure. He doesn't care." The brunette said, his voice turning slightly venomous as he smirked. "Just like me."_

_ N watched, eyes widening._

_ "What, you think I kept you around all this time because I enjoy your company? I'm just after your body, just like your father." Black sneered, "but now that you know, what's the point?" With that, he turned away and suddenly vanished into the darkness, leaving N to his misery._

My eyes shot open with a start as I was dragged roughly out of my nightmare by Black. He was frantically repeating my name, telling me to awaken. I pulled myself up, lifting a trembling hand. I was beginning to get sick of these nightmares; I went such a long time without having to have my mind be forced into insanity each night by the night terrors.

"You okay, N?" I heard Black ask as he lifted a hand towards me. I flinched away, remembering my dream as clear as day.

"Fine." I replied as I crawled out of the bed and exited the room. It was still dark when I made it out to the living room. Black's pokemon slept scattered around the room either on the floor or couch. I went to the couch, sitting down into the cushions, careful not to wake a sleeping DJ Fresh. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared intently at the wall I could barely see through the darkness. I still slightly trembled from my nightmare. I had hoped I was done with them, but ever since that day not very long ago everything seemed to have turned upside down. No longer did I view Black the same. Every word out of his mouth could have been a lie for all I knew. The manipulating words of my father were always at the back of my mind and echoing in my dreams and raiding my thoughts. A sigh escaped my lips, so unsure of what to do about everything. If I couldn't trust Black, I couldn't trust anyone.

A voice at the back of my mind would constantly remind me of the better times. How protective Black could be, and how kind he had been for so long. My lips twitched upward slightly as I recalled the previous day, when the strange man began to rather indecently touch me in intimate places, and immediately Black was defending me and protecting me, even though the man was so much larger then he was. Although he didn't beat the man. The frown returned as I remembered Chili, and put I my face back into my knees. All three of them had shown up, which could only be bad. I knew now I wasn't imagining things, they were really there, and the threat of them making a move loomed over me like the predator stalking its prey. I felt like prey as well, feeling the hunter there, but unsure where it was hiding. Nothing could be done, I was cornered by the hunter and it was only a matter of time before it pounced. Pounced… and did what?

"Ugh, N, I can practically feel your angst." Came the muttering voice of a certain grass-type snake. Smugleaf was awake, and shining yellow eyes were narrowed into angry slits as he glared at me.

"Oh! Excuse me dear Smugleaf, I shall leave." I replied sincerely, my voice quiet as I rose carefully from couch, tip toeing around the sleeping pokemon I hoped wouldn't wake.

"Wait, N." Smugleaf called for me. "Try and cheer up." He said before curling back up in a ball.

"…I wish it were that simple." I said to myself rather numbly as I headed into the kitchen. Might as well start breakfast right?

But as I stared at the food we had, my brain wasn't processing it whatsoever. Pudding… Zoru-Os… An array of some baking goods that humans have created, but everything was unreadable, as if another language. I could hear my own, rather loud sigh that escaped my mouth. Thoughts were uncontrollable, slipping back many days ago to when everything seemed to fall apart. I did not really understand why I felt the need to ask if Black loved me. I knew it would have been _no, _so why I asked was still beyond me. I wasn't even sure what love was about.

"Good morning, N." I jumped and turned my head to see Cheren shuffling into the kitchen looking rather tired.

"Morning." I replied bluntly, at once on guard

"So, N, now that we're alone I was hoping to speak with you." He said, pulling out the Zoru-Os and milk.

I was a bit hesitant to answer, "What is it?" I asked, flicking my eyes towards him.

"It's about Black. Frankly his condition is starting to scare me. All he does his mope, He tells me he might be fired. And when I tried to ask him about it, he didn't tell me. Now N, Black and I have been friends all our lives, but he won't tell me what's wrong." Cheren explained, pouring his milk, "And that worries me. So I ask you, what did you do, or do you know?" He sounded accusing.

_I guess he has not been very well… _I thought to myself with a flinch, "I am unsure myself." I told him sincerely.

"N, Black is my best friend. I want to know what's wrong with him, so please tell me." He sounded defiant. He looked even more defiant when he crossed his arms. He was only a bit taller than Black, but looked rather intimidating.

I took a step back, "I honestly do not know Cheren, I am worried too." I explained.

"You didn't say or do anything weird?" He pressed, obviously not convinced.

I thought back to the last time I really had contact with Black, which was when I ended up grinding against him on the chair and then ending up pouting in the bathroom for hours after asking if he loved me… "Uh, no. Not that I can think of…"

Cheren sighed, then took his cereal and left looking more saddened then ticked off, which I would have expected. Leaning against the counter, I found myself sighing without my consent yet again. I wasn't sure what to do about anything.

"N?" I heard my name. I didn't reply, because the owner of the voice was Black.

He didn't say anything further either, just ignored me and got his cereal. I would have gotten some too, but we were all out by the time Black had finished preparing his bowl. I spent an unnecessary amount of time looking at the box with a discouraged face before throwing it out. I next went into the living room where Black was, eating his cereal. Inwardly sighing, I sat down next to him, on the other side of a still sleeping scrafty. I was ready to speak when there was screaming outside the door. At first, I was alarmed as I whipped my head to the door.

"Cheren CHEREN I know you're in there!" Came the screaming of a woman.

"Sounds like Bianca." Black said, sounding thoroughly surprised as he opened the door. At once she stumbled in, along with White. Both were flushed red, wearing dresses and had no balance whatsoever. White fell over the rim of the couch, falling on mine and DJ Fresh's lap, who woke at once. Bianca grabbed onto Black dramatically, shouting in his face.

"Mr. Bisharp where is Cheren? I know he lives in this castle!" She slurred, gripping his clothing for a moment before stumbling towards a shocked looking Cheren standing in the hallway.

"Chereeeennnnn!~ You're safe." She chirped. "That's good… Now you must come with me! The bushes outside are trying to rape you!" Bianca cried, dragging him back out of the apartment.

"W-what?" Cheren didn't have time to question anything as he was pulled away. Black watched them go down the hallway before shooting me a concerned look.

"Is White over there?" He asked hesitantly. I nodded, looking down at the women who was curled up on my and a very irritated scrafty's lap.

Black frowned with concern at White, but pushed her off my lap and onto the ground where she moaned into consciousness again. "My head." She muttered with a slurred voice.

"White?" I asked, poking her body, then squeaked and pulled away when she tried to bite my finger.

"She appears to be extremely drunk." Black cocked a brow, "Must have been a hell of a party."

"Who you callin' drunk… You… Drunk." White hiccuped, giving both of us a pouting stare.

I turned to Black curiously, "What do we do?"

"Get her to the bathroom before she covers the living room with vomit." He replied, coming around to help her off the ground.

"Pfffttt, I don't _vomit. _That shit is gross." She hissed, pulling away unsteadily.

"Black she's acting like you did that one night." I observed.

"Yeah she's drunk as fuck." Black sighed.

"Speaking of fucking. Have you and N _done it_ yet." Upon her question, Black's face turned scarlet. I wasn't sure what she was referring to, but Black certainly did.

"White, shut up." Black snorted, pushing her onto the couch, "Just, sober up. I don't want a puking White laying around on my weekend off."

"Black, you're so mean." White whined, shooting him a glare, "You should… be fucking N on your day off. Don't worry about me, I'll watch." She chirped.

"Black, what's White talking about?" I asked the man who was blushing furiously again.

"Don't listen to her shit," Black waved his hand, "She's as drunk as fuck right now."

"I do not understand half the things that come out of her mouth. Should I?" I frowned, getting tired of being left in the dark.

"You really, really shouldn't." He sighed, running his fingers through her hair, "It's too early for this, I'm going to bed. Looks like she agrees." Black commented, staring at White who had somehow miraculously fallen asleep within seconds.

When Black left, I sighed once again. I had been doing it a lot today. A few minutes later, I was seated a foot away from the TV watching shows that I usually watched when I could. There were shows in other languages, and they spoke painfully fast. I was starting to pick up on some of the words, even if I didn't know their meaning. I understood the basic plot.

"No! Can't you see he's hiding that other woman he loves in the closet?" I found myself shouting at the screen, watching the women prance around with a man that was clearly lying to her. "No, no, no do not kiss him he is a bad man!" I shouted, wishing the women in the TV would hear me so they wouldn't make such a mistake.

Hours ticked by, and I guess my constant shouting woke White up because she began questioning where she was.

"You are at Black's house!" I replied, not looking away from the TV.

"The hell… Last I remember I was at a party." She muttered, "Uck, I don't feel well."

"Black did not feel good either after he got 'drunk'." I commented, eyes still unmoving from the screen.

"Fucking hangovers." White groaned as she walked across the room and stood next to me, "N why are you watching Spanish soap operas? Can you even understand them?"

"Not at all." I replied bluntly. "But they distract me so it is fine- NO I said not to kiss him!" I cried at the screen, then flailed when the show ended on that.

"Why would you need distracting?" She asked with a yawn. With my show over, I followed her to the kitchen where she was obliging herself to some water.

I shrugged.

She chugged the cup of water, "Ah much better. Is it Black again?"

White never gave me a reason to not trust her, so I nodded after a moment.

She smiled, "I wish I could help, but right now it feels like my head is being cracked open."

I nodded again, "It is fine, and it is not your problem anyway."

"It doesn't have to be my problem for me to help." She retorted, and then rubbed her head painfully. "I'm going to go home... Maybe I'll find Bianca on the way."

"Bye, White."

"See you, N. Oh and let me give you a bit of advice about Black. Hes a guy, and like most guys his 'manly pride' gets in the way. He can't voice his feelings whatsoever." She sighed with a head shake, "I'm sure whatever problems you two have will be resolved if you just understand that- and SHIT my head."

I nodded at her words of wisdom, "Thank you White. That actually helps a bit…"

"Of course it helps. A girl's advice always helps. Sometimes. Maybe. Better then a man's advice."

I cocked a brow, "I hope you feel better soon, White."

"Just a hangover… Anyway, see you N." she held her arms out and gave me a hug. I flinched away, but like usual she was oblivious to it.

"White… What are you still doing here?" I heard the familiar voice of Black, who was standing in the hallway. He was staring at us suspiciously.

"Oh, sup Black? I was just leaving actually" She groaned as she rubbed her head again, pulling away from the hug. "I have a bitch of a hangover."

"Okay… goodbye." He said. White waved, then left as she arrive; stumbling.

"What was that?" Black asked as he walked over to me.

"What was what?" I tipped my head not much different than a curious baby zorua.

He didn't reply, just shook his head and muttered, "Never mind. I'm going to take a shower, then maybe we could do something. Or you can stay home whatever." Then he disappeared into the bathroom. I was a bit confused by the coldness of his reply, but I didn't dwell on it. Not yet anyway. After I was sure he was in the shower, I went into his room and dug into his closet. I pulled out the zoroark plush he got me. Plopping onto the floor, I gave it a squeeze. I often did these days. It was so soft, much like the feel of a real pokemon. But sometimes I wish the plush I held was a real being, like Black. It was such a simple wish, but nonetheless still one. And I wished it were true.

* * *

**I was halfway through this chapter when I just... stopped. I had no idea what to do.**  
**..So someone suggested a drunk Bianca protecting Cheren from the bushes that was to rape him, and N watching Spanish soap aprahs.**


	49. Chapter 49

"… This is your fault."

"How is it my fault your pokemon need exercise?"

"Because he could have just flown a lap or two around the apartment complex!"

"He needs more than that, Black. He lived in another time period, he is not used to being cooped up as much is he is."

The reply was my rude snort. Currently, I was possibly in the strangest position in my life, sandwiched between a wall and a dripping wet Simon. And where I sat was even worse: a tub filled with a soup of mud, sand and feathers. I think even pebbles, because I felt something small and sharp digging in my ass. Simon cawed, flapping his feathers, causing the water to spray on both N and I. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the edge of the tub and helping to wash the archeops that was _covered_ in mud. The brownish black slime covered his otherwise array of colorful feathers that normally shined from careful cleansing and upkeep.

But alas it wasn't clean now. It was coated with disgusting wet slime, sand and even some pebbles. This wouldn't have happened originally, but N insisted on taking the pokemon out for exercise. Once at the park, there were some challengers. With N's approval, I decided to give 'em a battle. Apparently I still had it because I wasn't beaten at all, that is until Simon's second battle. He barely broke a sweat from his last battle, but Simon had a habit of giving up splat in the middle of battle. While he was fighting a stoutland, he was poised to win when he got a nasty crunch attack right on his wing.

Then he just gave up then and there and left the battle field, and decided to amuse himself instead with the puddles of mud that had formed from the morning downpour. It took all of my strength to finally haul him out. N refused letting me use my pokeball, but at least he helped pull the archeops from the sticky puddle of watery mud. Now, I had to take the liberty of cleaning his feathers, which was no easy task. He constantly splashed water in my face, and then licked it off much like a lilipup puppy. I think N was getting much amusement from this though, I could see it in the simple upward twitch of his mouth when he watched me attempt to clean the mud from the scaley skin of Simon's face.

"Simon, will you hold still?" I hissed.

"Arrrhhhh!" Was the reply, then another splash that went waves of water not only in my face, but onto the floor.

"N what did he say?"

"Nothing. He just rawred." He shrugged.

"Ugh..." I would have left it then, but Simon was sitting on one of my legs in the water, hell if I knew when that happened.

"Come on, Black. How would you like to be covered in mud and unable to watch yourself?" N reasoned.

"I wouldn't have rolled around in mud like a pignite in the first place." I muttered, and Simon screeched indignantly, flailing his tail and wings once again to drench me in water. I spit the stuff that got in my mouth, "Gross- shit. N, where's the pokemon shampoo I picked up?"

N dug in the grocery bag I picked up on the way home. He pulled out the bottle, which had a happy, bubbly looking whimsicott on the front. I drenched Simon in it, getting equally as much on myself in the process of his flailing.

Next I began rubbing the stuff into his feathers, along with N's help. He seemed completely at ease, and was even _enjoying_ the whole thing. He looked content, although there was no smile on his face.

"Alright, let's shower him down." I muttered after a few minutes, but N shook his head.

"You have to get in between his feathers. Black, look at all the spots you left." He frowned with disapproval, "You have to do it like this." He demonstrated in a slow motion version of what he'd been doing; digging his fingers in between the soft feathers until they were sticking up with white bubbles.

I groaned, but reluctantly did so, running my fingers through Simon's feathers.

"No, Black, that's too careless." N said, and I glowered at him, honestly, this wasn't rocket science. "Like this, let me show you." He rested his hands on mine, palms soft from water and bubbles as he directed my hand across the dense feathers of Simon's back. This was the first physical contact I'd had with N in many days, and my body reacted with goose bumps.

"Black? Are you paying attention?" N asked. I jolted back to reality, pulling myself from staring intently at where his hand was touching mine. There I went again, acting like a love-struck schoolgirl.

"Yeah, I get it, not a big deal-" I broke off when I saw something I hadn't seen in a long time. N's face reflected the smallest of smiles, and his eyes were lit with laughter.

"..W-what are you looking at?"

"Black you have bubbles all over your face. It looks funny." N replied innocently.

"Pddrrrrrrawwww!" Simon cawed, splashing at the water and letting a bird-screech like laughter as he looked at my face.

"H-huh?" I shook my face furiously, then tried to wipe it off with my _bubble covered hand._ N broke into a small snicker- apparently I just made it worse.

"Yeah well…" I gathered up a giant puff of bubbles that were residing on the top of the water and pointly blew it onto N's face. He sneezed in response, crossing his eyes to see the bubbles on his face. I snickered at his face; it was childish but I couldn't help but laugh. N was trying to get the bubbles off his face, his lips upwards in a smile.

"Rrrrawwww! PRRR." Simon crowed, both his wings forcefully splashing the water, coating us both with suds and mud water. He looked rather proud of himself as we both were covered with soap. Simon let out his bird-screech like laughter again, I joined in despite myself. Even N let out a chuckle, which again surprised me.

"Alright, Simon." I emphasized his name as I shook the bubbles from my face and hair, "You think it's so funny, it's about time you were cleaned up as well. Come N, help me."

Both N and I were promptly soaked at Simon's splashing, but we managed to coat him in a thick layer of suds. Once he was covered completely in a dirty-looking white layer of bubbles, I managed to pull myself out of the tub, falling over the side and onto the floor in a wet heap. I got another chuckle from N when I finally managed to pull myself up, soaked through to the skin. My response was a thorough shake of my head, raining him with droplets from my hair before I turned on the shower. Bad Idea. Simon cawed in alarm at the sudden spray of water and tried to fly out of the tub, sending waves of water onto the floor again. But once we calmed him down, he stood cooperatively in the shower until his feathers were shining like they once were.

We attempted to dry him, but he quickly grew bored and flew away from the towels were dried him with and straight out of the bathroom, no doubt covering the house in droplets of water. But I paid no mind; instead I just leaned back against the side of the tub in exhaustion.

"That was not so hard, was it Black?" N asked, leaning against the tub as well.

"No, not hard at all." My voice was thick with sarcasm, but I didn't think N picked it up.

"Taking care of your pokemon is important, Black." N went on in a more serious tone.

I nodded, "Yeah, yeah I know."

"..But you also need to take care of yourself." I heard N say, and I glanced over in surprise. What did he mean by that?

"I do take care of myself." I replied, cocking an eyebrow.

N sighed deeply, putting his head back. "You have been acting strangely lately." He pointed out.

"Eh…? No, I'm pretty sure it's you that has been acting freaking weird." I narrowed my eyes slightly as I looked at him.

"Huh? No I have no. I have been acting as I always do." N sounded genuinely sincere.

"No you haven't! You've been as quiet as shit, and you act so cold to me it's like being in the fucking mountains in the dead of winter."

"B-but what about you? You do not eat as much as you used to. You do not finish you meals. Cheren told me you may lose that job thing of yours. And you have not said a word to me all week!" He ended in a pitiful wail.

Despite feeling pity, I was fired up. I had to bite my own tongue to keep me from yelling. "I've been eating just fine, and so what if I got yelled at a few times by my boss? You're back to your nightmares!" I accused with a point.

"O-only because-" He broke away, and for a minute looked lost. "I-I, Black, that is not fair! All I said was for you to take care of yourself. Now you are yelling at me!" N struggled up, leaning against the wall for support as he attempted to glare at me- and failing horribly.

"I haven't been acting weird though, what are you talking about?" I stood up as well, glaring at him with full force.

"Ever since I asked if you loved me you have been… N-never mind. Black, sorry." Without giving me an opportunity to reply he shuffled out of the bathroom. I didn't follow him, though I wish I would have. My legs refused to move.

"God fucking damn it, when did my life become so difficult?" Oh yeah, the day I met N in Accumula town so many years ago. Somehow then my life was turned upside down as I required feelings for the man. How I don't even know! He was so strange and childish and a trouble to deal with… But he was also kind and innocent and not like the rest of today's human population. I randomly struck the wall next to me with a fist, and then recoiled with a wince. I had to find a way to make it up to N, this was all ridiculous. I wanted to help him, but I couldn't do it alone. He winced at what he thought next.

It was time to turn to White and Bianca. Again.

* * *

FFFF ARCHEOPS IN THE ANIME WAS SO KYUTT- Especially Archen. He- she- totally humped Dent's face. xD 333 After watching the episode, I was inspired to write this... sort of filler chapter. That and.. washing my cat.

I tried not to make sexual implications in this chapter But somehow they wriggled in... I think, or maybe that's just my sexual mind dohohoho.


	50. Chapter 50

Why I was doing this I didn't even know. Here I stood, preparing possibly the corniest thing I had ever done. But, it was what White and Bianca told me to do. So, I did it.

My earlier conversation with them was humiliating: one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I told them about the crumbling relationship between N and me these last few weeks. By the end of it, I was facepalming. Just listening to myself was pathetic. I could have facepalm'd even more at what they told me to do next. They told me quite plainly to apologize to N, because apparently it was _entirely my _fault. Nope, not at all N's fault. Next, they told me I had to first make a romantic dinner and eat it with N before apologizing. I had to have a romantic atmosphere as I told him I was sorry. It was so corny sounding, but if it would help N then I was at least willing.

Despite my terrible cooking, what I was making now was pretty easy- even I couldn't' screw it up. It was pretty generic; spaghetti with meatballs. While N was showering- not knowing what I was doing- I prepared the dinner, trying not to overcook the noodles nor undercook the meat.

"Shit!" I spat, flailing a finger that was spattered with hot tomato sauce. Cooking was _not_ my thing. It would be better when this was over, and –hopefully- our relationship would be mended. A well made meal, a private dinner where we could finally discuss this whole thing without distractions.

_Tap._

I glanced up and around the kitchen, pausing from my cooking to listen. After a moment I shrugged and went back to the noodles.

_Tap. _

"Damn it, Simon, go back to my room and stay there." I sighed. I specifically told my pokemon to stay in my room for the night.

_Tap._

I abandoned the noodles and went out into the living room, "Simon I told you-" I started, but then I realized I was alone. I cocked a brow, walking over to the sliding glass door and opening it. Nothing. Shrugging, I went back into the kitchen to strain the noodles. By now the shower stopped, so all was silent.

_Knock. _I looked over at the door with a frown, then trotted over, growing with annoyance. I whipped the door open, ready to confront the person. But there was no one there. I looked down the corridor. Empty. "I must be losing it, as if I hadn't already." I muttered, shutting the door and going back to the kitchen. "Damn kids…"

_Knock._ "Okay this time I have you!" I darted back to the door and swung it open. And again, nobody. I raced to the sliding door, opening it. All was still on the deck; I could plainly see the emptiness in the gathering darkness of late dusk. Shutting the door with more force then necessary, I went back into the kitchen, almost running into N who was walking out of the hallway, a damp towel on his head still.

"Hello, Black." He said, rubbing the towel through his hair. "Smells good in here."

"Yeah. Trying to get dinner done, but I keep hearing things." I grunted.

_Knock. _"This apartment is old, probably just creaking, or maybe pokemon running around on the roof." I muttered, heading into the kitchen once again.

"…I suppose." N dropped the towel onto the couch, then followed me into the kitchen. "Why are you making supper?"

**_Crash! _**I was startled by the loud sound that echoed throughout the entire apartment. It sounded like something large breaking; something that was made out of glass. Without hesitation I rushed past N into the living room, then gaped at what I saw. The sliding glass door that lead out to the deck was completely shattered to pieces, covering the ground in a pile of broken shards. I stared for a moment before managing to say a thing.

"What the fuck is this?" I chocked out, moving towards the door, "N, alert my pokemon. I don't know what's going on… its best if they were here." I told him, inching towards the gaping hole. Next thing I knew, I saw a blur come out from the darkness of the night. I stumbled backwards, my unbalance allowing me to narrowly miss the leg that swung out from the blur.

The person landed on the ground perfectly balanced despite having his attack dodged. Standing there was a tall man only have dressed in tight black. His hair was a generic gray, flopping over half his face and his eyes shone a bright almost unrealistic green. A moment later, he was joined by two exact copies of him on either side, only eyes different colors, One, an inhumanly firey red. The other was a piercing cold blue color.

My blood ran to ice when I recognized then. They were the Shadow Triad, and I realized with shock that N wasn't imagining it this whole time. They really… really were here: All the stuff that N tried to tell me, and I didn't believe him. I just… brushed it off. But no, it wasn't time to think about that. Though I was struggling to comprehend what just happened: there was a hole in my fucking apartment and a trio of gay looking ninja's stood in front of me.

"Hello, Black, surprised to see us?" The first one said, holding out his arms nonchalantly, "Well you shouldn't be. I hear N had been telling you otherwise all this time. Maybe you should have more faith in your boyfriend, huh?"

"The… the hell... Would you know that? And what the fuck are you doing here?" I took a step back, convinced I was still asleep and having some fucked up dream.

"That is none of your concern. Anyway, you're coming with us. So this time when I try and knock you out, don't dodge." He snapped in a cruel voice, then darted forward, rushing at me at inhuman speed with a fist out. When it was only inches away, it was promptly stopped by DJ Fresh's hand, and then shoved away. He had appeared by my side; along with Vincent, Smugleaf, Simon, Squishy and a very scared looking N. Though I didn't have time to soothe him with words, I was attempting to get over my shock.

"Shit, I was hoping to do this without dealing with your pokemon." The green eyed ninja muttered, pulling a fist away and retreating quickly. "But, good thing we planned ahead."

Each one of them pulled out a pokeball, throwing them and releasing their pokemon into battle. Landing on the ground was a simisage, simipour and simisear. Each one of the element monkeys looked ready for battle as they crouched into attacking stances, eyes looking determined and confident sneers on their faces.

"I suppose this means a rematch, huh Black?" One of the Shadow Triad members asked. "Don't worry, this won't last long. N, you'll be reunited with your father in not time."

"N-N-not father!" N squeaked. I looked down at him, and by now he was holding onto Squishy to stay up right. His face was drained of color, his eyes wide with terror as the bane of his childhood was mentioned.

"This is a bunch of shit." I spat when I turned back to the Shadow Triad.

The simipour launched forward, racing directly at Simon. "Hone Claw, then Fury Swipes." The one with piercing blue eyes took a step forward and pointed for his pokemon to attack. The simipour grinned, slashing unseen claws with each other before launching them at the archeops.

"Tch, normal type attacks against a rock type." I muttered, but I was surprised when Simon screeched at the contact of the sharp claws, falling to the ground with a rain of slashes. He struggled on the ground, being cut by honed claws.

"Simon! Crunch!" It took me a moment to comprehend what battle moves Simon had, I was still trying to convince myself this wasn't a dream.

The archeops managed to sink his teeth into simipour's blue fur, clawing with back legs as he pushed the monkey-like pokemon off. Bundles of blue fur were pulled out as the monkey struggled away.

"End that useless bird with Scold." The simipour appeared unaffected by Simon's atack as it was commanded again. It opened its mouth, letting out a steaming jet stream of water straight at Simon, who cawed in pain as the water type move connected with him. He ended up a heap on the ground, freshly cleaned feathers ruffled with battle, fresh slash marks oozing blood.

…This scene was familiar.

"That was as easy as the first time. Your bird isn't very smart." Sighed the member with blue eyes.

"You…You're the one that-" I recalled then what happened on New Year's several months ago when I fold Simon in the alley, covered in hot water and fresh blood.

"Yes. While you and N were… doing whatever the hell you were," he took a moment to shudder, "I was watching. Your bird must have smelled me with the wind change, because he came at me full force. But he's not very strong… Simipour took it down easy."

"Enough rambling. We need to take them back to Ghetsis." The green eyed one snapped, cutting off the other ninjas' explanation.

"I'm next! Pick meeeeee!~~" The one with firey eyes who was quiet till now spoke up. I narrowed my eyes at him as I crouched next to Simon. His voice was hauntingly familiar.

"Let's go simisear! Flame Burst on that serperior!" He spun dramatically, pointing at the snake-like pokemon.

"Smugleaf, dodge it, then Dragon Tail!" My shock was dissipating as my inner Trainer took over. I was still conscious of N who was now clinging to me like I was a lifeline. Smugleaf obliged, barely dodging the fire that exploded and caught the walls and floor on fire. An apartment was not the ideal place for a battle. The serperior whipped its tail, swinging it while it released a purpleish aura often seen when a pokemon used a dragon type move. It hit the simisear in the gut and it was sent flying across the room. But it spun in the air, and kicked off the wall with its feet, launching itself across the room back at Smugleaf, seeming unaffected.

"Aerial Ace!" Came the trainers chirp as simisear disappeared for the attack.

"You too, Smugleaf." The grass-type shot forward, then disappeared to a blurand they became visible seconds later, colliding into each other with the attack. Smugleaf let out a hiss like noise as he fell to the side, coiling up in pain. He took a brutal amount of damage. Simisear was dancing on the couch, letting out a monkey like laugh at the fallen serperior.

"Simisear you're so awesome~" The ninja cooed his pokemon.

"This is pathetic. Simisage, take them down. You two, command your pokemon to do the same. It's time we ended this." The green eyed one was rather cruel as the other two obeyed, sending their pokemon back into battle. My three remaining pokemon met them in battle, and the living room was alive with individual fights. In the chaos, I couldn't see where the Shadow triad was, so I crouched next to N.

"T-T-They… t-they came for me." N cried, trembling wildly, falling into my arms. "W-why…? Didn't daddy do enough…? I have been punished enough for my stupidity… Right?"

"I… I don't know why they came." My throat was dry as I helped N to his feet, "We need to get out of here." My voice was brisk as I helped him down the hall into my room, away from the fighting. We were painfully exposed here, but I rushed over to my dresser, plucking a long untouched pokeball off the top, "I know you don't like him, N. But we need to get away from here fast, which means flying. Simon's out of commission, and I have no idea where Zekrom is."

I grabbed him again, roughly pulling him back to the chaos of battling. Simisage was fighting Vincent the chandelure, while simisear scrapped with DJ Fresh. Squishy was sending simipour flying with a Physic attack. N was surprisingly easy to drag around as I pulled him to the hole in the wall, throwing my pokeball. Out came the pokemon N had refused me to let out all this time, Gaycheese the hydreigon. It rawred as it was let out finally, flapping large dragonic wings and snarling widely. The three headed pokemon looked around, dark black eyes gleaming with excitement.

"We need to get out of here, now." I told the dragon type pokemon.

"I… Don't think so." I felt an arm around my body, and a whispering voice. "Does this smell like chloroform?" Some napkin was slammed against my nose. I struggled widely, but I had already taken a deep inhale of the sweet-ish scent, and within moments I began feeling the world around me fade. I heard the hydreigon snarling widely as I was slowly losing control of my legs as I began collapsing.

"Alright, use a gas bomb to put his pokemon asleep already; I don't want any of them following us. And put N to sleep as well, and fuck take care of that dragon…!" Came the ninja's voice as he dropped my numbed body to the ground. The last thing I heard was N screaming my name, telling me to get up.

But I couldn't, I was unable to use my body. It was completely numb. I watched the faded scene of N receiving the same treatment as I did before I was finally knocked out into blackness.

**The end.**

* * *

Not really. You think I'm that mean?~ Anyway, might be a few days until I update.

Excuse mistakes, this was couldn't be edited.;; I did my best to self-edit though.

I love Yandere!Dent/Cilan 3 (If you haven't figured out Straiton Trio = Shadow Triad is in this story, there's something wrong;; ovo)


	51. Chapter 51

Waking up was a slow and painful process. All I could feel was the frozen ground beneath me and my head that throbbed like a bitch. I couldn't even manage to peel open my eyes, let alone move from where I was. I didn't move from the spot I laid on until I heard a deep, very recognizable voice.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Black." It said with a silky manner.

Forgetting my throbbing head, my eyes shot open. As light flooded them, filling my head with a swirl of pain, I soon adjusted to the new light. Everything around me was made of gray stone. I couldn't see the owner of the voice right away, I had to peel my head off the stone ground and look up at a very familiar looking Ghetsis. He no longer wore the fancy snuggie-like robe he once did, but rather a much plainer white one. Messy green hair fell down in tendrils around his shoulders, and a cruel eye glared down at me, dancing with contempt. I glared back as best as I could, but my head was swirling with a numbing pain that seemed to be sapping any strength I had.

I struggled to remember what happened. _I was making dinner for N and I… then the Shadow Triad came and… Oh, shit!_ After my mind comprehended that N and I had been taken, I forced myself into a sitting position, "Where… Where am I…? And where is N?" I attempted to make my voice threatening, but it came out as a scratchy squeak.

"You mean the incompetent man-child?" Ghetsis sneered, "Why, he's right here." He said matter-of-factly as he took a side-step to reveal a lump on the ground. It was N who was lying on the ground, staring at me in desperation. His face was covered in dust, as were his clothes which were scuffed and very abused looking. N's hair was frizzy and tangely as it fell around his face onto the ground. He was in a rather awkward position, and it took me a moment to realize his hands were tied up behind his back so that he was unable to move or sit properly. Instinctively I tried to move forward to help, but I ended up falling face first onto the stone floor. My hands were tied behind my back as well, and I lay in a helpless heap now.

"Ah, Black, how do you feel? Comfortable? I hope not." Ghetsis practically said in a sing-song voice as he stepped forward, circling me much like a predator does to its prey.

"Actually no, I am quite comfy, thank you. This floor is so hard, it feels nice." I spat back sarcastically.

Ghetsis snorted, "No matter, you'll be feeling your share of discomfort soon enough."

"I can only imagine what that means." I muttered, glaring up at him, clearly remembering what N told me his own father did to him.

"I'm sure N has told you what I did to him, and before you ask or criticize: no I feel no shame for what I did. He is a useless brat who deserved to be punished." The man went on, "Much like you now need to be punished. You see, Black, you and the arrogant child over there ruined _everything._ I devoted my life to the plan, and you fucking yanked them out of my grasp," He was practically foaming at the mouth now, "In the middle of teaching N a lesson for his fucking mistake, he escaped. But, heh, I have him back now. Trust me, you will receive no fucking mercy from me. I will make you feel the pain I felt, having my entire fucking life plan, yanked away by a fucking child." By the end of his rant, he had taken a hand full of hair and picked me up to eye-level. I grit my teeth against the pain that was added to my already throbbing head. "You and N both will never, ever leave here again alive. I will get my revenge against you two gay cunts for ruining my life!"

I continued glaring defiantly as he dropped me again against the ground, my face landing painfully against the hard floor. I was picked up again, and I could feel something warm and wet dripping from my nose. No doubt it was blood. My nose was throbbing along with my head now and it was getting difficult to keep up my poker-face when in reality I wanted to scream.

"I wonder; how does N feel about all this?" Ghetsis suddenly asked silkily, throwing me to the side like a piece of trash. I landed on the ground next to the wall, which I used to prop myself up.

N looked too terrified to say anything as Ghetsis poked him with a foot, then roughly kicked him. Upon impact N rolled over and curled up in a ball, but still kept his gaze on me.

"Alright, you three, I want all of you out of this room to guard the castle. I don't want intruders." Ghetsis redirected his words to the Shadow triad, who had been crouching in the shadows of the room. I craned my head to look; it gave me a chance to actually see the room I was in. It was large, and made of mostly stone. Some old fashioned furniture laid around the room in broken, rotted pieces. The ceiling was at least 20 to 25 feet high, and had a gaping hole in the top leading to the outside world. The sky was completely covered in clouds, and it casted the entire room in a dull, gray light. That was our only way out, but it was impossible to get to from the ground without flight.

The other side of the room was casted in dark shadows, but I swear I could make out a body. Squinting, I tried to look closer, but it was difficult to concentrate on much of anything. It was an odd shape, sort of dragon-like. It appeared to be white from here… _Where have I seen that?_

And then I remembered.

"It's Reshiram!" I burst out.

Ghetsis slowly turned his head to look at me. "Yes, it is," he grunted, "She's been here since N's last visit. That poor creature doesn't have much longer. Imagine the look on N's face if she dies in front of him." His face twisted up as he laughed. It sounded more like a snarl. I felt sick to my stomach, as if I didn't before. "Hydreigon has been keeping a close eye on her." He went on, "I wonder where he went." At the same moment, there was a loud roar that rang throughout the room. Suddenly, the three-headed dragon came soaring in through the gap in the ceiling, dropping to the floor. The old dragon looked as pissed as ever. Fresh blood dripped from each mouth. Obviously it had just been feeding.

"Welcome back, Hydreigon. Look who is back." Ghetsis sneered. The dragon looked at me, then at N, then growled with pleasure, and began tromping over to N, each mouth open, and eager to eat. The man swatted his pokemon away, "No, not dinner. You can eat N when I squeeze every ounce of life from him." He snarled. The dragon snorted, then flew away, casting one last glare before disappearing out of the hole in the ceiling.

"You're… You're sick! I thought you were before…!" I finally managed to choke out, Listening to this was upsetting my stomach to the extreme, and I felt physically ill from what this man was saying.

"Your opinion means nothing." Ghetsis said simply, walking over to me with an air of importance and pushed me down to the floor, "Now onto business. It's time for a proper welcome gift." He hissed in my ear. I ended up in an awkward position on the ground. By now, I was frightened by what was going to happen next. I knew what was happening, and my fear seemed to numb my body and senses. I could see a blurry N looking at me in horror as my pants were brought to my knees. I could feel the cold against my upper legs. My torso was pressed against the ground, my ass in the air. What was going through my mind at the moment: _What the hell did I get into? I'm about to be raped! By boyfriend's father! Fuck that sounds weird. What's worse, N is watching! How the fuck am I going to get out of this one? Oh wait, I can't! My very life is hanging in the balance... The rest of my life is going to be… _

I couldn't do much thinking anymore as my virginity was ripped away from me. What I was feeling was so alienistic, but N had to go through it throughout his entire childhood. It was without a doubt the most painful thing I experienced in my life. The feeling of being stretched to the limit then penetrated by force and in such a manner. The sounds of pain escaped me, only feeding the monster.

"Your whining is like music to my ears, Black. You're more vocal then N, which pleases me." He growled deeply. I felt teeth in my neck, on my shoulder. He was _marking_ my body as he violated it. I grit my teeth to avoid a groan of agony. But it was of no avail, I could feel the fresh tears streaming from my eyes. I managed to glare up at Ghetsis though. Through the warm tears, I glared with all of my being. He just smiled with a sickening contempt back, unphased by my attempt at being hostile. He just kept pounding away.

I could barely hear N, who was calling out my name. Pity was in his voice, as well as horror and empathy. He understood what I was going through. That thought alone kept me strong. Knowing N had gone through this as a kid, and survived. It gave me, if only, the slightest amount of hope and strength to make it through this whole thing.

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**/whywouldyoudothatplz**

**Edited by my good friend dragon. 3 Thank youuuuu.**


	52. Chapter 52

_ This was a familiar scene: his arms in ties, laying on the ground and unable to move, watching the bane of his childhood brutally abuse his closest human friend. Hearing grunts of agony spill from Black's lips, and unable to help. Unable to do anything. Only watch it, and listen to it. It was a scene from a nightmare. Only… It wasn't a nightmare, it was very much reality._

I had awoken to the mocking voice of my father, Ghetsis. He told me what he would do to me, how much trouble I was in for escaping the first time. I couldn't really think of anything when I first heard his voice. It echoed in my ears, bringing back the memories of childhood and my brutal punishment after causing his plan to fail. I was sure the only thing that had kept me sane through his ranting was concentrating on Black's unconscious face. It seemed- if only- to slightly calm me. Though I could feel the rising panic, it threatened to spill over.

When Black finally awoken, I felt no sense of comfort, only fear. It only grew as Ghetsis encircled him, spitting insults and ranting on and on about what he would do. It took all of my strength not to show the fact I was deathly afraid. I could hear my own heart beating rapidly in chest as I watched Ghetsis spit orders to the Shadow Triad. Then… then came the part I couldn't bear: watching Black be abused in one of the most twisted ways possible.

Ghetsis only laughed, laughed and spat words at the teenager below him. I could see his tears, but he showed no weakness. He showed defiance, which I knew would never work with Ghetsis. I could only watch in my ties, watch my closest friend go through so much agony. And I was like my father said: useless. I couldn't do anything for Black. He was nearly screaming with the pain and I just sat, watching, wishing that it would all end one way or another.

When Ghetsis finished, I felt no sense of relief. Black curled up on the floor in a puddle of blood and other bodily fluids. My father just snorted, raising to his feet and carefully stepping over the heap of teenager and blood. I feared I was next as he took a fist-full of hair. My body rose from the ground as he brought me to eye-level. I was used to this, and I did my best not to show the pain as he growled at me, "Like the show? You're next. But, it's getting late. Even someone as Godly as me needs sleep." His voice was a deep snarl as he dropped me to the floor again. I couldn't catch myself, so I fell face-first into the ground. I struggled myself into a sitting position. My father was still standing there, a grin spread across his face.

"Now, we wouldn't want you to escape again huh? Black won't be able to move for a week, I made sure of that. But you'll need something stronger to keep you from moving." I felt his foot in my gut, and I was forced to floor again. What happened next was unexpected for me; I felt his foot come down on mine. He began grinding it _hard_ until there was a sickening crunch. I couldn't keep the scream of agony from my lips as I attempted to pull my foot away. It was impossible though. All I could feel of my foot now was the intense pain of having a bone cracked.

"That hurt? Good, then I know you won't try and run away again. Oh, and don't worry, you'll get your turn of _fucking_ in the morning. That broken foot will soon be the least of your problems." He said silkily. He left, but not before setting one of the Shadow Triad as a guard in the room. The guard approached us, blue eyes as emotionless as ever as he pulled out the rope he was carrying. Against the wall was an old frame of what appeared to be a bed. The Shadow Triad member dragged me, ignoring whimpers of pain and tied me to one of the bed posts. Black was subjected to the other.

"I am sorry I have to do this. But it is what Ghetsis informed me to do. He's not risking anything this time." The guard said wistfully, giving us both a last pitying look before returning to his place at the door.

"…Hhnnnn… N…?" I barely heard the rasping voice of Black. I glanced over at him lazily. He was curled up on the ground again, but managed to pull his pants back into proper position.

"B-black?... Are you okay?" I whispered back, ignoring the throbbing leg best I could.

"I… could be better." He replied truthfully. "That isn't important though…. N, this isn't some fucked up dream, is it?"

"….I wish it was." I replied quietly, sinking to the floor and leaning against the post that I was restrained to. Black struggled into a sitting position, wincing before attempting to edge himself closer to me. He didn't get very far, though. The rope kept him from doing so.

"Black…? Will we ever make it out of here?" My voice shook as I asked. I knew the answer myself, though.

"I... I don't know. I don't know if I can even take more of this. How… how did you get through it?"

I winced at the question, "I had my pokemon friends. Zorua, Darmanitan, Woobat…."

"What about last time? You said Ghetsis took away your pokemon." Black coughed out.

I thought it about it for a moment, I didn't quite remember on spot, "I… I remembered you. Originally I would have given up hope when my father caught me after I ruined his plan. But... I remembered how strong you always seemed when I was journeying-" I broke off when I attempted to move my foot. Bad idea. I squeaked with the pain.

"I wish my supposed strength you speak of would help us now." Black told me, then he glanced down at my foot, "Did he break it…? I couldn't really see or anything…"

I nodded rather slowly, "He stepped on it… to keep me from moving…" I looked up wistfully, staring across the room. In the farthest corner was Reshiram. I could hear her wheezing every so often. Sometimes, she would say _"It hurts…"_

Black watched me closely, then followed my gaze. "Is Reshiram okay?"

"…She's hurt badly, Black. I wish I could have saved her when I escaped last time… But I w-was unable. And now look at her…"

"I'm sure she understands, N…"

"…It matters not, she is still harmed. And it is my doing…" I shook my head, I longed to be able to go to her and tell her words of comfort. She had been through so much.

I heard shuffling; Black was trying to break free of his ties to the bed post. It was futile though, the rope was tied well. This didn't stop him though, he grunted with effort of trying to break free of the post. At the same time, his face was twisted with pain. I sighed, long and slow, bringing one of my knees to my chest. I was unable to move the other, for fear of my injured foot. I leaned against the single knee. All of this was futile, it would be impossible to escape this time. We were faced with the fate of torture… Forever. The sheer thought was beginning to make me tremble. All I could ask was why? I had enough punishment from being a failure… Right? I ruined my father's plans, but hadn't I felt enough agony? And why bring Black into it? I longed to ask Ghetsis why, but I knew the answer. _"You're an incompetent boy who knows nothing of the world. Who the hell would miss you if you were gone?" _I could hear his voice snarling in my head. It only made my trembling more violent. We were stuck here forever! To suffer the fate of being tortured until there was nothing left of our bodies! _No, no, no, I can't do it…!_

"N..? N!" Black said my name. I couldn't hear it though. All I could hear was Ghetsis' voice, and the rapid beating of my frightened heart. _Make it stop. Make it __stop._

"What are you doing over here? I don't see any fucking rule breaking!" I heard Black's voice again, and I managed to slowly turn my head to see. The guard crouched next to us, blue eyes watching Black closely. Black was glaring back best he could, spitting another insult. The guard ignored it as he shuffled forward, untying Black from the bed post. His hands were still tied, but he was free to move now.

"…If Ghetsis wonders, you managed to squirm loose. I had nothing to do with it." The ninja said.

"Wait… what?" Black narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You can barely move. He can barely move. I do not see why you have to be tied up. I do not share the same lust to see suffering as my brothers, or my master." The ninja said solemnly. "This is between us only." He disappeared at an inhuman speed, appearing at the door to guard it once more.

Black didn't hesitate to shuffle the rest of the way over to me, sitting next to my shaking body and leaning against my shoulder. Now that he was closer, I could see him clearer. His face was covered in dust, and his clothes were scuffled and torn in places. I could see a bite mark on the side of his neck. No to mention the fact he was spattered with blood and other bodily fluids. Despite his messy abused look the contact he made with me slowed the trembling to a stop, but it didn't stop my intense fear that was manifesting itself as tears slowly beginning to stream down my cheeks. I could feel the liquid seeping from my eyes.

"It'll be okay, N. As long as we believe that." Black sighed. I doubted he believed his own words, judging by his tone.

"…I will try Black." I murmured. I turned my head and dug my face into his hair to hide the tears. This would most likely be the last night we would spend together. That thought alone didn't help the crying. Black attempted to mutter words of comfort, but I could barely hear them. My mind was so deep in despair. The only thing still keeping me sane was without a doubt Black.

* * *

**Black's anus was not prepared /whywouldffffplz  
**

**Cress was always my least favorite of the brothers, but look how nice he is! ;A; How'd that happen...?**

**This chapter was sort of a rush job, then rush self-edited. Sorry if there are more mistakes than usual in this chapter;;;;;;;**

**I was pretty happy though. Today I found the fanfiction archive on the Isshushipping blog on tumblr, and my fic was on there! BD I did a little dance in my computer chair and stuff when I saw it. I'm glad you guys are liking this story, and I thank my readers for, er, reading I guess. 3**

**Long A/N is long.**


	53. Chapter 53

As night ticked on and morning only hours away, neither of us got any sleep. For hours, we just leaned against one another in deep thought, rarely sharing words. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. What was worse, is I was beginning to not blame Ghetsis, but blame N. He had dragged me into this hell-hole. I mentally slapped myself the instant I thought that. But the dark thought kept crawling its way back, whispering in my ear that this was N's fault, he should be blamed and punished. _He dragged you into this, and now look at you, you can't even sit without feeling a throbbing pain in your ass. Spending the rest of your days sucking Ghetsis' mega cock, because of N. _The voice whispered. I furiously shook my head in a vain attempt to shake the voice out. But it didn't work; it just kept coming back and filling my mind with dark thoughts.

N would let out the occasional whimper, and began crying again. My hair became his tissue, not that I cared. Sometimes, Ghetsis' Hydreigon would come back; flying through the hole in the ceiling and making sure no one was trying to escape in any way. He would check Reshiram as well, and growl at her in his language. N visibly flinched at what the dragon said, and I pondered what they were saying. The dragon would retreat again after growing bored, and all would go back to silence.

In the morning, Ghetsis didn't show up right away. I was thankful for that, but it wasn't long until he returned. I could feel my own fear rise up like bile.

"Hungry boys?" He asked, holding a plate of what looked like to be delicious food. Truth be told, I was sort of hungry, I couldn't remember my last meal. I said nothing though, just glared defiantly.

"Well don't worry you'll be eating something. I wouldn't exactly call it food, and you won't get any unless you cooperate." Ghetsis growled scornfully, putting the now empty plate on the ground. "Anyway, I'm sure you two will be thrilled to hear I thought up many ways for you to suffer, to feel the pain I did. It will be glorious, really." He sneered, walking closer to us. "How's your foot, N?" he deliberately kicked it, causing N to yelp with the pain.

"And your ass, Black? Sitting on this floor cannot possibly be comfortable." His voice was thick with mockery. My glare never faltered.

After a few minutes of staring, Ghetsis frowned, then pointed at a nearby Shadow Triad member who had followed him into the room. "Get pegs, stick them in the wall, and then tie these two to them. They look too comfortable." He barked the order, and the ninja disappeared. The disgruntled man looked back at us, "Enjoy your last minutes of comfort."

It was impossible to enjoy anything at the moment, but the discomfort got worse. The ninja came back with the pegs, mumbling about how this was a grunts job if there were any left. He banged them into the old stone walls, five feet away from each other and about five feet off the ground. Ghetsis watched with a smile on his face. "I don't want you two to have the comfort of each other while I'm not here, right?"

As I was being tied back up on the pegs, I spat at him, "Oh yes, because being in the presence of N is oh-so reassuring." Sleep deprivation, hunger, the throbbing pain in my ass and the voice caused me to shoot insults at N. I didn't really mean it though. At least I'd like to hope I didn't.

N flinched at my words, and then began whimpering as he was roughly dragged to his peg and tied securely. Once both of us were tied, I kept glaring at Ghetsis, who was taking much amusement in this whole thing. Hydreigon came down from the ceiling, brought back to the room by the sudden commotion. "Ah, my friend Hydreigon. Guess what?" Ghetsis asked, petting the head of the dragon. He snapped his jaws at the hand. "I have a toy for you." He pulled out a pokeball from his pocket, and out came a baby zorua.

"Zooo…oru?" it squeaked, obviously no more than a few weeks old. It still had fluffy down fur, and its voice was high and squeaky. It turned to Ghetsis, giving it a vague look before smiling, barking, and wagging its tail. It obviously wanted attention from it presumed was its trainer. I felt sick thinking about what was about to happen.

"No! No ZORUA DON'T BELIEVE-" Too late, Ghetsis commanded his Hydreigon to 'play' with its new toy, and the dragon launched forward. The zorua let out a squeak, whipping around and running for N. It was only feet away from the man when cruel jaws came around the zorua's small body. The final squeak echoed as the dragon threw it into the air, soaring up after it and grabbing it with all three mouths, ripping the small creature into three parts before swallowing it. Left over fur floated to the ground, while some blood spattered. A few droplets of the crimson liquid fell on N's face, which was staring at the blood covered Hydreigon in pure horror. I never heard him scream louder. He was pulling against his ties, trembling and sobbing for the baby zorua. The Hydreigon looked bored as he flew back to Ghetsis, growling curiously as if asking for another.

Ghetsis ignored his pokemon; he was taking much amusement from N's screeching and shaking. I felt terribly sick, and weighed down by the loss of such a young, innocent creature.

"Black, your reaction isn't amusing me." N's father finally said, strolling over to me and grabbing me by the chin so he could look at me in the eye. "None of your reactions are. Why can't be more like gay-boy over there?" He nodded his head towards N, who was still hysterical about the baby zorua.

I didn't reply. I refused to oblige Ghetsis with a reply. He snorted at my silence, waving at one of the ninja guards. It was a sign of some sort, because the guard left the room, coming back with gun in hand. My eyes widened as I stared at the object. A pistil of some sort, and the ninja carefully handed it to Ghetsis, who clicked off the safety, then put it to my forehead.

"Wh-what the…" My voice was an octave higher as I registered what was happening.

"I'm going to fucking blow your brains out, Black. As much as I would love to torture you, your not amusing me. You aren't as fun to mess with as N is."

"BLACK!" As if N wasn't going insane before, he was now. He struggled against his ties wildly, shouting my name and violently trying to get to me. But it was in vain, he was tied securely. "DO NOT KILL HIM! Do not, do not, do not…." His voice trailed away in a sob.

"Do you have anything to say, Black? Maybe grovel for your life? I might spare you if you suck my dick." Ghetsis reasoned.

"Fuck you." I grit out, "N this is your fault…"

"Bl-black…?"

"I wouldn't be at fucking gun-end about to die if you hadn't come back." I snarled. All I could think about was blaming N for the fact I was about to fucking die. I had been so kind to him these last few months, but I should have known it would have lead to this! As much as I wanted to blame N, I couldn't bring myself to truly hate him.

Ghetsis smirked, placing a finger on the trigger.

My mind began racing: all the stuff in life I didn't do. All the unsaid things. I would leave my friends and my mother without a final goodbye. My pokemon would have no trainer anymore. Everyone… was gone. I couldn't say goodbye to them, I was about to die. Contrary to popular belief, my life didn't flash before my eyes. The only thing before my eyes was a gun poised to shoot. I strangely didn't feel fear, I felt anger. Anger of all the undone things in the world. All that was unsaid. And the fact I ended up in this fucking situation. Why? Because of N of course!

"Good riddance." Ghetsis spat, and then squeezed the trigger. The last thing I heard was the blood curdling cry of N.

* * *

**BLACK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ;_;**


	54. Chapter 54

"Psh, you should have seen the look on your face. You act all cool but holy shit you should have seen it…!" Ghetsis burst into a cruel laughter. From out of the gun came a pop of fireworks. I had no bullet in my head, no blood, no brains splattered on the ground. Just some rainbow streamers in my hair and a burn mark I could feel in my forehead. My heart was pounding; I couldn't even breathe at this point. I was still struggling to understand what the fuck just happened. Ghetsis was laughing endlessly though, and N was leaning against the wall, looking as if he just had a heart attack.

"What a fucking pussy boy." Ghetsis went on when he saw N who was trembling wildly in his confinement, looking at me with wide, shocked eyes. I glared daggers at Ghetsis as he went on with his laugh-fest. Even his hydreigon was snickering in a way dragons would snicker.

"What… the fuck was that?" I spat, well, it shouldn't have been surprising to me though. But my voice still shook, and I was still having trouble even breathing.

"I just shot you, with a fireworks gun I bought at the dollar store." He snorted in reply. "Now N, do you happen to even be conscious anymore?

N didn't reply. He really did appear to be unconscious. Ghetsis frowned, the joke was over now. "Fucking faggot." He muttered, "I'll be back soon my puppets. Need more torture devices." He said bluntly, leaving the room again. I thanked the heavens for that as I slipped down as far as I could and leaned against the wall.

"I-It… it is my fault." N struggled to say. I barely heard him, but I listened regardless. "I…. I was just… nowhere to go…. I… It's my fault we are here. That you are here. I… I am so sorry." His voice was quiet. I finally managed to turn to him, his eyes were wide and unseeing, and he hung lazily in his ties. He looked numb at this point, void of emotion.

"N… I…" I tried to apologize, but I shook my head. I shouldn't be sorry, it was his fault. It was all his fault, this whole thing! I was nearly killed because of him! I could still hear my own heart pounding like crazy in my rib cage. If I was going to spend the rest of my life like this, I wish I had been killed on the spot, I thought to myself. As much as I wanted to keep blaming N, I couldn't bring myself to say anything out loud.

"…Ppprrddd.." I heard Reshiram lightly growl, it was the first real thing she had said since I had gotten here.

The Hydreigon, who had coughed up a bone and now was chewing on it, snapped it's head up to Reshiram, eyes blazing with black and red as it launched itself towards the white dragon, screeching wildly.

"What the-"

"Its… its saying if it has enough energy to spe-speak then it might move.." N whispered, voice edged with a tone of insanity as he looked away from what happened next. I should have too. The Hydreigon began biting and cutting fresh wounds into the legendary beast, until a fresh pool of blood formed underneath the giant white body, staining fur that was already colored brown and copper from dried blood. Once perfectly cleaned fur that glowed white, and a tail that glowed blazing orange was now dulled to a gray. The tail no longer glowed, it looked like a fire that was about to go out, just flickering the tiniest amount to cast ominous shadows. Reshiram silenced from her growling and only whimpered at the fresh wounds.

N was humming to himself loudly, swaying around in his ties, swimming in a pool of his own insanity. He was obviously attempting to block out Reshiram's pain. The two were connected in a way that made them share the pain, and understand each other to an extreme extent. Zekrom, I wish you were connected to me like that. Then maybe you could hear this. I sighed inwardly, desperately hoping that the giant black dragon could really hear it.

Finally Hydreigon stopped to endless barrage of attacks and grew bored once again. Reshiram wasn't even whimpering anymore, just lying motionless on the ground, the tiniest flutter of her chest signaled she was breathing very shallowly. Instead, the three-headed dragon floated over to us, giving curious sniffs to the both of us, occasionally snapping its jaws threateningly, then looking amused when we flinched away.

Minutes that ticked by slowly turned to hours. My arms were beginning to numb from being tied and hanging over my head. N still just hummed to himself, completely ignoring me and everything else around him. I felt mentally and physically exhausted, but sleep was far away. I couldn't even close my eyes. I began flinching at every noise. I was paranoid beyond belief; I knew now how N felt all this time. I didn't like it. My thoughts were still swimming with darkness. I was constantly blaming N, then feeling guilty afterward. I kept thinking how wonderful it would have been to die quickly at the end of a gun then have to spend who knows how long suffering here in this torture chamber. But then N would have been left alone just like he was when he was a child. It was a lose-lose situation.

The entrance of Ghetsis didn't make me lift my head. I heard his steps echo on the floor as he approached us again. "Hope I kept you waiting." His cruel voice growled.

"Keeping people waiting isn't nice, Master." Came a chirping voice as one of the Shadow Triad members followed Ghetsis in a skip.

"Shut up."

"Okay~" He took his hand and pretended to close his mouth like a zipper.

Ghetsis reached down, lifting N from where he dangling almost lifelessly from the peg. I watched carefully as Ghetsis spun his son around and roughly shoved him against the stone wall. "You have no idea how much I've wanted to mess up this fucking ass of yours, N." Ghetsis growled.

"But Master, his buttocks is so nice." The ninja said innocently, skipping over to the father and his son.

"Not for long." Ghetsis spat at the ninja. "Now go stand watch, I don't know why the hell you followed me in here anyway."

"Okay!" He sung, turning on his heel and trotting to the door, "Bye Master, N, Black~"

"Now Black, just sit there and enjoy the show." Ghetsis said silkily once the Shadow Triad member left, "I understand you two have had some sexual frustrations. I'm going to show you just how vocal N can be."

"How the hell would you know that?" I shot at him.

"The Shadow Triad has been watching you for months," He crowed, "And N knew! And you didn't believe him. No matter, that only works so my advantage. So N, how are you feeling? Ignored? Angry? Betrayed? Hmm, scared?" The man asked his son. When he got no reply he yanked at N's long hair. He squeaked, doubling over. I realized he had been balancing on one leg this whole time.

"Come on, I know you can be louder than that." Ghetsis sneered, grinding roughly against N's behind, tugging at his hair again. this time he let out a whimper.

"It gets better Black, don't worry." He told me, voice edged with mockery.

"Fuck you." I grit out, turning away. I couldn't watch this. Even if this was N's fault... I couldn't watch him be raped. Even if he did watch Ghetsis do it to me. I shuddered at the memory, wishing the disgusting thoughts would leave my mind.

"Watch, Black. Or you're next. Or maybe is it that you _do _want to be next?" Reluctantly I turned my head. He was fondling with N's belt in an attempt to take if off. I felt sick again.

N's face was twisted in dread as he prepared to receive his punishment. The look on his face… despite all that happened to me, and the fact that it was his fault, I felt guilty for saying what I did before. This whole situation was beyond fucked up. And so, feeling physically ill and having the dark thoughts of blame and anger drift in and out of my mind, I watched in horror. This… this just wasn't right, what Ghetsis was about to do to his child. He'd done if before, and felt no remorse. This wasn't natural, it was disgusting.

"You'll like it N, just as you used to." Ghetsis sneered with mockery, his hand entering N's pants. His son squirmed, letting out another dreadful, pitiful whimper. "Prepare you fucking an-"

Before he could finish, there was a massive screech coming from above the room, in the sky:

"ZZZEEEKKKKKKKKKK-RAHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

It's a bird

It's a plane

It's a tympole

It's N's ass

It's-


	55. Chapter 55

The screech echoed into the room. It was closely followed by a large black dragon appearing in the hole in the ceiling. Red eyes, scaly dark body and a tail that glowed a magnificent icy blue. Around it were streams of blue lightning, encircling its body to make it all the more menacing and powerful. It was Zekrom, the legendary black lightning pokemon that reined over Unova. The Zekrom that belonged to me.

From where I hung in my ties, I watched as the massive pokemon descended into the room from the hole in the ceiling. It didn't have very long before the giant dragon was attacked by Ghetsis' Hydreigon. The huge hydreigon was nearly as large as Zekrom, only smaller by a foot or two.

Ghetsis tore away from N, who surprisingly still had his pants on, and spat some sort of insults before shouting at his pokemon. "Finish Zekrom, Hydreigon." He said with a menacing grin as the three headed dragon bit deep into Zekrom's skin. It growled loudly with the pain from the attack.

"Zekrom!" I shouted for my pokemon as it fell to the floor, lightning crashing everywhere. The dragon stood up, shaking it's head before racing at Hydreigon, and the two clashed. Dark energy from Hydreigon was met with the blazing blue energy from Zekrom, causing massive explosions. The swirl of energy hit the walls, causing large chunks of stone to fall to the ground. The air was echoing with the raging screeches of the two well-matched dragons.

It took a moment, but my inner trainer seemed to dominate anything else. "Zekrom, use Dragon Rush!" I was roused into life again as I commanded my old pokemon.

Ghetsis cast a glare at me, "You too Hydreigon." He spat without looking. He came at me with a hand out, slamming it to my throat. Breathing became in impossible for me as I tried to gasp for air desperately, only to be met with the pressure of having strong fingers clenched around my windpipe.

"B-black!" N attempted to shout, but his voice was shakey, and he looked as if he had no energy to even shout anyway. I began to struggle desperately. I was without air, and black spots were beginning to appear in my vision. At this point all I could see was Ghetsis' menacing face, glaring at me darkly, determined to kill me. Behind him, there were lights from the battle going on between the dragons, causing shadows to cast across his face. This seemed to make him scarier. Trying to think of something, I launched my knee up to kick Ghetsis in crotch. It effectively worked, because he let out a gasp and doubled back.

"Why the hell did I not think of that before?" I grunted to myself, "Zekrom, a little help?" The giant black dragon was effectively pinning Hydreigon down, hitting it with a Dragon Rush. He sent out a flash of electricity right at the peg. It exploded from the wall, causing me to drop to my knees. It burnt the rope also, sizzling it into burst crisps, but also burnt my wrists in the process. I barely noticed. Going awhile without moving made my legs feel like jelly I realized as I tried to stand again. While Ghetsis was distracted with aching balls I darted at N. I don't know why, it was like a bodily instinct to make sure N was okay, even if I had been mad at him this whole time. I nearly keeled over from my sore butt. It still throbbed. Every time I felt the pain, the memories came back to mind. I furiously shook my head, attempting to reach for the peg.

"B-black behind you!" N grunted. Too late. I felt a hand on my shoulder as Ghetsis forced me once again against the wall.

"I should have killed you when I had to chance." Ghetsis rasped with eyes wide as he stared threatening at me, "But… I will fucking end you now." He said silkily.

"ZEEEKKKK-RAHHHHH!" Came Zekrom's screech as it came up behind Ghetsis. Its jaws went around one of his arms, pulling him away from me and across the room. He was only saved by a member of the Shadow Triad who leapt into the air and caught him, putting him safely on the ground. But he bled profusely from the wound he received.

"Zeekk…rommm…" After clawing N's peg from the wall, Zekrom walked over to Reshiram, sniffing her body and letting out small, desperate sounding growls.

"N, N? You have to get up… We need to get out of here." I was trying to speak to N, who was in his own world at the moment. He was staring around, eyes looking glassy.

"Come on… N?" I whispered, grasping his shoulders, "We need to get fucking out of here… We need to get away from _him."_

"I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that…" Came a rather familiar voice. I whipped around, glaring at a Shadow Triad ninja. He stared down with cold, green eyes, "our Master wants to get his revenge. Which he hasn't gotten yet. We will stop your overgrown charmander over there. You aren't going… anywhere." The last word was said with immense menace as he pulled out a pokeball. From out of the ball came Simisage, who landed in a fighting position. "Go get Zekrom. I don't care if it's a legendary pokemon, do it." He added as the simisage hesitated.

"Oh boy, more battles. Let's go, Simisear!" Another ninja twirled his way over to the other, letting out the fire monkey.

"God damn it, are you serious? Not enough revenge? Ghetsis fucking scarred N for life, and I was fucking raped and we were both tied to a wall without food or bathroom breaks." I rose to my feet from where I was crouched next to N. "I think he's gotten more then enough fucking revenge." I would have punched the ninja, but I was trembling on my feet from weakness.

"Enough? ENOUGH? Our master had his entire life thrown away. Everything he tried to work for, gone. You two should be tortured until dead." The green eyed ninja shot back. "Simisage, go now." The green monkey launched itself at the Zekrom, who was crouched over its counterpart Reshiram. When the monkey came near, the giant dragon whipped around, clearly pissed off. It took only one blast of lightning to effectively make Simisage faint. The simisear had second thoughts, but ran at the legendary pokemon anyway. It too, was blasted by the dragon's power.

Now lying on the ground was a Hydreigon, Simisage and Simisear all results of Zekrom's bad mood. He snorted, returning to Reshiram. He clawed the chains that kept her restrained off, then pulled her from the ground. It sickened me as I watched so much of her fur torn off. It was stuck to the blood covered ground. Zekrom let out whimper for the barely alive dragon as he pulled her on his back.

"Damn it, you won't get away!" The Shadow Triad member spat as he grabbed me roughly, pulling out a kunai from who knows where and held it to my neck, "Zekrom, put Reshiram down or Black gets it."

Alarm coursed through me, even more so when Zekrom gave us both a bored look. "Oh come on, don't you care you're trainer is gonna die?" I protested.

"Black!" N howled. He still wasn't moving, except for the light trembling.

"Cilan, no!" The ninja who was quiet until now finally spoke up. His voice shook a bit; he obviously wasn't used to speaking out.

"C-Cilan?" I squeaked in surprise. _Wait… Cilan as in the Straiton City gym leader? Wait… That means…_

"Cress, shut up, we aren't supposed to reveal our identities to anyone!" Cilan spat at his brother. I felt the cold edge of the blade press closer to my skin.

"Cilan, just let Black and N go already." Cress took a step forward, glaring with icy blue eyes.

"Y-you dare go against our Master's wishes?" Cilan narrowed his eyes dangerously. I could see them sparkle with annoyance.

"I dunno dear brother, this all seems so mean. I mean, I really like Black. He's nice, and he has a good ass." The other Shadow Triad member who I'd guessed by now was Chili complained.

"This… is fucking ridiculous…" All of us were silenced by Ghetsis' growl. He rose off the ground, slightly bent over. He glared up from a shadowy face, "Cilan, kill the boy already. Then kill your brothers for betraying me. Hydreigon, be useful and slaughter Zekrom and Reshiram. Why are you all so useless?** YOU'RE NO BETTER THEN N!"** he rang out, spitting furiously. "Get a fucking move on…!"

I felt the blade go into my skin, but Cress was fast. He knocked Cilan's hand. The weapon went flying across the room as Cress punched Cilan in the face, "I'm... so sorry brother, but this… this is too much." He said in his ever quiet voice. "I know Master saved us all those years ago but… That doesn't mean we should keep killing people for him…!"

"TRAITOR!" Cilan snarled back.

"ZEEEKKKKKKK-RAHHHH!" Zekrom screeched once again. He slowly lifted his body off the ground by slapping great wings. His tail began rotating and glowing profusely before his body was cloaked in a bright blue thunder-like energy. Then, every-thing erupted in explosions. I even felt part of my body blaze with burns. It was a Fusion Bolt, and it completely ravaged everything. I felt the ground shaking beneath me. Every thing was a blinding bright color, I was unable to see, but despite this I felt around until I felt N's hand. Without hesitation I yanked him from the ground.

"N, you realize where we are?"

"I.. I.." I heard N's confused reply. He was obviously still in his own world.

"We're in the castle. That means there's a fucking cavern below us where the castle used to be. At least, that's where I think it was, since it rose from the damn ground."

"Y-yeah…" N confirmed.

"We need to get out of here before we all fucking fall into it." I dragged him along as the blind light from the powerful attack faded away, revealing the damage it caused. Most of the room's floor had been blasted away, and some chunks in the wall, revealing other rooms that were ravaged. The holy in ceiling was becoming bigger as stones began falling from the tremors of the entire castle beginning to fall. The powerful Fusion Bolt was causing the whole castle to tremble and collapse within itself. The walls were crumbling away at an alarming rate, as was bits of the floor. I narrowly dodged a stone the size of my torso. "N, snap out of it this isn't the time to be fucking daydreaming!" I shouted at him. He only looked back with a strange look. A few moments he shook his head, eyes looking clearer. He nodded shakily, standing up on one leg, awkwardly holding out the other –broken- one. I wasn't sure where Cilan, Cress or Chili went. I felt sick thinking that they had fallen into the chaos of the collapsing castle along with the three pokemon that had fallen to Zekrom.

I limped my way to the edge of the remaining floor. The middle of the rooms ground had been blasted away. Below was nothing but black and falling stones as the castle fell into itself.

"Zekrom!" I called for the pokemon that was flapping in open air. He reached his dragon-paw down. I took it, and he began pulling us onto his back. Zekrom already had to be under pressure since Reshiram was also on his back, but he withstood it as I crawled onto his back. I kept a tight grip on N's hand as I tried to pull both of his onto Zekrom's back.

"Ahh! BLACK!" I heard the blood curdling scream of N again. Then I felt the hand holding N became extremely heavy. I almost tumbled off Zekrom's back. Looking back, I saw Ghetsis holding onto N's ankle. He was attempting to crawl up N's body.

"Black…!" N gasped, holding tight to my hand despite Ghetsis crawling his way up N's leg in an attempt to pull us both into the collapsing castle.

"N! Don't let go damn it, we're almost out of here!"

"But… but Ghetsis!" N yelled. Ghetsis was reaching for his shoulder, staring at me with wide, insane eyes.

"What the hell about him?"

N slowly shook his head; his finger's beginning to slip, "This should have happened long ago…"

"N, N shut up and hold on-"

"Black... I'm sorry. For… for everything." And then silence as he deliberately let go of my hand.

"NO!" Ghetsis who was reaching for my hand shouted as him and his son plummeted into the darkness of the collapsing castle.

I screamed as well, only I was screaming for N. Zekrom began flying upward, taking me off his back and holding he close with his paws as the remainder of the ceiling crumbled away, along with the walls.

Despite everything I had been through. The fact I was drugged, raped, tied up without food, almost killed, almost watched N be raped. Everything… All I could feel was guilt for blaming N before. Anger for not doing more to save him, and now he was gone.

N… Was… Gone.

* * *

Ironic. I was listening to my Playlist and _Falling Inside the Black_ by Skillet came on.

Anyway, I fear alot of mistakes in this one. Written at 2 Am when my mind was mushed on Nabari no Ou.


	56. Chapter 56

_Falling…. Falling…. Numbing… so very numbing. But he couldn't remember where he was falling… Was he falling into death? Falling forever? An eternal punishment? To him, this was unknown. He was just… falling. His mind was blank. He felt a tug though, he knew there was something wrong here, but he couldn't pinpoint it. _

_ Falling below him, he swore he could see the face of someone. Occasionally, he would see the sparkle of a red robotic eye flash in the darkness. Although eerily familiar, he didn't understand what it meant. _

_ "N…! N…" came the deathly call of a familiar human. He whipped around, looking for the man who had called his name. But still, there was nothing but darkness. _

_ "N… N…N…" The voice became rhythmic. _

_ Instinctively, he wanted to go to the voice, but he couldn't stop falling. _

_ "N… N… N… N…"_

_ "Bl-black!" He managed to call out desperately for the man._

_ "N… N…-_

-..Beep… beep… beep." The familiar voice turned into a high pitched beep. I finally blinked open eyes, only to see the blinding color of white. It was a shock from my dark dream. I attempted, slowly, to lift my head from the lying down position it was in. I looked around the room I was in, which were all colors of white. On either side of me was an array of machines I didn't recognize. One of them made the beep sound that seemed to be the only noise in this white room. Something caught my attention; there was a straw in my arm. It was stuck there with tape, and there was some pain. It was connected to a bag on a metal pole filled with some sort of liquid. I stared at it for awhile, eyes narrowed, trying to make sense of it. _Why… is there a straw in my arm…? And… where am I..? I thought… falling..? _

"N-N..? You're awake!" The voice sounded echo-y, un-human. My head slowly turned to the noise. Bianca was standing at the door, blinking with shock. "Guys, he woke up!"

"W-woke… up?" I repeated. My voice was almost caught in my throat, it was difficult to talk.

I heard several footsteps before White, Cheren, all of Black's pokemon (except for Zekrom) and even Black's mom burst into the room. They all gathered around my bed, all saying different things. It was overwhelming- why were these people here?

"N!" Everyone shut up when a familiar voice shouted from the door. Black was at the doorway, sitting in a wheelchair. His face was impossible to read at first. It was an awkward moment that could have easily lasted only a second, or several minutes. Then, spinning his wheels he launched his wheelchair across the room, almost slamming into my bed, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT!" he screamed as he got close. I was a little taken back. He dropped his head and arms onto my torso, saying inaudible words. I flinched. For some reason hearing such a booming voice made me want to hide under the covers. But the fear seemed to fade when he lifted his face again. He was crying. Black was crying. It wasn't profuse, only a fear tears but he was effectively glaring at me while he did it.

"Wh-what did I..?"

"You let go, and I thought you died. _Died!"_ Black shrilled.

"I… I let go?" I repeated, confused. _But I had been falling…. Falling from…_ _From where?_

"Black you know that doesn't matter now. What matters now is that N is awake. They expected him to be unconscious much longer." Black's mother told her son soothingly.

_Un…conscious? But… I was falling…_

"Pppdddrrrr." Simon chirped, licking my face.

"Everyone, I told you not to all come barging into his room the second he wakes. His condition is still extremely unstable." A woman walked into the room and looked around the crowd disapprovingly. She was a short brunette who wore a uniform similar to Nurse Joy's.

"…Unstable… condition? What…?" I asked.

"N, c'mon, snap out of it!" White crossed her arms, "You're stronger than that."

The nurse looking lady shook her head, "He's not very strong I'm afraid. It'll still be awhile before he can even leave this bed."

"But… I was… falling…" I told the nurse, giving her a serious look.

"N, do you not remember? My hydreigon saved you." Black told me, frowning.

"Hydreigon…?" I repeated. At the name of the species fear once again flooded me.

Gaycheese, who was among Black's pokemon, stepped forward to the bed and looked at me. I blinked, trying to make focus of the three-headed dragon. "When I had awoken from the forced sleep, I actually had a good guess of where those three guys had taken you and Black." The dragon spoke to me in its language. "You're lucky I gave enough of a raticate's ass to try and find you two."

"….I knew where they took Black too, I just couldn't get there!" Squishy began flailing.

"…Three guys? Why are you speaking nonsense…?" I asked the dragon.

He gave me a dumbfounded look, and then shook his middle head, "Black, this guy is truly an idiot. Why you hang around him I don't even…"

"N, do you… do you not remember?" Black leaned in with a questioning face.

"I… was falling…" I replied slowly. All I remembered was falling. I remembered the faces of these people, but when I tried to remember anything about them nothing came up. I shook my head, "I was… falling…."

"Nurse, what the hell is wrong with him?" Black turned to the lady who was writing things down on a clipboard.

She looked up with a pitying look, "I believe he developed dissociative amnesia, or more commonly known as a repressed memory. Whatever caused him to become so injured his mind has blocked so he won't remember. It might block out other things similar to the incident."

"What happened..?" I asked, attempting to properly sit up.

Nobody answered right away. Finally the nurse sighed, "I'd like to see you all outside. Mr. Harmonia needs some rest. You can visit him individually later. Please, lie back down and try to sleep." She added to me as she walked out from the room.

"B..but.." The people in the room said their goodbyes and filed out of the room. Black remained though, he leaned against the bed and watched me. "Black..? What does she mean by a repressed memory…? I do not… understand…" I asked him. My body slipped back into the pillows, "Why do I feel this way..? Black…?" My voice slipped away as I closed my eyes again. I suddenly felt very tired.

"I don't blame you for being so weak. Try not to think about what you've forgotten. "He told me with a sigh.

I turned my head to face him, opening an eye, "Where am I Black..? And how long have I been here…? Why am I here… I was falling…"

"You're in a hospital." He said bluntly, beginning to play with my hair, "You've been unconscious for about six days or so. I was in bed up until yesterday. Now I'm in a wheelchair because it's difficult to walk because of intense bruising." He sighed, looking away out the window. "Lying in bed all this time made me think." He went on. I nodded slowly, unable to speak. "What it would have been like if you had died…"

"I… almost died?" I whispered. _Was I really falling into death?_

"Try not to remember what happened. And I'll try not to think about it." Black answered, "I realized I probably would have… Well, been all sad n' stuff if you died, y'know?" I was aware he began stumbling with his words. "Point is, I'm glad you're awake and sad now. And I'm sorry."

"So…rry?" I echoed with a slur in my voice.

"Yeah-"

"Black, come now, the nurse said leave N alone." Black's mom appeared in the doorway, frown on her face.

"My mom was worried about you too." Black added, "They all are." He wheeled backwards, the rolled his way out of the room. I was suddenly alone again, and I didn't like it. I closed my eyes once again. Everything was... I couldn't even think about anything. My mind was completely blank. I wondered why..?I

But it wasn't long before my mind slipped back into the darkness of sleep. But I didn't fall again.

"Alright Mr. Harmonia, you've been here for a week and a half. Your condition has stabilized. Your leg is still strained, but that should heal up soon. You have a lot of open wounds on your body, so put some ointment on that and you should be good. When you get home, try to rest a lot." The nurse reeled on. She put down her clipboard and smiled a generic smile at me. "Oh, and my personal advice is try not to remember what caused these injuries, okay? You're primary goal now is healing physically."

"It is appreciated, thank you." I replied politely from my bed.

"Hey N, it's gonna be a long car ride. Because our apartment building is... well, inexistant anymore. So we're staying at my mom's for now." Black told me as he helped me off the bed. He was out of a wheelchair now, but still complained from occasional pain. I still wondered what happened for him to hurt his butt so bad.

"What happened to it, Black?" I asked quietly, finally standing up right on one foot. He got crutches from the nurse and handed them to me. He had to show me how to effectively use them. I nearly fell over several times, but eventually got the hand of it.

"Before we go back to my home town, we're stopping by the Pokemon Center." Black went on. His voice was distracted like always as he gathered the needed medicines and whatnot into a bag.

"We need to visit Reshiram and Zekrom of course." He told me as we left the room. I noticed his slight limp.

Black's mother was in the lobby, along with Cheren, Bianca, and White. The three friends of Black all said their goodbyes to both of us.

"Bye Black, N, we'll see you soon. I hope you get better." Bianca hugged us both.

"Try not to injure yourselves anymore by doing rough activities." White sighed, giving us both a side hug.

Everyone looked at Cheren expectantly. He became conscious of this and coughed. "I'll miss you Black, come back here soon." He hugged Black. Despite my weakened state, I watched carefully, not missing the look the two shared. Cheren glanced at me, and then side hugged me. "Miss you too, N." I flinched away, but with crutches I couldn't move away properly.

"Alright, I want to get home back before nighttime. There are some messed up drivers at night." Black's mom declared.

"…Like you, mom?" Black asked with a smirk.

"Hey, hey… At least I don't text and drive. Let's go." She waved an arm and led us to the car. I didn't like cars, but I didn't have much of a say as I struggled into the back seat. It was a short ride to the Pokemon Center, and once there we went to one of the larger rooms for giant pokemon. As I stared at my old friend, Reshiram, I still remembered nothing. She laid there, patches of fur missing and covered in an array of scars, scruff marks and wounds. She lay on a special pad designed for large pokemon such as her.

"Black, what happened to Reshiram..?" I turned to him, "Is this part of what I cannot remember."

He nodded, "And don't try to remember. But I'm sure she'll be comforted to see you."

Still inexpertly using my crutches I made my way over to the sleeping pokemon. Feeling my presence roused her from sleep, and she looked at me, letting out a growl of thrill once she saw me. "N, you are awake! For this, I am happy." She said in her language.

"You do not look good." I sighed, petting her once-soft fur,

"It is not as bad as it looks. The sooner I get out of the watchful eyes of humans, the better."

"Do the humans know you're here?"

"Aside from those who work here, Black, and his friends, no. And it shall stay that way until I am well enough to travel."

"I hope that's soon, Reshiram. If the humans found out you were here…" I trailed away, not wanting to think about what some humans might to do a rare pokemon such as Reshiram.

"Do not think about it, dear N." Reshiram purred, nuzzling my face, "I am going back to sleep so I can heal up and leave this place. Give Black my best." She said, putting her head down on her paws.

"Good bye, friend. I will see you soon I hope. Once you are better, visit Nuvema Town. Black and I will be staying there until we are better as well." I put a hand to my chest, nodding to the legendary pokemon before awkwardly walking back to Black. "I wish I knew what happened to her…" I sighed once again, much heavier this time.

"It's… best if you didn't." Black replied darkly. "Try and not think about it, N. It's best that way."

I slowly nodded, following Black through the hospital hallways. I felt painfully hollow at that moment. I couldn't remember how I ended up with all the new wounds and scars on my body, why I had a broken leg and why Black couldn't walk right. Why Reshiram was so injured, and why I didn't feel the same familiar paranoia I remembered feeling so often previously. I couldn't quite remember why I was always so paranoid though… It felt like it was on the tip of my mind.

"I was at our apartment the other day to see the damage. Everything was destroyed or burned from... Uhm, something you won't remember. Most of my room as well as Cheren's had been burnt to the ground. The apartments around us were also damaged. Luckily we don't have to pay for all of it…" Black explained as we headed to the car.

"Alright…" I replied quietly.

"I did find something though." He stopped outside the car door and dug into his pocket. "I found it under the burnt table in the living room; I don't know how it survived without any damage." He plucked out a small figurine out of his pocket. It was of the black and red pokemon zorua. I looked at it for a moment. It was familiar, very familiar. A feeling of safety flooded over me as I took it from his hand and looked at it closely.

"Thank you, Black." I told him sincerely, looking back up at him.

He smiled slightly, "Yeah. And listen, I wanted-"

"Come on you two! We need to keep moving, unless you want to fly back on that archeop's back." Black's mom sounded from the car. She honked the horn to let us know she was serious.

"His name's Simon, mom." He said, reaching into his pocket and letting out the early bird pokemon. "And actually, that doesn't sound too bad. It's better than your reckless driving…"

She scowled playfully, "Just get in. And Simon can sit on your lap again for that statement."

"Not again-!" But Black was already shoving him into the car. I chuckled as the two squabbled. I felt like I knew Simon well, like he was a source of happiness and amusement. But I couldn't remember why. I got into the car as well, maneuvering awkwardly because of the crutches. Once we were on our way, I sunk back into the seat and watched the world go by the window. Simon chirped, saying nothing in his language as he nuzzled me. I pet his bald head, my eyes not leaving the outside of the car.

It wasn't long before I felt something around my hand. It distracted me from the mind-numbing view outside. Black had taken a hold of my hand with his, and when I glanced over he too was looking out the window so I couldn't see his face. Leaning against the back of the seat, I couldn't help but realize this was the first time I felt something other than hollowness since I woke up.


	57. Chapter 57  Final

**Final chapter, guise.**

I remembered seeing Gaycheese pull N up from the darkness of the collapsing castle. When I watched N plunge down into the shadows of the castle, I felt as if he had been gripping my heart when he fell, tearing it from my chest. It was tortuous, flying above the castle and watch it fall, knowing N would be but a memory, lost in the rubble. I had been shocked to see my hydreigon fly in out of nowhere. Apparently he had managed to follow us, and when I had told him N had fallen, he didn't hesitate to flying into the obis of falling stone and shadows. After the nerve wracking moments following, he had flown out in just the nick of time, holding an unconscious N. N had suffered many injuries from the falling stones, being battered and bashed several times. Fresh wounds had cut into his body, fresh blood trickling from the cuts and marks. His clothes were torn to shreds, stained with the crimson liquid. It was a horrifying sight, especially when he was barely breathing, and wasn't even awake anymore. I recalled screaming for my pokemon to rush N to the hospital ahead of Zekrom, Reshiram and I, which he did. I blacked out soon after that, waking up the next day in the hospital.

"N! Where is he!" I had cried frantically to the nurses. When they didn't answer, my patience was gone and I took it upon myself to find him. Only when I had left the hospital bed I had doubled over in pain. I had found out later that I had intense external and internal bruising. Aside from that and some wounds and burns I had been relatively fine, especially compared to N. When I had asked about his condition, they were blunt. Unstable, could be unconscious for weeks, months, possibly not even wake up at all. I had gone into a complete panic after they told me.

Getting around in a wheelchair certainly wasn't easy, but it came in handy when I had sat next to N's bed. I rarely left, not even when the nurses told me. They had to wheel me out and back to my room. Of course, this was only after I had spent three days bed ridden. When I heard N had woken up (during one of the only times I was away from his bed) I had no idea what to think. I had spent all that time thinking about what happened to me, what happened to him, all that had been said. I was like some old man contemplating life and death. So when I had seen him, eyes open, I just said the first thing on my mind, and then launched myself across the room to his body.

After he had awoken, I slowly began to realize how drastically he had changed. He seemed so hollow. He had forgotten much of his past. Anything relating to Ghetsis had been blocked; everything else was fuzzy, so he and the nurses explained. He seemed to remember me, at the same time, not. He knew who I was, he knew my pokemon, but he hadn't questioned our relationship at all. This worried me, it was like how it was years ago, friends but with a gap carved between us.

Right now, we were connected though. Our hands had been intertwined the entire car ride back to Nuvema Town. I still wondered what would happen between us now. What in general would happen? Our apartment was ruined; I was fired from my job. At times I considered just going back to being a trainer. But N wouldn't approve. It was all lost at the moment. There was only one thing I was sure of, our hands were together. It seemed to give me, if only, a slight amount of comfort.

"Welcome home, boys." My mom spoke up as she twisted the car into the driveway, nearly running into the side of the house.

I got out of the car, attempting not to limp around to the other side of help N out. He still couldn't work a crutch properly so he had a difficult time making his way to the door. Once inside the house, he obliged himself to the couch. I looked around the living room, it brought up a nostalgic feeling of childhood.

"You guys must be starving! Eating only hospital food, pshhhawww. You both need a good, warm cooked meal." My mom sang as she strutted into the house. She whipped out her phone, "Hello? Arcanine Chinese restaurant and speedy delivery?..." I blocked out the rest of the conversation as I pulled out my pokeballs and let my pokemon out before sitting down on the couch next to N.

It was an awkward wait for dinner to arrive. I still didn't know what to say to N about anything anymore. He always was so vague and glassy these last few days, everything out of his mouth was that of confusion. Eventually we were joined by my Mom and her boyfriend. She kept blabbering on about everything- I was reminded instantly of White or Bianca. Food soon arrived, and we gathered around the table to eat. N was quietly polite, and ate next to nothing. My Mom urged him to eat more, but most of the food served was meat based and N was a vegetarian.

"So, there's an inflatable twin mattress in the closet, one of you can use it while the other can use the couch. Since your bed was burned up in the apartment fire." My mom explained as she picked up our empty plates. "Unless you two can fit onto one twin mattress…~"

"Mom… if we had an extra mattress all this time, why didn't N use it when he first arrived?" I pointly asked, remembering how my Mom had insisted N got to sleep in my bed when he first arrived injured and abused on my doorstep.

"Oh… haha, I guess I forgot." She laughed nervously as she put the dishes in the wash.

I smiled slightly, "Of course you did Mom." I told her sarcastically.

N didn't say anything, just struggled up from the table, thanked my Mother for the meal and limped out of the room. I watched him go with a frown on my face. I felt a hand on my shoulder as I looked up to see my mom there. "Ah… Black, you've grown so much since I last spoke to you."

"It's only been a few months, Mom." I replied with faint amusement.

"No, since I last talked to you on the phone. Which was only a few days before the incident right?"

I remembered now- I called her when I was feeling bummed about N. I didn't bring him up, but I had a sneaking suspicion she knew what I was upset about. "If I remember right." I replied. My Mom didn't know the details about my incident. I don't know if I could even face her if she knew I had been raped by N's father. I shuddered at the memory and pushed it from my mind. The only thing keeping me from mentally breaking down was keeping in mind N went through the same thing- only as a child.

"You and that boy have been through a lot. Take a few days to rest up, okay? In the meantime, maybe you two could talk." My mother went on.

"Wait, what do you mean?" I shot her a look, and she laughed.

"Black, hun, you two haven't said a word to each other the entire time you've been here. I know you two are closer than that. After you returned from your journey years ago, most of the things out of your mouth had been about N. You've been living with him, when I had called you; you always brought up N at some point in the conversation. I've been around love a long time; I know the signs. You don't need to hide it just because you're ashamed."

"Ashamed? Of what? I'm not ashamed! I have no idea what-"

"Black, you realize you just raised your voice at me? That's the first time you haven't mumbled since you woke up in the hospital." My Mom pointed out soothingly.

"I-" I tried to retort but I realized it was true.

She smiled at me and walked out of the kitchen. After a moment of thinking about what she said, I got up as well.

It was late, so I found the inflatable mattress she spoke of and pumped it up. I put it in my room and covered it with extra sheets and an extra pillow. It didn't look very comfortable, but it was better than the hospital beds or a stone floor. As I peeled off my cloths so I only wore my boxers, I crawled under the sheets and laid on the bouncy air filled mattress. I only remembered now I didn't say goodnight to N, but it was too late for that. I drifted off into sleep moments after my head hit the pillow.

I woke up not long later rather violently. My head flung off the pillow and my body rolled off the mattress. My body was covered with a thick layer of sweat, and my heartbeat pounded in my ribcage. I was yet another nightmare… I had been having them every night lately. It was nothing surprising; it was just everything that happened with Ghetsis replayed over and over. It got worse every night. I could practically feel his mega cock up my ass, which wasn't anything pretty or pleasing. Slowly, I managed to get to my feet, my breath still coming out in heavy pants. I wasn't sure how long this nightmare thing was going to last.

There was a knock on my door, which sent my heartbeat racing several times faster in a flash of fear before I heard N's voice. He creaked open the door, limping into my room. "Black..?"

I didn't turn to see him, I didn't want him to know how panicked I was. "Uhm, yeah, N?"

There was a long silence before he replied. "I cannot sleep… Can I stay with you tonight?"

I couldn't exactly deny him now could I? "Sure, N. it'll be a tight fit though-"

"Oh my… Black what is that mark on your back?" I heard him almost shout in panic.

"The mark on my…?" I questioned, and then I remembered. I had an array of fingernail scratches and bite marks on my back. I could still feel his teeth marking my skin. I whipped around so N couldn't look closely at them and have it bring up unpleasant blocked memories. I recalled what the nurse had told me: not to allow N to remember anything while he was still physically healing, it would be very unhealthy to remember such a traumatizing event. "They're just, um, scratches."

N looked down at my chest, and then I remembered they were there too. Fingernail markings and scruff marks. "Black… This happened in one of those repressed memories the nurse lady told me about?" He asked, limping closer.

"Yeah… try not to think about it though." I added hastily.

"…I have similar marks on my body… Did… Did whatever made those marks on your body happen to me?" N asked, putting a hand to his chest to where I assumed would be a scar.

"I… uh… Yes." I finally sighed.

"Black, do they hurt?"

"…Not as much as they did."

There was a long pause before N lifted an arm and touched one of the healing scars on my chest, if I wasn't distracted by how saddened N's face was I would have shuddered, "…Black, is it my fault this happened to you..?"

A long silence followed this before I sighed heavily, taking his hand in mine, "No, it's not. And don't ever think it's your fault either. It's not."

A few moments later of –awkwardly- standing there, I helped him to the mattress. Once again it was awkward to try and maneuver two fully grown people on a mattress. Especially considering one had a broken foot. Once he managed to fit on it, our bodies ended up fitting together like puzzle pieces. Facing each other, and the only way we could fit our arms was to wrap them around the other's body. It was the first time I had had such close contact with N for nearly… a month? And admittedly I missed it. N didn't seem all that comfortable though, when I looked up at his face it was twisted with confusion.

"N, what exactly do you remember of us?" I askedmy voice muffled from my face buried in his shirt.

"I am not sure… It's spotty. The feeling of paranoia and fear takes up a lot of my memories. I remember how I was always comfortable around you though. A true, trusting and loving feeling, I could always be relaxed around you… until… until I ask you something… but I cannot remember exactly what it was…" He trailed away, trying to think.

I swallowed; I remembered the question as clear as day. "You asked if I loved you." I mumbled finally.

"…Do you?"

Silence followed once again.

"…It is alright, Black. I am still unsure of what it means to humans…" N replied after the lengthy quietness.

"I can't be sure N. Everything is confusing right now." I sighed. It was the truth too. Everything that had been happening recently was just piling the stress.

"Like I said Black, it is okay."

"Well, N, you know what it means to be in a relationship, right?" I asked slowly.

N thought for a moment. "That is like being mates, right?"

"I guess you could call it that. Would you want to be in one of those relationships with me, N?"

"…Black, mates are forever though. Two beings are either mates forever, or only mates to… well… mate, then leave."

I nearly choked on nothing in particular at the word _mate. "_Well, this is a different kind of… _mate_ if you want to call it that. Being forever mates for humans is like… hrm, getting married."

"Oh, I knew that…" There was another lengthy silence. I could feel N's fingers fiddling with each other awkwardly as he thought.

"..Listen N, I want to help you. You realize the position you're in? You don't remember much of anything about the past regarding… Well, something. Anything from the last several months is patchy memories filled with fear and paranoia. N, I want to help you forget all about that fucked up shit." I pulled away and propped myself up on an elbow so I could look clearly at him, "If we're going to be in a relationship, you need to learn about the human world once again. Even if I have the re-teach you what you've forgotten, and have you learn new things."

N blinked, appearing surprised, "You would do that? All of that? I feel like I have been a burden on your enough. I get the feeling I have; I remember thinking it before…"

"N, you are not a burden. You never were."

"But…"

Before he could continue I thought fast, and rather recklessly as my lips connected with his. For the first time in nearly a month I kissed N again, and oh how I missed his lips. It pleased me more when he didn't back off, but that was probably because I took him by surprise. I didn't let it last very long before I pulled away, leaving him looking more confused than ever.

"You're not a burden. I will help you, as far as my life goes right now, you are among my top priorities." I paused, "I guess I never realized before how much of a big part of my life you are. It was one of the things I thought about when you were still asleep in the hospital."

"Am... am I really? I… I remember feeling very alone in my past. But you were always there…"

"N, this is going to sound cheesy and corny. But… I won't let you feel alone anymore." I knew how N felt as a child, in pain, and helpless. Alone, even though a friend was near. Knowing this it was easier for me to understand him, to know what to say and what to do for him now. "I know how horrible you must feel, even if you don't remember any details. You remember the feelings you felt right? Loneliness, fear, paranoia. I won't let you feel those anymore." Oh there I went sounding cheesy again, but I was very truthful about it.

N watched with careful eyes, "Never… feel it again?" He repeated, "Because I feel it now. I don't want to feel it… Nor do I want to remember what caused it."

I thought for a moment before inching forward, this time letting him realize what was happening before I kissed him again, deeper than the previous kiss. The soft flesh against mine felt so comforting and reassuring, and just plain pleasurable. After a moment of the delicate contact his head fell back onto the pillow, I followed his lips eagerly, causing part of my body to be above his in an awkward manner. I appreciated he managed to kiss back, I was worried I'd have to teach him how to kiss again. The kiss deepened a bit, though tongues weren't added, I felt his daring hand in my hair though, keeping me from moving away. I thought it was sort of endearing. My need to touch his body after so long was overbearing, but I didn't move my hands any closer to his body, I didn't want this to get carried away. It might trigger a negative memory.

Finally I pulled away, slightly panting, "Do you remember?"

"…R-remember what?" N looked a little dazed from the kiss.

I smiled a bit, "Never mind." I laid my head slowly back onto the pillow and wrapped my arms around his body once more. I felt like a child clinging to a plushie the way I hugged N, my face digging onto his neck. I wasn't sure he felt about it though, I wondered if he remembered any of the contact between us other then the feelings he'd felt when we did.

My eyes were closed and I was in deep thought when I felt a hand on my chest. "W-what are you doing?" I pulled away from my rather comfortable spot.

"…Are you sure these weren't my fault." He was referring to the scars again.

"Like I said before. I promise they aren't…"

N struggled up into a sitting position, wincing as he shifted his leg before he lifted his shirt up and pointed at the almost identical looking scars going across his torso. They were long-ago healed, but they were almost the same as mine. "And the ones on my shoulder and back that looks as if something bit into the flesh…" He then scowled. "They look sort of ugly." He sighed disapprovingly.

"I think they're beautiful scars." I said plainly, getting up into a sitting position and wrapping my arms around his torso. "I promise it wasn't your fault. Never was, never will. Quit blaming yourself." /_Oh look, Black, you're back to the cheesy./ _My voice was a quiet whisper because I was aware N's shirt was still up and our chests were touching now. "Believe me, N." I sighed into his ear.

"O-okay…" N replied quietly."But Black..?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you quivering?" He asked innocently. _Well N, it's because our bear torsos are touching and I'm beginning to remember I had a sex drive, _I replied in my head.

"No reason." I told him, finally moving away to find him yawning widely.

"Let's get some sleep, N."

He nodded, lying back down in the pillows. "My dreams have been confusing…"

"…Maybe they'll go away tonight." _I can only hope mine will too._

Our bodies once again fit together, and N was out like a light. I remained awake for while longer, listening to him sleep. I thought about what this meant for us, what it meant for my future. Perhaps now N could start living a normal life (normal for him anyway) and as could I. Without the Shadow Triad or Ghetsis stalking him anymore, and now that he's forgotten… A life could be lived normally, right?

Thinking about this, I buried my face into his chest, inhaling the familiar scent I never realized I recognized.

_N… Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over… _

* * *

**~Sort of important A/N~**

"**_Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over…_" I don't own this quote but shit I have no idea who the hell made it**

**How many of you when you saw this was the last chapter freak out and sob over your keyboards?**

**Also, sorry, I had to mention Ghetsis' mega cock one more time. I blame the thread on /vp/ and anonymous reviewer. Dear jesus, this chapter took so long to write, I had to try so hard not to make them more OOC then they already were, and then self edit and asdfghjkl; BUT I GOT IT DONEEE.**

**Anyway, I just want to say thank you to all of my faithful readers, followers and commenters. I wasn't sure how this fic would turn out, I had no idea it would end up as successful as it did. You guys are amazing, fer cereals.**

**Finally, I'd like to say, there will be a one will have lemons because I promised lemons in this one but I couldn't fit any in... Without it being, well, OOT, unnatural and weird. Anyway, the sequel is still being planned but I will begin writing it when school starts. (Nothing like spending time writing Isshushipping instead of doing homework, fufufu watch me fail Junior year because of these isshushipping fics.)It will be uploaded to my account and dA account.**

**For those of you interested,I have been looking forward to starting my next Isshushipping fic called Days. I've been working on it off and on on the sidelines of BS, and I was going to upload it on , not sure if I should on dA though. But we'll see...**

**Thanks again my readers, I'm glad you enjoyed this fanfiction.~ D Now... Time to plot my Isshushipping fics and watch ao no exorcist kekekeee**


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